The Diary of a Nobody 2/12/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life… 

Sunday, February 12
880am was not coming in loud or clear at all this morning…I got very little of the cowboy poet, tho I heard enough of Hymns From the Heartland to hear Russ was flying solo this morning because Laurie had the day off tho why Laurie had the day off wasn’t specified…Maybe she was sick or off having an affair or maybe Laurie was arrested for beating the snot out of Russ last night…Russ wasn’t saying.

Again with the late checkouts at work…I denied them all, because we had 80 rooms to clean and 60 arrivals and I was in no mood to fuss with late checkouts…Especially satisfying was tedious gentleman whose tone indicated my sole reason for existing on the planet was to attend to his late checkout request this particular morning and he seemed genuinely surprised when I offered apologies and said I would not be able to offer a late checkout this morning.

The resort’s regional vice president is visiting tomorrow and as usual, everyone is going ape shit…Word is she has a ‘bug’ about something, tho exactly what isn’t clear…In preparation, we blocked off a room for her that’s been everything but hermetically sealed…I just hope she likes the new pants I bought.

At the retailer, a couple came thru buying bird seed and I was glad to see they were buying the least expensive stuff…Long time readers of this crap know I feel so strongly about not wasting cash on expensive bird seed and I mentioned this to them…They seemed grateful for the guidance, too, because the wife said they always bought the expensive stuff…I waved a hand dismissively.

They can’t tell the difference they’re birds…Besides, they’re just happy they don’t have to dig out worms from your lawn.

The husband actually said he’d keep an eye on whether the birds seemed to mind, and that he’d report back to me.

Then an older lady came thru with lots and lots of camping stuff…Tools, implements, dehydrated food, stuff like that…Not tents or sleeping bags, tho…Anyway, she wanted someone to talk to, so she told me she had moved to Arizona from here years ago, then moved back but found herself growing weary of winter earlier and earlier…She mentioned was going back to Arizona “for a spell”…I looked at all the camping stuff I was bagging for her.

You walking there???…You’ve got enough outdoors stuff for a platoon.

She laffed and said no, but she camps out while she’s down there…Exactly why she didn’t buy the stuff down there isn’t clear, tho maybe we were pricing camping stuff to move…I don’t really know.

Tho official records aren’t kept – or if they are no one told me about them – I had to have set a personal best for Largest Exact Change Transaction today when this lady bought $331.16 worth of stuff and paid for it with exact change!!!…I am not making that up!!!…Three C notes, a twenty, a ten, a one, a dime, a nickel and a penny and nothing but a receipt to give back to her.

Speaking of numbers, I checked out 52 people today and moved $3,291 worth of stuff for an average of $63.28 per customer…It would’ve been more except I spent the first half-hour doing the never ending training and I got no small amount of time at self-checkout.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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