The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 15
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
It’s Cleveland and everyone else in the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.
With the Browns in command, Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere have turned their attention to the final two spots on the Bottom Ten medal stand, currently occupied by the Broncos and Bears, who have combined to lose 13 straight, putting them ahead of the two (2)-win Bears and Giants.
This week’s imbroglio, as the nags are at the head of the stretch:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-12; lost to Los Angeles Chargers 19-10) – All systems go for Browns in quest for 0-16, easily avenging 2016’s only victory…Turnovers key, as Browns seal win with fumble, interception on final two (2) drives…Browns 11th team to start NFL season 0-12…They were also the 10th…Next Loss: Green Bay
2. Denver Broncos (3-9; lost to Miami 35-9) – B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Broncos first NFL team to have 2-to-1 Safeties Allowed-to-Touchdowns Scored Ratio in “like, a really long time”…Broncos easily retain B-10 runner-up spot with 8th straight loss, best among NFL’s victoried teams…Next Loss: New York (A)
3. Chicago Bears (3-9; lost to San Francisco 15-14) – Bears show strong finishing kick, getting outscored 6-0 in second half…Bears on B-10 medal stand despite having three (3) wins thanks to strength of hot, current five (5)-game losing skid……Next Loss: at Cincinnati
4. New York Giants (2-10; lost to Oakland 24-17) – Giants ownership so intent on complimenting Vince Lombardi trophies with Dan Henning Trophy they fired coach, GM immediately after game, making them take taxi home…Giants have lost two (2) straight and five (5) of seven (5)…Next Loss: Dallas
5. San Francisco 49ers (2-10; defeated Chicago 15-14) – 49ers inexplicably win despite only touchdown offense produces is interception return by Bears…Niners in a box, realistically needing to lose out to finish on B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: Houston
6. Rob Gronkowski – Good gravy, Rob, that late hit on an opponent lying face down on the ground was cheap even by NFL standards…You got off easy, too, what with not being ejected and receiving only a one-game suspension…Maybe on appeal it will be upped to the rest of the season.
7. San Francisco at Chicago – Neither offense can be bothered to produce touchdown in this thriller, as Niners and Bears keep regional audience on edge of seats, ending 13 of 14 (14) drives with thrilling kicks…49ers display mastery of fundamentals with eight (8) penalties.
8. Bottom Ten Game of the Week – B-10 pollsters working overtime to keep B-10 Game of the Week forms in stock…Usually only one or two a season are needed, but stockpile of crummy games in 2017 means B-10 Game of the Year voting will be closest in ages.
9. GOP Tax Reform – Despite owning White House, Congressional majority, GOP utterly unable to produce seamless tax reform experience…No matter what comes out of House/Senate joint committee, it will do nothing to simplify our nine (9) million word tax code or end the government taking more of our money than they are entitled to.
10. AFC West (21-27) – Chiefs have lost four (4) straight, leaving top three (3) teams with 6-6 records…Despite 3-9 mark, Broncos only three (3) games out of first with four (4) to play.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Chicago at Cincinnati
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Dallas at New York (N)