The Daily Dose/August 10, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow hasn’t slept particularly well the past couple of days. Today’s Diary.  

I’m grateful I got the afternoon nap in., tho why sleep the past couple of days has blown is not clear, tho yours truly suspects it’s because I haven’t been taking my grape seed extract supplement for a while…I ran out last week and haven’t replenished it yet…In fact, I’m fairly certain that’s the cause because I’m getting up to use the can more than once again. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon deals with a guest who is completely crackers. 

So I’m going thru the purse looking for some ID when the cell phone in the purse rings. The first time I didn’t bother answering it. The second time I did. I identify myself as a Monte Carlo security officer. Judging by her response, I might as well have said ‘serial rapist’. The girl demanded, several times, that I tell her where her friend is and I tell her, several times, that I don’t know and she also demands to know how in the fuck I got the purse. I hem and haw a little bit because I don’t really know who I am speaking with and I end up telling the girl the owner of the purse can pick it up at the Monte Carlo security podium, conveniently located near the cage. 

This causes more trouble because she thinks the cage is the name of a club at MGM, not a place in a casino where you conduct financial transactions, which obliged yours truly to spend a couple of minutes clearing that up. The girl is immature and demanding and eventually I hang up.

Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Chapter 13 – A Visitor From The Past: Beth comes and visits our hero. 

I had a visitor one day. I hardly recognized the elderly woman as the screw escorted her out of the office towards the barred barrier to the dayroom. It couldn’t have been me mother. I like to think I would have recognized her and besides, I’d heard she was long dead but I could never be bothered to know for sure. I was getting ready to issue the cordial greeting instinctive to me people when our eyes met. 

Beth.

Beth!

The women responsible for my wealth and for Monica and, probably in some big picture context, for me confinement. Had it not been for the education she had provided in five-star, luxury living who the hell knows how me life would have ended up?

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 2003 – The highest temperature ever in Great Britain is recorded, when a temperature of 101.3° Fahrenheit is taken at Kent, England. It was the first temperature over 100° F ever recorded in Britain and broke the record of 98.8° recorded at Cheltenham, England in August 1990. The record is now 101.7° F, recorded last year at Cambridge, England and these remain the only temperatures over 100° F ever recorded in Britain, which also includes Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. 

In 1901 – Frank Isbell of the Chicago White Sox establishes a new major league record for most runners stranded on base in a game in an 11-7 loss to the Cleveland Blues, now the Indians. Isbell was 1-for-6 in the game and his record stood until 1972 when it was broken by Glenn Beckert of the Chicago Cubs, who left twelve runners in base on Sept 16. That mark was later tied in 1998 by Todd Helton of the Colorado Rockies and Isbell’s mark remains the American League record for a 9-inning game. The overall record is 14, by Ryan Zimmerman of the Washington Nationals, who stranded 14 runners in a 13-inning game in 2016. 

In 1959 – Elvis Presley is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Big Hunk o’ Love. It was twelfth of 18 #1 songs for Elvis and his 15th of 37 Top 10 hits on Billboard’s pop charts. The also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #4 in Great Britain and at #10 on Billboard’s soul chart. The B-side of the record, My Wish Came True, peaked at #12 on the Hot 100 and both songs were recorded at Elvis’ only recording session while he was in the Army. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I could excuse a man who was afraid of an uplifted fist, but if one habitually manifests fear at the utterance of a sincere thought, I must think that his life is a kind of nightmare continued into broad daylight. – Henry David Thoreau

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The Bee Gees have had two #1 singles in their native Australia, I Started a Joke (two weeks, 1969) and Stayin’ Alive (seven weeks, 1978)

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What’s the highest temperature ever recorded in Europe? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 9, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was. 

1. American Electorate –  86 days until election where American voters will herald to the world – and themselves – whether they’re content to continue driving their country into the ground or are ready to make some changes…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters were once “pretty sure” once-proud country had until half-century out to do something, but are now less sure of that.  

2. College Football – Mid-American Conference (MAC) becomes first major division collegiate conference to throw in towel on 2020 season, freeing up Saturday afternoons for the few dozen fans that actually attended games…Nobody really cares about MAC football, but this does set stage for real conferences to follow suit. 

3. The Bottom Ten – Venerable American institution considering suspending operations for 2020 (2020) as it will be difficult to fill out all ten slots without MAC participation….Bottom Ten pollsters reportedly scurrying to find replacement content, with rankings of President Trump tweets, bourbons, frozen foods, all being considered.  

4. GOP  – 46th anniversary Nixon resignation has nation longing for simpler time when GOP presidents were merely corrupt, not also ignorant narcissists…Currently reduced to offering lying sexual predator who believes moon is part of Mars for reelection, GOP has not produced decent elected president since Eisenhower with Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” GOP should just go away. 

5. President Trump Fact Check – A doubleheader for you today…Click here and here to read America’s Liar-in-Chief lie and misinform on a broad range of topics, from pre-existing conditions to mail-in voting and a COVID vaccine. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: At the hotel, Sparrow comes across some cashews. Today’s Diary.    

The big news is while I was out delivering folios I stopped in to see what shaking in the housekeeping office – done occasionally just for funsies, there’s no official reason to be in the housekeeping office – and Head Housekeeper Gloria had a container of whole, roasted/salted/whatever cashews on the ledge above her desk…These immediately grab my interest as cashews are an official Sparrow Problem Food (SPF) and, out of habit, I open the container and take a few.

The working cashew predator has to be careful, here tho…If it’s just opened, a handful taken from an almost full jar is liable to be noted, similar to if its taken from an almost empty jar, but the jar was half full, perfect for my purposes.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Special Ed gets a haircut in the briefing room. 

And Special Ed even got a haircut before he went on day shift! It was funny. Ed had tried giving himself a haircut at home and butchered it so miserably that someone brought clippers in and actually gave him a rather serviceable trim. It wasn’t Haircut of the Year, but at least his hair no longer looked like it had been attacked by a pissed off badger. 

We also ragged him about whether or not he was going to color his hair, because the gray was starting to return. Ed colors his hair a really awful shade of brown that makes his hair look like an old pair of loafers. 

“Ed,” I asked. “You going to be using that liquid shoe polish again?” To emphasize my point, I made a fist and waved it over the top of my head as if I were applying liquid shoe polish. Like it should have, it got really good laughs and Special Ed told me to go fuck myself.

Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables/Chapter 12 – Monica: Monica chats about herself and our hero. 

I wanted to write to him, but I didn’t. I had no idea how he was feeling towards me. I wanted to visit but I didn’t know if either of us could take it and I couldn’t bear his rejection. We had a bond, but he was my pimp and I was never anything more than laughs and luxury to him. He was one of nature’s bachelors who took us women when it suited him. It was easier to ignore our bond than to face the prospect of drawing any benefits from it, even though we could have both used them. 

I regretted it because I owed him so much. Had Rachel not come up and said hi at the bar that night I wouldn’t have my splendid chateau or my Rolls or any other nice thing I possess. Who knows how I would have ended up. I’d probably have kids and an ex-husband or two and be fat and ugly instead of having at one time been our planet’s most desired woman.

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1173 – Construction begins on the bell tower of a cathedral in Pisa, Italy – a tower today known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The tower began to sink as early as 1178 when the second floor was added and construction was not completed until the bell-chamber was finished in 1392. Today the tower stands 183 feet high and lists at an angle of 3.97 degrees. 

In 1984 – Daley Thompson of Great Britain becomes the second person to win consecutive Olympic decathlons at the Los Angeles Summer Games. Thompson won the 100-meters, long jump and the 400-meters and finished with 8,789 points. Thompson had won the event at the Moscow Games in 1980, duplicating the feat of Bob Mathias (USA, London 1948, Helsinki, 1952) and later matched by Ashton Eaton of the US at London in 2012 and Rio de Janeiro in 2016. 

In 1975 – The Bee Gees are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Jive Talkin’. It was the second of nine #1 songs for the group and their fifth of 15 Top 10 hits. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #5 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 11th biggest song of the year. The song was from their album Main Course and was later included in the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, though the scene it was included in was later cut from the film. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…a day has to pass eventually. – Jules Verne, Journey to the Center of the Earth

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Great Britain was the first country to colonize Singapore, in 1819.

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many #1 songs have the Bee Gees had in their native Australia? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 8, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

USA! USA!: There was a time when we could blame our government for our COVID problems. Their reaction was delayed and incompetent. Had it not been, we feel there would be a fraction of the COVID deaths we have now. They have blood on their hands.

Dry, Technical Matter: Now, though, we can’t entirely blame our government. Sure, they’re still not providing any guidance, but now a big part of the blame looks us in the mirror every morning. If Americans had had a collective sense of purpose and started wearing masks and avoiding large gatherings seven months ago, the worst would be over, the economic fiasco of the lockdown would have been avoided, though wearing masks and staying home on our own would, of course, have exacted a moderate economic toll. 

Fly In The Ointment: Now, though, we have as much blood on our hands as our government. For a couple-three generations now we have been well-fed and well-entertained and America is no longer in the mood for collective sacrifice. Some of us are wearing masks and staying home and some taking precautions and some not taking precautions is not going to accomplish anything. America’s citizens have as much blood on their hands as their government. 

Running The Numbers: While more people are getting COVID, the death rate for closed cases continues to drop and is now at 5.49% worldwide and at 5.94% in the US. On July 8 it was 8.85% in the US. 

The Bottom Line: The blame for COVID still flourishing in this country while it is somewhat under control in other countries rests with us. We’re tolerating an incompetent government and we’re not really in the mood to make the sacrifices required to make serious inroads in reducing infections. Until we are, it is not going to get any better and America will remain a country that is halfway between the influence we once had and the oblivion that awaits us. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest mpg figure for the new ride. Today’s Diary.   

All right, the good news is we’re up from the 38-something mpg we had last week…The bad news is we’ve been flirting with 40 mpg for a few months now and have only topped it once…Now, 39.45 mpg is 40 if you’re rounding up but, of course, we have too much respect for the new ride’s mpg figures to round-up…It does leave you wondering, tho, exactly what needs to be done to push it over the hump…I mean, a half-mile per gallon can’t be all that much, but who really knows? 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: MCSD valiantly responds to a report of a couple getting busy in an SUV in the parking garage. 

Well, level five is the top level and is viewable from the 100 wing stairwells. I jump out of my chair, leave the office and make the short walk to the stairwell. The suspect SUV is visible and illegally parked off to my right. I don’t usually approve of irrelevant radio traffic but, in the interest of safety, I announce I am standing by, ready to render all possible aid.

Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables/Chapter 11 – Confinement: Our hero receives a visit from the constable. 

He’s a smart guy. Had he chosen something on the right side of the law he would have done well at it.    

I told him I’d grown up here and always wanted to be a cop, so that’s what I chose to do with my working life. Actually, my entire life because the work consumes you with odd hours and odd circumstances and whatnot. I told him, honestly, I had a pretty good childhood. Not perfect, good. I was loved and home was a good place to be. 

Completely opposite childhoods. His lousy, mine satisfactory. No surprise I was the one visiting and he was the one in jail.

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments. 

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1965 – Singapore becomes an independent nation, after being expelled from Malaysia. Singapore had become part of Malaysia in 1963, however, it was not an easy union, and included among other things, economic and racial unrest. To date, Singapore remains the only nation to gain independence unwillingly. 

In 1922 – The Pittsburgh Pirates establish a new modern major league record for most hits in two consecutive games and a new major league mark for most hits in a doubleheader in 19-8 and 7-3 wins over the Philadelphia Phillies.  The previous day the Pirates had amassed 22 hits against the Phillies and had 27 hits in the opener, for 49 hits total. The Pirates added 19 hits in the nightcap for the doubleheader record. Both records still stand and the all-time major league record for most hits in two consecutive games in 55, done by the Phillies in 1894. 

In 1981 – Rick Springfield is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second and final consecutive week with Jessie’s Girl. The song took seven weeks to make the Top 40 and spent three consecutive weeks at #4 before moving to #1 two weeks later. It was the second of 16 Top for hits for Springfield and remains his only #1 song. The song also peaked at #1 in Springfield’s native Australia, at #43 in Great Britain (in 1984) and was Billboard’s 5th biggest song of the year. The song earned Springfield the Grammy Award for Best Male Rock Vocal Performance. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Citizens no longer listened to good advice, for the belly has no ears. – Cato, Roman senator

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Wilson Pickett’s biggest hit on the Billboard Hot 100 was Land of 1,000 Dances, which peaked at #6 in 1966. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What country first colonized Singapore? – Answer next time!

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