Daily Report: Tuesday, May 22, 2018

As if I don’t write enough for you, I think the Daily Report might become a permanent feature. Regular readers of this crap know it’s appeared infrequently in the past, but I enjoy it and good luck stopping me.

Today’s Diary of a Nobody sees The Wife cleaning The Shire with her friend Erin while Sparrow, typically, sleeps.  There is also the lowdown on his toiletry purchases because all of them went empty at the same time, plus it’s a boring night at the retailer.

St Paul has The Thought for the Day from one year ago. It concerns a trumpet issuing an uncertain sound and is from I Corinthians 14:8. We do not have any religious beliefs at this stage of our lives, but we did have 13 years of Lutheran schooling and we still know our way around the Bible somewhat. The overall message of having confidence in yourself and the life you were meant to live resonates for everyone, though.

And in a shameless attempt to get you to by my book Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A Vegas Memoir, here is an excerpt from the May 11 entry:

“Finally, after several months, we had some decent nudity at work.

X-Ray and I rolled on a noise complaint in a hot tub suite on 29. A pretty ugly Mexican guy answers the door. The music is pretty loud and we see a stark naked young lady walk in from the bathroom.

We tell the guy he’s got to keep it down. Then the girl, still buck naked, sashays over and announces they are getting married in a couple of hours so, on behalf of the International Henry Units, I offer congratulations.

X-Ray and I were also thinking – as you, no doubt, would’ve been – “Look, it’s none of our business, but if you’re getting married in a couple of hours, who the hell’s the naked blonde in the sack? The maid of honor?”

I am not making that up. There was another pretty young thing sitting in bed, and X-Ray and I discussed this and agreed the part about getting married was complete crap; they were working girls because anyone else would’ve covered up. Most women would not waltz to the door naked.”

You are invited to read a complimentary sample and buy the ebook at www.gaylonkent.com.

On This Date
1803: The Lewis and Clark Expedition, formally known as the US Army Corps of Discovery, leaves St Charles, Missouri in search of a water route to the Pacific Ocean via the Missouri River. They would accomplish their mission via the Columbia River and return to St Louis in September 1806.

1965: The Beatles move into the #1 position on Billboard’s Hot 100 with Ticket To Ride. It moved up from #3 and replaced Mrs Brown You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter by Herman’s Hermits.

Thanks for reading,
Gaylon

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The Diary of a Nobody – Mon 5/21/2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, May 21
I woke up this afternoon to The Wife doing some deep cleaning of The Shire with her friend Erin…She had warned me this might happen when I’d gone to sleep this morning and when I woke up the doors and windows were open and they were about three-quarters done…They had done all this without waking ol’ Sparrow up, too, which I am grateful for…Of course, I had taken precautions…The sanctity of Sparrow’s Sleep Log demanded that and I had closed the door and I always sleep with earplugs anyway, so it wasn’t a surprise I slept through it.
Read More. Now.

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Monday, May 21, 2018

One of the nice things about keeping odd days and odd hours is the meaning attached to the days of the week have little significance. So while Monday’s have no special significance for us, for those of you starting your work week today with some dread, we have quality drivel to make it tolerable.

First, in The Diary of a NobodySparrow, among other things, talks about the types of birds showing up at The Shire’s bird feeder.  Sparrow, of course, is utterly incapable of IDing them, but perhaps you can from his halfwit descriptions. Also, there is a triumphant entry in the sleep log.

One year ago today, Will Durant, talking about Voltaire, had our Thought for the DayIt concerns finding your voice and forging a path for it, something we are all capable of.

On This Date
1927: American Charles Lindbergh landed in Paris, finishing the first solo flight across the Atlantic Ocean. It had taken him 33 hours to fly from Long Island, New York.

1971: Three Dog Night was in their fifth of six weeks at #1 with Joy to the World. 

In other news, Gaylon For Congress went live yesterday, talking about our latest mass shooting and how this violence will not end as long as we have a violent American government. You can relive the magic here.

Many thanks for stopping by,
Gaylon

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The Diary of a Nobody – Sun 5/20/18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, May 20
You know, I think The Wife might be right, we are getting a different type of bird with the premium bird seed she bought, on sale, a while back…Regular readers of this crap might – or they might not – recall The Wife and I have ongoing battle vis-a-vis the merits of the $1,000-for-five-pounds birdseed vs the 20 pounds-for-a-few bucks kind.
Read More Or The Bunny Gets It

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Sunday, May 20, 2018

Greetings Readers.

We have The Sunday Bottom Ten and The Diary of a Nobody for you. Both are treats to write and I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy producing them.

Don’t tell anyone, but today’s Sunday Bottom Ten actually has eleven entries. We had all ten spots filled in when the Texas shootings happened. Well, we have to include that, because it allows us to make our points about how we have violent citizens because we have a violent government. Ten entries in all Bottom Tens is pretty sacrosanct, so we started looking for an entry to trim but we couldn’t decide on one. There were one or two that could go, but they had pretty funny lines, a rare enough occurrence, and we ended up having two #7 entries.

In today’s Diary of a Nobody, Sparrow talks about how much of a slug he was at work and the book he just finished reading.

And one year ago America writer Emily Brightwell had The Thought for the Day.

Some other things:

On May 20, 1873 Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis received a patent for blue jeans with copper rivets. Davis was the one who actually came up with idea of blue jeans. Strauss was his supplier and after Davis became unable to keep up with demand for his new pants, he approached Strauss for financial backing.

On this date in 1981 Kim Carnes had the #1 song with Bette Davis Eyes and gas was $1.31 a gallon, about $3.60 in today’s dollars.

Have a good day, and thank you for reading.

 

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The Sunday Bottom Ten #17 – 5/20/2018

The Sunday Bottom Ten #17 – May 20, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

All is lost. This week’s mess:

1. Texas High School Shooting
Mitigating Factors: America’s thoughts and prayers on full tactical alert after deadliest mass shooting since last Tuesday…Sunday B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” this is not the price we pay for freedom, but the price we are paying for a violent American government…Violence begets violence and violent governments produce violent citizens as angry, young, white males so pissed now they feel their only recourse is mass slaughter.
FunFact: Dear Kids: odds are most of you will make it through high school without being shot to death, but some of you will not…Our bad…Apologies are issued.
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The Diary of a Nobody – Sat 5/19/2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, May 19
Boy, was I a slug at Hotel A this morning…There isn’t a whole lot to do on graveyard, of course, but even by my standards, I was more inert than usual.
Read More Or The Bunny Get’s It

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The Diary of a Nobody – Fri 5/18/18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, May 18
The new pants made their debut in the next county today, as their World Tour ’18 continued with lunch at the Mexican joint…Some minor hilarity ensued when it came time to pay…I got the same stuff I always get, a chorizo burrito and a quesadilla, but when Victor hit the Total button it came out to $25 and change.
Read More Or The Bunny Gets It

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The Diary of a Nobody – Thu 5/17/18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, May 17
I was supposed to enjoy today off with The Wife…We were going to really clean the house and fart around in the yard, but she and some others were dispatched for emergency duty with a branch of the retailer in the big city, so I was on my own today…So of course, I went out to lunch and it was a dilemma choosing where…On the one hand, I really craved the Mexican joint in the next county…On the other hand, I really did not want to leave our small town today.
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The Diary of a Nobody – Wed 5/16/18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, May 16
The robins are gone!!!

Sadly, I am not making that up…The Wife broke the news at the retailer this morning, showing me a pic of the empty nest…Well, in a suitably tragic touch, there were some recently-mowed grass clippings in the nest, but the babies were gone.
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