Gaylon’s Latest: Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables

Friends, my latest novel Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is now available to those who had the good sense to purchase either Lifetime or Early Bird access. It will move for everyone else on April 1 for $5.99.

$3.99 Early Bird access is still available though! Click on the button to take advantage of it.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

God bless all of you,
Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/Tuesday, April 23, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 23, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Yesterday an item in the popular On This Date segment noted that on April 22, 1876 the National League played its first game. Some regard this as the birth of major league baseball. Some don’t.

For those who don’t know, from 1871-75 there was another professional baseball league, the National Association and usually their status as a minor league was not subject to debate, but evidently there’s no shortage of halfwit Internet columnists around that are making an issue of this and we are reading more and more nonsense about how, yes, the NA was a major whose records should be included in the major league record book.

No, they shouldn’t. Certainly, yes, the NA was the highest level of professional baseball being played in America at the time. But their scheduling was erratic as teams declined to play games when it didn’t suit them, usually because of travel costs involved, and teams came and went during a season. the Boston Red Stockings won the last four NA pennants mainly by showing up for all their games. In their five years of existence, no less than 24 teams appeared in NA contests, but only three – the Boston Red Stockings, Philadelphia Athletics and New York Mutuals – were in the league all four years.

While some arguments for NA major league status have a modicum of merit, most do not, and there is no reason to ever include NA stats in official major league totals.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: 
Sparrow gets folios delivered at the hotel in record time. Today’s Diary.

One thing that’s annoying me right now at work is the individual coffee packs I use to produce coffee for Sparrow’s Morning Coffee Service…At the top, there’s a little indentation that you tear and the pack opens…Fairly easily, too…Except for when they put the indent too close to the edge…You have to be careful, especially if you’ve recently trimmed your fingernails, as I have, because you do it wrong and BOOM coffee flies everywhere…

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues. Seriously.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1985 – Coca-Cola dismisses its flagship soda and introduces New Coke. Though sales were initially strong, the overwhelming response was negative and the original formula was back on the market within three months. New Coke was renamed Coke II and remained in stores until July 2002.

In 1964 – The Cincinnati Reds become the first team in major league history to win a game without getting a hit defeating the Houston Astros 1-0. The only run of the game came in the top of the ninth inning on two errors and a groundout. Astros pitcher Ken Johnson pitched a complete game and remains the only player to lose a nine-inning, complete game no-hitter.

In 1983 – Dexys Midnight Runners are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 with Come On Eileen. The song spent one week at the top, and also went to #1 in Great Britain and six other countries. Though Dexys Midnight Runners had several other Top 40 hits in their native Britain, Come On Eileen remains their only Top 40 hit in America.

Quotebook
You may be sure that it was not for any merit that others do not possess: not for power or wisdom at any rate. But you have been chosen, and you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits as you have.
J.R.R. Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Chicago Cubs, then known as the White Stockings, won the 1876 National League pennant.

Today’s Stumper
Who scored the only of the game when Ken Johnson lost his complete game no-hitter? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 22

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The Daily Dose/Monday, April 22, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 22, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Texas is scheduled to execute John William King Wednesday, for his role in the 1998 murder of James Byrd, Jr. This is hardly a bulletin, of course. Texas executes people left and right, more people than any other state in the Union, and while the frequency has diminished somewhat in recent years, the Texas death house still does very good business.

King and two others, Lawerence Russell Brewer and Shawn Allen Berry, were convicted of murdering Byrd after giving him a ride in Jasper, a town in the southeast part of the state. The three treated Byrd, 49, to a beating, then he was chained to the back of a truck and dragged for three miles. He died after the first two when he was decapitated after his head hit a culvert.

Brewer was executed in 2011, while Berry was sentenced to life in prison and will even be eligible for parole in 2038. Now, if you are unfamiliar with how the death penalty is dispensed in America, you might think that different punishments in murder cases is rare, but don’t kid yourself, they’re not. One murderer dying while another lives, usually for squealing against the other, is common. Don’t take our word for it, though. Do your research.

Different penalties for the same crime is not our favorite argument for abolishing the death penalty, however. As we’ve said every hour on the hour on the campaign trail for both the United States Senate and House, this nation has executed innocent people, and this is reason enough to shut the entire system down.

But two murderers dying while another lives, and may even go free later, is a good reason to abolish the death penalty, too.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow runs into two drunk women at the hotel, plus he does not have to report for jury duty Monday. Today’s Diary.

The drunk broads were first, sashaying in about 0030…They were about my age and friendly and pretty buzzed, tho not falling down drunk, and I was in the back office when I heard some noise out front and wandered out, where I saw them staring at the candy bar display at the sundry stand as if it were emitting light…Complete wonderment…So I go and show them what we’ve got, like a ubiquitous commissioned salesman

“May I show you something in a Kit-Kat???”

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues. Seriously.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1983 – The German magazine Stern announces it is in possession of a diary written by Adolf Hitler, saying they had been found in some wreckage in what was then East Germany. Though serial rights were sold to major newspapers throughout the world, the diaries were quickly shown to be forgeries, written by a German illustrator named Konrad Kujau, who spent four years in prison for his efforts.

In 1876 – The world’s oldest professional sports league, the National League of Professional Base Ball Clubs, plays its first game as the Boston Red Caps defeat the Philadelphia Athletics 6-5  at the Jefferson Street Grounds in Philadelphia. The game was tied 4-4 heading into the ninth, when Boston got two runs in the top of the inning, while the Athletics got a run in the bottom of the inning while stranding the tying run on second base. The Boston Red Caps are now the Atlanta Braves, while the Philadelphia Athletics folded after the 1876 season. Through yesterday, the National League has played 111,724 regular season games.

In 1962 – Patsy Cline is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot C&W Sides chart – for the third of four non-consecutive weeks with She’s Got You. The song also peaked at #14 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and was Cline’s second and final country #1 song. Cline died the following March, at age 30, in an airplane crash near Camden, Tennessee. She’s Got You would return to #1 in 1977, sung by Loretta Lynn.

Quotebook
He was not so unreasonable-usually- as to demand both freedom and the fruits of popular slavery.
Sinclair Lewis
Arrowsmith

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Phil Collins was part of one #1 hit with Genesis, Invisible Touch in 1986.

Today’s Stumper
Which team won the 1876 National League pennant? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 21

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The Daily Dose/Sunday, April 21, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 21, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
Celebrating the best of the worst of the week that was:

  1. Donald Trump Supporters – Please stop achieving and maintaining states of arousal on your treasured victory lap while proclaiming President Trump’s exoneration every hour on the hour…He was not exonerated, he was merely unindicted mainly because it is thought a sitting president cannot be indicted.
  2. American Electorate – We elected a petulant, tactless first grader to the presidency…We have an opportunity to do better next year.
  3. Donald Trump – Leadership so brilliant staff members decline to follow orders in order to protect themselves from legal action…Supremely selfish, conceited, Trump continues to show his only concern is himself
  4. Sunday Continental Cup – Sunday B-5 pollsters desire to resuscitate intermittently awarded Cup – issued college team with longest current-season losing streak – thrown into even more chaos than usual when official NCAA stat site shows losing streaks of 109, 107 games, neither of which are accurate as they ignore wins vs lower level collegiate, high school JV teams.
  5. US Drone Strikes – Great week for attacking countries US has not declared war on, as over 500 drone strikes reported in Afghanistan, Somalia and Yemen bring 2019 total to 1,198…Pentagon commanders, Special Olympics board members, issuing pats on back as over 97 percent of total deaths are of adults…US Congress has not declared war on anyone since World War II.  
    Source: Bureau of Investigative Journalism

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodyThere might be some action at the closed-down diner. Today’s Diary. 

The mind, frankly, reels at the possibilities…Will they redo the inside???…What will the new sign look like???…What will the menu look like???…Altho The Wife pointed out we’re eating really well without the temptation of a diner with tempting, calorie-infested food down the street, which, of course is correct.

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future. 

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues. Seriously. 

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1509 – Henry VIII ascends the thrones of England and Ireland following the death of his father, Henry VII. He is best known for having married six times and for initiating the separation of the Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church. Henry VIII would reign until his death in 1547 and fathered three future English monarchs: Mary I, Elizabeth I and his successor, Edward VI

In 2012 – Philip Humber of the Chicago White Sox throws the 21st perfect game in major league (ML) history, defeating the Seattle Mariners 4-0. Humber would make his final ML appearance the following season and his career record of 16-23 are both the fewest wins and fewest losses of any pitcher to throw a perfect game. 

In 1984 – Phil Collins is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now) for the first of three consecutive weeks. Though written by Collins for the film Against All Odds, it was based on a song Collins had written a couple of years earlier, but had never recorded. The song also went to #1 in Canada, Ireland, and Norway and was the first of seven #1 songs for Collins as a solo act on the Hot 100. 

Quotebook
The first thing you felt was that there was a man who spoke honestly about how he felt and was not trying to put something across…(he) made things understandable for the foggiest brain and went to the core of things.

John Toland
Adolf Hitler

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The National League record for most consecutive losses at the start of a season is held by the Chicago Cubs, who lost their first 14 games in 1997. 

Today’s Stumper
How many #1 songs was Phil Collins a part of as a member of the group Genesis? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 20

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The Daily Dose/April 20, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 20, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow’s back from the big city, but not before his county vehicle gets rear-ended

Damage to the county vehicle, a sturdy, American made Dodge, were some barely visible scratches…Damage to the foreign front end was not minor, however, with the chick estimating damage $5,000, which offhand I thought reasonable, while I estimated the Dodge’s damage at a buck and a half…

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues. Seriously. 

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1775 – The Siege of Boston in the American Revolution begins, with elements of the Continental Army keeping British forces in the city of Boston, with Britain’s only supply line coming by sea. The siege began two days after the American victory at the Battle of Lexington and Concord forced the British to retreat to Boston. The siege would last until the following March and result in an American victory when the British fled by ship to Nova Scotia.

In 1988 – The Baltimore Orioles become the first major league team to start a season 0-14, losing to the Milwaukee Brewers 8-6. The Orioles break a record they had shared with the 1904 Washington Senators and the 1920 Detroit Tigers, who had also started 0-13 and they ultimately lose their first 21 games of the season.

In 1959 – The Fleetwoods are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second of four consecutive weeks with Come Softly to Me. It was the first Top 40 hit for the Fleetwoods, who would return to #1 in the fall with Mr Blue. In a quaint historical note, the song was originally titled Come Softly, but was changed because the title was thought to be suggestive.  The song also went to #1 in Canada and peaked at #5 on Billboard’s soul chart.

Quotebook
{We should} invite the people to erect the whole building with their own hands, upon the broadest foundation…For the people {are} the source of all authority and power.
John Adams

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Elton John has had three hits on Billboard’s soul chart. The biggest was Bennie and the Jets, which peaked at #15.

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the National League record for most consecutive losses at the start of a season? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 19

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The Daily Dose/Friday, April 19, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 19, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Joe Biden, a former vice president and US senator, is expected to announce his candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination later this month. Even though he hasn’t formally announced yet he is already billing himself as an “Obama-Biden” Democrat, the better to one, remind voters he has actually been elected to national office and, two, to differentiate himself from the other socialists clamoring for the Democratic nomination.

Biden, of course, has served our country long and honorably and some may remember him regularly running for president years ago. Biden is now 76 years and nominating him would be akin to 1996, when Republicans nominated Bob Dole, then a bit younger than Biden is now, for the presidency at a time when the country was really looking for the younger, more contemporary voice offered by Bill Clinton.

It will be a tough road. More and more Americans are expecting their government to do more and more things for them, with some even advocating complete cradle-to-grave government care for Americans, and there are no shortage of candidates peddling that message.

We are notoriously lousy prognosticators here at Leading Off, but boy, Biden might not be completely in step with what Democrats want to hear. Or maybe he is, because whoever thought Donald Trump was in step with anyone or anything besides whatever beat the drummer in his head produces?

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow buys some shoes and upgrades his rating of the hotel he is staying at on his business trip. Today’s Diary. 

I’ve reconsidered my rating of the hotel, upgrading it from DUMP to OK…Yes, it is really a motel and not a hotel, and that’s bad for morale because, bottom line, I’m a classy guy, and the room is older and not up to snuff vis-a-vis the demands of 21st century power requirements for phones and laptops and whatnot, but it’s not too bad…I slept very well and the in-room coffee was easy to make and better than the swill they were passing off in the lobby and the chair was very nice to sit and read in, with my feet up on the bed, of course.

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter. 

On This Date
In  1995 – The Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City is destroyed in a mid-morning truck bombing, killing 168 and injuring almost 700. Timothy McVeigh was arrested 90 minutes later on a weapons charge following a traffic stop and later Terry Nichols was arrested. Both were convicted of assorted crimes in connection with the bombing, and McVeigh was executed in 2001 while Nichols is serving the first of 161 life sentences without the possibility of parole.

In 1948 – The Pittsburgh Pirates become the first major league baseball team to change their uniform colors when they debut black and gold as their road uniforms in a 4-1 loss to the Cincinnati Reds. Previously, the Pirates’ colors had been red, white, and blue. The change is made to match the colors on Pittsburgh’s city flag.

1975 – Philadelphia Freedom by the Elton John Band is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second and final week. The song’s title was inspired by the Philadelphia Freedoms professional tennis team, which John’s friend Billie Jean King played for an coached. The song also went to #1 in Canada, was Billboard’s 3rd biggest song of the year and even peaked at #32 on Billboard’s soul chart. It was the fourth of eight number one songs in John’s career.

Quotebook
You must live your life for something more important than your life alone. One who has never lost himself in a cause bigger than himself has missed one of life’s mountaintop experiences.
Richard Nixon

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Before Pawtucket and Rochester played 33 innings, the longest game in the history of professional baseball went 29 innings, when the Miami Marlins defeated the St Petersburg Cardinals 4-3 in a Florida State League game on June 14-15, 1966. It remains the longest uninterrupted game in professional baseball history.

Today’s Stumper
How many other Elton John songs have hit Billboard’s soul chart?
– Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, April 18
I reported for morning chow at Breakfast King bright and early at 0430…Breakfast King is really good, discovered years ago when I was out here training for the Doily Delivery Company and the instructor took me and the other trainee here for lunch when we were out riding in the training vehicle…It’s reminiscent of coffee shops years ago in the era before the infernal Starbucks…There’s a counter to eat at and, despite the name, a varied menu 24 hours a day.

Continue reading

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