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Gaylon
America’s Funniest Guy

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The Daily Dose/Friday, August 17, 2018

The Daily Dose/August 17, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

And here we go:

In The News
You know Mr President, if you need a Soviet-era military parade to show the world how big your schlong is, you can order one. You will look childish and America will look silly, but you’re the commander-in-chief of the armed forces and if you decree that all hands drop and give you 20 at high noon Greenwich Mean Time (GMT), you know what? All hands are going to drop and give you 20 at high noon GMT. You’re the boss, and if you want a parade, they will put on a parade for you, although apparently now it won’t happen until 2019.

But you know what? You’ve got some bank, pay for it yourself. The new $93 million price tag is abhorrent and insulting. Instead of spending it on Veteran’s Day revels, why don’t you spend it on the thousands of veterans who right now are not getting the care they need and earned.

Today At The Site
Sparrow and The Wife have their first day off at home together in quite a while on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. And the day is just packed! Sparrow has the latest from the dentist, plus they cleaned the living room which, of course, includes Sparrow’s office, plus they go to the hot springs way out in the mountains and the excitement is concluded with pork chops for dinner.

The Thought for the Day returns with a quote from Dr David Myers, a nice quote about taking the stairs to the top instead of an elevator.

On This Date
In 1915 – Leo Frank is lynched by a mob in Marietta, Georgia, one day after being kidnapped from prison. Two years earlier, Frank had been convicted of murdering a 13-year-old girl and sentenced to death. Citing new evidence, his sentence had been commuted to life in prison, a decision that did not go over well with local citizens. Later, photographs of the lynching were sold as postcards in the area for 25 cents, about $6 in today’s money, and Frank was posthumously pardoned for the murder for in 1986.

In 2008 – American swimmer Michael Phelps becomes the first person to win eight gold medals at one Olympiad, as part of the 4×100 meter medley team at the Beijing Games. The record had been held by American Mark Spitz, who had won seven gold medals at the 1972 Munich Games.

In 1963 – Little Stevie Wonder is at #1 for the second of three weeks on the Billboard Hot 100 with Fingertips Pt 2. The song was originally an instrumental, with the lyrics improvised by Wonder, who was then 13. The song was the first live recording to hit #1 on the Hot 100, and Wonder remains the youngest solo act to hit #1.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Albert “Happy” Chandler was the Kentucky governor who was later commissioner of baseball.

Today’s Stumper
What athlete has won the most medals at an Olympics without winning a gold medal? – Answer next time!

Shameless Plugs
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A Vegas Memoir!: Clock in with the graveyard crew at the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. You’ll meet drunks, reprobates and scoundrels, and those are just the officers! The funniest Vegas memoir ever! Promise!

The Regular Guys: Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians who team up more or less out of desperation and become the biggest in show business. As funny as you would expect from Gaylon, and poignant, too.

Click here to read previews of both!

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The Thought for the Day – Dr David Myers

If you’re headed for the top, the pleasure of going by stairway will outlast that of a fast elevator ride.
Dr. David Myers


Usually, we like to offer some biographical information on the source for the day’s Thought, but we are unable to do so in this instance because we did not note the book we stole this passage from. Also, based in its position in our quotebook, whatever book it was in was read prior to June 1995 so we can forget about having it at the top of our head. We did some research but there’s no shortage of Dr Myerses that write books. We looked at the titles of some of them, but nothing rang a bell. So the best we can offer is one Dr David Myers wrote a passage that we thought worth writing down.
You Know What To Do

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The Diary of a Nobody – Thu 8/16/18

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The Diary of a Nobody – Wed 8/15/2018

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The Daily Dose/Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Friends, The Daily Dose will return.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Tue 8/14/18

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The Daily Dose/Tuesday, August 14, 2018

The Daily Dose/August 14, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

And here we go:

In The News
One thing we’ve noticed over the 2018 baseball season is that almost every photo we see shows a lot of empty seats. There’s a reason for this, as attendance is down. At first, everyone blamed the cold and wet weather that attended the start of the season, but it’s summer, the weather’s warm now, and attendance is still down, 6.6% from 2017, with an average attendance of a bit more than 28,000 a game. The last time MLB had an average attendance of under 30,000 was 2003.

Now, it’s not as bad as the Aloha Bowl was years ago, when TV did everything they could to hide 40,000 empty seats, but five teams average less than 20,000 fans per game, and 60% of teams are down anywhere from 179 to 11,000 fans per game.

Our country is changing, and kids today don’t really have the patience to sit a three-hour ballgame. Heck, we don’t, either, honestly, especially with strikouts more common than hits nowadays as defensive shifts and batters who refuse to adjust taking a lot of the fun out of the game.

It will be interesting to see where baseball and the NFL – between PR nightmares and fewer people playing football – will be in a generation or two.

Today At The Site
The Wife is back on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody, and just in the nick of time, too, because Sparrow was going to have stock up on mayo and peanut butter here in a couple of days. To prepare, Sparrow cleaned the kitchen, which included moving the clean clothes off of the kitchen table, where they’d been sitting for the past month.

The Thought for the Day will return.

On This Date
In 1936 – The last public execution in the United States takes place in Owensboro, Kentucky, with the hanging of Rainey Bethea. The crowd was estimated at 20,000 and the executioner, one Arthur Hash, was drunk and ignored the sheriff’s command to open the trap door, a task that ended up being performed by a nearby deputy.

In 1936 – The United States wins the first Olympic gold medal in basketball, at the Berlin Games, defeating Canada 19-8. All games in the tournament were played outdoors, including the final which was played in the rain, which prevented anyone from dribbling. Team USA was coached by Jimmy Needles, a noted west coast coach who earlier had coached a team representing Universal Pictures to the AAU title.

In 1976 – Elton John and Kiki Dee are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of four weeks with Don’t Go Breaking My Heart. It was John’s sixth #1 in America and his first in Britain and Don’t Go Breaking My Heart remains Dee’s only #1 in either country. It went to #1 in seven other countries besides the US and Britain and was Billboard’s second biggest song of 1976 behind Silly Love Songs by Wings.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Triple Crown winner sired by Man o’ War was War Admiral, who won the Triple Crown in 1937.

Today’s Stumper
The governor of Kentucky in 1936 was a future commissioner of baseball. Who was he? – Answer next time!

Shameless Plugs
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A Vegas Memoir!: Clock in with the graveyard crew at the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. You’ll meet drunks, reprobates and scoundrels, and those are just the officers! The funniest Vegas memoir ever! Promise!

The Regular Guys: Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians who team up more or less out of desperation and become the biggest in show business. As funny as you would expect from Gaylon, and poignant, too.

Click here to read previews of both!
Click here to subscribe and get your all-access pass. 

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The Diary of a Nobody/Mon 8/13/2018

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The Daily Dose/Monday, August 13, 2018

The Daily Dose/August 13, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

And here we go:

In The News
The news about former White House advisor Omarosa Manigault Newman’s admission that she recorded certain conversations towards the end of her tenure there have raised the ire of the people you would expect. As it probably should, actually. You would think there would be some places that are sacred, but it’s the second decade of the 21st century, everybody has a recording device on their phone nowadays and these things will continue to happen.

But you know what? We can’t help wondering why she felt compelled to record these conversations in the first place and the fact she did is telling. Our government is partisan, fractured and bickering mess right now and this is merely another example of that.

Today At The Site
Sparrow has the latest from the gardens in today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody, including the onions and that plant along the Main Street fence that seems to have different flowers every day. Also, there’s some scat on the lawn he can’t identify, though he suspects it came from a critter.

British novelist and mariner Nicholas Monsarrat has The Thought for the Day, a quote from his novel A Fair Day’s Work about the benefits of standing tall and walking with a purpose.

On This Date
In 1792 – Louis XVI, the king of France, is arrested and declared an enemy of the people. His trial began in December, he was convicted, condemned and beheaded the following January. His final words were cut off by a drum roll and by all accounts the deposed king met his fate bravely.

In 1919 – Man o’ War, then a two-year-old, loses his only race, in the Sanford Memorial Stakes at Saratoga, to Upset, who won by a neck. Man o’ War would win the 20 other races he ran, including the 1920 Preakness and Belmont stakes and probably would have won the Triple Crown had he been entered in the Kentucky Derby.

In 1977 – Andy Gibb’s first hit single, I Just Want To Be Your Everything is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the third of four non-consecutive weeks. It would be replaced at #1 the following week by the Emotions; Best of My Love, which stayed at #1 for four weeks, and would return to the top spot for one week on September 17.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
 The Commodores had one other #1 single, Still, in 1979.

Today’s Stumper
What Triple Crown winner did Man o’ War sire? – Answer next time!

Shameless Plugs
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A Vegas Memoir!: Clock in with the graveyard crew at the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. You’ll meet drunks, reprobates and scoundrels, and those are just the officers! The funniest Vegas memoir ever! Promise!

The Regular Guys: Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians who team up more or less out of desperation and become the biggest in show business. As funny as you would expect from Gaylon, and poignant, too.

Click here to read previews of both!
Click here to subscribe and get your all-access pass. 

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The Thought for the Day – Nicholas Monserrat

It was an entrance made by a man whose every attitude, from the angle of his jaw to the firm tread of his feet, seemed to proclaim that the room was better for his presence.
Nicholas Monsarrat/A Fair Day’s Work


Nicholas Monsarrat (1910-79) was a British novelist. He originally planned to be a lawyer, but the law bored him and he turned to writing. He served his country honorably in His Majesty’s Navy in World War II, finishing as the commanding officer of the frigate HMS Perim. After the war, he served in His Majesty’s diplomatic Corps before turning to writing full time. Most of his works have something to do with the sea and today’s Thought concerns an aristocrat walking into the cabin of a ship’s commanding officer.
More Thoughtful Crap Here

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