The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 14
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
While most of the contenders for the ESPN Cup have completed their bodies of work, there are still two more weekends of regular season college football remaining – including a full slate of exciting Sun Belt Conference action this Saturday – and Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere are, probably, excited about another edition of the Bottom Ten NCAA Week 14 Interregnum Poll.
Like it’s counterpart, the NFL Week 2 Interregnum Poll, this week’s survey is chock full of the biting analysis and witless social commentary America has come to know and tolerate over the years.
Scheduling note: with next spring’s Army/Navy game playing no role in either the race for the ESPN Cup or the Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness – this season, the final Bottom Ten survey of 2017 will move next week and the Bottom Ten Bowl Game Edition will move on December 12.
This week’s mess:
1. College Football Playoff: Tops the Week 14 Interregnum Poll for second consecutive year..CFP looking to continue success of last year when Ohio State made it despite not being good enough play in Big Ten title game…Upcoming selection fiasco expected to make best possible case for NCAA playoff yet.
2. ARA San Juan – B-10 pollsters, qualified submariners themselves, in mourning with open bar tabs for foreseeable future after Argentine submarine presumed lost after explosion near its last reported position…An old diesel submarine, like the one we used to ride, had 44 shipmates on board, all lost…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” San Juan first smoke boat “basically ever” to make B-10 medal stand.
3. 2017 Holiday Season – Thanks to Christmas stuff being trotted out immediately after Labor Day, Americans already in holiday mood when holidays actually do roll around ten (10) weeks later…Americans eagerly awaiting day when Amazon, Walmart give permission for holidays to begin with He Is Risen sales after Easter sunrise services.
4. Donald Trump – Must be given credit for consistency, as he did not have a cogent, long-term plan for our country when he entered GOP race in 2015 and he still doesn’t have one…With GOP-controlled Congress unable to pass anything stronger than a lunch order, some wondering why Party of Lincoln still around.
5. Coastal Carolina (2-9) – Chanticleers, named after some sort of chicken – or maybe it’s a goose – in first year of major division football and ineligible for B-10 ranking, can lay strong foundation for 2018 with loss to equally 2-9 Georgia Southern Saturday.
6. Nebraska Cornhuskers (4-8) – Despite loss to compass point MAC school and hot, season-ending four (4)-game skid, Huskers bow to fans will and fire head coach for failing to bring home B-10 title.
7. 2017 Bowl Season – With only 39 bowl games, entirely possible deserving 6-6 MAC or Sun Belt conference teams could get left out of excitement of Fritos Bean Dip or Vagisil Personal Lubricant bowls.
8. Bottom Ten Tiebreakers – With several one-win teams and only two (2) open medal stand berths behind UTEP, stalwarts of journalism considering moving from current “winging it” method of determining positions in final B-10 survey to scientific, “stat-based” method that could feature strength of schedule, power losses and average margin of defeat criteria.
9. Sun Belt Conference – Once proud bellwether for B-10 Conference excellence, Sun Belt fell on hard times in 2017 with zero (0) winless teams and only eight (8) teams with losing records…Sun Belt did save some face with 6-29 non-conference mark, though entire conference fought hard to come back strong with .500 conference play mark.
10. NCAA Division I Football Playoffs – A 32-team tournament could begin this weekend and still finish on New Year’s Day and would become an American classic quicker than you can say “Nick Saban”…Major division schools could take lessons from Division III, where 32-team tournament forces actual students to really multitask, working playoff schedule around actually going to challenging classes, scamming chicks.