The Daily Dose/October 16, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

USA! USA! Four years ago we said about candidate Donald Trump that if he won – a prospect generally dismissed in those simpler times – his administration would be as big a fiasco as his campaign was. From the start, Trump never really appeared to want the job; his campaign merely appearing to be an attempt for Trump to drum up some interest in himself, his only real talent. 

Did We Call It, Or What?: So the past four years have not been a surprise. We knew Trump was a liar and was delusional and lacked a long-term plan for both himself and the country but we elected him anyway. Far from making America great again, America remains a partisan, fractured and bickering mess, halfway between the influence it once had and the oblivion that awaits her, probably before this half-century is out. Trump remains a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars.

Dry, Technical Matter: These are three tidbits no one can argue with. You can ignore them, but you can’t argue with them: Trump lies daily, he admits to grabbing women by the pussy and he once said the moon is part of Mars, even though your nephew in third grade knows this is false. 

FunFact: Both American and the GOP deserve better than Trump, but no one has demanded better yet. 

The Bottom Line: We can demand better November 3rd. This country is only going to right itself when participating and demanding, concerned and conscientious citizens take charge on Election Day. We deserve better than the inept, partisan, fractured and bickering government we have now, but we have to demand it at the ballot box. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Master Tailor Sparrow swings into action.  

I have a long history of hemming my stuff, none of it good…

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Maria in PBX reports she had a talk with her boyfriend. 

Maria reports she had a Talk with her boyfriend this week. It was an official Talk, too – the type women are good at and which can be referred to at need later in the relationship – and as a result Maria reported said boyfriend is now behaving himself which he wasn’t for a while.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.

Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. 

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1869 – A hoax History refers to as the Cardiff Giant begins, with the discovery of what will be passed off as a ten-foot petrified man in Cardiff, New York. The ruse was the brainchild of one George Hull who created it and had it shipped to the farm of a cousin and the creation was discovered by two men hired to dig a well where it had been buried. The Cardiff Giant was so successful P.T. Barnum – after failing to purchase it – made a replica and Barnum being Barnum, he then claimed his was the original and Hull’s the fake. Hull admitted to the fraud in December.

In 2005 – The Chicago White Sox win their first American League pennant since 1959, defeating the California Angels 6-3 in Game 5 of the American League Championship Series. The White Sox won four straight games after losing the opener and would go on to win their first World Series since 1917 by defeating the Houston Astros, who were then in the National League. In their last World Series appearance in 1959, the White Sox had lost to the Los Angeles Dodgers in six games. 

In 1982 – Dolly Parton is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the only week with I Will Always Love You. Parton, who wrote the song, had also hit #1 with the song in 1974 and Parton remains the only act to go to #1 on the country chart with the same song in separate chart runs. The song also peaked at #53 on the Hot 100 in 1982. In 1992 a version by Whitney Houston spent a then-record 14 weeks at #1 on the Hot 100 and eleven weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart, making I Will Always Love You one of the few songs to hit #1 on all three major Billboard singles charts. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Who knows through what door wisdom will walk?
Gore Vidal
Julian

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The major league record for most consecutive postseason games won is twelve, done twice, both by the New York Yankees, first from 1927-28, and 1932 and then in 1998 and 1999. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What man prompted Dolly Parton to write I Will Always Love You? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/October 15, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

Leading Off had their day off pass stamped and will return. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has a poignant day at the Veterans Service Office.   

Some of you may recall that for the past three weeks or so at the Veterans Service Office (VSO) I’ve been dealing with Mr W…He’s the older vet who called me needing to sign up for VA medical care PDQ, the one I personally visited so he could sign the application, the one who wouldn’t let me in his house because it was so decrepit, the one who, almost offhandedly, said he was going to get kicked out of his lousy, decrepit home in a week, tho some investigation by yours truly found that not to be true…Those dealings will end tomorrow when he will die after the plug is pulled on his life support system.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Radtke and Gaylon have to go tactical to revive a passed out guest. 

To get him responsive we had to resort to pouring water on him, a time-tested, though perhaps not approved, MCSD procedure. He is so gone though, it takes what seems like a liter to get him going and Radtke and I don’t get really good results until we start pouring it in his ear. 

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 7: In case you missed it, here’s this week’s NCAA Bottom Ten., offered with our compliments this year.

1. Vanderbilt (0-3; lost to South Carolina 41-7)
Mitigating Factors: A B-10 legacy team thanks to strong B-10 runs in Double Aughts, Commodores find first B-10 title theirs for the losing after ascending B-10 throne…Commodores still hampered by turn-of-century decision to merge Athletic, Student Affairs departments as special teams earn 379 penalty yards after Interpretive Dance majors take over kicking game.
FunFact: Commodores 0-3 for second straight year, the fifth time this century, the 12th time since 1969 and, well, you get the idea.
Next Loss: at Missouri

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.

Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. 

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1582 – The Gregorian calendar, the calendar still in use in most of the world, is first adopted in several European countries as Oct 4 is followed by Oct 15.  The calendar had been promulgated by Pope Gregory XIII to correct inaccuracies in the Julian calendar. Though Gergory’s decree had no authority beyond the Catholic Church and the Papal States, Protestant countries began adopting it in 1652 and Great Britain and her colonies, including what would become the United States, adopted the calendar in 1752. Due to a variety of factors, including the precession of the axis and the slowing rotation of the earth, the Gregorian calendar is still off by about 27 seconds every year. 

In 2014 – The Kansas City Royals become the first team to win eight consecutive games in a single baseball postseason, defeating the Baltimore Orioles 2-1 in Game 4 of the American League Championship Series. Previously, the Royals had swept the Angels in three games in an American League Division Series and began the playoffs with a win over the Oakland Athletics in an American League Wild Card Game. The win extended their overall postseason winning streak to eleven games – counting the last three games of the 1985 World Series – and gave the Royals the American League pennant. The streak would end in Game 1 of the World Series, a loss to the San Francisco Giants. 

In 1949 – That Lucky Old Sun by Frankie Laine is at #1 for the third of eight consecutive weeks on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – a predecessor to the Hot 100. It was the first of three #1 songs for Laine and in November Laine would become the sixth act to succeed themselves at #1 when Mule Train went to the top. The song was also at #1 on Billboard’s Most Played by Jockeys and Most Played in Jukeboxes charts.  

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Fortune is guiding our affairs better than we ourselves could have wished.
Miguel de Cervantes
Don Quixote

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Calvin Smith of the United States broke Jim Hines’ 100-meter world record, running it in 9.93 seconds in 1983. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Which team holds the major league record for most consecutive postseason games won? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/October 14, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

USA! USA!: We received our ballot in the mail this week and even though we aren’t on it – for the first time since 2014 – we looked it over anyway, in case we do bother to vote. 

Dry, Technical Matter: There are 21 candidates for president of the United States here in Colorado, where potential candidates only need to get 5,000 signatures to get on the ballot. You can also write in the name of your preferred candidate. 

Fly In The Ointment: There are a couple of things we found distressing. One was the number of uncontested races. For our money, one is too many and on our small county ballot this year there are four, none of them dog catcher, all races you would expect multiple candidates in: state representative, district attorney, a county commissioner race and mayor of our small town. 

Some Philosophy Crap: For a nation conceived in liberty, this is unacceptable. Without candidates and demanding and participating voters, the American experiment will fail. 

Oh Yeah: The second thing that was moderately distressing was the sheer number of ballot initiatives to vote for. There are no less than eleven state measures. Good gravy, what do we pay a state legislature for? There’s even a constitutional amendment declaring only citizens can vote, despite the fact federal already dictates that.  

The Bottom Line: There is a lot to get through on our ballot this year and, perhaps, there is on yours as well. We can whine about this and we can whine about that here in America, but we can’t whine about who’s in control of our government: we are. The fact our government is a fractured, partisan, bickering mess is our fault, but we can change that. We are going to take the time to sort through everything and make an informed decision and we hope you are, too. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Read Free Fortnight continues.

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow doesn’t have his glasses. Again.  

I had to do without my glasses for a spell this morning, the second time this week I haven’t had them at the hotel…Recall earlier in the week I’d forgotten them at home…What happened was the gent in 143 came to drop off his laundry to be sent out…I had him fill out the slip but he didn’t have his glasses so I lent him mine, making a mental note to get them back…However, since yours truly can’t remember a goddamn thing anymore I forgot to get them back, despite the fact the mental note was made only a few seconds before, and he walked out wearing them…Fortunately, we had his number and I called him and he returned them.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Radtke’s back in the game with the woman he’s had a crush on.

The big news last night, though, was that Radtke got 15 minutes of face time with his woman, Nong. We had both written this one off, as his initial stalking didn’t produce a date, mainly because he never bothered to ask her out, but Radtke is back in the game, there is no doubt about it. 

Radtke’s on his way to a great bachelor career. He’s got the obligatory couple-three lines in the water, finds minor, ticky-tack faults in the dates he does bother to go out on and has a crush on someone completely unattainable. If he can avoid knocking some broad up there is no reason he shouldn’t be completely set in his ways and bitter by the time he’s 40. Rich, X-Ray and myself agree that if you can hold out that long you can sit back and enjoy the rest of your life by yourself.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 7: To the bat poles! The Giants and the Jets tag-team to occupy the top spot in the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy. 

1. Gotham City (0-10; NY Giants: lost to Dallas 37-14; NY Jets: lost to Arizona 30-10) – B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” this is first time two New York football teams have been winless this late in season since New York Argyles and Staten Island Fairies were both 0-5 in 1977 New York Alternative Lifestyles Football League (NYALFL)…Next Loss: NY Giants: Washington; NY Jets: at Miami

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.

Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. 

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1066 – The Norman conquest of England begins as an army led by William, Duke of Normandy, defeats the English army, led by King Harold II in what History refers to as the Battle of Hastings. Harold died in the battle, leaving the English army leaderless, though the exact circumstances of his death remain unclear. The invasion had begun the month before and William would be crowned king in December, reigning as William I – also known as William the Conqueror – until 1087. 

In 1968 – Jim Hines of the United States becomes the first person to run the 100-meters in under 10 seconds with automatic timing at the Summer Olympics in Mexico City. Hines won the gold medal with a time of 9.95 seconds to break the record of 10.02 seconds established by Charles Greene of the US in the semifinals the day before. Hines’ record would stand until 1983 and the record is now 9.58 seconds, done by Usain Bolt of Jamaica in 2009. 

In 1967 – Soul Man by Sam and Dave is at #1 on the Billboard soul chart – then known as the Hot Rhythm and Blues Singles chart – for the first of seven consecutive weeks. It was the sixth of seven Top 10 hits on the soul chart for the duo and their second of two #1 soul songs (Hold On, I’m Comin’, one week, 1966). The song also peaked at #2 on the Hot 100 and remains their biggest pop hit. The song was written by Isaac Hayes and Dave Porter and returned to the Hot 100 in 1978 when a version by The Blues Brothers peaked at #14. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…there is no escaping the marks of life…it is we who select what we will become by the actions we perform.
Deng Ming Dao
365 Tao

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The Kentucky Colonels and the Indiana Pacers were the only American Basketball Association teams to remain the same city with the same name for the association’s entire existence, 1967-76. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who broke Jim Hines’ world record in the 100-meters? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!