The Diary of a Nobody – Thursday March 29, 2018

Thursday March 29
I do not work the hotel Wednesday and Thursday night and when I go to bed Wednesday night I sometimes sleep upwards of 14 hours but I was up early today, about 6:30ish, after only ten or so hours…I got some work done on my book. It’s about some issues facing our country and what I would do about them…It’s non-partisan, too, so if you are looking for some ramblings from a minor party whack job candidate, you won’t find it here…I even talked to a guy about ways to charge for it on the Sparrow For Congress site because we are not going to make any noise this election relying on my debit card.

On the days I don’t work at the hotel I generally put in full days at the retailer…I was obliged to take some computer training today and it was really easy because of the three modules due I actually only completed one…Of the two I didn’t do I got full credit for, however…When I clicked on both of them they took me to a screen that asked me if I had completed the training yet…Well, no, had I completed it, it wouldn’t have been on my goddamn to-do list and I wouldn’t have clicked on the goddamned START button…When I clicked no it took me back to the original training screen…After a couple of times of this I got bored and clicked yes, I had completed this training and voila, it was gone and I hadn’t actually done anything!!!…I have no idea what either training module was so who knows if it was something I already knew or something I really needed.

It was the 100th anniversary of the birth of the retailer’s founder – he’s known as Mr Sam in the company – and they had a regular party for him…There was cake for the customers at the exit and cake in the breakroom for us…They even made a card out of a display board for us to sign but I didn’t because it seemed creepy to sign a birthday card for someone who was dead and would never read it because not even the retailer has a creepy enough culture to believe the dead founder is actually still with us.

Before my shift, I was making a couple of Sparrow Specials, a tortilla, with some baloney and cheese on it…I had two, actually, one for the microwave and one to throw some mayonnaise on and eat while the other was heating up…Anyway, Carol, a department manager, noticed it and said she had never seen that before and I advised her she was witnessing a classic from the Sparrow Bachelor Days (SBDs)…Especially when I didn’t want to bother with bread…Carol is a chatty, older lady, a widow, and she got started on what she used to eat and we would make good siblings because she likes fried baloney and braunschweiger, just like I do…She grew up in Minnesota and I asked if she was Lutheran cause that’s the Lutheran promised land and I had 13 years of Lutheran schooling but she said no, she grew up Catholic, though she was mostly over it.

We haven’t had much snow this winter and ski season is winding down anyway, so we weren’t too busy…No matter, tho, I still wear my half-glasses at the edge of my nose while working the service desk, which I think makes me look distinguished.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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