The Daily Dose/November 20, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Us humans are interesting animals. Some tragedies interest us, some do not. We’re not heartless, but some things hit home and some don’t, it’s the way the world is built.

Two tragedies that do interest us here at In The News are the murder of Saudi writer Jamal Khashoggi and the locating this week of the Argentinian submarine that had disappeared last year.

Khashoggi’s death interests us both on principles of general intrigue and because we’re writers who tend to say what we feel needs to be said when we feel it needs to be said. Fortunately, we are citizens of a country that doesn’t kill writers who do this. Khashoggi was not, and he found himself slaughtered in a country that was neither his native nor his adopted country. It is not reasonable to think the Saudi government is not knee-deep in this. When writers are slaughtered for plying their trade our ears prick up with interest, which is why you will continue to read about the Khashoggi affair in this feature.

The ARA San Juan was a diesel-electric submarine in the Argentinian Navy that disappeared in November 2017 in the Atlantic Ocean off the Argentinian coast. It was found this week by submersibles owned by an American country hired out for the purpose about 300 miles off the coast in 3,000 feet of water, about 12 miles from its last known position. 44 sailors sank to their graves.

This hit home. We rode submarines in the US Navy, and diesel boat called the USS Blueback. A boat goes down you find yourself grateful yours surfaced after every dive.

The Argentinian government has let it be known they do not have the resources to raise what’s left of the San Juan. Good. Leave it.

Sure, the family would like to have what remains the sea would yield and the Navy would like to have it so they can see what information could be provided, but if you asked the 44 dead sailors, I’d bet every one of them would prefer to be left at the bottom. You work underwater and you die underwater, it’s best to take your eternal rest underwater.

Today at the Site
Sparrow and The Wife talk about his Famous Strawberry Pie that is on the menu for Thanksgiving on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. Also, Buzz is critical of Sparrow’s first closing page at the retailer and there were no coffee filters to be found at the hotel.

Buzz shook his head dismissively…He wasn’t all that impressed because, as we’ve noted here before, his closing pages sound like a gulag commandant greeting new arrivals, with some customers fleeing the store in tears.

“You need to be more aggressive…Let them know they’ll be locked in for the night if they don’t hurry up.”

The Thought for the Day is an encore from this past winter, from Agatha Christie, a thought about having a high opinion of yourself.

It’s OK to have a high opinion of yourself. It’s healthy to admit you do something well, perhaps better than most, because false modesty only serves those who have nothing to be modest about.

The race for the ESPN Cup is one of the tightest ever on The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 13, as Rice retains the top spot, followed closely by defending champion UTEP and Rutgers.

UTEP administrators looking to alter course of nearby Rio Grande River so school is actually in Mexico so team can compete Juarez Valley Conference in 2019.

On This Date
In 1789 – New Jersey becomes the first state to ratify the first ten amendments to the United States Constitution, known as the Bill of Rights. The Amendments, among other things, guarantee a variety of personal freedoms, limits the government’s power in certain proceedings and reserves for the several states whatever powers are not given to the federal government. Congress had actually sent twelve amendments to the states, but only ten were ratified. One was approved in 1992 and became the Twenty-Seventh Amendment and the other is still pending.

In 1997 – A.C. Green of the Los Angeles Lakers establishes a new NBA record, playing in his 907th consecutive game. Green broke the record that had been held by Randy Smith since 1982. Green would ultimately play in 1,192 consecutive games, an NBA record that still stands.

In 1971 – Daddy Frank (The Guitar Man) by Merle Haggard is #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the first of two consecutive weeks. The song also went to #2 on the Canadian country chart and was the tenth of 38 #1 songs for Haggard on the country chart.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The NBA record for most free throws made in a game by both teams is 116, by Syracuse Nationals – now the Philadelphia 76ers and Anderson Packers in November 1949. The NBA record for fewest free throws made in a game by both teams is seven, by the Milwaukee Bucks and Baltimore Bullets in January 1973.

Today’s Stumper
What two acts have had more #1 hits on Billboard’s country chart than Merle Haggard? – Answer Next Time!

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The Daily Dose/November 19, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
A report due out this week, based on information compiled by US intelligence networks, will say that the murder of Saudi writer Jamal Khashoggi in October was ordered by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

This is not a bulletin. It’s what most of the world has thought from the start. To believe that a rogue band of Saudis infiltrated Turkey and carried this out without royal sanction is not reasonable.

There’s no reason to doubt the veracity of what American intelligence has found. Lord knows they have the capacity to spy on pretty much anyone and their tentacles have a long reach. As we learned from the 9/11 Commission’s report, America knew enough to stop the 9/11 attacks (an Arab taking flying lessons in Arizona, but not bothering to show up for the landing the plane lessons, for example), so they are good at finding out stuff, but the report also showed that America never really knew what it knew in the months leading up to the attack and we were unable to stop it.

The world is saying this and saying that about holding people responsible for Khashoggi’s murder, but Saudi paws are on the spigot controlling a lot of the world’s oil and their checkbook is wide open to buy arms and it probably isn’t reasonable to think any Saudi of importance will be tried and beheaded.

On the other hand, on the evening of September 10, 2001, you probably would have gotten pretty good odds the Twin Towers would still be standing the following afternoon and they weren’t.

You never know.

We’ll see if the world lets the Saudi crown prince bully his way through this.

Today at the Site
Sparrow goes shopping for Thanksgiving dinner and, of all things, he is still planning to bake a pie on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. Also, he probably saves Buzz’s life by telling him not to step on that part of the ladder that really isn’t a step.

I suppose The Wife will make some green vegetable, tho I don’t really care about this…

The Thought for the Day is an encore from one year ago, a thought from President Abraham Lincoln on this, the 155th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address.

…if we wake up every morning committed to putting the 24 hours we have every day to work for us, if we wake up determined to get the most out of the talents we were issued at birth, then our share of memorable moments will make their way to us.

On This Date
In 1864 – President Abraham Lincoln delivers the Gettysburg Address. Lincoln’s two-minute speech followed a two-hour chat delivered by statesman Edward Everett. Five copies of the Gettysburg Address exist, all of which differ from the version offered by the Associated Press reporter at the scene. Initial public reaction to the speech was mixed and generally followed party lines.

In 1977 – The New Orleans Jazz, now the Utah Jazz, establish the NBA record for fewest free throws made in a game, making one in their 103-101 win over the Houston Rockets. The only free throw made by the Jazz was by Pete Maravich, who was 1-1 from the line, finishing with 39 points. The record was broken by the Toronto Raptors, who made zero free throws in a January 1996 game.

In 1955 – Autumn Leaves by Roger Williams is the #1 song on the Billboard’s Best Sellers In Stores chart, a predecessor to the Hot 1oo. The song was in its fourth and final week at #1 and was Williams’ first chart single. The song remains the only piano instrumental to hit #1 on a Billboard chart.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The first cartoon that had partially synchronized sound was My Old Kentucky Home, released in 1926 and produced by Max and Dave Fleischer

Today’s Stumper
What teams hold the NBA records for most and fewest free throws made in a game? – Answer Next Time!

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The Daily Dose/November 18, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
In The News is enjoying the day off.

Today at the Site
Sparrow puts gel in his hair instead of his usual Brylcreem, there is a major theft at the retailer and the new snow tires get their first test of the season, all on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody.

I completely lost mind, too, and did not wet my hair beforehand!!!…I didn’t shower and usually, I wet my hair, but then I have to dry it so I merely wet my hands, then added a small amount of gel and rubbed my hands together before applying it…I was very pleased with the results…

The Thought for the Day is an encore from last summer, from legendary pool hustler Minnesota Fats, a thought on greatness.

Fats was great himself and like many great men and women they had a great belief in others because they had a great belief in themselves.

On This Date
In  1918 – Steamboat Willie, the first cartoon with fully synchronized sound and starring Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse, is released. It was produced by Walt Disney and Ub Iwerks, who had tried several animals for their projects, including frogs, cats and cows, before settling on a mouse. Disney and Iwerks parted ways in 1930.

In 1996 – Chris Bonoil of the Dallas Cowboys ties an NFL record with seven field goals as the Cowboys defeat the Green Bay Packers 21-6. The record had been established in 1967 by Jim Bakken of the St Louis Cardinals and to date has been accomplished five times. The record was broken by Rob Bironas of the Tennessee Titans, who kicked eight field goals in a 38-36 win over the Houston Texans in  2007.

In 1978 – MacArthur Park by Donna Summer is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of three consecutive weeks. It was Summer’s first of four #1’s on the Hot 100 and also went to #1 in Canada and on Billboard’s dance chart, then known as the Hot Disco Singles chart. The song was remixed and re-released in 2013 and again went to #1 on the dance chart, then and now known as the Dance Club Songs chart.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Queen Elizabeth I of England reigned for 44 years, 127 days.

Today’s Stumper
What was the first cartoon that had partially synchronized sound? – Answer Next Time!

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The Daily Dose/November 17, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
More than a week after the 2018 midterms, there are still votes being counted.

Florida – long the American standard bearer in mucking things like this up – continues to set the pace, with an undecided US Senate race and a gubernatorial election whose results weren’t entirely certain until recently. Florida’s 2018 elections were rife with the fiascoes and intrigues we’ve come to expect from them and a manual recount has been ordered for the US Senate race – and the state agriculture commissioner race – with the results due by Tuesday. At least a dozen lawsuits are pending.

In Georgia, the Governor’s race is over, though the Democratic candidate has decided to, of course, sue under a Georgia law that allows challenges based on “misconduct, fraud and irregularities”.

California, Utah, Texas and Georgia still have close US House races where ballots are still being counted, while New York has two of their own. The almost obligatory lawsuits have not been announced yet.

Editor’s note: Not among the undecided races is Colorado’s 3rd Congressional District, where Gaylon ran as the Libertarian Party nominee. It was won comfortably by the GOP incumbent and while Gaylon has yet to officially concede, he has declined to demand a recount. 

Today at the Site
Sparrow gives a ride to a hitchhiker who needs a shower, plus there’s a leak in the roof at the retailer and the lobby of Hotel B is a complete mess on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody.

It was slow enough at the service desk that Supervisor Maria was able to fill out her cat adoption paperwork…Maria was filling out the employment part of it and put “36” in the space for hours worked per week but zany Sparrow pretended it had asked her age…The line from yours truly:

36!!!…You’re 40!!!

Maria didn’t catch on immediately, but when she did she slugged me on the arm, tho it is true she’s 40…I know she’s 40 – everybody in the tri-county area knows she’s 40 – because she blabbed about it for a week a few months ago.

Dan Duffy, a shipmate of ours in the Navy, has our Thought for the Day, about courage and reward.

We cannot be afraid of the successes and failures that await us. Both may be out of whatever realm we are accustomed to, but the blue chips are worth the work and courage they take to rake in.

On This Date
In 1558 – Elizabeth I becomes Queen of England following the death of her half-sister Mary I. Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, whom Henry had executed when Elizabeth was two-and-a-half. Elizabeth I never married and she was succeeded by her cousin James I, who was also King James VI of Scotland. James’ mother – Mary, Queen of Scots – had been imprisoned and executed by Elizabeth.

In 1968 -NBC cuts away from the New York Jets/Oakland Raiders game to air the movie Heidi. As it became clear the game would not end by 7 pm Eastern, NBC’s phone lines became so jammed network executives could not communicate with each other, and previous instructions to air Heidi as scheduled were followed and the eastern portion of America left the game with 1:01 remaining and the Jets leading 32-29. Now known to History as the Heidi Game, the Raiders would come from behind to beat the Jets 43-32

In 2018 – Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line continue their unprecedented run at #1 on Billboard’s Hot Country Songs chart with Meant To Be topping the survey for the 50th consecutive week, the longest any single has spent at #1 on any Billboard chart. Luke Combs remains at #1 on Billboard’s Country Airplay chart for the 4th consecutive week, the longest #1 stint for any song in 2018.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Of the Top 10 scorers in NBA history, six – Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Karl Malone, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Wilt Chamberlain and Shaquille O’Neal – played or are playing for the Los Angeles Lakers.

Today’s Stumper
How long did Elizabeth I reign as queen of England? – Answer Next Time!

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The Daily Dose/November 16, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
One of the more fruitless endeavors we can indulge in is comparing sports figures from different eras. That is not going to stop us from doing that today.

It’s fruitless because in any sport where performance can be objectively measured – like track and field – it has been established that athletes can run and jump and throw farther than their predecessors. It would follow that today’s team sports athletes would be better than their predecessors. But we seem to forget this when comparing athletes from different eras.

(The exception to this, of course, is Bob Beamon’s Olympic long jump record of 29 feet, 2.5 inches at the 1968 Mexico City Games, which still stands.)

But we are going to compare LeBron James and Wilt Chamberlain anyway as LeBron recently pass Wilt for fifth place on the NBA’s career points list in an attempt to determine who we would rather have on our team.

LeBron has won three NBA titles to Chamberlain’s two. Both have four MVP awards and LeBron has three NBA Finals MVP awards to Chamberlain’s one. Wilt averaged 30.1 ppg over his career to LeBron’s 27.2.

If the sole criteria were stats Wilt would win hands down because he was a statistical juggernaut. Wilt holds the NBA records for most points (100) and rebounds (55) in a game, and for most career rebounds and his 50.36 points-per-game in 1961-62 is a record that is on our very short list of records that will never be broken. Wilt also holds the NBA single-season record for most rebounds per game with 27.2 in 1961-62. Wilt also led the NBA in assists in 1967-68 making him remains the only player in NBA history to lead the league in scoring, rebound and assists. LeBron has his statistical;

But the sole criteria isn’t stats. An intangible that cannot be measured is competitive greatness – the tendency to be at your best when it is required – and LeBron has given a clinic in this every year. He hasn’t won the title every year, but he hasn’t had the supporting cast.

Given the choice, we’ll take LeBron, though if we wouldn’t whine if forced to take Chamberlain.

Today at the Site
Sparrow and The Wife meet some friends at the college in town for their annual holiday dinner, though Sparrow whines because they didn’t make prime rib on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody.

Speaking of holiday meals, we are starting to plan for the real Thanksgiving next week…Marian said she would like a ham and I completely lost my mind and said we should also have deep fried shrimp and shells and cheese and why shouldn’t ol’ Sparrow bake a pie, too???

Well, because ol’ Sparrow has never baked a pie in his life, that’s why…Regular readers of the crap know few are capable of overestimating their own cooking skills as ol’ Sparrow…

The Thought for the Day is an encore from January of this year, author Deng Ming-Dao talking about overcoming ourselves.

You have your talents, too, and those that get on in this world are usually those that have maximized their talents. And those talents don’t have to bring us fame and fortune, either, to ensure a happy life. All we have to do is get the most out of them, because when we do that, what is meant to happen in our life generally does.

On This Date
In 1940 – George Metesky, known to History as the Mad Bomber, places his firsts bomb in New York City, at a building used by a power utility. The bomb was found before it went off, as was another the following September. His first bomb that went off came in 1951 and bombings continued through 1956, causing some injuries but no deaths. Metesky, bitter over a 1931 job injury suffered when he worked for Consolidated Edison, was arrested in 1957 after a search of company files. Metesky admitted to placing 32 bombs but was judged criminally insane and admitted to a mental hospital. He was released in 1973 and died in 1994.

In 1957 – Bill Russell of the Boston Celtics establishes a new NBA record when he grabs 49 rebounds in a 111-89 win over the Philadelphia Warriors. The old record had been 38 by Maurice Stokes of the Rochester Royals in January 1956. The single-game record is now held by Wilt Chamberlain (see above), though Russell’s 32 first-half rebounds remain the NBA record for rebounds in a single half.

In 1985 – Starship is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with We Built This City. It was the first #1 song for the group that first charted as Jefferson Airplane in 1967 and the song also went to #1 in Canada and Australia and was nominated for a Grammy for Best Rock Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group. Not everyone liked the song, however, and it sometimes appears on lists of the worst songs of the era.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Before moving to Chicago for the 1921 season, the Chicago Bears were the Decatur (Illinois) Staleys.

Today’s Stumper
Of the top ten scorers in NBA history, how many have played for the Los Angeles Lakers? – Answer Next Time!

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