The Diary of a Nobody – Saturday, May 5, 2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, May 5
Got The Wife’s car in to get the snow tires changed out after work this morning…I paid for it right then, too, because they close at noon on Saturdays and I told the girl I sleep days and asked if I could pay then…They generally don’t like to do this in case something comes up, and I don’t really like to do it because what if something doesn’t get done, but I’d be asleep at noon and she worked it out.

Walking over to pick it up this afternoon I noticed some activity at an unused church building…The building still seems in good repair and there were a couple of people farting around in the back and an older lady drove up and parked on the street and one of the men said hi Mable I was just going to come see you…The old, weather-worn sign out front had been taken down and something had been dug up, probably the sign now that I think about it…I think it was an Episcopal church, but who knows what it’s going to be now…There are three churches in town right now, all of which The Wife has drug me to at least once…There are a couple of Baptist churches and the Congregationalist church we saw a very nice Christmas Eve service over the winter….There are less than 2,000 people in our small town and ol’ Sparrow hardly sits on the right hand of the Son of Man but when you consider the number of heathens in town, four churches seems like a bit much, but what do I know?

Got relieved early from Hotel A this morning!!!….I am not making that up!!!…Quentin, the new kid, was there at 6:45am…Usually I am good for being relieved – at both hotels – anywhere from five minutes to two hours late, but Kid Q was there 15 minutes early, just like I am…God bless this young man…He was not dressed in accordance with hotel policy, but I’m not in charge and I’m not a squealer. 

At the retailer, tonight Maria, who’s from Peru and is a service desk supervisor, asked me how to say mud flaps in Spanish…Word of my superior Spanish skills has obviously reached Maria – who hears me use it daily, anyway – so it was natural she would come to me when she needs help in Spanish which, of course, is her native language…Maybe they don’t have mud flaps in Peru…Confidently, I told her to hold on and consulted my phone which, of course, provided the answer in short order…I’m still not entirely sure why she needed this knowledge…She merely nodded then turned and walked away.

Then this one guy comes to the desk and announces someone has wired him some money…He produces an ID…Then we both stand there looking at each for a couple of seconds…I’m waiting for him to produce a reference number…I have some zero clue what he is waiting for…Turns out he doesn’t have a reference number…I told him I sort of needed one, and he looked at me curiously, as if I might have some other option available, like consulting tea leaves or something…Then, helpfully, I suggested he call the person who wired him the money because I couldn’t just reach into the drawer and pull out money and give it to him…He looked at me crossly, like this was all my fault before getting on his phone and calling the sender.

Then a new girl employee came to the desk looking to send $100 to a dude in Nigeria…We’ve discussed this before…I have no idea why American women would want to send money to men in Nigeria, but they do and it’s their money and I am not going to stop them…It costs $8 to send money to Nigeria and after all the work is done I tell her that will be $108 dollars and she looks at me and says I don’t have that much money…Good gravy…I know you don’t need a PhD to work here, but it would be good for morale if new hires realized that services are paid for at the time they are rendered…I asked her how she expected to send money without payment and she just shrugged and stood there…There wasn’t anybody else in line so I didn’t shoo her away and eventually she got bored and – and I am not making this up – went and stood in the candy aisle. 

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 9am Saturday morning until 3:30pm Saturday afternoon…Got to bed a bit later because of taking The Wife’s car in…Almost interesting is the fact I put on the Original Brick Red House Shirt when I got home, after a week or so wearing the New Navy Blue one…The red one had been washed a couple of days ago and was easily accessible, folded and clean on the kitchen table…I put the blue one in the morning’s wash…I was surprised how odoriferous after a week of merely being worn around the house.

The weekly total is 45 hours of sleep, almost right smack in the middle of the Five Week High (48.5) and the Five Week Low (40).

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

Read Gaylon’s latest: We The People: Making America America Again at www.GaylonKent.com

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