The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 8

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 8
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

It’s not easy to go winless in the NFL, at least not as easy as Cleveland and San Francisco are making it look. Witness the New York Giants stunning fall the ranks of the unvictoried: a 23-10 road win in Denver.

The old adage that on Sunday any team can lose to any other team is proving true, as only three (3) teams have one (1) or fewer victories, heralding a dogfight in 2017 for The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.

This week’s mess, as the nags limp their way through the clubhouse turn:

1. Cleveland Browns (0-6; lost to Houston 33-17) – Browns offense relentless in quest for consecutive B-10 titles, producing three (3) turnovers, safety and pick six (6)…first team in NFL to start season 0-6 since Cleveland Browns in 2016…Next Loss: Tennessee

2. San Francisco 49ers (0-6; lost to Washington 26-24) – Niners show mettle that leads straight to B-10 medal stand, blowing 17-point deficit for key road loss…49ers have lost 35 of 43, but need B-10 title so they can hold head up at annual B-10 banquet…Next Loss: Dallas

3. Oakland Raiders (2-4; lost to Los Angeles Chargers 17-16) – Balanced Raiders ascend B-10 medal stand as defense secures loss with last second field goal, special teams miss extra point…Raiders have lost four (4) straight…Next Loss: Kansas City (10/19)

4. New York Giants (1-5; defeated Denver 23-10) – Giants blink in quest for first B-10 title, shooting selves in foot with morale-depleting road win…Stretch of three (3) of four (4) at home will test committment to B-10 glory…Next Loss: Seattle

5. Detroit Lions (3-3; lost to New Orleans 52-38) – Lions gracious guests with offense producing 21-points for Saints, easily overcoming curiously strong defense that produced turnover, six (6) punts in final quarter…Lions have lost three (3) of four (4) after 2-0 (2-0) start…Next Loss: Pittsburgh (10/29)

6. Chicago Bears (2-4; defeated Baltimore 27-24) – Bears general manager, whoever the hell that might be, filing official protest with B-10 staff after being left off of Week 7 survey, citing loss of sponsorship revenue…Next Loss: Carolina

7. Indianapolis Colts (2-4, lost to Tennessee 36-22) – Colts officially take mantle of AFC North’s worst after blowing two (2) leads, overcoming late, game-tying field goal for key intra-division loss…Next Loss: Jacksonville

8. Denver Broncos (3-2; lost to New York Giants 23-10) – Broncos come back strong following bye week, making first B-10 appearance of 2017 after snapping Giants five-game losing streak with attention-getting, not particularly close prime time home loss…Next Loss: at Los Angeles Chargers

9. AFC North (11-13) – With yet another weekly Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division, alleged NFL division threatening to make mockery of race for yearly Pete Rozelle Award…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” it’s still “pretty tough” to make a mockery of anything in B-10…Next Loss: team

10. Chicago Cubs (0-3; lost to Los Angeles Dodgers 6-1) – Historically out of it by Memorial Day, lovable losers have been pretty good the last few years, though defending champs in a hole to goddamned Dodgers in questfor first World Series repeat since 1907-08……Next Loss: team

Game of the Week: Tennessee at Cleveland
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Indianapolis at Jacksonville

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