The Daily Dose/August 5, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Treasured readers, your Daily Dose will return.

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow lets a guest into his room, instead of merely giving him a key. Today’s Diary.

The two rooms are actually diagonal from each other, at the L where the end of one wing meets the beginning of another and rather than immediately open 147 I asked him which room was his, a good move because he immediately pointed to 149…I let him in and the described backpacks were there altho had he advised another indicator would have been the smell of primo weed that would have been accurate, too…It hadn’t been smoked yet, but, boy, it was not hermetically sealed, either. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: The new employee dining room (EDR) debuts.

The new, improved EDR debuted last night. The food wasn’t noticeably better, but there appeared to be more of it and it was more or less fresh and there were cute little stickers on the sneeze guards showing, in the form of colored apples, how often we could indulge in each item. A green apple meant the item could be enjoyed anytime, a yellow item could be enjoyed in moderation and red apple items, apparently, will kill you instantly. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Chapter 8 – Lights, Camera, Action: Our hero gets frisky with the constable.

Sue and Edra were, again, wonderful cover. a middle-aged man leisurely walking out with two women, one holding a teddy bear, drew some zero interest, not even from the constables who were starting to make their way into the park. I would later read they had arrested some hapless bloke who happened to resemble me. Or, rather, resembled the me they were looking for. It would take him a day or two to establish he wasn’t me.

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The Daily Dose/August 4, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience…

It’s still pretty slow around the world, so Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow and his treasured sleep sessions. Today’s Diary.  

Regular readers of this crap know that we generally only get a few hours on Monday and that’s OK because Tuesday is all-you-can-get sleep, necessary because once we get up Tuesday night we don’t get back to bed until Wednesday nite. 

So Monday’s key…Too much sleep and you’re not getting to bed until late Tuesday, which isn’t too bad from a number of hours of sleep standpoint, but you’re getting up late Tuesday and treasured morning routine is shot straight to hell, to include Tuesday night lifting and walk. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Jose and Gaylon throw out a 6-foot, 2-inch hooker. 

I was in the CSO wrapping up a report on a woman in the hotel bitten by a spider when Jose shows up with her. Since he was doing a formal 86, he had to take her picture and fill out a form or two and read her the trespass warning. 

Her name was Danielle and she carried her six feet, two inches very, very well. Actually, she was wearing heels and appeared ready to work the low post for UNLV. She was built like a brick shithouse though, utterly drop-dead gorgeous, and it was sad to know she was working. 

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Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Chapter 7 – The Constable: Our hero goes tactical. 

I put on me sunglasses and went for a walk. It was a gorgeous, sunny day, the kind that stays in your memory and gets you through winter and the type where me sunglasses drew no more notice than me trousers. Me goal was to field test me sunglasses camera, specifically lighting and distance. There is a big park right in the middle of the big borough that was splendidly suited for this purpose. I took pictures of people standing, sitting, walking and playing, both at close range at distance. Back at me flat, I download the whole lot. Pics up to about 75 feet come out well. Longer than that were less good. Me printer worked splendidly. 

Now all I had to do was get within 75 feet of the constable. 

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1977 – President Jimmy Carter signs a bring creating the Department of Energy. The act consolidated the Federal Energy Administration, the Energy Research and Development Administration and the Federal Power Commission and began operation on Oct 1. Before the creation of the Energy Department, the last cabinet agency created was the Department of Transportation in 1967. The current secretary of energy is Dan Brouillette. 

In 1984 – Carl Lewis of the United States wins the gold medal in the 100-meters at the Los Angeles Olympics. Lewis ran the race in 9.9 seconds to defeat Sam Graddy of the US and Ben Johnson of Canada. It was the first of four gold medals Lewis would win at the Los Angeles Games (long jump, 200-meters, 4×100-meter relay), matching the feat first accomplished by Jesse Owns at the 1936 Berlin Games. It was also the first of his nine Olympic gold medals. 

In 2018 – Meant to Be by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then as now known as the Hot Country Songs chart – for a record-breaking 35th consecutive week. The song broke the country chart record of 34 weeks at #1 established in 2017 by Sam Brown with Body Like a Back Road. Meant to Be had first hit #1 the previous December 16 and would eventually spend a total of 50 consecutive weeks at #1, a record for a major Billboard singles chart that still stands. The song also peaked at #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…he understood what people would do long before they themselves knew…he could predict the future because he entirely understood the present. – Gore Vidal, Creation 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The record of 20 weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart by Old Town Road by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus broke the record of 18 weeks set by three songs: The Honeydripper (Parts 1 & 2) (1945) by Joe Liggins and His Honeydrippers, Choo Choo Ch’Boogie (1946) by Louis Jordan and His Tympany Five and One Dance (2016) by Drake featuring Wizkid and Kyla.

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What song holds the record for most weeks at #1 on any Billboard singles chart? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 3, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets off a funny at the hotel. Today’s Diary.   

Here’s another Sparrow Tuff Call: they’re funny sorts and would they – or would they not – find a line about their credit card being declined funny???…Call it the instincts all the great ones have if you must, but yours truly determined that yes, they would find this line funny and they did!!!…I am not making that up…It earned the laff it deserved. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: There’s a noise complaint in the high rent district. 

88Dick saw my point, too, and decides to call the front desk and see who we are dealing with, something I should’ve thought of. If it’s a very high roller in the suite, the hotel may well not want him to do anything but enjoy himself, in which case we’d move the guest who complained and as a token of our goodwill his night’s stay would be with the compliments and best wishes of the management and staff of the Monte Carlo.  

Turns out it wasn’t anyone too important, although it was a guest paying $1750 (plus tax) for the suite. It was all code four. 88Dick and I made contact and requested they pipe the fuck down and they said sure.

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Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Chapter 6: The Operation and Another Escape: Our hero barely misses getting nicked. 

What I‘ve long suspected, but never known, was the assistant warden got tired of being #2 behind Monica. We had the occasional tea, the occasional go and even the occasional holiday, but that’s all we ever were, the occasional. Perhaps she notified the constables about me and the flat and our contact with the constables got wind of the warrants and notified Mauricio, who called me. Or, maybe the contact who helped with my papers suddenly got tough on crime and snitched on me. But it was unlikely he knew where I lived. 

Who the bloody hell knows?

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1958 – The USS Nautilus, the world’s first nuclear submarine, becomes the first ship to reach the North Pole. The voyage faced assorted challenges, including a navigational one as both traditional and magnetic compasses were inaccurate above 85 degrees north latitude, a situation that was helped by the development of an inertial navigation system that reckoned the ship’s position based on speed and course inputs into a computer. The voyage had begun on July 23 when they pulled out of Seattle and the ship would later surface off the coast of Greenland. 

In 1962 – Frank Thomas of the New York Mets tied the major league record for most home runs in three consecutive games in 8-6 loss to the Cincinnati Reds. Thomas hit two runs, giving him six in the past three games tying a record that had been accomplished several times in both leagues. The record is now seven home runs in three consecutive games, done by Shawn Greene of the Los Angeles Dodgers in 2002.

In 2019 – Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus establish a new Billboard Hot 100 record for most weeks at #1 with Old Town Road. The song is in its 17th consecutive week at #1, breaking the record of 16 weeks established by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men (One Sweet Day) in 1986 and tied by Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Bieber (Despacito) in 2017. The song was also in its 17th of a record 20 consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart. The song was Billboard’s biggest song of the year and ranked 20th on their 60th Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. With the song, Cyrus joined the Elvis and Everly Brothers as the only acts to have #1 songs on a Billboard country and soul chart and the Hot 100. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Let us laugh at fate. It might please her. – Winston Churchill, letter to mother, 1897

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The events in the heptathlon are the 110-meter hurdles, high jump, shot put, 200-meters, long jump, javelin and the 800-meters. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Which record for most weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart did Old Town Road break? – Answer next time!

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