The Daily Dose/Wednesday, August 14, 2019

The Daily Dose/August 14, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience:

AND IN THIS CORNER: We are not sensationalists here, but we have to admit we are are enjoying the Jeffrey Epstein suicide/murder imbroglio. 

Good Riddance: Of course, Epstein is not going to be missed, and we’re glad us taxpayers no longer are on the hook for his upkeep. 

OTOH: Boy, this is interesting, even to us, not to mention to the conspiracy theorists who are wringing their hands like at no time since bullets flew in Dallas in 1963. Everyone from President Trump to Prince Andrew – seemingly every swinging dick except Mr Rogers – seems to have been associated with him. This could cause some people problems because Epstein enjoyed the company of girls who had not yet achieved the age mandated by assorted jurisdictions to provide certain types of company to men. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Recent reports indicate the guards, apparently, fell asleep and in keeping with time-honored sleeping-on-the-job practice, falsified their records vis-a-vis checking on Epstein in his cell. This tidbit is beneficial to both sides. Conspiracy nuts can say the guards were bribed – by Queen Elizabeth II, Hilary Clinton, OJ Simpson – to “fall asleep” so a secret agent could infiltrate the Metropolitan Correctional Center (MCC) and do their work. 

FunFact: On the other hand, those who have stayed there say the cells at the Metropolitan Correctional Center were built to prevent people from hanging themselves. Maybe, maybe not. The government being the government, it’s entirely possible they screwed the work order up and the cells came with their own nooses. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Theory Right Here: Having spent his entire life satisfying himself Epstein, with typical selfishness, decided to call it a day: Epstein killed himself. One, his failed attempt three weeks ago is telling. CIA or MI5 agents or even El Chapo wouldn’t have botched the job: Epstein would have died then. Now, whether Epsetein took advantage of snoozing guards or he himself bribed them, we’re not entirely sure. The latter is not completely unreasonable to believe. 

Final Answer: Despite this logic, though, everything that follows should provide years of entertainment.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: The Wife tells Sparrow not to buy any more toothpaste. Today’s Diary. 

Evidently, yours truly has the habit of discarding them when they still have perfectly good toothpaste in them and evidently The Wife has been collecting them and, equally evidently, she’s been doing this for a while because she has a pretty nice collection of them…My instructions are to start squeezing these from the bottom up and not to throw them away…The Wife provided instruction for this and I feigned idiocy and stared with my mouth open and all in all it was pretty funny. 

The problem is, growing up at Casa Sparrow, we never rolled tubes up from the bottom when they were low…I threw them away and my late brother and me used Pa Sparrow’s baking soda until Pa Sparrow got to the store and bought some more toothpaste because we were the types who never bought anything until it ran out…It turns out tossing toothpaste out like this cheats you out of a handful of brushings. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

More drivel! Click on the button to read all of The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future:

On This Date
In 1935 – President Franklin Roosevelt signs the Social Security Act, establishing a government pension for retired workers. The first check was issued on January 31, 1940, to Ida May Fuller of Vermont for $22.54 – about $408 in today’s money – and today, over 60 million people receive social security benefits. Though the three sections of the social security number used to have significance – the first three numbers, for example, were an area identifier – numbers are now issued at random. 

In 1936 – The United States wins the first Olympic basketball gold medal, defeating Canada 19-8 at the 1936 Berlin Summer Games. The tournament was held outdoors, on grass tennis courts, which caused problems when it rained and 1936 remains the only time basketball was played outdoors at the Games. The United States went 5-0 in the tournament, which featured two preliminary rounds before the quarterfinals began. Mexico defeated Poland 26-12 for the bronze medal.  

In 1954 – Hank Snow is at #1 on Billboards’ Most Played in Juke Boxes chart – a predecessor to today’s country chart – for the fifth of 20 non-consecutive weeks with I Don’t Hurt Anymore. It was the fourth of seven #1 songs for Snow and at the time 20 weeks was the second most weeks spent at #1 on any Billboard singles chart, one behind the record of 21 weeks Snow had tied in 1950 (I’m Moving On) and which had been established by Eddy Arnold in 1947-48 with I’ll Hold You in My Heart (Till I Can Hold You in My Arms). Snow was the first act to spend at least 20 weeks at #1 with different songs on any Billboard singles chart. The Billboard country and all-singles chart record for most weeks at #1 is 50 by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line with Meant to Be.

Quotebook
The artist and his subject are perfectly matched, each supremely confident, each out to conquer the world.
Miles Unger
Michelangelo: A Life in Six Masterpieces

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Lovin’ Spoonful’s first top 40 hit was Do You Believe in Magic, which went to #9 in 1965. 

Today’s Stumper
Who is the other act to spend at least 20 weeks at #1 with two songs on a Billboard singles chart? – Answer next time!

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