The Daily Dose/August 21, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

OH, GOOD GRIEF: Regular readers of this crap are familiar with, and perhaps even enjoy, our rather tedious knowledge of music chart and sports record trivia. We enjoy it so much we created the popular On This Date item for this column, the better to bore you with this knowledge. 

This Is Martin Luther Counting Them Down: So it should be no surprise that we are able to inform the song You Say by Lauren Daigle will be in its 98th non-consecutive week at #1 on Billboard’s Hot Christian Singles chart when the chart is officially released tomorrow. It had first hit #1 in July 2018. 

Fly In The Ointment: We had 13 years of Lutheran schooling and remain puzzled that any Christain song can be considered “hot”, but we realize times change.  

Dry, Technical Matter: 98 weeks is a long time, almost two years, and this is the longest stay at #1 by any song on any Billboard singles chart, an extraordinary accomplishment. In fact, it is almost doubles the longest stretch at #1 on a major Billboard singles chart (pop, country, soul) established by Meant To Be by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line, which spent 50 consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 2017-18. 

Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter: The pop and soul chart records for most weeks at #1 are both held by Old Town Road, by Lil Naz X and Billy Ray Cyrus, which spent 19 consecutive weeks at #1 in 2019. 

In The Crosshairs: In sight now for Daigle and You Say is the Record of Records of most weeks at #1 on any Billboard chart, the 110 weeks Wendy Carlos – then known as Walter Carlos – spent at #1 on Billboard’s Classical Album chart from 1969-72 with Switched On Bach.

Yo, Homey: The current #1 song on Billboard’s Classical Album chart is Sleep by Max Richter, which first hit #1 soon after its release in 2015.

The Bottom Line: We know you are as excited by 98 weeks at #1 as we are. 110 weeks is still a ways off, and we don’t particularly care if Daigle breaks the record or not, but you can bet we’ll be here to chronicle it for you. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: It’s a very leisurely day off for Sparrow.  

I did make some chili, tho…Recall back when wizards were hoarding toilet paper and no one was entirely sure what the hell was going on, yours truly bought two #10 cans of chili for reasons that seemed pretty good at the time.

It was a pretty spur-of-the-moment decision, so the bratwurst purchased for the occasion had to be placed in some warm water to partially thaw out…I then boiled it before slicing it up and I also added some heat-and-serve chicken that was in the freezer…There were delusions of simmering it all afternoon like a real cook would, but everything was already cooked and all that was really necessary was getting the chicken to thaw out and it turned out pretty good…Hardly Chili of the Year and not even close to being as good as Pa Sparrow’s tho it’s probably not completely inaccurate to say nothing is as good your dad’s chili. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: There’s a dog running loose in the parking garage. 

After a bit more chit-chat 77Dwayne decides we can’t have a loose dog running around the garage, which is true. You simply don’t know what the dog is going to do. My suggestion to have Ted shoot the dog is rejected out of hand by 77Dwayne, though it did garner modest interest from Ted. 

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business. 

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1993 – Communications are lost with the Mars Observer spacecraft, three days before it was scheduled to enter Martian orbit. The probe was scheduled to study the Martian surface, atmosphere, climate and magnetic field and what ultimately happened to it is unknown. It could be in Maritain or solar orbit or it could have been destroyed. The cause of the problem remains unknown, though it is suspected to have been the rupture of a tank in the spacecraft’s propulsion system. The spacecraft had been launched in September the previous year. 

In 1963 – Jerry Lynch of the Pittsburgh Pirates establishes a new major league record for most career pinch-hit home runs in a 7-6 win over the Chicago Cubs. Lynch’s ninth-inning home run was his 15th pinch-hit home run and research into whose mark Lynch broke was inconclusive. Lynch would retire in 1966 with 18 pinch-hit home runs, a record that is now held by Matt Stairs, who hit 23 pinch-hit home runs between 1996 and 2010. Lynch’s mark remains the National League record. 

In 1954 – The Crew Cuts are at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – a predecessor of the Hot 100 – for the third of seven consecutive weeks with Sh-Boom. It was the fourth of 15 Top 40 hits for the group and remains their only #1 song.  The song also peaked at #12 in Great Britain and earlier in the year a version by the Chords had peaked at #9 on the Best Sellers in Stores chart and at #3 on Billboard’s soul chart. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well. – John Marshall, chief justice of the United States, 1801-1835

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The US women’s basketball team has a 66-3 in the Olympic Games. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

The four members of the Crew Cuts met in what Canadian city? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 20, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

USA! USA!: We recently found ourselves wondering if there was any possible way Donald Trump could have provided us with any value whatsoever as president. We came up with this scenario: 

Tonight On Fantasy Island: If Congress had a spine, imagine that, Trump could have been put to use. House and Senate Republican leaders could have confronted him before his inauguration and said, look, Donny, here’s the deal: you are incompetent. We haven’t completed the final analysis yet, but your only real talent appears to be drawing attention to yourself. You were an embarrassment as a candidate and left unchecked your presidency will be no better. 

De Plane! De Plane!: So here’s what’s going to happen because we have asses to cover: you are going to be managed like no president since Reagan. We will pass some useful legislation that you are going to sign. You will say what we tell you to say when we tell you to say it. If we do this, our country will avoid becoming a complete fiasco. If you defy us, then we will let the Democrats drum up some impeachment charges and we will vote to remove you, bad for you because no one will pay attention to you anymore. Worse than disgraced, you will be ignored. 

Back To Reality: This never happened, of course, because Trump, despite less personal substance than George W Bush, has commanded the loyalty that wealthy bullies have commanded since time immemorial. It’s the way the world is built. 

The Bottom Line: Trump, of course, has done America much harm and very little good. America is dying, now, midway between the influence she once had and the oblivion that awaits her. In 75 days America will herald to itself and the world if she’s ready to take charge and make some changes or whether she’s content to rubber-stamp the status quo.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow is foiled in an attempt to get a haircut. Today’s Diary.  

So I knocked off early and drove over on the chance there was a technical glitch and there wouldn’t be much of a wait but that was not the case…They’d been booked since noon…There was one stylist and the receptionist had the service skills of a gulag commandant and I don’t really want to go back there…Unclear right now, tho, is whether to try someplace else or let the flowing locks grow out.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Sparrow is now joining Lee on his ten-minute breaks.

I am blaming this entirely on Lee. He is such a professional that when I announce my 10-10 is over within a few seconds he is opening the door to the EDR, ready to start his and I can see no reason to leave Lee sitting there all by himself so I’ll stay and keep him company. 

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1940 – British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, speaking before the House of Commons, makes his famous “never was so much owed by so many to so few” speech. The speech came about a third of the way through the Battle of Britain, an air battle between British and Canadian forces against Nazi and Italian forces that Britain ultimately won. Churchill had first used the line a few days earlier after visiting a Royal Air Force operations room. 

In 2016 – The United States wins its sixth consecutive women’s basketball gold medal, defeating Spain 101-72 in the gold medal game. The Americans went 8-0 in the tournament, including a 5-0 in pool play and had defeated Japan and France in the quarter and semifinals. The last team to win the women’s basketball gold medal in the Olympics had been the Unified Team in 1992, an Olympics where the Americans had won the bronze medal. 

In 1977 – The Floaters are at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the second of six consecutive weeks with Float On. It was the first chart single for the group and remains their only pop hit and their only soul Top 10 hit. The song also went to #1 on pop charts in Great Britain and New Zealand, peaked at #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and was Billboard’s biggest soul song of the year. The song returned to the Billboard charts in 2004 when it peaked at #17 on the Adult Alternative chart. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…if his mind was preoccupied with emotions he couldn’t use it effectively. – John Creasy, A Sharp Rise In Crime

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Of the 30 men who have held the world record in the 110-meter hurdles since the record was first recognized in 1908, 19 have been from the US. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What is the overall record for the US women’s basketball team at the Olympics? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 19, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

SMH: You know, baseball, you’re about to lose me.  Most of the damage has been inflicted by those who run the game, but this time it’s the players that are leaving us wondering what the deal is. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Monday night Fernando Tatis, Jr of the San Diego Padres hit a grand slam home run in the eighth inning of a game the Padres, somehow, were leading by seven runs. The home run came on a 3-0 count and this caused their opponent, the Texas Rangers, to whine that Tatis should have been taking the pitch on the theory the game was out of hand and baseball tradition states you don’t do certain things in this situation. 

Oh, Jesus H, Here We Go: Let me tell you something, anyone who has seen more than two baseball games knows that a seven-run lead is not out of hand, especially with the Padres bullpen…As an umpire, we’ve knocked around home plate a lot over the years and once saw a team winning 15-0 lose 17-15…It is simply not reasonable to expect someone to lay off a meat pitch with only a seven-run lead…Twelve runs or more, at the big league level, yes, you have yourself a blowout and there is no reason to show anyone up…Seven runs, though, is still a ballgame and us fans have the right to expect teams to compete until the very end. 

The Bottom Line: You know, there are two sets of rules in any sport: the ones in the book and the ones the players play the game under. And if taking a pitch on 3-0 late in a seven-run game is now an established part of the game, so be it: it’s the player’s game and they’ll play it as they see fit. But boy, the grand old game has gone soft. A seven-run lead is hardly insurmountable. The Texas Rangers should stop whining and play the game. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow talks to the same man three times. Today’s Diary.  

Oh hell, this could go on all night so yours truly laid the hammer down: I asked him what he wanted me to do for him. 

Friends here’s a Sparrow ProTip: if you’re ever making a pest of yourself at a hotel front desk – or anywhere, for that matter – and you are asked this, your desk clerk has reached the end of his rope…He believes he’s done everything he can for you and wants you to vanish. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Spike’s capacity for foul language is &#@%ing shocking. 

Spike has – and this isn’t even subject for discussion – the foulest mouth I have ever heard. I spent four years on a submarine where I earned a Ph.D. in the F word with an emphasis on the Holy Trinity and even I was appalled. 

Spike was yapping about pigs and twigs and how a bachelor like me should never turn down a phone number from a fat pig because pigs generally have thin friends and she was talking about (human) genitalia in ways that made even me uncomfortable.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

The Regular Guys
Coming soon!

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1936 – Soviet leader Joseph Stalin’s Great Purge begins with the start of show trials against followers of Leon Trotsky and other opponents of the Communist Party. The first trial had 16 defendants and lasted until August 25, with all 16 found guilty and executed. Similar trials were conducted until 1938. 

In 1981 – Renaldo Nehemiah of the United States establishes a new world record in the 110-meter hurdles in a meet in Zurich. Nehemiah ran the race in 12.93 seconds to break the mark of 13 seconds he had established in May 1979, which broke the record of 13.16 seconds he had originally established a month earlier. The record is now 12.8 seconds, established by Aries Merritt of the US in 2012. 

In 1967 – Stevie Wonder is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Rhythm & Blues Singles chart – for the fourth and final non-consecutive week with I Was Made to Love Her. Earlier, the song had peaked at #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and at #5 in Great Britain. It was the fourth of a soul chart record 20 #1 songs for Wonder – a record shared with Aretha Franklin – and was his fifth Top 10 hit on the Hot 100.  

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I learned this at least by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live that life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours…If you have built your castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Carl Yastrzemski holds the American League record for most career plate appearances. His 13,992 plate appearances is second on the all-time list behind Pete Rose. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Of the 30 men who have held the 110-meter hurdles since 1908, how many have been American? – Answer next time!

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