Sunday, May 27, 2018

This will surprise you, but Sparrow washes his pen and chapstick in the latest Diary of a Nobody. It should not surprise anybody that Sparrow’s life parallels my own and I wash my pen and chapstick seemingly every hour on the hour. It gets expensive, too, because the pens are Parker Jotter pens, a pretty famous ballpoint that runs anywhere between $7 and $15, depending on where you find them online. Be careful, too, because there are some knockoff imposters out there.

Also, today’s Diary features as funny a couple of paragraphs as I’ve written. My opinion. I’ve learned over the years that things I think are hilarious few others think are all that funny and the reverse is true, too: some think something I threw in at the last minute is the funniest thing they’ve ever read. So it goes in the humor racket, so I am not going to tell the paragraphs I think are very funny. If you want to guess, put them in the comments below.

Today’s Thought for the Day is from one year back. Professional golfer Martin Kaymer talks about being brave and believing in yourself. This is important because if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will, either.

On This Date:
In 1930: The Chrysler Building in New York City opens. AT 77 floors and 1,046 feet it is the tallest building in the world, a title it would hold until replaced by the Empire State Building eleven months later.

See you tomorrow. Many thanks for reading.
Gaylon

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The Diary of a Nobody – Sat 5/26/18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, May 26
I washed my pen and chapstick again…Sigh. 

I would have liked to put that in italics and add the usual “I am not making that up” but this can hardly be considered a bulletin anymore…You would think clearing one’s pockets wouldn’t be that difficult, but I seem to be doing this on a regular basis.
Read More. Now.

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Saturday, May 26, 2018

A couple of days ago we discussed how Sparrow, the lead character in The Diary of a Nobody, got his name. I’ll tell you something, the naming of characters is very important to a novelist. Names must be appropriate to the status and station of the person. Their correct pronunciation must be immediately clear. They must not be tedious or annoying and spellings must be common. This is not an opportunity for a writer to show how clever he is. I want you to like my characters and you are not going to do that if these rules are violated.

With these rules, you might think good character names take time and no small amount of grief to come up with. Nothing is further from the truth and it is rare when the name I want doesn’t immediately present itself. And it doesn’t have to be a full name, either. Sparrow doesn’t have a first name and neither do Lenny and Larry from The Regular Guys. They were never needed. In Lenny and Larry’s case the first chapter I wrote was well into the book when their last names would have already been established so I referred to them as Lenny and Larry, but when I started writing the first chapters I found last names weren’t needed.

In fact, in the book I am writing now, Criminals, Courtesans and Constables, the protagonist doesn’t have a name at all, a technique I stole from a really good book called Rogue Male by Geoffery Household. As with every aspect of writing a book, writers must trust their instincts when naming characters and not force anything.

In today’s Diary of a Nobody Sparrow takes the lawn mower to the repair shop, then ties out the new restaurant in the small town. Then he reads and starts to nod off before heading in for a shift at the retailer.

There was not a Thought for the Day on this date, so we pulled a Thought for the Day from Churchill from earlier this year for you.

On This Date
In 1868: The impeachment trial of President Andrew Johnson ends with Johnson’s acquittal by a single vote in the United States Senate. Johnson had been acquitted of three of the eleven charges, after which the trial was adjourned.

In 1959: In one of the great feats in sports history, Harvey Haddix of the Pittsburgh Pirates throws 12 perfect innings in Milwaukee against the Braves. He will lose in the 13th inning, 1-0, on an error, a sacrifice, a walk and double.

In 1962: Mr Acker Bilk becomes the first British act to hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with Stranger on the Shore. It remained #1 for one week, would be Billboard’s biggest hit of 1962 and is still the biggest selling instrumental song in British history.

Many thanks for reading,
Gaylon

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The Diary of a Nobody – Fri 5/25/2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, May 25
One of the nice things about marriage is you learn when to listen to your wife…So when The Wife (who’s in the big city for the retailer this week) said to check for lawn mower repair services in the next county, I knew to listen to her because while my request for a new lawn mower was approved in spirit, I knew she would really prefer to have the current one repaired.  
Read More Here

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Friday, May 25, 2018

The tragedy of tragedies: the lawnmower breaks down while Sparrow is mowing on today’s Diary of a Nobody.

And Tolkien has the Thought for the Day from one year ago today.

Have a good day, and many thanks for reading,
Gaylon

The On This Date feature will return. 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Thu 5/24/2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, May 24
Good gravy today was a mess…At first, my goal was to have the lawn done by noon (1200)…Then the goal was to start it by noon, then it was merely to get the lawn done before I had to leave for Memorial Day ceremony rehearsal.

I never did finish it…The lawn is only partly done…I am not making that up.
Read more, or the terrorists have won

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Thursday, May 24, 2018

A question we get from time to time is how did Sparrow – the hero of The Diary of a Nobody – get his name.

An easy answer. Readers of Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A Vegas Memoir know there is a rather prominent character named X-Ray, so named because no one in the book is ID’d by their real name. X-Ray’s real last name is Sparrow, and he never uses his first name, either. Now you know.

In today’s Diary of a Nobody Sparrow get’s a haircut, says goodbye to The Wife for a week then goes out to lunch…Plus there is actually something to report from his labors at the hotel.

There are two Thoughts for the Day for you today. One year ago Woody Allen talked about an artist’s vision always being deeper than that of his audience while two years ago a quote from The Lord of the Rings was featured. Both have the usual witless commentary from me you’ve come to know and love.

On This Date:
In 1607: 100 settlers establish the Jamestown colony in Virginia. It is the first permanent English settlement in the New World.

In 1880: Roger Connor of the Troy Trojans (NL) hits his first major league home run. He would finish with 138 home runs, the all-time ML record until broken by Babe Ruth.

In 1975: Earth Wind and Fire has their first #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100 with Shining Star. Though they would hit the Top 10 six more times, this would be their only #1 song.

Thanks for reading,
Gaylon

 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Wed 5/23/2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, May 23
Long about 0515 or so Chef Sparrow is wrapping up breakfast preparations at Hotel B when the phone rings…It’s the lady in 225 reporting “the electrical socket isn’t working” and she can’t use any of her “appliances”…Exactly what “appliances” she brought with her wasn’t detailed, but I head on up in good spirits…I knocked and ID’d myself, but she had gotten my name wrong on the phone, thinking it was Sara and that I was a chick…I am not making that up and thru the door she advised she wasn’t comfortable having a man in her room…Fair enough, you run into this from time to time in the hotel racket, and I tell her I’ll have our head maid, Marie, contact her later in the morning…She frets about this, then decides I am not the last word in villains and opens the door…She’s middle-aged with longish brown hair with a pleasingly plain look about her…She then stands in the hall while I fart around with the electrical socket, which isn’t half as dangerous as it sounds…I press the reset button and everything is working again.
Go in peace, serve Sparrow. Click to read more

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Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Sparrow whines about the lawn on today’s Diary of a Nobody. Regular readers of this crap know this is hardly a bulletin and today Sparrow is whining about the rain that is watering his lawn for free. Also, there some hilarity from both the retailer and the hotel.

Also, there are Thoughts for the Day from both one year and two years back. The first is from Randy Shilts, a newspaper reporter and author who is no longer with us. Randy talks about insanity triumphing because nobody said anything, a thought that is always accurate, including today.

The second thought is from George Bernard Shaw, who talks about going out living the life you were meant to live. Fans of The Thought for the Day – still on hiatus with The Daily Dose – know these are two themes that pop up a lot in the feature.

We are not entirely sure when these two columns will resume. We can only write so much during one day before we start producing gibberish. Our book project – Criminals, Courtesans and Constables – is coming along, but we have no idea when we will be done with the first draft. When we are, the columns will resume.

On This Date:
In 1945: Heinrich Himmler, one of the main Nazis responsible for the Holocaust, commits suicide during a medical examination while in British custody. Himmler bit into a cyanide capsule he’d had hidden in his mouth.

In 1981: Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second week. It would spend three more weeks at #1 before dropping to #2 and then returning to #1 for four more weeks, for a total of nine weeks at #1.

In 2002: Shawn Greene of the Los Angeles Dodgers becomes the 14th ML player to hit four home runs in one game. His 19 total bases establish a new ML record.

Many thanks for reading,
Gaylon

Books available at gaylonkent.com:
We The People: Making America America Again
The Regular Guys
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A Vegas Memoir!

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The Diary of a Nobody – Tue 5/22/18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, May 22
Not that it needed it, but the lawn got more rain today while I slept…A pretty fair amount, too…Regular readers of this crap know I whine constantly about the lawn, whining both when it rains and when it doesn’t rain.
Read More Or Else

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