The Diary of a Nobody – Thu 6/6/18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, June 6
I’ve been having trouble using my cell phone at home the past couple of days…But only in the afternoon…I am not entirely sure what the deal is…I received a text from GM Adam in the morning – I had been whining about Jess being late, again, this morning – and there was one from The Wife, stamped at 1327 when I woke up this afternoon, but when I tried to call her, nothing…My text wasn’t sent, either, and I had this same problem yesterday…Now, cell service in our small town is not that great, but I’d never had a problem before.

After the nap, and armed with a gift certificate I got from Hotel B, I headed into town for lunch at a one those 50’s replica diners you see in some towns…They’re really good so we send a lot of business their way and they give us gift certificates so we send more people their way…This vicious cycle may never end…They put out a really good meatloaf sandwich, on grilled sourdough, and there’s enough meatloaf in there that a growing boy like me doesn’t have to worry about going away hungry…The gift certificate specified a milkshake was included, so I indulged in one of those, too, which I normally wouldn’t do because how many calories does one need???

This meant I was completely stuffed and in the mood for nothing more than a nap when I waddled into the retailer later for my shift…Good gravy, I felt like I weighed a thousand pounds…I was immediately dispatched to old stomping grounds at Aisle 5 for all but the last half-hour or so of the shift.

It was great to be back…We were busy enough so it wasn’t boring, but not so busy I was pestered with customers all night…There was even a decent Bachelor Purchase of the Evening, a guy in his 30’s who gave the impression he was returning to bachelorhood after a long stretch of having a woman cook for him…He bought some cheap pot pies and mac and cheese and to start the day he bought one of those big sacks of the Count Chocula knock-off cereal, as well as a can of the really cheap coffee that even I won’t touch…I felt for him.

The new dress code at the retailer includes exciting new relaxing of restrictions on coloring your hair…One kid, a transgender boy named Jason, colored his what Buzz termed Bozo the Clown red, which wasn’t too far off…I asked Buzz if I should color my hair Bozo the Clown red and he said I had so little hair it would probably come out pink.  

One thing we’ve talked about here, in conjunction with working the service desk at the retailer, is watching out for scams…We had one tonight…About 2100 Marita takes a call at the service desk that she transfers to Zack, an assistant manager…I know this because she called me at Aisle 5 for instructions on how to do this…Later, Zack comes to Aisle 5 and talks it over with me and Daniel, whose contribution to the new dress code is a red shirt which, when combined with his gold supervisor’s vest, makes him look like a condiment tray.

Anyway, Zach said a gentleman called him looking to transfer the balances of some gift cards to other, new gift cards…Exactly why I was the point guy on this wasn’t immediately, clear, tho it turned out I would be at the service desk when the guy came by…Well, turns out the guy was scammed…The day before he had gotten a call from a young woman who claimed to be his granddaughter…She had been at fault in a car accident, was in jail and needed bail money…He said the girl sounded just like his beloved granddaughter.

The gentleman was retired and plainly not an idiot – and he had several thousand dollars to blow on bail money, so his retirement was probably comfortable and maybe even prosperous –  but where his granddaughter was concerned he declined to think clearly…Had he been, he would have realized bail money isn’t paid in retailer gift cards, with the card numbers transferred by phone…Bail is handled by professional bail bondsmen, none of whom do business with us.  

It took time to verify the receipts with the gift cards, then ring up $4,000 in new gift cards and pay for them with the old ones – and Zach insisted we copy his ID and do everything but take a stool sample – but we got it all done before my scheduled clock out time of 2215.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1030 Wednesday until 1430 Wednesday…Regular readers of this crap know Wednesday’s can be a mixed bag sleepwise…Sometimes I go from Hotel B to the retailer and I don’t get home till the afternoon and sometimes I have nothing after getting off at 0700, in which case I get a nap from, say 0900-1200, or I may just stay up all day.

The evening shift at the retailer necessitated a nap…Not too long, because I want to get to sleep afterward, but the four hours I got was perfect…I suspect a Wednesday night shift is outside the availability I gave them, and I can get snitty about that, but it wasn’t too inconvenient so I didn’t bother checking.  

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

Read Gaylon’s latest: We The People: Making America America Again at www.GaylonKent.com

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