The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 14
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
Not for the first time, it’s the Detroit Lions and a cast of thousands in the race for the most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – as yet another Bottom Ten title is there for the losing, literally, for the Lions.
Bottom Ten pollsters are grateful for this because despite their bar tabs getting frequent, strenuous use, if the Lions actually win a game or two (2) they still have no idea how Detroit’s tie will factor into the final Bottom Ten rankings.
This week’s mess, as the nags approach the head of the stretch:
1. Detroit Lions (0-10-1; lost to Chicago 16-14) – Lions show type of mettle that tends to lead straight to B-10 titles, retaining vice-grip on top spot in B-10 race with another last-second loss, their NFL best 15th consecutive non-victoried game…Lions 28th NFL team to start NFL season 0-10…Next Loss: Minnesota
2. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-9; lost to Atlanta 21-14) – Owner Genghis Khan calls off fatwa on coaching staff – for now – now that Jaguars back in B-10 title hunt…Jacksonville gets higher ranking than Houston due to longers losing streak, Week 1 loss to Texans….Next Loss: at LA Rams
3. Houston Texans (2-9; lost to NY Jets 21-14) – Jaguars earn key tiebreaker against lousy Jets with ninth loss in last ten (10) games…Entire team walking on eggshells, though, as everyone knows even one (1) win could have catastrophic effect on already slim B-10 title chances…Next Loss: Indianapolis
4. Chicago Bears (4-7; defeated Detroit 16-14) – Despite win, Bears knocking on door of coveted B-10 medal stand berth with win, because since it came against winless Lions strength-of-schedule and bonus points for last-second win, more than enough to land them coveted spot on B-10 medal stand..Next Loss: Arizona
5. Seattle Seahawks (3-8; lost to Washington 17-15) – Seahawks easily prove old NFL adage that it’s not easy to cross country and win in today’s NFL with clutch loss not decided until blown two (2)-point conversion at end of game…Seahawks need help to earn coveted B-10 medal stand berth, but B-10 fan(s) everywhere know you count out Pete Carroll at your own risk…Next Loss: San Francisco
6. NFC North (18-26-1) – NFC North not only division with three teams below .500, but having winless Detroit on staff makes them easy pick for Pete Rozelle Award – issued to league’s worst division…Next Loss: With CFL playoffs in already in progress, division champion might not have a postseason to be invited to.
7. NFL – With 17 teams at or below .500 and with half the league having lost at least one (1) game, B-10 pollsters “strongly suspect” lower youth, high school football participation rates starting to assert itself, with fewer and fewer top athletes making it to NFL nowadays.
8. New York Jets (3-8; defeated Houston 21-14) – Jets title hopes all but extinguished in disastrous win over Texans, as loss would have propelled them to B-10 medal stand glory…Even with win, Jets still in cockpit for Ed Koch Kup – symbolic of Big Apple football ineptitude…Next Loss: Philadelphia
9. Chicago at Detroit – Bears and Lions kick off holidays with certain B-10 Game of the Year nominee…Game so lousy Congress thinking of moving holiday to July so no one has to watch the Lions on Thanksgiving anymore…Teams show mastery of fundamentals with 15 penalties, ten (10) punts, one (1) missed field goal.
10. New Orleans Saints (5-6; lost to Buffalo 31-6) – Though five (5) wins a lot for B-10, Saints entitled to courtesy ranking by virtue of possessing NFL’s longest current losing streak at four (4) games…With no truly lousy teams remaining on schedule, Saints could make strong B-10 run by losing out…Next Loss: Dallas
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Philadelphia at NY Jets
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Indianapolis at Houston
Exciting Regional Action: San Francisco at Seattle
