The Sunday Bottom Ten #9 – March 25, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
This could easily have been the Sunday Bottom 19.
Let’s dive right in.
1. Trump’s Circus
Mitigating Factors: This week presented usual fiasco of departures and continuing investigations all led by man-child whose only real talent remains drawing attention to himself…He has never had cogent, long-term vision for this country so why should we expect one now?
Gaylon For Congress…Vote Early, Vote Often: Trump Policy of the Week Award goes to penalty for drug dealers proposal…One, the death penalty doesn’t deter anyone from doing anything…Two, legalize drugs and drug dealers go from being evil arch-criminals to vendors looking to move product there is significant demand for.
2. Uber Self Drive Death
Mitigating Factors: Last Sunday’s crash believed to be first fatality involving self-driving car, pedestrian…At first we thought this could spell end of driverless vehicles but vehicles with drivers kill people every ten minutes and they’re not going anywhere…Sunday B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” human in vehicle could have taken control had been paying attention.
FunFact: We still don’t see the point to self-driving cars…Especially for ride-sharing because American riders have been depending on drivers to whine about Mets, rag on current Administration for decades.
3. The American Media
Mitigating Factors: Another American institution that, like the NCAA, needs a do-over…A real media would have Donald Trump out of GOP race before the primaries began…They’re still continuing to play along, too, acting as if Trump were a real president with a real vision for our country…Which he’s not…He is merely a blatherskite whose main concern is doing whatever it takes to draw attention to himself.
FunFact: Our press corps long ago exchanged clicks and ratings for any real substance, but like our fractured government, America continues to tolerate it.
4. Year of the Dictator
Mitigating Factors: 27 years after fall of Soviet Union dictators stronger than ever, with North Korean despot playing US like violin, while Russian president continues proud Soviet tradition of winning sham elections, though Stalin, Brezhnev, et al, rolling in graves as Putin only earns 77 percent of the vote.
FunFact: Dictators so hot the democratically elected president of the United States called Russian president, congratulating him on win in election, asking for re-election help.
5. Sacramento Shooting
Mitigating Factors: Another unarmed black man shot to death by police, this time in Sacramento where 22-year-old man had nerve to be in his own backyard holding a cellphone…Americans everywhere looking forward to even deeper racial divides following officers obligatory acquittal, race riots.
FunFact: Ensuing protests did have benefit of blocking access to downtown arena, mercifully preventing thousands of fans from watching dreadful NBA basketball game.
6. The Captains by W.E.B Griffin
Mitigating Factors: Following actual thought required by reading volume of The Story of Civilization, Sunday B-10 pollsters take it easy with re-read of old favorite…Few write about the military with the expertise and dry humor of Griffin, and if you like stuff like this, both The Brotherhood of War and The Corps series are highly recommended.
Location, Location, Location: Griffin gives a clinic to future novelists: characters, characters, characters…The plot is important, but readers will re-read your old stuff and buy your new stuff because your characters are memorable…It’s always fun to renew acquaintances with Lowell, Felter, MacMillan, Bellmon and the gang.
7. NBA Tanking
Mitigating Factors: Between teams keeping top players on the bench, questionable in-game hustle and tactics and healthy players on injured list, not every NBA game features two (2) teams trying to win…Pity, because a family of four making the US median income of $59,000 would have to blow a full day’s pay to attend an average NBA game.
FunFact: Though the league says this and the league says that – and even issues mandates and fines from time to time – almost one-third of NBA teams have a vested in interest in not winning so they can improve draft prospects.
8. St. Peter’s Peacocks (0-3)
Mitigating Factors: Peacocks halfway to century mark as perfect 0-3 week retains Sunday Continental Cup – issued to college baseball team with longest all-division losing streak in NATO – with 50th consecutive loss…Saturday doubleheader loss shows versatility, as Peacocks get blown out in opener 15-5, before showing ability to lose close ones, blowing nightcap 2-0.
FunFact: While NCAA record book dutifully records all-time win streak records, it stubbornly refuses to list record losing streaks but Sunday B-10 polls “pretty sure” 50 straight losses “like, you know, an awful lot and stuff.”
9. US Drone Strikes
Mitigating Factors: Slow week in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia and Yemen, with only one (1) US drone strike, five (5) deaths to report…Totals for 2018 now at 40 (40) drone strikes, 198 deaths, almost 90 percent military!!!…Attacks expected to continue despite fact US Congress has not declared war on any of these countries.
FunFact: Special note: figures only include drone strikes, and do not include 451 additional US Air Force attacks in Afghanistan in 2018!!!
Source: Bureau of Investigative Journalism
10. American Electorate
Mitigating Factors: This country hasn’t been led since Kennedy said let’s go to the moon…Johnson got mired in Vietnam, Nixon was a crook, Ford did well under circumstance the Son of Man would have found challenging, Reagan was the most managed president in history, Bush I was ineffective, it was always something with Clinton, Bush II lied to get us into war, Obama talked a good game but we are still at war and massively in debt.
Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: America has previously taken fliers on tossing aside thes status quo, but if we don’t do something soon our perpetual wars, deep social divides and mindless spending will toss America aside the scrap heap of history before this half-century is out.
Thought for the Week: It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen. – Oliver Wendell Holmes
The Sunday Bottom Ten is based on the football Bottom Tens Gaylon writes during football season. It runs on Sundays.