Something New

Current Subscribers: Ignore the drivel that follows; you do not have to do anything. Your subscription is good forever and will continue to provide you access to all past, present and future paid content, including my upcoming novel Criminals, Courtesans and Constables. You do not have to buy anything else. Unless you want to, of course. 

Beloved Readers,

We have made some changes here at the site. There is still paid content, however, instead of subscribing you may now purchase books and columns individually. So if you only want to read The Diary of a Nobody or The Regular Guys you only have to pay for The Diary of a Nobody or The Regular Guys, or anything else from our lineup. For those of you desirous of reading everything, we are pleased to offer 4Ever And Ever access for only $59.99.

All this is in advance of my new novel Criminals, Courtesans and Constables which moves April 1. Stay tuned for previews and pre-release purchase specials.

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God bless all of you,
Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/Saturday, February 16, 2019

The Daily Dose/February 16, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow is back to eating well and it’s a busy day at the retailer, including a Jamaican woman asking for bra advice. Today’s Diary.

Editor’s Note: Today’s entry is so good we put it in the Hall of Fame. Enjoy.

Then a couple of Jamaican women came thru…The first one was buying some bras and she started asking me questions about our selection, as if I’m Mr Bra…She accented her questions by, you know, running her hands over her (ample) bosom as if in demonstration of some bra technique or element or something…I had no clue…One, I can never understand the first five seconds of anything a Jamaican woman says…They talk so fast at first and it takes a few seconds for them to slow down…Two, bras are no longer a core competency, so even if I could decode her question, I’d be unable to answer it.

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On This Date
In 1968 – America’s first 911 service is introduced in Haleyville, Alabama, with the first call a ceremonial one from city hall to the fire station. 999 had been the standard in some parts of the world but was changed to 911 in America because 1 being the middle number was more compatible with US phone systems than 9 was. Haleyville is also known as the first town in its county to resume selling booze after the end of Prohibition. This happened in 2010.

In 2005 – The National Hockey League – embroiled in a labor dispute with its players – cancels the 2004-05 season. The league had imposed a lockout of its players the previous September when its labor agreement expired and the lockout would not end until July. It remains the only time an entire American major league sports season has been canceled.

In 1959 – Stagger Lee by Lloyd Price is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second of four weeks. The song was written in the early in the late 19th century and is loosely based on the 1895 murder in St Louis of one Billy Lyons by Lee Shelton. The song was the first of three Top 10 hits on the Hot 100 for Price and remains his only #1. Stagger Lee was also spending the same four weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart, the second of four #1s for Price on that chart.

Quotebook
We are going to sing so that they will remember this for the rest of their lives. There is no other reason to do it, folks, none.
Garrison Keillor
Love Me

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Simon and Garfunkel’s three #1 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 were: The Sound of Silence (1965), Mrs. Robinson (1968) and Bridge Over Troubled Water (1970).

Today’s Stumper
Stagger Lee by Lloyd Price was the second consecutive #1 song on the Hot 100 by a black act, the first time that had happened. What song preceded it at #1? –Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/February 15

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, February 15
I’m back to eating well…This past week was a complete waste and I’d had enuff because I don’t my new pants to start getting tight…I am done with the larger size for good…I was feeling it physically, too, because I was back to drinking tons of water and getting up every hour on the hour while sleeping to use the can…Boo to that.

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The Daily Dose/Friday, February 15, 2019

The Daily Dose/February 15, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, The Daily Dose will return.

Please enjoy today’s Diary of a Nobody, as Sparrow and The Wife enjoy a nice Valentines Day together.

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The Diary of a Nobody/February 14

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, February 14
Look, when I tell you a certain breakfast sausage is good, you should believe me because I have some street cred in this matter and I don’t have street cred in everything…For example, if I were to tell you a certain type of motor oil is really good you should feel free to ignore that because I know squat about motor oil.

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The Daily Dose/Thursday, February 14, 2019

The Daily Dose/February 14, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
America’s national debt passed the $22 trillion mark this week. Now, this is may not be as momentous a number as $20 trillion or $25 trillion, but it’s still pretty impressive. A stack of 22 trillion one dollar bills would be a bit less than 1.5 million miles high and a carpet of one trillion one dollar bills would be large to cover the state of Minnesota with a bit left over.

It’s a figure as impressive as it is dangerous. Both our annual deficit – the amount we spend minus the amount we take in –  and our national debt – the accumulation of our annual deficits since 1836, the last time America was debt free – are things we as concerned citizens should be worried about. Eventually, our debt will be so crushing the results will be nothing less than catastrophic. No nation has survived fiscal insanity of this magnitude and America will not be the exception to that.

Some history: America’s national debt passed the $1 trillion mark in 1982 and by 2004 had increased to $7 trillion. That wasn’t too bad, $6 trillion in twelve years, but then we completely lost our minds, allowing the debt to increase by $13 trillion since then. Our national debt increases by $100,000 every few seconds.

The deficit for this fiscal year is $897 billion and will soon go over the $1 trillion mark and long-term government estimates do now show it coming below the $1 trillion mark in the next ten years.

Friends, if you believe America can sustain this fiscal insanity with impunity, you are high, legally in more and more states. We can’t. Eventually, perhaps before this half-century is out, our fiscal insanity, in tandem with our perpetual wars, will mean the end of the United States. Our country will collapse, tossed aside the scrap heap of history along with, among others, the Roman Empire and the Soviet Union.

Friends, the best indicator of future performance is past performance, and if we think those we keep reelecting to Congress will do anything about this we are deluding ourselves. They won’t. If they were going to do something about it they would have done so already.

It is not too late to do something about this, but continuing to reelect the same partisan, fractured and bickering government will only result in the same fiscal insanity. Only you and me – we the people – demanding citizens demanding better at the ballot box will result in any changes.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow makes some scratch paper at work, buys some new pants – in a smaller size – and the pretty girl at the Mexican joint appears to have left. Today’s Diary.

The news from the Mexican joint was about as bad as it could get, short of closing or missing a chorizo shipment: the pretty senorita that had been taking my order the past few months is gone!!!…I am not making that up!!!…Replacing her is some lumbering, not-too-bright vato who doesn’t know my order by heart…It was funny, tho, because the cook knows it, of course, and he actually told the kid what to punch in and then supervised his refunding me a couple of bucks when he overcharged me.

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On This Date
In 1912 -The United States Navy commissions its first diesel-powered submarines. Known as the E class, the E-1 and E-2 were used for coastal and harbor defense prior to World War I when they were primarily used as training boats and they remained in service until 1922. Previously, submarine engines were powered by gasoline, and diesel submarine warships would serve the United States until the USS Blueback (SS-581) was decommissioned in 1990.

In 1966 – Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia 76ers establishes a new NBA record for Most Points in a Career, scoring 41 points in a 149-123 win over the Detroit Pistons in a game played in Charleston, West Virginia. Chamberlain finished the game with a career total of 20,884 points, breaking Bob Petit’s record of 20,880. Chamberlain would retire with 31,419 points, still good for sixth on the NBA’s all-time scoring list and the record is now held by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with 38,387.

In 1976 – Paul Simon is at #1 for the second of three weeks on the Billboard Hot 100 with 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. The song also went to #1 in Canada and was Billboard’s eighth biggest song of the year. Though Simon hit #1 three times with Art Garfunkel, 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover remains his only #1 song as a solo act.

Quotebook
The difference between success and failure in this life is mostly hard work, so you must constantly work to try and improve yourself.
Chesty Puller
Lieutenant General, United States Marine Corps
Letter to daughter

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The first player to score 100 points in an NCAA game was Clarence “Bevo” Francis, who scored 113 points for Rio Grande against Hillsdale College on February 2, 1954. Though divisions in the NCAA did not appear until 1956, this is considered to be a Division II game in the NCAA all-division record book.

Today’s Stumper
What were Simon and Garfunkel’s three #1 songs? –Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/February 13

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The Daily Dose/Wednesday, February 13, 2019

The Daily Dose/February 13, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
The evil drug lord commonly known as El Chapo – roughly ‘Shorty’ in English – was found guilty in New York federal court Tuesday on 53 counts of drug smuggling, racketeering, money laundering and murder.

Now what?

Has this triumph of American justice changed anything? Has the demand for cocaine and heroin and the other products any drug lord peddles lessened? Has the violence that attends the importation and sale of illegal drugs gone away?

No, no and no.

Nothing has changed, Americans still consume tons of illegal drugs and people on both sides of the border are still dying every day. Neither El Chapo’s conviction nor his impending imprisonment will change anything, either.

Prosecutors claimed complete triumph, of course, citing, among other things, the 100,000 Mexicans who have died because of drug violence and the families of those fighting addiction.

You know what? If drugs were legal those people don’t die because the violence associated with the importation and sale of illegal drugs disappears.

(You know, we are not completely insensitive to those who have lost loves ones to drug abuse. My brother died under a freeway overpass in southern California in no small part because of his drug addiction. It happens. To expect someone’s arrest, prosecution and conviction to alleviate that pain in any measure is insulting.)

Is our border with Mexico racked with violence over coffee? No, it is not. Why? Because coffee is legal. Coffee growers and exporters only need to find people to sell their coffee to and arrange to have it imported.

It should be the same for manufacturers and importers of narcotics as well. Legalize drugs and the attendant violence goes away and drug lords go from being arch-criminals to mere vendors trying to move some product, product there is a great demand for here in the United States.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow makes Valentines Day dinner reservations for him and The Wife, and also makes a decision about his belt. Today’s Diary.

Thing is, I’ve had this belt since I lost a lot of weight in 2002 and had to buy a new one…I remember paying some good dough for it, too, $30-$40 if I recall correctly, but it’s a Red Wing and that is first-class gear and it has many years left in it…There is no reason to replace it….It’s not the most exciting belt in human history – black leather with a routine silver buckle – but I’m not the most exciting person in human history and I like it.


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On This Date
In 1935 – Bruno Hauptmann is convicted of the kidnapping and murder of the infant son of Charles and Anne Morrow Lindbergh by a jury in New Jersey. Though Hauptmann maintained his innocence, he became a suspect when he was discovered to have spent some the ransom money, more of which was found in his garage. Justice was swift back then and Hauptmann was executed the following April.

In 1954 – Frank Selvy of Furman University scores 100 points in a 149-95 victory over Newberry College. The game was played in four ten-minute quarters back then and Selvy scored 37 points in the final period, including six points in the last 30 seconds, to reach the 100-point mark. Video of the game is instructive: All the players are white. The standing set shot was still popular, as was the hook shot and the free throw lane is narrow, a shape which led it to be called “the key” because it looked like a keyhole. Selvy was the second NCAA player to score 100 points in a game and remains the only major division player to do it. The NCAA all-division record for Points in a Game is 138, by Jack Taylor of Grinnell College in 2012.

In 1971 – The Osmonds are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with One Bad Apple. It was the first chart single for the Osmonds and remains their only #1 song, though later in the year Donny Osmond would hit #1 on his own with Go Away Little Girl. One Bad Apple also went to #1 in Canada, was Billboard’s fourth biggest hit of the year and peaked at #6 on Billboard’s soul chart.

Quotebook
Rome had completed the fatal cycle known to Plato and to us: monarchy, aristocracy, oligarchic exploitation, democracy, revolutionary chaos, dictatorship. Once more…an age of freedom ended and an age of discipline began.
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol. III: Caesar and Christ 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Almost Persuaded by David Houston spent nine weeks at #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 1966, the most of any song.

Today’s Stumper
Who was the first player to score 100 points in an NCAA game? –Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/February 12

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The Daily Dose/Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Leading Off
Leading Off will return. Promise.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow trains the new night auditor at the hotel and it is a slow night at the retailer, though Sparrow does deal with a cheap customer and helps a guy activate his gift card. Today’s Diary.

Then her mother, standing about ten feet away, got wind that her precious, grown-up daughter wasn’t to get her treasured five dollars back and yelped:

“I thought you price matched!!!”

It was a shriek!!!…I almost cowered and wept…I managed to compose myself enuff to explain well, yes, ma’am, we do in certain circumstances, but not from one clearance price to another and it was all academic anyway because your dumb-dumb daughter didn’t have her receipt anyway, not that it would have done her any good in this case.

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On This Date
In 1999 – President Bill Clinton is acquitted by the United States Senate. The trial stemmed from two impeachment articles issued by the United States House of Representatives, one of perjury and one of obstruction of justice. Both articles stemmed from his affair with Monica Lewinsky and two other articles were not approved by the House. Clinton was the second president to face trial by the Senate. In 1868 President Andrew Johnson was acquitted by one vote on eleven articles.

In 1993 – The San Jose Sharks lose to the Edmonton Oilers 6-0, their 17th consecutive loss, tying the NHL record established by the 1974-75 Washington Capitals. The record still stands and the Sharks, then in their second season, would snap their streak two nights later with a 3-2 over the Winnipeg Jets. The Sharks would finish the season 11-71-2.

In 1966 – Giddyup Go by Red Sovine is #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the sixth and final week. It was Sovine’s second of three #1s on the country chart and also peaked at #82 on Billboard’s Hot 100. The song, fairly touching, is about a truck driver who comes home to find his wife and young son gone. His son later becomes a trucker and the two end up reuniting at a truck stop.

Quotebook
Nothing is weaker than water, yet when united it can become a titanic force. It overcomes because it is relentless.
Deng Ming-Dao,
365 Tao

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Saturday Night Fever soundtrack produced seven #1 songs on Billboard’s Hot 100: Jive Talkin’, You Should Be Daning, How Deep Is Your Love, Night Fever and Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees, If I Can’t Have You by Yvonne Elliman and A Fifth of Beethoven by Walter Murphy and the Big Apple Band.

Today’s Stumper
What song spent the most weeks at #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 1966? –Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/February 11

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, February 11
Sandra, the new night auditor, favored us with her presence tonight…She said there was a mixup somewhere or another and she thought she had last night off…She has a couple of night audits with Quentin under her belt, but she still had questions tho, honestly, I didn’t always have answers because the checklist Q drew up has a lot of things that do not pertain to graveyards, they are things he does a back-up to Brandon and I long ago forgot how to do them.

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