The Two Week, $2 Test Drive

Friends, in addition to our regular subscription offers, we are pleased to offer you yet another way to give us your money: The Two Week, $2 Test Drive.

That’s right, for $2 you get to read the site for the next two weeks, a great way to see if a regular subscription is for you. This subscription does NOT automatically renew, either. You pay only $2 for two weeks of access to The Diary of a Nobody and The Bottom Ten, plus our books. 

Dry, Technical Matter: due to some tech issues, Two Week Test Drive subscribers will not be able to read columns posted before December 9. 

Once you’re ready, we have three plans for you to choose from: Monthly ($4.99) / Yearly ($49.99) / Forever and Ever ($59.99). Click here to subscribe. The monthly and yearly plans renew automatically. As noted, the Two Week $2 Test Drive does not. 

Many thanks for stopping by,
Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/Monday, December 10, 2018

The Daily Dose/December 10, 2018 
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Tennessee executed David Earl Miller last week, punishment for the 1981 murder of a 23-year-old woman named Lee Standifer. Miller had been on death row for 36 years and had been there so long his appearance had completely changed, going from a kid in 1981 with long hair parted down the middle to a balding and graying old man. Miller’s death sentence was older than some of the reporters who attended his death.

We’re on record here as favoring the end of the death penalty. This nation has executed innocent people and this is reason enough to shut the entire system down. It is not the purpose of government to execute innocent people and the fact we do should cause all of us to go stand in the corner and hang our head in shame. We don’t though. And it should be noted no one associated with Miller’s case is proclaiming his innocence.

All right, we don’t like murderers any more than you do, and we’re not saying let’s open the doors and let everyone out. But did we have to kill David Earl Miller? After 37 years on death row was Miller such a threat the only option was putting him to death?

Like a lot of people on death row, David Earl Miller had no shot in this life. No one he should have been able to trust and love offered trust and love. All he was offered was abuse and pain. Miller once said he never had anyone tell him they loved him. That doesn’t excuse a murder, of course, but wasn’t keeping him confined for the rest of his life punishment enough?

Miller’s last words, which were difficult to hear and had to be clarified by his attorney, were:

Beats being on death row. 

Maybe it does. Miller had a wasted life, the saddest of all words. Miller had no chance at the start of his life and Miller was given no chance at the end; he was only allowed to be warehoused for death. A death that was better than life.

Lee Standifer deserved better than to be murdered. David Earl Miller deserved better than a life of abuse. And we deserved better than executing Miller in our name.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody
: Sparrow is greeted by a complete fiasco at the service desk, and Wes checks in to make sure he’s OK after Saturday’s call off.

Assistant Manager Wes asked about me right after I clocked in, concerned because I had called off Saturday night so I could go to the Hotel C Christmas party…I couldn’t very well say I called off to go to a party, so I made some vague reference to it being more precautionary than anything and he nodded and said he was glad I was OK.

On This Date
In  1936 – British monarch Edward VIII abdicates his throne for him and his descendants, over opposition to his plan to marry soon-to-be-twice-divorced American Wallis Simpson who was deemed by Britons was deemed unsuitable to be queen consort. The abdication takes effect the following day Edward was succeeded by his brother Albert, the Duke of York, who reigned as Geroge VI and whose daughter, Elizabeth II, is the reigning monarch. Edward fled to Austria and he and Simpson married the following June.

In 1972 – Jim Hart of the St Louis Cardinals completes a 98-yard pass to Ahmad Rashad – then known as Bobby Moore – who is tackled at the Los Angeles Rams; one-yard line, a play that remains the longest non-scoring pass in NFL history. The Cardinals won the game 24-14.

In 1949 – Mule Train by Frankie Laine is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – one of several predecessors to the Hot 100 for the second of six consecutive weeks. It was the tenth of 14 consecutive weeks Laine would spend at #1, as he replaced himself at #1 – a fairly common occurrence back then – after That Lucky Old Sun had spent eight weeks at the top. Mule Train was also released that year by Bing Crosby, Tennessee Ernie Ford and Vaughn Monroe, with each version reaching the Top 10.

Quotebook
Men will be governed by their interest, not the law.
Henry Wiencek
Master of the Mountain: Thomas Jefferson and His Slaves

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Along with the University of Chicago, Princeton and Yale are the other two colleges to produce Heisman Trophy winners that no longer play major division college football.

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the Billboard Best Sellers in Stores/Hot 100 record more most consecutive self-replacements at #1? –Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/December 9

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The Daily Dose/Sunday, December 9, 2018

The Daily Dose/December 9, 2018 
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
As we point out from time to time, a 32-team NCAA Division I football playoff could have begun this year on December 1 and have the national championship game – the national championship game! – on New Year’s Day the last day, let’s be honest, anyone really cares about college football.

At first glance, it might seem that with a 12-game season, a bye week and conference championship games the season would have to start on the 4th of July, but some research shows this is hardly the case.

With a December 1 start date, the regular season would have to end on November 17, with conference championship games on November 24. With twelve games and a bye week, teams would have been obliged to kick off their seasons no later than August 25, only four days earlier than when the season actually started, which is not unreasonable.

There is no argument against an NCAA sanctioned playoff except greed, which is funny because a 32-team NCAA Division I Football Playoff would be a license to print money, don’t kid yourself. Had this system been in place this year, we would all be looking forward to this weekend’s national quarterfinals, instead of the five bowl games scheduled, each of which is a meaningless exhibition.

The NCAA can sort out the details of the tournament: qualifiers, sites and whatnot. They do this well, including football, where they run three tournaments for smaller schools. Despite the fact the NCAA is sometimes pimp, whore and john, usually at the same time, they do a very good job of putting on championships.

A 32-team tournament ends all arguments. Is there a reason Ohio State, Central Florida and Washington should not have competed for the national title? Of course there isn’t, they’re fine teams. Should the champions of the smaller Division I conferences have a chance? Indeed they should.

Your aunt in Leadville knows an NCAA sanctioned major division football playoff will become an American classic quicker than you can say “strength of schedule” and we’ll all be scratching our heads wondering why we tolerated the Bluebonnet and Boca Raton bowls for so many years. But we will keep getting the four-team Nick Saban Invitational until we start demanding better.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody
: Sparrow conducts his first sock audit with his new colored socks, and it’s the Hotel C Christmas party at a pretty fancy place downtown.

Recall yesterday we chatted about me witlessly trying to coordinate socks that didn’t match, so today, with laundry freshly done, I made an effort to find all four pairs of colored socks I own

On This Date
In 1960 – Coronation Street debuts on British television. It is still on the air, over 9,600 episodes later, the longest running soap opera in television history. It currently airs six episodes per week, two each on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and averages about 8 million viewers per episode. One actor, William Roache, who plays Ken Barlow, has been on the show since the beginning.

In 1935 – The Heisman Trophy – then known as the Downtown Athletic Club Trophy – is awarded for the first time, to Jay Berwanger, a halfback with the University of Chicago, then a major college program and a member of the Big Ten Conference. Berwanger could not agree on a contract with the Chicago Bears and never played professional football, and his Heisman Trophy is on display at the University of Chicago Athletic Hall of Fame.

In 1989 – Billy Joel is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with We Didn’t Start the Fire. The song would spend two weeks at #1 and was Joel’s third and final #1 song on the Hot 100. Joel wrote the song and co-produced it with Foreigner founder Mick Jones. The album Storm Front also went to #1 on Billboard’s album chart.

Quotebook
Action must be guided by both intellect and experience. We learn…but we must also test what we learn in the world. It is not enough to simply meditate.
Deng Ming-Dao
365 Tao

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Mount Union Purple Raiders are the defending NCAA Division III football champions.

Today’s Stumper
Besides the University of Chicago, what other schools that no longer play major division college football have produced Heisman Trophy winners? –Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/December 8

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The Daily Dose/Saturday, December 8, 2018

The Daily Dose/December 8, 2018 
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Longtime readers of this crap will, perhaps fondly, recall our fondness for the Mount Union Purple Raiders football team. Mount Union is a college in Ohio that plays in Division III of the NCAA and years ago they were designated an official Daily Dose Fave, a designation that isn’t tossed out with the rations.

We came across our Purple Raiders years ago while doing some research for something or another and discovered Mout Union held the two longest winning streaks in college football: a 54-game streak (1996-99), which was followed by a 55-game streak (2000-03), with only a loss in the 1999 Division III semifinals preventing a 110-game winning streak. Mount Union has won an NCAA all-division record 13 national championships in a record 20 title game appearances. They are 265-11 this century, by any measure as dominant an era as college football has seen.

We haven’t fawned over them for a while, but we have kept track and we are pleased to note they are as dominant as ever, 13-0 this year, with a date today against the Johns Hopkins Blue Jays in the Division III semifinals. The winner will play either Mary Hardin-Baylor or the bastards from Wisconsin-Whitewater next week in the Amos Alonzo-Stagg Bowl, the NCAA Division III National Championship Game.

That’s right, the national championship game! Some fans, accustomed to being force-fed the blarney of the bowl system employed by the big schools, are surprised to find out the NCAA conducts real playoffs, and in three divisions no less. The D-III playoffs are the biggest in the NCAA, too, 32 teams, meaning the Amos Alonzo-Stagg Bowl participants will play 15 games this season.

If you have some time, tune in. You will be treated to college football as it should be: real college students, forced to juggle classes, football and scamming coeds, playing for the title. The players will be a bit smaller than you used to on Saturdays, but the quality of play is high, as you would expect of a tournament where the semifinalists are a combined 51-1.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody
: Sparrow finds himself trying to coordinate his new colored socks, so they look somewhat coordinated despite the fact they don’t match. Also, he gives notice at Hotel B.

He’s a nice enough kid, or seems to be, he could be on parole for all we know, and I stood there with my arms crossed and Daniel had a hand on his chin and we were both nodding as if we were appraising merchandise…The only problem was while Emily thought this funny her new boyfriend did not…You could tell he was standing there wondering exactly what in the hell these two dorfmans were doing…

On This Date
In  1980 – John Lennon is murdered outside his New York City apartment, shot by Mark David Chapman as Lennon and his wife Yoko Ono returned from a recording session. Lennon was shot four times in the back, bled profusely and was pronounced dead at Roosevelt Hospital. Lennon was cremated and Ono declined to hold a funeral for him. Chapman was arrested at the scene, pled guilty to second-degree murder and remains incarcerated, regularly denied parole

In 1987 – Ron Hextal of the Philadelphia Flyers becomes the first goalie in NHL history to score a goal by taking a shot, scoring an empty net goal in Philadelphia’s 5-2 win over the Boston Bruins. It was the second time in NHL history a goalie had been credited with a goal. On November 28, 1979, Billy Smith of New York Islanders was the last Islander to touch the puck before Rob Ramage of the Colorado Rockies inadvertently put the puck into his own team’s goal.

In 1979 – Moe Bandy is at #1 on the Billboard country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – with I Cheated Me Right Out of You. The song would spend one week at #1, pretty standard for most country songs of the era, and remains Bandy’s only #1 solo hit. Earlier in 1979, he and Joe Stampley had hit #1 for a week with Just Good Old Boys. 

Quotebook
Originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself.
James Stephens (1882-1950)
Irish poet

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The NBA record for Most Free Throws Made in a Game is 28, done by Wilt Chamberlain on 3/2/62 and Adrian Dantley on 1/4/84. Dantley is also second on the list with 27.

Today’s Stumper
What team is the defending NCAA Division III football champion? –Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/December 7

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The Daily Dose/Friday, December 7, 2018

The Daily Dose/December 7, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, In The News, On This Date, Quotebook and Trivia will return Saturday.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets a physical at the VA hospital, The Wife gets a new winter jacket and Sparrow appears before the town council.

We went to a big camping/outdoors store and The Wife horse collared a salesgirl and tried three or four on before deciding on a green number that had some clear stuff on the inside…I told the salesgirl this looked like Saran Wrap and she laffed and said no, silly, it’s something or other that reflects heat back into the body…For the price the jacket cost it should also cook meat…It’s a fine jacket, and the Saran Wrap’s removable, and I’m pleased and The Wife is, too.

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The Diary of a Nobody/December 6

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The Daily Dose/Thursday, December 6, 2018

The Daily Dose/December 6, 2018 
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
We were thinking about our country and our president recently and the more we thought about it the more we were reminded of a quote from Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville:

…that irresistible revolution which has advanced for centuries in spite of every obstacle and which is still advancing in the midst of the ruins it has caused.

Now, de Tocqueville wasn’t talking about America per se, but about our general human condition. a condition that simultaneously flourishes and languishes, triumphs and stumbles. It’s a condition that invented printing and the internal combustion engine and put men on the moon despite the havoc, despair and destruction we have caused since time immemorial

He could also be speaking about our current president. Donald Trump gained the White House in spite of significant obstacles and continues to spread his unique tumult despite the ruins he is causing.

The obstacles were, among other things, his personal rancor for everyone and everything and lack of a cogent, long-term plan for our country. We elected him anyway. His campaign was chaotic and disorganized and we always had the impression Trump entered the GOP primaries merely to utilize his only real talent –  drawing attention to himself – and he had little interest in actually being president.

The ruins he is presiding over is a country that is even more bitterly divided than before the election, a condition we barely thought possible. The ruins are an America that will collapse, probably before this half-century is out, if we don’t do something. Now, these conditions were not set by Trump, but they are exacerbated by the daggers of deceit and division he drives into our hearts every day.

Our president is a reflection of us and we are a reflection of him. Our collective acceptance of this, our continuing refusal to do anything about this at the ballot box, will eventually tear our country apart.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets the raise he asked for two weeks ago at Hotel C and accepts a full-time position there. This means there will be fewer Wonders of the Service Desk at the retailer, but he is pleased he won’t be working so much anymore.

Every ski bum in town that wants a job and is able to hold down a job has a job, so everyone’s applicant pool is people already employed, a lamentable state of affairs…For employers…For ol’ Sparrow it means a nice raise.

On This Date
In 1865 – The Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, which abolished slavery, becomes law when it is ratified by Georgia, the 27th state to do so. The day before, Mississippi had rejected it and would not ratify it until 1995. It had been sent to the several states by Congress in January.

In 1966 – Rick Barry of the San Francisco Warriors establishes the NBA record for Most Free Throws in a Quarter, making 14 in a 126-116 win over the New York Knicks. The record has been tied several times since, most recently by Johnny Newman of Denver in 1998.

In 1969 – Steam, then the name of a group of studio musicians and not an actual band, is at #1 for the first of two weeks on the Billboard Hot 100 with Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye. The song was originally written as the B side of a single and Steam remains one of the few acts whose only Top 40 hit went to #1. A follow-up peaked at #46 in 1970.

Quotebook
 I will get ready, and then, perhaps, my time will come.
John Wooden

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Browder v. Gale was the US Supreme Court ruling that struck down Montgomery and Alabama’s bus segregation laws.

Today’s Stumper
Which player holds the NBA record for Most Free Throws Made in a Game? –Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/December 5

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