Morty Klineman, professional talent agent, sat in the back of the room and nursed his glass of cheap bourbon. The room was typically dark and this one smelled like booze and cigarettes – not that Morty Klineman disapproved of, or was unfamiliar with, those smells. In his upper 50’s with half-glasses perpetually perched on the end of his nose and a toupee that looked like it was about to meow, he had been a professional talent agent for what seemed like every single one of his years. This was hardly the first smelly room Morty had ever nursed a drink in.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 14 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
It’s the toughest race for the ESPNCup – symbolic of NCAA Bottom Ten supremacy – ever. Not one of the toughest, thee toughest.
Forget about losers competing for coveted Bottom Ten medal stand berths, there are 15 (15) winless teams in NCAA major division football and only ten (10) spots in any Bottom Ten survey. That’s why it’s called the Bottom Ten: there are only ten (10) spots.
Since a lot of the winless teams come from the MAC, it might not be the Upset of the Year that the MAC itself reigns supreme this week, knocking one of its members, Akron, from the #1 spot, at least for this week.
This week’s fiasco:
Editor’s Note: With most of the lower level schools not playing this year, the Continental Cup – issued to the team with the longest all-division losing streak in NATO – is not being awarded this year.
I got there, after eating a sandwich and a downing a double scotch, not really looking forward to sitting in a coach seat, so I waddled up to the desk and asked what upgrade options were available and the guy tapped a few keys and said there was an economy plus upgrade – a whole seven extra inches of leg room – for only $38…Boo to that…So I asked if he had anything else, business class or first class and he said sure and when he came back with $148 for a first-class upgrade, I snapped it up.
I’m giving it solid marks…The seat was suitably bigger than the mouth-breathers in coach were obliged to endure, tho because it was a smaller plane – and there are Virus Era restrictions, of course – food and beverage service was somewhat limited…That’s OK, tho, because what they did have was, of course, complimentary, and all you could eat or drink…As a practical matter, tho, I wasn’t all that hungry and while in theory, I love free booze, I’m not really much of a drinker and only had a couple of glasses of wine.
“Look, we’re doing good stuff. I mean every night we are knocking them dead.”
Which was certainly true. The Regular Guys were working regularly and well. They hadn’t gotten the proverbial big break yet, but in any endeavor, you tended to make your own luck and Larry felt good about the track they were on. They were working comedy clubs throughout the Midwest, and, while that wasn’t Las Vegas or a cable special, The Regular Guys were making people laugh and making money, which, after all, were the goals of professional comedians.
“Patience is one of those virtues I’ve never had in any great quantity,” Lenny said shaking his head.
Columns, books, shopping lists, clickhere to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 602 – Byzantine Emperor Maurice is executed, but only after being obliged to watch his five sons executed before him. Maurice had taken power in 582 after the death of Emperor Tiberius. His reign was marked by almost constant warfare and, eventually, financial problems and four days earlier his weary troops had named Phocas emperor. Maurice’s usurpation led to a quarter-century war with Persia, after which both were conquered by the Muslims.
In 1980 – Dave Williams of the Chicago Bears becomes the first player in NFL history to return a kickoff for a touchdown in overtime as the Bears defeat the Detroit Lions 23-17. The Bears had once trailed 17-3 and didn’t tie the game until a four-yard run by quarterback Vince Evans on the last play of regulation. Williams’ feat was duplicated in 2002 by Chad Morton of the New York Jets.
In 1976 – Songs in the Key of Life by Stevie Wonder is at #1 on Billboard’s album chart – then as now known as the Billboard 200 – for the seventh of 13 consecutive weeks. It was Wonder’s third and final #1 album on the Billboard 200 and his fourth of nine #1 albums on Billboard’s soul album chart, a chart that had debuted in January 1965. The album produced two songs that went to #1 on both the Billboard Hot 100 and soul charts: I Wish and Sir Duke.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Neither age nor size makes a man…It is the willingness to accept responsibility. Louis L’Amour Education of a Wandering Man
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Simple Minds was the group that had a version of If You Don’t Know Me By Now go to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1989.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many #1 songs has Stevie Wonder had on the Hot 100? – Answer next time!
Share Gaylon! Go!
Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Friday, November 27, 2020
After their first professional gig, The Regular Guys spent the next year on the road, plying their trade. Gradually they moved up from sharing a bill with the Precision Broom Brigade to working clubs in big cities in the Midwest and every now and then someone even paid them the compliment of taping one of their shows and bootlegging it on the Internet.
The cat was whining left and right when I woke up…I was surprised because she had had her daily canned yummy ration when I’d gotten home in the morning, but it turned out her dry food bowl was only one-eighth full so starvation, of course, was imminent.
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 13 – The laughs simply do not stop in the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy. The Bottom Ten is free this year. Enjoy.
7. Atlanta Falcons (3-7; lost to New Orleans 24-9) – Falcons back in survey, losing to Saints after disastrous two (2)-game win streak…Offensive line taking bows, allowing eight (8) quarterback sacks, while permitting only 52-yards rushing…Next Loss: Las Vegas
The Regular Guys/Chapter 3– Lenny and Larry – loser comics going nowhere on their own – work together for the first time.
There was no backstage for amateur night. Comedians waited on the side of the stage next to the audience. Larry took the stairs leading to the stage and jumped on stage as if he were doing Swan Lake; Lenny followed, taking pictures of the crowd with his phone.
Larry, who turned out to be a ham once you put a spotlight on him, was bowing when Lenny came and nudged him out of the way so he could bow and take more pictures, causing Larry to trip and almost fall off the stage, thereby accounting for The Regular Guys’ first laugh.
Columns, books, shopping lists, clickhere to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1999 – A 5-year-old Cuban boy named Elian Gonzales is picked up by a fishing boat while floating in an innertube of the Florida coast. Gonzales had set sail from Cuba with 17 others, including his mother and her common-law husband, in a 17-foot boat. Gonzales, rather reluctantly, was turned over to the Coast Guard and, after no small amount of wrangling and maneuvering, was returned to his father in Cuba seven months later. Today Gonzales, now 26, lives and works in Cuba.
In 1983 – The Pittsburgh Penguins and the Detroit Red Wings play in front of the largest crowd in NHL history in a 5-2 Red Wings win at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit. A crowd of 21,019 watched the game, about one thousand more than its listed capacity and research into whose record the crowd broke was inconclusive. Since the NHL now plays games in baseball and football stadiums, the record has been broken many times and the NHL attendance record is now 105,491 at Michigan Stadium on Jan 1, 2014, when the Red Wings defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs 3-2 in a shootout.
In 1972 – Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes are at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Bests Selling Soul Singles chart – for the second and final consecutive week with If You Don’t Know Me By Now. It was the first of four #1 soul hits for the group and the song also peaked at #3 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and remains their biggest pop hit. Harold Melvin was the original lead singer of the Blue Notes and the lead singer for the group during this era was Teddy Pendegrass.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…these imitators mock all things, including the true, using the mask of philosophy to disguise license and responsibility. Gore Vidal Julian
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The two players not named Wilt Chamberlain or Bill Russell to have at least 40 rebounds in an NBA game are Nate Thurmond (San Francisco Warriors, 42, 11/9/65) and Jerry Lucas (Cincinnati Royals, 40, 2/29/64).
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Another version of If You Don’t Know Me By Now went to #1 on the Hot 100 in 1989. Who was this version by? – Answer next time!
Share Gaylon! Go!
Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Wednesday, November 25, 2020
