Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Monday, October 11
Warning! Locker Room Humor!
So I sashay into the bathroom at work this morning to take a crap and Jesus is coming out of the stall having just wrapped up his constitutional
Be careful, Sparrow.
I nodded solemnly and entered the stall…Jesus begins washing his hands.
Whew…Damn, Jesus, your stuff really stinks, dude.
Jesus laffed…This is a pretty good line…Maybe not Line of the Year, but still pretty good…The implication, of course, is that mine is spring time fresh…I start in on my own constitutional and as it turns out I am rather flatulent this morning.
It sounds like the Fourth of July in there Sparrow.
What’s almost funny is Jesus is still washing his hands…I am not making this up…His commitment to personal cleanliness is rather high, and he always wears gloves, as well as takes other precautions.
What, are you taking a bath out there…The water’s still running.
End Locker Room Humor Segment.
Rather early in the shift a guy came by to inquire about his wallet…We have a fairly well organized lost and found section and I checked it and nothing and I took his name and number in case it was turned it…He came back when Gabriel was at the desk and I was in the side office looking busy to inquire if it had been found in the last 20 minutes…Gabriel looked and said no…Later, he dispatched his wife to the front desk to inquire…It still hadn’t been turned in.
Look, Sir, I’ve been there…I’ve lost my wallet…I get it…But if we haven’t called you, we don’t have your wallet…Dispatching the family to check every ten minutes is not going to produce it…
In administrative news, I’ve taken over assigning rooms…Usually, the night auditor did it, but I’d grown weary of coming in in the morning and having several rooms needing to be assigned and having to work some magic, which sometimes I didn’t have…This resulted in people needing to be upgraded or downgraded or what not and once this spiral starts it’s tuff to stop.
The problem, I suspect, stemmed from rooms being assigned in random order instead of assigning those with the longest stays first…I’ve been doing it this way for a week or so and so far we haven’t had a day with more than a couple-three rooms to be assigned which, between rooms undergoing maintenance and general reservation hilarity, you are going to have from time to time…These are generally one or two night stays and you can always find a closet or storage shed for a one or two-night stay.
Finally, a decent Bachelor Purchase of the Night at the retailer…This older guy who gave the impression he’d been living alone an awfully long time came thru with lots of great stuff…Leading off was a five-pack of macaroni and cheese…The Leading National Brand (LNB) too, not the cheap stuff…And the stuff you have to go thru some effort to make, too, not the crap where you merely have to squeeze the cheese out of a packet.
I held the pack up and tapped it, nodding knowingly…No words were necessary…We both knew…He was going with quality…He was not one to spend willy-nilly on other things, tho…His soda was the house brand and if you’re visiting his pad I wouldn’t go using the bathroom because his cleaning supplies were not LNBs…Neither did personal hygeine appear to be a top prioroty…But he’s eating well, at least.
Policy at the retailer is ID anybody purchasing smokes who does not use a walker…This means virtually everyone gets ID’d…Some take this better than others…Some sigh and roll their eyes but this one lady – who was plainly over 18, but under our threshold – took it very well:
– Ma’am, may I see your ID, please…I’m sorry.
– Oh, I love you…Thank you, young man.
The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.
It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.