The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 16
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
As members of the 2008 Detroit Lions – the NFL’s only 0-16 team – pace nervously around the Bottom Ten Champions Lounge waiting for Cleveland to slip and win one, B-10 fan(s) everywhere – well, most places, at least – are completely focused on the Browns quest for 0-16, the Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – and Bottom Ten immortality.
The Browns are obscuring an otherwise great race for the final two (2) spots on the Bottom Ten medal stand…Sure, San Francisco seems to have the runner-up spot clogged up, and Jacksonville has lost nine (9) straight, but veteran Bottom Ten fan(s) know you ignore Chicago and the Jets, not to mention most of the AFC Nouth, at your peril.
This week’s mess, as nags pass the sixteenth pole:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-14; lost to Buffalo 33-13) – Not only is 0-16 possible, Tampa ay’s all-time 26-game skid now making first appearance in crosshairs, as Browns have now lost 17 straight…Browns losing games by an average score of 29.14-to-15.71 in 2016…Browns fourth team to start NFL season 0-14.…Next Loss: San Diego
2. San Francisco (1-13; lost to Atlanta 41-13) – Niners secure in runner-up spot, following up close OT loss to Jets with clutch blowout road loss…Quick start by offense, defense key, as offense punts twice and fumbles to start, while defense gives up three touchdowns…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” 13-game skid after winning opener “pretty much of a record or something”, at least for a California team…Next Loss: at Los Angeles
3. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-12; lost to Houston 21-20) – Owner Genghis Kahn – envious of Cleveland and pissed at his team’s two wins – he fires head coach, beheading Gus Johnson immediately after postgame news conference…Jaguars current nine (9)-game skid good for Robert E Lee Award, given to worst NFL losing streak in Deep South…Next Loss: Tennessee
4. Chicago Bears (3-11; lost to Green Bay 30-27) – Bears showing type of mettle that leads straight to B-10 glory, having lost two (2) straight by a total of six (6) points…Bears still with outside at B-10 medal stand, as losing will give them strong 1-7 second half…Next Loss: Washington
5. Los Angeles Rams (4-10; lost to Seattle 24-3) – Rams have lost five (5) straight and nine (9) of ten (10), but can only wonder what might have been had early, costly three (3)-game win skid not derailed B-10 title hopes…Can save some face with loss to 49ers this week…Next Loss: San Francisco
6. AFC North (22-33-1) – Barely edges out AFC South for weekly, coveted Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Having both Browns and Bengals in division key, of course, as is 13-24-1 record outside of division…Next Loss: With NFL waffling on giving division champion automatic playoff spot, Steelers staffers began talks with Holiday Bowl should University of Minnesota have bailed out.
7. New York Jets (4-10; lost to Miami 31-13) – Jets playing for pride now, as win two weeks ago over San Francisco took them out of B-10 medal stand hunt…With games against New England, Buffalo coming up, Jets still with chance to set strong tone for 2017…Next Loss: New England
8. NFL Bottom Ten Week 15 Survey – We could’ve sworn it was around here somewhere…Bye weeks not unprecedented in NFL B-10, but it was the first time B-10 pollsters completely forgot to write column…Next Loss: B-10 fan(s) taking “wait-and-see” attitude, hoping B-10 pollsters come back strong with polls in final two (2) weeks.
9. Carolina Panthers (6-8; defeated Washington 26-15) – Defending NFC champions take inaugural Gus Johnson Award, given to team with worst record that is still in playoff hunt…Current two-game win skid more or else takes Panthers out of running for spot in final B-10 poll, but being in playoff hunt this late with losing record draws admiration from B-10 staffers …Next Loss: Atlanta
10. Donald Trump – You know, Mr Trump, you earned the right to form the government you want…And some of us are still holding out hope a GOP businessman president will produce an economy anchored in low taxes and free markets…But could you please talk to us and meet with the press every now and then???…That would be great…Next Loss: Friends, without an America at peace and a low-tax, low-regulation economy, America still schedule for collapse before this half-century is out.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: San Diego at Cleveland
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: San Francisco at Los Angeles