The Bottom Ten – NCAA Week 12

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 12
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

It was steady as she goes in the Bottom Ten this week as the race for the ESPN Cup saw the top five teams in last week’s survey all lose, a welcome steadying influence in these trying times.

And more Bottom Ten hardware was handed out this week. Last week Air Force took home the coveted Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness – and this week it’s all hail Earlham as the Division III Quakers (again) take home the Continental Cup – issued to the team with the longest all-division losing streak in NATO – ending the wonder that was 2017 with their 43rd consecutive loss.

This week’s mess:  

1. UTEP (0-10; lost to North Texas 45-10)
Mitigating Factors: Miners, after years of chasing, are just two losses away from first ever B-10 title…Trailing only 14-7 at half, Miners show strong finishing kick, getting outscored 31-3 in final two quarters…Game not as close as score indicated as only UTEP touchdown came when defense ran North Texas fumble back for score.
FunFact: Miners looking to become first B-10 champion from border area since Tijuana Tech in 1953.
Next Loss: Louisiana Tech

2. Georgia Southern (0-9; lost to Appalachian State 27-6)
Mitigating Factors: Eagles keep pace with UTEP with ninth straight loss, and 13th in last 14 games…Should Eagles win B-10 title, B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” they’d be first team “in like ever, dude” to win lower level national title, B-10 title in same century.
FunFact: With B-10 pollsters unable to find tiebreaker procedures in B-10 bylaws, Eagles could become first team since Eastern Michigan in 2009 to run table and finish in B-10 runner-up spot.
Next Loss: South Alabama

3. Rice (1-9; lost to Southern Mississippi 43-34)
Mitigating Factors: Owls dutifully keep pace, maintaining medal stand berth with eighth straight loss…Owls defense getting smiley faces on playbooks for overcoming stubborn offense that actually scored touchdowns on five (5) consecutive drives at one point…Owls easily maintaining medal stand ranking over other one-win teams thanks to strength-of-schedule points as only win came against UTEP.  
FunFact: With only win coming in second game, Owls also need help to earn Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in season that actually includes a win.
Next Loss: at Old Dominion

4. Earlham (0-10; lost to Rose-Hulman 83-14)
Mitigating Factors: Division III Quakers take home Continental Cup – issued to team with longest all-division losing streak in NATO – with 43rd consecutive loss…Seniors all smiles, completing perfect 0-40 four-year tour losing games by average score of 52.12-to-16.15…Can tie Macalester’s all-time D-III record of 50 consecutive losses in 2018 with very doable 0-7 start.
Class Is In Session: D-III Whittier College, losers of 30 straight games, has notebooks out should Earlham ever stumble and win a game.
Next Loss: 2018

5. San Jose State (1-10; lost to Nevada 59-14)
Mitigating Factors: Spartans strutting stuff, losing big to Nevada squad that came into game 1-8…Offense taking bows after allowing two (2) interceptions returned for touchdowns, while special teams does its part, allowing a blocked punt returned for touchdown…Spartan fan(s) filing protest with B-10 office, saying they should be on B-10 medal stand as only win came against lower level school.
FunFact: Spartans peaking at right time, getting outscored 111-21 in last two games.
Next Loss: at Colorado State

6. Kansas (1-9; lost to Texas 42-27)
Mitigating Factors: Jayhawks humming on all cylinders, easily avenging last season’s upset win to Longhorns…Jayhawks gracious guests, allowing Longhorns 21 points off three (3) turnovers…With only coming in opener, Jayhawks can claim no worse than a share of Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win – by losing out.
FunFact: With 3-31 record the past three (3) seasons, Memorial Stadium Renovation Fund homepage now gets 13 hits a month, with fund now standing at $13.83.
Next Loss: Oklahoma

7. Baylor (1-9; lost to Texas Tech 38-24)
Mitigating Factors: Bears hanging tough in B-10 race despite offense that puts up 413 yards per game and scores an average 25.7 points each week…Trailing 31-14 after third quarter, Bears make game sort of close with field goal, touchdown against some Tech biology majors looking or some Phys Ed practical experience extra credit.
FunFact: In order to prevent further sex assaults on campus, football players told coeds now have cooties and nights are best spent studying, playing pinball in student union.
Next Loss: Iowa State

8. Oregon State (1-9; lost to Arizona 49-28)
Mitigating Factors: Beavers gnaw way back into survey in what might be the toughest B-10 in recent memory, with eighth straight loss…Beavers defense shows way, giving up 534 yards rushing, enough to improve Rushing Defense average from 188 yards per game to 223 yards per game…National Rushing Defense ranking improves from 94th to 118th. FunFact: If Beavers can lose out, higher final B-10 ranking could be theirs thanks to strength of schedule points for only win coming against winless lower level team
Next Loss: Arizona State

9. College Football Playoff
Mitigating Factors: Four-team invitational will probably result in some one-loss teams playing for the national championship and some one-loss teams not playing for the national championship…Alabama’s spot should be secure though, since selection committee is meeting at Nick Saban’s lakeside cabin.
FunFact:  A 32-team NCAA Division I football tournament could begin the first weekend in December and end on New Year’s Day.

10. Pac-12
Mitigating Factors: After sharing coveted B-10 Conference of the Week award with Big Ten last week, Pac-12 snags first solo coveted, B-10 Conference of the Week award this week….With Washington Huskies losing, it will now take compromising photographs of CFP selection committee members for Pac-12 champion to get into end of season, four-team Nick Saban Invitational
FunFact: A 32-team NCAA Division I football tournament could begin the first weekend in December and end on New Year’s Day.

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Rice at Old Dominion
Up Next On ESPN723: South Alabama at Georgia Southern

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