The Daily Dose/May 20, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Democratic presidential contender Joe Biden recently made a speech that featured a message of shunning the anger that has taken over American life. He urged Democrats to choose:

…hope over fear, truth over lies and, yes, unity over fear.

Good luck with that, Sir. We mean that, too, because America could use some hope, truth, and unity right now instead of the rancor and vitriol that currently permeates every aspect of our collective lives. It was hardly the Upset of the Year that Biden’s message was met with anger because that is what Democrats want right now.

Of course, civilized discourse has never been our strong suit and this dates back to before the Revolution. From town criers to broadsheets to newspapers to radio to TV to the Internet, we’ve always argued with each other. There used to be, though, a middle ground where we could find, if not consensus, at least a safe haven for rational discourse, where citizens could talk and disagree without taking it to DefCon 1.

Goodbye to that because there is no middle ground in America anymore. It is my way or the highway, if-you’re-not-with-me-you’re-against-me now. We saw it last year campaigning for the United States House: everybody, Republicans, Democrats, independents, Libertarians, were all circling the wagons. I got one percent of the vote, less than even my usual low totals, which means only my fellow Libertarians voted for me.

Friends, we deserve better than the anger, rancor, and bitterness that currently attends every aspect of American life, but like better government, we are not going to get it until we start demanding it.

The future of our country demands that we do this, too. A nation perpetually at war, perpetually in debt and perpetually bickering with itself simply will not survive. We have, I think, until this half-century is out before we implode, but let’s not wait that long. The America we want is there for the taking, but we must start demanding better, of ourselves and our government, right now.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow is back in the gym and he makes a really gross sauce for his burger patty as Read Free Week continues. Today’s Diary.

While it was cooking I completely lost my mind and combined some ketchup, mayo and Worcestershire sauce to make a sauce to accent the patty’s flavor….It tasted good but boy, it looked disgusting…The color was sort of a light brownish deal and something in the Worcestershire sauce made everything clump up so it looked, frankly, like puke…In fact, looked so bad the cat wouldn’t get within five feet up, preferring to lap up some nearby dish soap that was lying on the counter. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1570 – The world’s first modern atlas is published in Antwerp, Belgium. Written by Abraham Ortelius, it was called Theatrum Orbis Terrarum (Theater of the World) and consisted of 53 maps previously reckoned by others. Taking everything into consideration, it’s pretty accurate. South America looks more like an oven mitt than a continent, but other than that Earth’s land masses are easily recognizable.

In 2018 – The Vegas Golden Knights become the first expansion team in 50 years to earn the right to play in the Stanley Cup Finals, defeating the Winnipeg Jets 2-1 in Game 5 of the NHL Western Conference Final. The previous team to do it was the St Louis Blues in 1968, when they were in the Western Division with the other five NHL expansion teams. The Knights would lose the Finals to the Washington Capitals in five games.

In 1989 – Paula Abdul is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Forever Your Girl. It was Abdul’s second of three #1 songs for the year, following Straight Up and preceding Cold Hearted and all told Abdul spent six weeks at the top in 1989. The song also went to #1 in Canada but, interestingly, did not crack the Top 10 in any other country or on any other Billboard chart. Forever Your Girl was one of 32 #1 songs in 1989, tied for the most #1s in the Hot 100 era.

Quotebook
Why should a man be in love with his fetters, though of gold?
Francis Bacon

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
In addition to the Philadelphia Flyers, the Los Angeles Kings, St Louis Blues, Minnesota North Stars, Pittsburgh Penguins, and Oakland Seals joined the NHL in 1967. The Seals eventually moved to Cleveland and would later merge with the North Stars and are now the Dallas Stars.

Today’s Stumper
What other year produced 32 #1 songs on Billboard’s Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 19, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom V:
Celebrating the very worst of the week that was.

1. Ohio State Sex Abuse Scandal – Long-dead doctor now accused of molesting 177 athletes, including hunky football players…Between Big Ten schools, Catholic Church, Sunday B-V pollsters starting to wonder if they were the only ones not molested while growing up…Sex Abuse due to become sanctioned Big Ten sport, with squads scheduled to compete for Jerry Sandusky Vibrator as early as 2021.
2. Preakness Stakes – With no horse that finished in the top four of the Kentucky Derby bothering to show up, day’s highlights are clogged shitters, horse that bucks off jockey, runs race without rider…Sunday Bottom V pollsters “pretty sure” Preakness will move to nearby Laurel Park in next few years.
3. Indian Electrical Service – Some residents of Navajo Nation in Arizona starting to get electrical service just as second decade of 21st century comes to an end…Program to hook up 300 or so homes this year, which means entire Navajo Nation should have power in 35 years.
4. President Trump Fact Checking – Fact checking Trump now US’s biggest growth industry, as Trump continues to blab nonsense…Click here for AP article on most recent misinformation.
5. US Drone Strikes – Finding accurate numbers getting harder and harder, as some sources say Trump Administration conducting more drone strikes than predecessor while some sources say less…Either way, Special Olympics board members have branch office in Pentagon now, as civilian, child deaths continue despite fact US has not declared war on anyone since 1942.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow buys some suspenders. Today’s Diary.

Two ladies were there to provide complete instruction, and when I got home I hooked them up and tried them on and whoa Nelly, the difference is noticeable: the difference between a ho-hum look and the type of look you expect a sailor in his dress blues to present…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 2016 – EgyptAir Flight 804, flying from Paris to Cairo, crashes in the Mediterranean Sea three hours into the flight, about 170 miles north of the Egyptian coast. All 56 passengers and ten crew members were killed. The cause is still under investigation, though it is suspected fire in the cockpit caused the crash. A claim by the Egyptians that traces of explosives were found on some of the passengers was denied by the French.

In 1974 – The Philadelphia Flyers become the first of the six 1967 NHL expansion teams to win the Stanley Cup, defeating the Boston Bruins 1-0 in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Goalie Bernie Parent was named MVP of the playoffs with 12-5 record and 2.02 goals-against average in the playoffs. The Flyers would win the Stanley Cup the following year, too, which remains their last NHL title.

In 1962 – Dee Dee Sharp is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B chart – for the fourth and final week with Mashed Potato Time for the fourth and final week. The song also peaked at #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and despite recording with such acts as Chubby Checker and Ben E King, Mashed Potato Time would remain Sharp’s only appearance at #1 on a Billboard chart.

Quotebook
Tom looked in vain among the gang, as they poured along, for companionable faces. He saw only sullen, scowling, imbruted men…the strong pushing away the weak,—the gross, unrestricted animal selfishness of human beings, of whom nothing good was expected and desired; and who, treated in every way like brutes, had sunk as nearly to their level as it was possible for human beings to do.
Harriet Beecher Stow
Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Owen Wilson of the Pittsburgh Pirates holds the record for triples in a season with 36 in 1912. Sam Crawford of both the Cincinnati Reds and Detroit Tigers holds the career record with 312.

Today’s Stumper
Which were the other five teams that joined the NHL in 1967? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 18, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
We are on record as saying, many times, that our country is a complete fiasco right now. There are a variety of reasons for this and one of them is the legislation Congress passes is utterly unreadable.

We came to this conclusion reading a bill passed by the House this week, HR 299, known as the Blue Water Navy Vietnam Veterans Act of 2019. (Blue water navy refers to sailors and Marines who served on ships that were within 12 nautical miles of the Vietnam coast but never entered inland waters. Sailors that did serve in inland waters are known as brown water sailors.) The act is designed to allow blue water sailors the same presumption of Agent Orange exposure that brown water sailors, after no small amount of fighting the VA for it, currently enjoy. The presumption means that if you served in Vietnam you are presumed to have been exposed to Agent Orange – itself an umbrella term for a variety of defoliants used there – and are entitled to treatment at VA expense for a long list of ailments determined to have been caused by Agent Orange. The act is in addition to a recent Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit ruling that blue water sailors are entitled to this presumption.

As you may have, we read the whole bill and good gravy, it was tedious. Paragraphs are stricken and redesignated, other sections of exciting United States Code are cited – though conveniently not quoted – and notwithstanding, long a foot soldier in the army of garbled and confusing writing, appears about 700 times. No wonder nothing gets done in this country: our codified laws could not be more confusing had they been written in Greek.

Congress should let our supreme court justices write laws. US Supreme Court opinions, though written by folks with advanced, professional degrees, are more readable than you might think, accessible to self-educated halfwits like us. They’re organized and easy to follow, a rollicking thrill ride compared to the federal legislation.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Read Free Week continues! Today Sparrow is back in the gym moving some weight and he also buys some new windshield wipers. Today’s Diary.

Longtime readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall that we’ve established ol’ Sparrow is as strong in the gym on Day 2 as he is on Day 1, so I was back at it bright and early this morning, a bit after 0500…The weights I upped Thursday still felt strong, and I am close to upping the weights on the other exercises, too…Well, maybe not the bench press…My max weight, which used to be the warm-up set in the old days, is still going up ten times on the last set, but I am not close to doing it the twelve times required, more or less, to add another plate.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The drivel simply does not stop: please click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

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On This Date
In  1980 -Mount St Helens in southwest Washington state erupts. The eruption was heralded by an earthquake at 8:15 am and the ensuing eruption column rose 80,000 feet into Earth’s atmosphere and deposited ash in eleven states and two Canadian provinces. The heat caused glaciers to melt that caused mudslides as many as 50 miles away. Between 55 and 60 people died – the exact total is in dispute – and damage was estimated at $1 billion, about $3.3 billion in today’s dollars. Eruptions continued sporadically through 2008.

In 1897 – Bill Joyce of the New York Giants ties the major league record for most triples in a game with four, as the Giants defeat the Pittsburgh Pirates 11-4. The record was first set by George Streif of the Philadelphia Athletics of the American Association, then a major league, on June 25, 1885. Streif also doubled in this game, the first major leaguer to have five extra-base hits a game, a record that has been tied on numerous occasions. Joyce and Streif remain the only major league players to hit four triples in a game. The modern major league record of three triples in a game has been accomplished many times.

In 1959 – Wilbert Harrison is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Kansas City. Earlier, the song had spent seven weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart though due to some contractual squabbling, Harrison would not hit the Top 40 again until 1970 and Kansas City remains his only Top 10 and #1 hit. The song was also recorded by, among others, Little Richard, the Beatles, and James Brown, though none of these versions hit the Top 40

Quotebook
It is more important to know where you are going than to get there quickly. Do not mistake activity for achievement.
Mabel Newcomer

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The US Supreme Court’s Brown vs. Board of Education ruling overturned the 1896 Plessy vs Ferguson ruling, which legalized separate but equal public facilities for whites and blacks.

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the major league record for most triples in a season and a career? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 17, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Alabama this week passed about as restrictive a law prohibiting abortion as it is possible to pass, outlawing pregnancies except in a few circumstances involving a women’s health. While the law does not provide penalties for those having an abortion, those providing one can face prison sentences ranging from 10-years to life. There are no provisions for rape or incest and the only exception would be when a woman’s health is at serious risk. It’s the opening salvo in a fight supporters hope will lead to the United States Supreme Court overturning Roe vs Wade. 

(Like you probably did, we read Alabama’s new abortion law. It says, among other things, “…that all human beings are equal from creation, was at least one of the bases for the anti-slavery movement…and the American civil rights movement.” This is rich coming from a state that enslaved blacks and fought their civil rights tooth and nail.)

Now, the purpose of this column is not to chat about the moral aspects of abortion. That’s your lookout and not mine. Personally, as a male, I don’t think I’m entitled to an opinion here. As a friend of ours says, “no uterus, no opinion” and it is difficult to argue with that. As a candidate for both the United States Senate and House, we nicely straddled the fence, announcing we are neither pro-abortion or anti-abortion. Our policy has always been:

The government must stay out of the abortion debate. It must neither condone nor prohibit it. 

Criminalizing abortion will not eliminate it. Us humans have been terminating pregnancies for, more or less, four thousand years. Now, this doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t make it wrong, it merely illustrates that it is not going to go away just because someone says don’t do it. People will still terminate pregnancies.

This is an issue the government must stay out of. While mindful and respectful of views on both sides, this is the only course for a nation conceived in liberty.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: It’s Read Free Week! Today Sparrow spends his day off working the land at The Shire. Today’s Diary.

Because there was no one there to stop me, I started in on the watering before I was done mowing!!!…I am not making that up…The heart garden right out front on Main Street needed a good soak, so I put the old sprinkler on the new hose and started in while I finished up mowing the back sector, adjacent to the alley…Then I got the new sprinkler – the one where you can adjust the length and width of the water, and started in on giving that a good soak, too…We haven’t had rain for a few days, and I gave every sector a good 45 minutes, sometimes an hour, maybe more because it was hardly as if I had a stopwatch running.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The drivel simply does not stop: please click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1954 – The United States Supreme Court issues its landmark Brown vs. Board of Education opinion, ruling unanimously that separate public schools for whites and blacks are unconstitutional. The case stemmed from a 1951 class-action suit by parents of students in Topeka, Kansas after the parents had attempted to enroll their kids in the closest public school, but had been turned down and instead referred to the nearest segregated school. Before reaching the Supreme Court, a Kansas district court had ruled in favor of the Topeka Board of Education.

In 1968 – Frank Howard of the Washington Senators establishes a new major league record for most home runs in five consecutive games with eight, homering once in a 7-3 loss to the Detroit Tigers. The following day Howard would hit two more home runs, tying his five-game record and establishing a new mark for most home runs in six consecutive games with ten. Both records would be tied by Barry Bonds in 2001.

In 1986 – Whitney Houston is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with The Greatest Love of All.  The song also went to #1 in Canada and Australia and peaked at #3 on Billboard’s soul chart. It was the third of eleven #1 songs for Houston, and the third of a Hot 100 record seven consecutive #1s. The song had originally been a hit for George Benson, who peaked at #24 with it in 1977 and Houston’s version charted again in 2012 after her death, reaching #24.

Quotebook
The longest way must have its close, – the gloomiest night will wear on to a morning.
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The three songs that went to #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 2018 were Meant to Be by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line (47 weeks), Lose It by Kane Brown (one week) and Speechless by Dan + Shay (five weeks). It’s the fewest number of #1 songs in a calendar year on any Billboard chart. We know that adds up to 53 weeks. That’s how many Billboard charts there were that year.

Today’s Stumper
Which Supreme Court decision did Brown vs. Board of Education overturn? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 16, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Saudi writer Jamal Khashoggi is still dead. Six months after Saudi agents murdered him in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul, there still have been no arrests acknowledged as legitimate – though there is trial going on in Saudi Arabia – and Khashoggi’s body hasn’t even been found.

While some internationally continue to get their shorts in a knot over Khashoggi’s murder, the Saudis have admirably brazened their way through the initial uproar and have now gotten away with it. Yes, eleven Saudis are on trial in Saudi Arabia, with five allegedly facing the death penalty, but the proceedings are being held behind closed doors. The only outside observers are from the five permanent members of the UN security council, plus Turkey, but everything’s in Arabic and observers are not permitted translators and are generally summoned on short notice. Due to their secrecy, the proceedings generally are not taken seriously by the international community. A UN report on the matter, which should get to the bottom of nothing whatsoever, is due in June.

Even if they don’t get away with it, even if the Saudi royal family is later obliged to muster up some hapless, lower level prince for beheading, they will still get away with it because good luck getting Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman in a docket anywhere.

There has been some movement. Interpol has sent wanted notices – known as red notices in the trade – for 20 people wanted for questioning. Good luck finding them or, more accurately, good luck finding them in a country willing to arrest them; red notices hold no legal compulsion. The CIA has sent warnings to associates of Khashoggi warning them their efforts at continuing Khashoggi’s work could make them and their families targets of retaliation from the Saudis.

Bully for justice. It’s good to see not everyone is content to let the Saudis sweep this under the rug. Unfortunately, none of these people are anyone whose opinion means anything in the United States. Our government is content to let the matter die. There was a time when an American would not have been content to let this pass, but that time is gone. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow declines to give a deep discount on a room, and there’s the latest rumors about what might, or might not, be happening at the diner. Today’s Diary.

Kris also lives in our small town – up by the fairgrounds – and she asked if I’d heard anything about what was going on at the diner, because she’s noticed the action going on inside, too…I told her about the rumor I’d heard about a goddamned deli going in and she said she’d heard the guy that owns the restaurant at the hotel, as well as others in town, had bought it…We agreed this would be both good and bad…Good, because their restaurants are really good…Bad, because they are also really expensive…On the other hand, the diner was never a bargain, either, so we’ll see.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The drivel simply does not stop: please click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1868 – President of the United States Andrew Johnson is acquitted by the United States Senate by one vote on the first of eleven articles of impeachment. Johnson had been impeached by the House of Representatives after having the temerity to fire Secretary of War Edwin Stanton. Ten Republican senators defied party leaders and voted for acquittal, with the deciding vote cast by Edmund G Ross of Kansas. Ten days later Johnson was acquitted on two other articles and the others were not voted on. 

In 1980 – The Los Angeles Lakers win their seventh NBA title, defeating the Philadelphia 76ers 123-107 in Game 6 of the NBA Finals. Magic Johnson, filling in for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar at center, has 42 points, still an NBA Finals record for a rookie, and made all 14 of his free throws, still an NBA finals record for anyone, and was named the MVP of the series. It was the Lakers first NBA title since 1972 and they have now won 16 NBA titles, second most in the NBA behind the Boston Celtics’ 17 titles.

In 1960 – Hank Locklin is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot C&W Sides chart – for the first of fourteen consecutive weeks with Please Help Me, I’m Falling. It was Locklin’s second and final #1 song and Please Help Me, I’m Falling also peaked at #8 on Billboard’s Hot 100. It was the second straight song to spend 14 consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s country chart, following He’ll Have To Go by Jim Reeves. The total of five number songs for the year remained the fewest #1 songs in a calendar year on any Billboard chart until 2018, when only three songs occupied the top spot on the country chart.

Quotebook
People never inquire too closely into those who are fair on the main point, of paying well…
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Paul McCartney is the only member of the Beatles to appear on Billboard’s soul chart. In addition to Ebony and Ivory with Stevie Wonder, McCartney also charted with Michael Jackson twice, with Say, Say, Say and The Girl is Mine. 

Today’s Stumper
What were the three songs that went to #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 2018? – Answer next time!

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