The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 5
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
For the Bottom Ten purist(s) out there, the Week 5 survey has always been significant, separating have-nots from the haves, the contenders from the pretenders, the true challengers for The Dan Henning Trophy from those destined for playoff contention. It’s no different this year, with four (4) teams still unvictoried.
That will change this week, though, as Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere revel in a weekend that Bottom Ten pollsters are “pretty sure” has never happened before and is unlikely to never happen again as all four remaining unvictoried teams play each other.
This week’s mess, as the nags approach the clubhouse turn:
1. Chicago Bears (0-3; lost to Kansas City 41-10) – Bears constructing classic B-10 title run with blowout loss to defending Super Bowl champions…14th consecutive loss gives Bears big head of steam heading into this week’s B-10 Game of the Century…Next Loss: Denver
2. Denver Broncos (0-3; lost to Miami 70-20) – It’s not easy to cross the country in the NFL and give up 70 points, but Broncos make it look easy in ascending B-10 medal stand for first time in 2023…First of at leat two (2) showdowns that will determine Denver’s B-10 fate in 2023, as game against Jets follows Chicago game…Next Loss: at Chicago
3. Minnesota Vikings (0-3; lost to Los Angeles Chargers 28-24) – With two (2) NFC North teams occupying coveted spots on B-10 medal stand, division now has veto power at weekly B-10 policy meetings…Next Loss: at Carolina
4. Carolina Panthers (0-3; lost to Seattle 37-27) – Unvictoried Panthers left on outside of B-10 medal stand looking in, though statement game this week could propel Panthers straight to the top….Inconsistent Panthers hope strong early start can stave of slump that saw them win four (4) of last six (6) to end 2022…Next Loss: Minnesota
5. New York Jets (1-2; lost to New England 15-10) – Obligatory blowout to Chiefs this week could set tone for strong 2023 B-10 run…10/29 showdown at Giants will be for Ed Koch Cup – symbolic of Gotham football lousiness…Next Loss: Kansas City
6. New York Giants (1-2; lost to San Francisco 30-12) – Primetime blowout loss this week could set tone for strong 2023 B-10 run…10/29 showdown vs Jets will be for Ed Koch Cup – symbolic of Gotham football lousiness…Next Loss: Seattle (Mon 10/2)
7. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2; lost to Houston 37-17) – Jaguars back to strutting B-10 stuff, following strong loss to almost as bad Texans…Not pleased with mere B-10 ranking, owner Genghis Khan again threatening to kidnap coaches’ children if team not back on B-10 medal stand by high holidays…Next Loss: Atlanta
8. NFC North (4-8) – It’s always tough to beat out AFC South, but with two (2) 0-3 teams, NFC North easy pick for Pete Rozelle Award – issued to NFL’s worst division.
9. Las Vegas Raiders (1-2; lost to Pittsburgh 23-18) – Field goal when down eight (8) late in game earns Radiers coach Josh McDaniels entry in upcoming B-10 book Strategies of the Great Coaches Series…Next Loss: at Los Angeles Chargers
10. Los Angeles Rams at Cincinnati Bengals – Once and future B-10 laureates thrill national, prime time audience with B-10 Game of the Year nominee, a snoozefest featuring 21 (21) of 25 (25) drives ending in either some sort of thrilling kick or a turnover.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Denver at Chicago
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Minnesota at Carolina
Let’s Screw FOX Again: Los Angeles (N) at Indianapolis