The Daily Dose/October 7, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

Leading Off is taking some PTO today.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow whines about his trash not getting picked up.  

The trash hasn’t been picked up for two weeks…Last week I’m prepared to cut them some slack on because I didn’t put it out until I got back from the hotel and they’ve been known to come to get it really early…My bad for not having it out the night before. 

This happened today, too, but I was up most of the day (see Sleep Log below) and the bastards passed by it twice!!!…I am not making that up…Both times were during the 1400 hour, once going each way on Maple Street…I don’t understand this at all and I am going to call the town hall tomorrow and whine about this…I’m going to leave the trash can out on the street, too. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Sparrow takes command in the hotel. 

You’ll forgive me for beaming, but the ascension of X-Ray is now complete. In a little over a year he has gone from a wide-eyed trainee dealing with a naked girl in a stairwell to the go-to guy in the hotel. There is simply no one working the hotel racket in Vegas right now turning in better work night in and night out. 

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 6: Four (4) 0-4 teams, one (1) Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy. The wonders of The Bottom Ten are on the house this year.

8. Detroit Lions (1-3; lost to New Orleans 35-29) – Defense takes center stage in this one, overcoming early 14-0 lead by giving up 35 unanswered points…Bye week coming at right time for Lions so they can rest up for brutal two week stretch against Jaguars, Falcons…Next Loss: at Jacksonville (10/18)

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1985 – The Italian cruise ship Achille Lauro is hijacked by four members of the Palestine Liberation Front off the coast of Egypt. On Oct 9 the hijackers were allowed to disembark to PLO control and a plane carrying them to Tunis was intercepted by US Air Force jets and forced to land in Italy. The plane was surrounded by Navy SEALS who themselves would later be surrounded by Italian forces. The US would later cede jurisdiction to the Italians and the four were later tried and convicted and sentenced to varying prison terms. All have since been paroled.  

In 1956 – Al Carmichael of the Green Bay Packers establishes a new NFL record for the longest kickoff return in a 37-21 loss to the Chicago Bears. Carmichael returned a first-quarter kickoff 106 yards for a touchdown, breaking the record of 104 yards established by Buddy York of the Baltimore Colts in 1953. The record was broken in 2007 by Eillis Hobbs of New England (108 yards) and is now held by Cordarrelle Patterson of the Minnesota Vikings, who had a 109-yard return in 2013.

In 1967 – Jackie Wilson is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Rhythm & Blues Singles chart – for the only week with (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher. The song also peaked at #6 on the Hot 100 and made the Top 20 of the British pop chart in 1969 and 1987. It was Wilson’s sixth and final #1 song on Billboard’s soul chart and was his sixth Top 10 pop hit. A version by Rita Coolidge peaked at #2 on the Hot 100 in 1977. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

You don’t run from your weaknesses, you attack them. – Keith Burkepile, Major, United States Marine Corps

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Cher’s Billboard Hot 100 record for the longest stretch between #1 songs is 24 years, 355 days, between Dark Lady in 1974 and Believe in 1999. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was Jackie Wilson’s biggest hit on the Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/October 6, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

OH, GOOD GRAVY: Despite the fact he is still sick with COVID-19, President Trump returned to the White House not wearing a mask. This is hardly a bulletin, it is merely the same ignorance and selfishness we’ve come to expect from a man who believes the moon is part Mars, who has no regard for anything or anyone other than himself. 

Quotebook: A quote from him illustrated this perfectly, as if another example is needed: 

Don’t be afraid of it. You’re going to beat it. We have the best medical equipment, we have the best medicines.

Well, he does, of course, because no expense is spared in caring for the president of the United States. And on a percentage basis, you probably will survive COVID; the death rate for closed cases is about 4% 

Fly In The Ointment: But over 200,000 Americans didn’t beat it, didn’t have the best equipment or the best medicines. Or if they did, it didn’t do them any good. And there is no guarantee Trump will beat it, either. He is still sick, he is still old, he still has no brains and no sense and is still ignoring everything except what he wants to do.   

The Bottom Line: Our president continues to be a witless blatherskite whose only goal is to draw as much attention to himself as possible. We knew this in 2016 and we elected him anyway. Four years later he has shown he is a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars and his inept handling of the coronavirus ensures History will show he has blood on his hands. We deserve better than this, but we are not going to get it unless we demand it at the ballot box on Election Day. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow takes a while to figure out the solution to a simple problem. 

…a guest came to the front desk at 0620, right as I was heading out to get the cart out of the storage room…He and co-worker had shared a room the past four nights and he wanted to put half the bill on his company card. 

The solution to this is plain to even a dolt: go into billing and create another window, transfer two night’s charges to the second window, bill the second window and then refund the extra amount left on the first window. 

But did ol’ Sparrow think of that???…At least right off? Nooooooooooo, he did not. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Sparrow has one of the slowest nights in the history of labor. 

There were no calls. I would’ve worked just as hard had I stayed home and slept because I spent most of my time at the gate playing with a large squirt bottle. Mostly I would squirt bugs, but when there were no bugs around I would squirt the ground, either trying to squirt a certain area in as short a time as possible or pretending to be putting out a big fire. It varied. I have always enjoyed playing with squirt bottles.

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 6: The first new column of the year, so get in on the laughs with the Bottom Ten pollsters as the race for the ESPNCup begins. Includes the latest Bottom Ten hardware, the COVID Cup, issued to the team actually playing football who has the longest streak. Offered with our compliments this year.

8. Navy (1-2; lost to Air Force 40-7)
Mitigating Factors: Midshipman heaving to for lousy start, setting tone not only for strong run for Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness – but for B-10 medal stand run as well…Enthusiasm in 2020 amongst Brigade of Midshipmen reportedly low, as student body sending Filipino mess attendants to go to games for them.
FunFact: Midshipmen hampered by Navy Secretary’s preseason ruling – in order to prevent spread of both COVID and the clap – to wear both face masks and condoms during games.
Next Loss: Temple

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1973 – The Yom Kippur War begins when Egypt and Syria launch a coordinated attack on Israel. The war ended on October 26 with both Egypt and Israel making territorial gains and with the defeat of Syria and would spur the 1978 Camp David Accords and an Egyptian/Israeli peace treaty the following year. History also refers to the conflict as the Ramadan War, the October War and the 1973 Arab-Israeli War.

In 1985 – Joe Montana of the San Francisco 49ers establishes a new NFL record for most past attempts in a game in a 38-17 win over the Atlanta Falcons. Montana threw 57 times – research into whose record he broke was inconclusive – and completed 37 of them for five touchdowns and zero interceptions. The mark has been exceeded many times and is now held by Drew Bledsoe, who had 70 pass attempts for the New England Patriots in 1994. 

In 1973 – Cher is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Half-Breed. It was the second of four #1 songs for Cher as a solo act and her fifth of twelve Top 10 hits. The song also went to #1 in New Zealand and Canada and was Billboard’s 20th biggest song of the year. Previously, Cher had hit #1 with I’ve Got You Babe in 1965 as part of the duo Sonny and Cher. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Go for the top. If you aim for second you will end up there. – John F Kennedy

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The other two songs that spent nine weeks at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 before Debby Boone spent ten weeks at #1 in 1977 with You Light Up My Life were Theme From a Summer Place (Percy Faith, 1960) and Hey Jude (the Beatles, 1968). 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Cher holds the Hot 100 for longest stretch between #1 songs. How long is that stretch? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/October 5, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Q reports the hotel’s complimentary breakfast will end Friday.  

Q also said this was the lowest-rated aspect of stays here on online reviews…Q knows this because one of his sweeping new powers is to respond to anonymous, whining guests online…He noted our average breakfast score is 65 (out of 100) a figure so low it would probably be exceeded by daily beatings if we offered them…

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon – get this – puts in to be a supervisor. 

You might recall that last fall 88TonyB sat me down and asked what my plans at Monte Carlo were and if I had considered being a supervisor. I said I had thought about it and he said good because if a slot ever came open he wanted me to put in for it and he’d back me the whole way. 

Tonight in the briefing room there were signup sheets for two (2) supervisor positions and an investigator spot. While he was issuing me my gun, he asked if I had signed up; I said I had and he said good cause if I hadn’t we were going to have problems. He also advised me to sign up for the investigators spot. I told him I didn’t particularly want to be an investigator and he said so what? Do it anyway, it’ll look good. 

We’ll see. Some people have signed up who have a lot more experience than I do but White Sox Metzger also signed up and he wears white socks, so at least I’m one up on someone. 

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. – Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. – Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1869 – A tunnel being built under the Mississippi River in what is now Minneapolis is breached by the river, causing earth supporting nearby Hennepin Island and St Anthony Falls to collapse. The tunnel had started at an island a bit upstream and was going to be a spillway for plants and other businesses. Local repairs held until the spring floods and ultimately repairs were made by the Army Corps of Engineers on the pretext that the repairs were necessary for safe navigation of the river. 

In 1932 – The Detroit Red Wings come into existence, with the introduction of the name and new uniforms. Previously, the team had been known as the Detroit Falcons for a couple of years and had debuted as the Detroit Cougars in 1926. The winged wheel, one of the more enduring logos in American sports, would debut on uniforms on Nov 10 and remains to this day. 

In 1959 – Mack the Knife by Bobby Darin is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of nine non-consecutive weeks. The song was written in 1928 for the musical drama The Threepenny Opera and Mack is based on a character from an 18th-century opera who was based on real-life English thief Jack Sheppard. The song also went to #1 in Great Britain, peaked at #6 on Billboard’s soul chart and ranked third on Billboard’s 2018 60th-anniversary chart. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

So nigh is grandeur to our dust/So near is God to man/When duty whispers low, Thou must/The youth replies, I can. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Voluntaries

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Kublai Khan was the Mongol who founded China’s Yuan dynasty. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What two other songs spend nine weeks at #1 on the Hot 100 before Debby Boone spent ten weeks at the top in 1977 with You Light Up My Life? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!