The Daily Dose/February 16, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

USA! USA!: President’s Day was yesterday and it completely escaped us. We didn’t realize it was a holiday until we showed up for work as a county veterans service officer and the parking lot was deserted. Now, we do keep rather odd hours here, but we don’t forget other holidays and if we’re forgetting this one perhaps it’s time for Presidents Day to go. 

Now Hear This: Some favor making Juneteenth a holiday, on the theory this marks the end of slavery in the US. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Juneteenth commemorates June 19, 1865, when Union troops announced the end of slavery in Texas. 

Fly In The Ointment: An Abolition Day would be appropriate, of course, but here’s the problem though: Juneteenth doesn’t mark the end of slavery in the US. Hell, it doesn’t even mark the end of slavery in Texas. That had come two-and-a-half years earlier when the Emancipation Proclamation ended slavery in the Confederacy and Texas was only informing slaves about now because federal troops were there to make them. 

And You Wonder Why You Don’t Get Invited To Any Parties: Slavery didn’t end until December 1865 when the passage of the 13th Amendment ended it in the two remaining states that had it: Kentucky and Delaware, which were Union states during the Civil War. 

Let It Be Hereby Resolved…: So let’s replace Presidents Day with Abolition Day. February is already Black History Month and – for added historical context – the great American Frederick Douglass was born and died in February. 

The Bottom Line: Holidays reflect the people that celebrate them, of course, and sometimes they run their course, especially since Donald Trump is now celebrated on Presidents Day, which is sort of like celebrating your favorite strain of the clap. And, as long as we’re at it, let’s 86 Columbus Day, too, and move the holiday to July 20 in honor of the first moon landing. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – At the hotel, Sparrow rents a room to three girls who had a lousy day. Today’s Diary. 

Anyway, while on the mountain the girl in the cast broke her leg, so they all hauled off to the ER where they won’t the only broken bone requiring attention but eventually they made it out and then BOOM a flat tire, which officially certified the evolution as the Road Trip From Hell…They were able to laff about it, tho, and yours truly was pleased to quote them a rate of $129, plus tax, which included a Good Humour Discount of roughly $40 or so off what I probably normally would have asked. 

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On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1804 – During the First Barbary War, US Navy Lieutenant Stephen Decatur, commanding a crew of mostly US Marines on the USS Intrepid, leads a raid to burn the USS Philadelphia held in Tripoli Harbor, off what is now Libya. Philadelphia had run aground in October and Decatur and his men were able to set fire to it and destroy it. The First Barbary War last from 1801 to 1805 and ended with a peace treaty. 

In 1937 – Nels Stewart of the New York Americans establishes a new NHL record for most career goals in a 2-1 loss to the Montreal Canadiens. Stewart’s second-period goal was the 272nd goal of his career, breaking the record established by Howie Morenz from 1923-37. Stewart retired in 1940 with 324 goals, a record that stood until November 1952 when it was broken by Maurice Richard. The mark is now held by Wayne Gretzky with 894. 

In 1975 – Linda Ronstadt is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with You’re No Good. It was her 11th chart single, Her third of 17 Top 40 hits and remains her only #1 song. The song also hit the Top 10 in Canada and was Billboard’s 50th biggest song of the year. Versions by Betty Everett and The Swinging Blue Jeans went to numbers 51 and 97 respectively in 1964. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

It was the blood-stained gate, the entrance to the hell of slavery, through which I was about to pass.
Frederick Douglass
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave
Refers to watching his mother get beaten. 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

Dick Button was the first US man to win the World Figure Skating Championships, at Davos, Switzerland in 1948.

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

When was the Second Barbary War? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/February 15, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

DEARLY BELOVED: Baseball, your game is dying. Or, more accurately, it continues to die. World Series TV ratings have been tanking for years, but does baseball stop letting games end after midnight? No, it does not and as a result, you’ve lost both new and old ones. Your recent actions are merely helping it along. 

Dry, Technical Matter: First, adopting most of the rules from last year was a mistake. Specifically, the rule putting a runner on second to start an extra inning. It was OK last year when everything was a fiasco and you were only playing 60 games with no guarantee you’d get them all in. Now, it makes the game seem like a beer league. 

The Fifth Inning Stretch: We’re not entirely sure if we like or dislike the 7-inning doubleheader rule. On the one hand, any less time we’re obliged to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates play the better but boy, what happens when someone throws a 7-inning perfect game? Are you going to put that in the record book? 

Rulebook 101: The rule requiring a pitcher to face three batters (unless he’s injured or the inning ends) is bad, cutting right to the very fabric of the game. By not allowing a manager to change pitchers when he wants you are giving the offense an advantage it is not entitled to.

As Long As We’re Whining…: And the one you didn’t adopt – a DH in the National League – was a shame. Nobody wants to see pitchers bat and to continue to make them take their cuts in one league and not the other is silly. 

Boy, You Guys Really Are On The Rag Today: Also, your destruction of the minor leagues gets mixed results.

On the one hand, the 800 some-odd players losing jobs probably wouldn’t have made the big leagues anyway – they were merely lineup card filler for the two or three that would. But gee whiz, did you have to do away with the names of the leagues? The International League in particular because it’s the second-oldest professional sports league in the country, but there were others with long histories, too. Couldn’t you have written them a check for their names before they cleared their offices out and closed their bank accounts?

The Bottom Line: And this whining doesn’t even include the fact the game itself is nothing but swinging for the fences and that baseball this week tacitly admitted to farting around with the baseballs to control how many home runs were hit. Baseball is now nothing more than another TV program to watch, like a sitcom or a Movie of the Week and is probably not as interesting. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody –  Sparrow delivers quality service to some who does not appreciate it. Today’s Diary. 

…and then he repeats his request for something other than white…I wanted to smack him. 

“I’m sorry, sir…Everything is in white.” 

He scowled as if white blankets carried COVID and I asked for his room number and told him I’ll deliver them…He said he didn’t really want to bother me…Again, I wanted to smack him…DUDE, I’M HERE TO SERVE YOU!!!…It’s OK, it’s how I earn my living…If I didn’t like it I’d do something else so, please, muster the self-esteem to accept and enjoy it. 

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It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1898 – The American warship the USS Maine explodes and sinks in Havana Harbor, killing 261 sailors and Marines. Despite the fact the explosion was caused by an internal explosion, American newspapers, eager to outdo the others, engaged in reporting whatever the hell they wanted, spurring support for military action against Spain, despite the fact Spain had nothing to do with it. The Spanish-American War began in April, lasted three months and resulted in an American victory. The Maine had been sent to Havana to protect US interests during the Cuban War of Independence. 

In 1953 – Tenley Albright becomes the first American woman to win the world figure skating title at the World Championships in Davos, Switzerland, finishing ahead of silver medalist Gundi Busch of West Germany and bronze medalist Valda Osborn of Great Britain. Albright, who had won the silver medal at the 1952 Winter Olympics in Oslo and won the gold at the 1956 Cortina ‘Ampezzo Games, had suffered from polio as a child and later served as a vice president of the US Olympic Committee 

In 1964 – The Tams are at #1 on the Cashbox soul chart – one several chroniclers of American charted music over the years – for the first of three consecutive weeks with What Kind Of Fool (Do You Think I Am). It was the first of five Top 40 soul hits for the group and remains their only #1 song. The song also peaked at #9 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and a version by Bill Deal and the Rhondels peaked at 23 on the Hot 100 in 1969. Billboard did not publish a soul chart between November 30, 1963, and January 23, 1965.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

There is no retreat but in submission and slavery.
Patrick Henry
Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death speech
3/23/1775

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The youngest driver to win the Daytona 500 was Trevor Bayne, who was 20 years and 1 day old when he won in 2011. It remains his only NASCAR Cup Series win. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

Who was the first American man to win the world figure skating title? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/February 14, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
A ranking of some things. 

1. Donald Trump Impeachment II – Evidence be damned, result hardly a bulletin and merely reinforces fact impeachment is a political process, not a judicial one…Either you have the votes or you don’t and the Democrats didn’t. 

2. Donald Trump Criminal Prosecution – While some federal prosecutors probably achieving and maintaining states of arousal over prospect, Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” returning Trump to limelight “like, really bad and stuff”, as being ignored is best possible punishment for Trump. 

3. Lauren Daigle – Single You Say remains in runner-up spot on Billboard’s Hot Christian Singles chart, so it’s still in hunt for a 117th non-consecutive week at #1, which would extend all-time Billboard record for weeks at top…Envious Morman Tabernacle Choir reportedly wrapping up Gospel Inferno, a remake of Disco Inferno, for summer release. 

4. Major League Baseball – Starting extra innings with runners on second makes your game seem like a beer league, making pitchers throw to three batters is stupid and not having a DH in the National League gets sillier by the decade…Also, you are going to hell for doing away with Pacific Coast League, International League and the other minor leagues with long, honorable histories. 

5. Impeachment Fact Check – The 5-hole staple will not go away as fact-checkers report for temporary duty for impeachment trial…Click here for the usual GOP misinformation from the Associated Press. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody –  Sparrow has the latest from the hotel’s sundry stand. Today’s Diary. 

The big news is there are two – two! – new sundry stand items!!!…I am not making that up: frozen Reese’s peanut butter deals and frozen pizzas…The pizza boxes have two round cheese pizzas in them and there’s only room for three boxes on the bottom freezer shelf, so inventory management will be key here…Of course, there are no prices listed for either of them, so I’ll probably end up asking guests how much they want to pay. 

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It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1989 – Iranian leader Ayatollah Ruholla Khomeini issues an order – known as a fatwa – to kill author Salmon Rushdie, whose book The Satanic Verses was considered insulting to Islam. Later, a bounty of $6 million was placed on Rushdie, who lived under police protection for the next nine years. The Iranian government stopped supporting the fatwa in 1998, though it has never been lifted and Rushdie has lived in the US since 2000. 

In 1988 – Bobby Allison becomes the oldest driver to win the Daytona 500, beating his son Davey Allison by two car lengths. Allison was 50-years-old in his third and final Daytona 500 win and Allison led 70 of the 200 laps. The race was also Allison’s 84th and final Winston Cup victory and Allison remains the oldest driver to win the race. 

In 1987 – Bon Jovi is a #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Livin’ on a Prayer. It was the group’s fourth of 14 Top 40 hits, their second of ten Top 10 hits and second of four #1s. The song also went to #1 in Norway and New Zealand, peaked at #4 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 10th biggest song of the year. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Would he spend the rest of his life here…watching hope slip away along with the years, until there was nothing left to live for and time had finally run out?
Alex Haley
Roots: The Saga of an American Family

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The Kim family took power in North Korea in 1948. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

Who’s the youngest driver to win the Daytona 500? – Answer next time!

Go Gaylon! Visit Gaylon on Facebook here. 

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The Daily Dose/February 13, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience. 

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow tries to be of service at the VSO. Today’s Diary. 

Mr J was on the phone because he was in possession of both a letter denying his pension claim and a check for his pension payment for December and January, which is confusing even by VA standards. 

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Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.

——— 

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 2017 – Kim Jong-nam, the brother of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, is assassinated via exposure to a nerve agent at an airport in Malaysia. Kim had once been the heir apparent to his father Kim Jong-il but had fallen out of favor in 2001. Two women were arrested for the murder, both claiming they thought they were part of a TV prank. One had the charge dropped while the other served time on a lesser charge and was released in 2019. 

In 1999 – Maple Leaf Gardens, the last arena of the Original Six Era still in use – hosts its final NHL game. Like its first one in 1932, it was a loss to the Chicago Blackhawks, this time 6-2. The Maple Leafs would open the Air Canada Centre – now the Scotiabank Arena – on the 20th with a 3-2, overtime win over the Montreal Canadiens and they had an all-time record of 1,331-859-347 at the arena. 

In 1982 – Eddie Rabbit is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the only week with Someone Could Lose a Heart Tonight. It was the 32nd consecutive Top 10 country hit for Rabbit and his 12th of 17 #1 country songs. The song also went to #1 on Canada’s country chart and peaked at #15 on Billboard’s Hot 100, his sixth Top 40 pop hit. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Always use their one weapon against them.
Gore Vidal
Julian

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The NHL record for most consecutive winless games is 30, set by the 1980-81 Winnipeg Jets, who went 0-23-7 from October 19, 1980, through December 20, 1980.  

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

When did the Kim family take power in North Korea? – Answer next time!

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Today: Donald Trump, Queen Isabella, the San Jose Sharks

The Daily Dose/February 12, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience. 

HERE WE GO AGAIN: Donald Trump’s second – second! – impeachment trial is underway and the result is not going to be any different than the first: there will not be sufficient Republican senators who will vote to convict him, despite the fact he deserves it. 

This is hardly a bulletin. Impeachment is a partisan political event, as opposed to a judicial proceeding, and two-thirds of senators present must vote to convict, so unless some Republican senators either change their mind or are kidnapped and not permitted to vote, Trump will be acquitted. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Trump, already the third president to be tried by the Senate, is the first to be tried twice and the first to be tried after he left office. This is because Article I, Section 4 of the Constitution states, in part, that after conviction the Senate can vote for “disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of honor, trust or profit under the United States”. 

Sigh: Can’t we just be rid of this guy? We have a nice, normal human being in the White House now and the sooner Trump is shooed to History’s back pages the sooner we can declare him an aberration of a fractured and bickering period in American history. 

The Bottom Line: It would be nice if some GOP senators suddenly mustered a backbone and voted to convict Trump and then voted to disallow him from ever running for office again. But this won’t happen because Trump – a lying sexual predator who believes that the moon is part of Mars and that the Revolution was won by the securing of British airports – continues to command the same loyalty rich bullies have commanded since time immemorial. Some things in our human experience simply do not change. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow buys the cat some older kitty food. Today’s Diary. 

Some research shows it has some stuff to maintain good eyesight and vitamins for healthy skin and fur and extra protein, which I know from experience will provide benefits if she ever starts lifting weights. 

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Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1502 – Queen Isabella I of Castile – now Spain and Gibraltar – issues an edict outlawing Islam. The edict applied to males over 14 and females over twelve and gave them until April to either convert to Christianity or move, though the order excluded slaves so as not to inconvenience their owners. Muslims would not be allowed to openly practice their religion in Spain again until 1799. 

In 1993 – The San Jose Sharks tie the NHL record for most consecutive losses in a 6-0 loss to the Edmonton Oilers. It was the 17th consecutive loss for the Sharks, who tied the mark established by the 1974-75 Washington Capitals. The Sharks would win their next game 3-2 over Winnipeg and the record still stands. The Sharks finished the season 11-71-2 and had four losing streaks of nine or more games.  

In 1977 – Mary McGregor is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second and final consecutive week with Torn Between Two Lovers. The song also went to #1 in Canada and Australia, peaked at #3 on Billboard’s country chart, at #4 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s tenth biggest song of the year. It was the first of three Top 40 hits for McGregor and remains her only #1 song. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

But for the chosen, there is no choice.
Saul Bellow
Ravelstein

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

Culture Club’s biggest hit on Billboard’s soul chart was Miss Me Blind, which peaked at #8 in 1984. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

Who holds the NHL record for most consecutive winless games? – Answer next time!

Go Gaylon! Visit Gaylon on Facebook here.

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