The Daily Dose/August 27, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

INSERT OWN FUNNY/POIGNANT LEAD LINE HERE: The general feeling around Daily Dose headquarters is that anything that cancels NBA games is generally good. But the reason games weren’t played Wednesday night – protests over the shooting, in the back, of all things, of unarmed Jacob Blake in Kenosha, Wisconsin on Sunday – is a lousy reason because the shooting should not have happened. 

Film At 11: Kenosha police were trying to arrest Blake on a domestic violence charge and Blake was not compliant. Video coverage shows Blake and officers on a sidewalk next to Blake’s SUV and then Blake walks around the front of the SUV, opens the driver’s side door and starts to reach inside when he is shot multiple times in the back. We’ve been in similar situations, a suspect walking away from us and, frankly, they should have stopped him before he was in a position to reach into his vehicle. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Three NBA playoff games were canceled Wednesday night after the Milwaukee Bucks protested this by declining to take the court for their game against the Orlando Magic. The following games, Oklahoma City/Houston and Los Angeles Lakers/Portland, were also postponed. Games in other leagues, including three major league baseball games, were also not played and it is not entirely certain when or if games will resume. 

The Bottom Line: Go protesters. There is a lot to protest in our country – when isn’t there, really – but right now America is about as far off her national path as it can be and still have a functioning society. The 1960s are starting to look like something out of Mother Goose.  Hitting white America in their wallets and TV sets by not playing games is, perhaps, a good way to get something to happen. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets a haircut.   

Regular readers of this crap know yours truly seldom has a satisfactory haircut experience and to prepare for this evolution I scoped out some pics of how I did and did not want the back of my head to look…No tapered crap…I wanted it full in the back, dammit and the barber, a lady named Barbara whose sister is the postmaster in our small town by the by, said she appreciated the pic and she did a good job…$25 is a bit more than I was looking to spend, but she did good work so why whine.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: The Monte Carlo gets a mission statement and core values.

I have in my hot little hands a card with the new Monte Carlo mission statement and four core values on it. I can’t believe a casino the stature of Monte Carlo has managed to get along without a mission statement and core values for this long, even the hookers have them for Pete’s sake. I mean up until now we’ve been wandering around sticking our tongue out at guests.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business. 

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 2003 – Mars and Earth are at their closest point in 60,000 years, separated by a mere 34.64 million miles. The last time Mars was closer to Earth was on Sept. 24, 57,617 BC when it was 34.62 million miles away. Mars takes 686 Earth days to go around the sun and the two planets closest approach – known as perihelion – happens every 26 months when Earth passes Mars. The farthest the two planets can get is 249 million miles and the closest the two planets are scheduled to get in the next 500,000 years is 33.32 million miles in September 294,851.

In 1982 – Rickey Henderson of the Oakland A’s establishes a new modern major league record for most stolen bases in a season in a 5-4 loss to the Milwaukee Brewers. Henderson’s third-inning steal, following a walk, gave him 119 stolen bases for the year, breaking the record of 118 established by Lou Brock in 1974. Henderson would finish the season with 130 stolen bases, a record that still stands. The all-time record for most steals in a season is 156 by Harry Stovey of the Philadelphia Athletics (American Association) in 1888. Henderson’s 42 times being caught stealing in 1982 also established a major league record. 

In 1966 – Stevie Wonder is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B chart – for the only week with Blowin’ in the Wind. It was the third of a record 20 soul chart #1s for Wonder, a record he shares with Aretha Franklin and Drake. The song also peaked at #9 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and at #36 on Great Britain’s pop chart. In 1963 a version by Peter, Paul & Mary had peaked at #2 on the Hot 100. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…the bitterness of faction absorbed public energy and devotion… – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol II: The Life of Greece

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Bo Jackson had 141 home runs in his major league career. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who holds the major league record for most stolen bases in a season without getting caught? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/August 26, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

Leading Off is enjoying some PTO. It will return. Promise.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Another busy night at the hotel, as Sparrow works a missing person case with the local authorities.  

After this, the cop dismisses me, instructing me to report back to the front desk – probably to set up a command post – and at 0350 he comes in to report the kid was found sleeping in the back stairwell at Hotel B.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: The crew throws an angry guest out of the hotel. 

I did manage to lighten matters up, though. The guy was trying to get back on our good side by telling us how we were “just a bunch of fucking jack-off security guards” and X-Ray was all but fired and how we “only make a fucking quarter” of what he made.

I hold up an index finger. 

“A fifth, sir. We probably make a fifth of what you make. Maybe a tenth, judging by your nice luggage.”

The Bottom Ten Presented By COVID-19/Preseason Q&A: The Bottom Ten is in reruns this year. This week your Bottom Ten pollsters are pleased to present the 2017 Preseason Q&A.

1. Will the service academies return to mediocrity? You guys sure missed them last year. Your lack of material was evident.
No kidding. Air Force, Army and Navy combined for a 27-12 record in 2016 forcing B-10 pollsters to look elsewhere – hi there VMI! – for military football material. Still, though, B-10 pollsters are optimistic and have their trusty, usual “Black Knights of Confusion” and “Army hindered by pregame Army Secretary ruling…” lines ready to go.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business. 

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1748 – The Lutheran invasion of North America continues, as they form their first church on the continent in Philadelphia. Known as the German Evangelical Lutheran Ministerium of North America, usually shortened to Pennsylvania Ministerium, it was formed to help provide for well-trained clergy and later produced the first Lutheran liturgy in America. In 1918, the group merged into the United Lutheran Church in America, which is now the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. 

In 1990 – Bo Jackson of the Kansas City Royals ties the major league records for most consecutive home runs and most consecutive home runs in two straight games in an 8-2 victory over the Seattle Mariners. Jackson’s second-inning home run off of Randy Johnson was his fourth consecutive home run and his first since hitting three consecutive home runs on July 17, a game in which he was later injured. Jackson was the 20th major leaguer to hit four consecutive home runs, and the mark has been duplicated seven times since. 

In 1978 – Frankie Valli is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Grease. It was the second #1 solo hit for Valli (My Eyes Adored You, one week, 1975) and his sixth appearance at #1, following four #1 songs with the Four Seasons. The song spent eight weeks in the Top 10 and actually moved from #62 to #59 after it fell off the Top 40, rare for a record that has already hit its peak. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #3 in Great Britain and at #40 on Billboard’s soul chart. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Civilizations come and go; they conquer the earth and crumble into dust; but faith survives every desolation.  – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol II: The Life of Greece

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Ray Parker, Jr’s first appearance on the Billboard Hot 100 was with the group Raydio, which five Top 40 hits between 1978 and 1981. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many career home runs did Bo Jackson have? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/August 25, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

Leading Off is taking some PTO. It will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow shows zero common sense.   

I almost flooded the entire back office this morning…Amy had put some cleaner in the coffee pots, so those needed to be rinsed out and I rinsed the first one out three times, but that didn’t hold my interest so for the second one I put the pot under the faucet and turned it on, the (bad) idea being by letting it run for a few minutes it would rinse it out and I could go and dive in on the late morning work while this miracle was taking place.

Not too bad a plan, actually, save for the fact that the coffee pot was so placed in the sink it blocked the drain, thereby filling the sink up and running water everywhere…Ol’ Sparrow had some luck tho, and got off easy…There were some towels in the back office and there were enuff to sop everything up and no damage was done, except maybe to the towels.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: X-Ray, Lee and Gaylon respond to a loud TV in a room as if they were Delta Force. 

The TV is going pretty loud. No one answers X-Ray’s knock, so, as if my knocks have more authority, I try and also get no response. We look to Lee for guidance: he’s texting his girlfriend. Lee considers the matter for a few heart-stopping seconds. 

“We’re going in,” he says. 

Lee’s the type of leader who takes the point in these situations. He inserts his master key, opens the door, and makes entry. X-Ray follows and I got everyone’s back by making sure the can is code four. 

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business. 

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1944 – Paris is liberated from the control of Nazi Germany, as Allied forces enter Paris and the German Army is surrendered by their commander, General Dietrick von Choltitz. von Choltitz acted contrary to orders issued by Adolf Hitler, who had ordered Paris was to be destroyed before being given to the enemy. Paris had been under Nazi rule since 1940. 

In 2011-  The New York Yankees establish a major league record for most grand slam home runs in a game in a 22-9 win over the Oakland A’s. The Yankees got three grand slams, by Robinson Cano, Russell Martin, and Curtis Granderson, to break the record of two that had been done many times. The record still stands. 

In 1984 – Ray Parker, Jr is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the third and final consecutive week with Ghostbusters. It was his fifth of eight Top 40 hits as a solo act and remains his only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in five other countries, including Spain and Canada and peaked at #2 in Great Britain. Ghostbusters was also in its first of two consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s ninth biggest song of the year. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

He who says, “I know nothing” is the shrewdest of all. – Vemana (1652-1730), Indian poet 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Three songs have had versions by different artists follow each at #1 on a Billboard pop chart: It’s Been a Long, Long Time by Harry James and then Bing Crosby and the Les Paul Trio (1945), To Each His Own by Eddy Howard and then Freddy Martin (1946) and Cruising Down the River by Blue Barron and then Russ Morgan (1949). It has not happened on the Hot 100. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Ray Parker, Jr’s first appearances on Billboard’s Hot 100 were with what group? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!