The Daily Dose/September 4, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow works the land. 

I had a busy day in the yard…Not as busy as originally planned, but still busy enuff…First off, all the branches from the recent storm were cleared out, a tedious job I’ve never particularly liked…Or, more accurately, the branches that were too big for the lawnmower to chop up were picked up, and there was no small number of those…These were put in a pile next to the carport…The plan was to use an electric recently purchased for this evolution and to cut the branches up for easy disposal in the trash can, but yours truly ended up being too tired to do this. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Day shift is over-staffed. 

I hate day shift. I sat in on their briefing today as I was preparing for my CPR update class and crap, they had twelve Charlie units, which we haven’t had in the memory of man. The briefing room was packed and I found myself shaking my head:  twelve Charlie units for a shift that does basically squat in the first place is obscene…

The Bottom Ten Presented By COVID-19/NFL Week 1: With the Bottom Ten pollsters taking the year off, they are pleased to trot out NFL Week 1 column from 2016. The Bottom Ten is offered with our compliments this year.

Sure, all eyes are on the anticipated dog fight between Tennessee and Cleveland, but veteran Bottom Ten fan(s) know you ignore the long shots only at your peril. The race for The Dan Henning Trophy is a 16-week sentence that only the weak, unfocused and untalented survive.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business. 

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1888 – George Eastman receives a US patent for “improvements in the form, construction, and arrangement of parts” of the camera. Eastman also registered the trademark Kodak, a word he made up, on this date. In 1884 Eastman had received two patents for photographic film, never married and left his entire estate to the University of Rochester. He killed himself in 1932 while suffering from assorted painful ailments. 

In 1950 – The Southern 500 – the first 500-mile race in NASCAR history – is run for the first time at Darlington Raceway in South Carolina. Johnny Mantz was the winner, with an average speed of 75.250 mph in what would be his only NASCAR win. 80 entrants had shown up and qualifying for the race took two weeks. Today the race is known as the Cook Out Southern 500, after a chain of southern fast-food restaurants. The race is actually 501 miles long and the 2020 edition will be run this Sunday. 

In 1978 – Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the first of two consecutive weeks. The song would later spend three weeks at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 was their fifth biggest song of the year. It was the first chart single for the group, remains their only Top 40 appearance on either chart and was the third of six consecutive weeks a white act had held the top spot on Billboard’s soul chart, as the song was both preceded and followed at #1 by KC and the Sunshine Band. In 1991 a version of the song by Vanilla Ice peaked at #22 on Billboard’s soul chart and at #4 on the Hot 100. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

To my friends, my work is done – Why wait? GE – George Eastman’s suicide note.  

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The current land speed record is 760.343 mph by British Royal Air Force fighter pilot Andy Green. He set the record on Oct 15, 1997, in northwest Nevada. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was NASCAR’s second 500-mile race? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 3, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

 EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT: The New York Post headline caught our eye: 

Majority of New Yorkers Think Big Apple Rotten To The Core

Friends, New Yorkers don’t have an exclusive on that: there are a lot of people outside of the Big Apple that think the same thing abut our country. And they’re right because our country is rotting. 

Fly In The Ointment: It’s more than rotting actually, our country is dying, right before our eyes, too, and so far we’ve proven unwilling to do anything about it. 

USA! USA!: Anyone who thinks America can continue on her present course with impunity is high, legally in more and more states. We can’t. Left uncorrected, America will eventually collapse, perhaps before this half-century is out. America today is at the midway point between the influence and esteem she once had and the oblivion that awaits us. 

The Bottom Line: We have only ourselves to blame. You and me – we the people – keep rubber-stamping the status quo and reelecting those who got us into this mess in the first place. Ask yourself this: 

Why should any elected leader hold themselves to a standard the electorate isn’t going to hold them to? 

There’s no reason for them to. In 61 days we will herald to ourselves and the world whether we’re content with the status quo or whether we’re ready to make some changes, whether we are going to expect more of ourselves and our government or whether we are not. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow goes to the local restaurant for dinner.  

The big news at the restaurant is they start dinner service at 1700 and I was in time for that…The chicken fried steak sounded wonderful and after ordering that ol’ Sparrow stroked his beard and made a pointing motion in the general direction of the menu. 

“Look, I really want one of those quesadillas that are on the kiddy menu, too…Is that possible???”

Of course, it was…They weren’t going to turn down a sale simply because an old fart wanted to eat like a 5-year-old and yours truly came back strong, accenting everything with a local beer that had a citrusy taste to it and was really good, my first drink since two Scotches on New Year’s Nite.  

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Finally, some decent nudity in the hotel. 

X-Ray and I rolled on a noise complaint in a hot tub suite on 29. A pretty ugly Mexican guy answers the door. The music is pretty loud and we see a stark naked young lady walk in from the bathroom. 

We tell the guy he’s got to keep it down. Then the girl, still buck naked, sashays over and announces they are getting married in a couple of hours so, on behalf of the International Henry Units, I offer congratulations.

X-Ray and I were also thinking – as you, no doubt, would’ve been – “Look, it’s none of our business, but if you’re getting married in a couple of hours, who the hell’s the naked blonde in the sack? The maid of honor?”

The Bottom Ten Presented By COVID-19/NCAA Week 1: The Best of the Bottom Ten season kicks off with the NCAA Week 1 column from 2019. Offered with our compliments.

With three (3) wins past two seasons, [Rice} Owls hoping for 2019 breakthrough to finally shed “worst-team-to-never-win-B-10-title” moniker…

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business. 

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1935 – Man drives faster than 300 mph for the first time as Sir Malcolm Campbell reaches a speed of 304.331 mph on the Bonneville Salt Flats. Campbell broke the record of 276.816 mph he had established in March in Daytona Beach, and this was the ninth and final time Campbell would hold the land speed record. Campbell’s car, the Blue Bird,  had a Rolls-Royce R V-12 engine commonly used in airplanes. 

In 1986 – The Houston Astros and Chicago Cubs establish a new major league record for most players used in a game in an 8-7, 18-inning win by the Astros, a game that had been suspended after 14 innings the previous day. The teams combined to use 53 players, including the major league debut of Chicago’s Greg Maddux, who was the losing pitcher. Research into whose record the teams broke was inconclusive. The record is now 58 players, done by the Colorado Rockies and the Los Angeles Dodgers, on 9/15/2015. 

In 1967 – Donovan is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Sunshine Superman. It was the second of eleven top 40 hits for Donovan, his first of four Top 10 hits and remains his only #1 song. The song also went to #2 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 26th biggest song of the year. The song features future Led Zeppelin members Jimmy Page on electric guitar and John Paul Jones on bass. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

The secret of happiness is action, the exercise of energy in a way suited to a man’s nature and circumstances. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol. II: The Story of Greece

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The major league record for most RBIs in a game is held by Jim Bottomley (9/16/24) and Mark Whitten (9/7/93), both of the St Louis Cardinals and each with 12 runs batted in in one game. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What is the current land speed record? – Answer next time!

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