Criminals, Courtesans and Constables/Chapter 6 – The Operation and Another Escape
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo/January 29
The Daily Dose/Sunday, August 2, 2020
The Daily Dose/August 2, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. Major League Baseball – Valiantly holding on to season that has already seen 16 games postponed and the Marlins and Phillies put in time out for a week…Triple-headers required to finish season by Christmas to be scheduled for three innings for each game, with starting pitchers required to complete only opening warm-ups to get credit for win.
2. COVID-19 – A timely and competent response by US and we’re likely living a normal life again, with infection, death rates probably down to non-panic inducing numbers…America did not get a timely and competent response, though, and citizens unwilling to take precautions now have blood on their hands, just like US government.
3. President Trump and the 2020 Election: Mr President, you have no more power to alter the date of the 2020 general election than the Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters do…Your ignorance of the presidency, the constitution, of established norms, is as funny as it is sad and our tolerance of it is tragic.
4. The Bottom Ten – Status of American classic for this fall still up in the air, as panic B-10 pollsters feel with NCAA season starting four weeks later mitigated somewhat by knowledge season probably isn’t going to be played anyway…Some B-10 pollsters threatening to “opt out” from pressures of weekly voting to spend more time with bar tabs.
5. President Trump Fact Check – US economy expected to spike next month as fact-checking president now country’s biggest growth industry….Click here for this week’s assortment of half-truths, misinformation and outright lies.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow encounters a guest with a sheathed dagger. Today’s Diary.
And one hell of a time to have forgotten my own knife, tho if you think I’m going slasher at work you are high because I will ensure it won’t come to that…Anyone carrying a dagger like that probably knows how to use it and friends, in close quarters the best defense against a dagger is to flee because you will be stabbed before you can reach for your gun, presuming you’re packing…Besides, even I’d’ve remembered my knife, I’ve long forgotten some modest knife training I’ve had tho, as I recall, a lot of it’s being ready and acting decisively.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Changes are coming to the Employee Dining Room.
We’re just hoping they don’t install one of those deals where you have to swipe your employee badge to get into the EDR. (Rumor has it Monte Carlo is the only casino on the Strip that doesn’t.) This would blow. Official Monte Carlo policy dictates employees are entitled to use the EDR only once per shift, but this rule could not be more violated if prizes were issued for non-compliance. A lot of employees – like security officers, for instance – go to the EDR on their breaks in addition to their lunch hours and there are so many day shift officers there for breakfast you could have briefing in the EDR.
Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Chapter 5 – The States: Our hero gets sent to the States and sees Monica for what turns out to be the last time in a very long time.
We had no idea. There was always the assurance of next time and by now I had gotten accustomed to our casual departures to the extent a stake wasn’t driven through my heart anymore. When the doorman opened our limo door and addressed us by name that winter day, neither of us knew we were leaving the resort for the last time. Our limo dropped us off at the airport and we went to our separate terminals.
It would be many years before I would see Monica again, and there were times it appeared that we might never see each other again at all. When we did, it was in the exact opposite of a 5-star hotel, or even a bloody airline terminal.
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On This Date
History’s long march to today.
In 1870 – The world’s first underground subway opens in London. Known as the Tower Subway, it was 1,340 feet long and had a diameter of 6 feet, 7.75 inches and ran underneath the River Thames between Tower Hill on the north bank and Vine Street on the south bank. Passengers were transported by a cable-hauled wooden carriage, though this was not profitable would later be converted to a pedestrian walkway. The subway would close in 1898 after the Tower Bridge opened and today houses water mains.
In 1992 – Jackie Joyner-Kersee wins the gold medal in the heptathlon on the 1992 Barcelona Summer Olympics. Joyner won the 100-meter hurdles, the 200-meters and the long jump to finish with 7,044 points to beat Irina Belova of the Unified Team and Sabine Braun of Germany. It was the second consecutive gold medal in the event for Kersey, who had established the world record at the 1988 Seoul Summer Olympics and she also earned the silver medal at the 1984 Los Angeles Games. Her world record of 7,291 points still stands.
In 1975 – The Eagles are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with One of These Nights. The song spent 14 weeks in the Top 40, ten of those weeks in the Top 10. It was the second #1 song of 1975 for the group (Best of My Love, one week) and their second of five #1s for their career. The song also peaked at #23 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s ninth biggest song of the year.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…those emotions and desires never leave you. The song transcends your age and continues to speak to that part of you that is both exhilarated and frightened about what tomorrow brings. – Bruce Springsteen, on Born To Run
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The Beatles’ 20 #1 songs on Billboard’s Hot 100 spent a total of 59 weeks at #1. They are fourth on the all-time list behind Mariah Carey (82), Elvis (79) and Rihanna (60).
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What events comprise the heptathlon? – Answer next time!
The Diary of a Nobody/August 1
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, August 1
The petty cash safe was completely useless, or would have been had any petty cash been needed…I had finished counting the left and right drawer and pulled the safe out and all it had, currency-wise, was a C note and two $1 bills….Good gravy, that isn’t any good to anyone handling money…The rest was a rather adequate supply of quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies and there certainly wasn’t a bank I could run to break the C note, tho I did make note of it in the logbook.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables/Chapter 5 – The States
One
Soon enough I went back to collecting ransoms for the Firm.
Hardly had much choice. The Firm had sprung me and they didn’t spring me so I could retire to some neutral country.
If I wasn’t their slave the least I could do was be their vassal. The Firm would work me. I wanted to point out to The Chairman that I hadn’t had any choice in the matter of escape, I had simply been ordered to report to a storeroom and make my way down a vent to an office where I was presented a change of clothes and an escort out the front door, but that I was hardly in a position to say no, thank you, I‘ll quite be staying put. That would not have been prudent so I kept me yap shut. There are times you yield to the prevailing winds.
I stayed in the safehouse to start. After matters had subsided I didn’t have to, but I wasn’t burdened with options because me cottage was known to the constables, so a proper home, as it had been all me life, was out. I was used to it. As I approached middle age, though, I liked it less and less.
Eventually, I wearied of living at Chateau Safehouse and collecting ransoms had become as routine as grocery shopping, though far less dangerous. True to myself, the usual outfit of wanting something more interesting than what I had was waiting to be tried on again.
The Chairman, whose great skill was accurately reading others, sensed this and after a couple of months he told me to be patient, something was in the works and it would involve me. Well, that tided me over for a while. The Chairman is an evil arch-villain, the mastermind of a criminal underworld of unknown scope and breadth, but his word was good and I patiently did my work through the spring and by summer I was on my way to the States.
Two
Hide in plain sight.
Even though I was an escaped con I was an extortionist and not Jack the Ripper for Pete’s sake and it had been confirmed I was utterly off the constable’s radar in North America. Lord knows they had enough to worry about with their citizens turning their once-proud country into a shooting gallery. Still though, despite the fact I possessed legitimate papers under another name, I took precautions and I left home and was granted admittance to the States as a matter of course.
The largest city in the States is a splendid place to hide in plain sight. I checked into a comfortable hotel near the park that nobody paid any mind to. At check-in, there was a package waiting for me. There was no postage or return address on it, so it had been hand-delivered and the desk clerk offered it without comment. Since the Firm was the only one who knew I was here it could only be from them so, naturally, I waited until I was in my suite to open it.
In it was a States’ passport. The Firm’s reach wasn’t all-encompassing but it was long so the passport would be legit and not a mere forgery, so I could travel with it and even obtain a conductor’s license if I wanted to.
There was also a letter. It was printed from a computer on common paper and wasn’t signed. Based on its generally chatty tone, it sounded like it was from Mauricio, the bloke I tag-teamed with at the Games. It welcomed me and graciously said for me to take a generous amount of time to get comfortable and acclimated. It said there was a flat leased for me and gave the address, and there was a key for the post office box which turned out to be convenient to absolutely nothing or no place whatsoever. I was also strongly encouraged to ensure my original papers were kept secure and not found by anyone who was not me.
Monica flew in a couple of days later from the national capital, where she had a varied and horny clientele that provided for a very profitable couple of weeks. Though admitting the charms of the hotel the Firm had provided, she nonetheless deemed them unsatisfactory and before nightfall – and, of course, at my expense – had secured accommodations at a suitably 5-star hotel. This was hardly a bulletin.
After a couple of days, we set about to find the flat the Firm had leased for me. It was, hardly surprising, perfect. Nice, but not so nice people would wonder exactly who was living there. It was comfortable and almost gracious. You might think that Monica, as a female, would be of some use in setting up a household but you would be wrong. After years of being pampered in luxury hotels, she utterly lacked those skills. She could no more help a bloke set up a home than she could help him install a science laboratory. Her biggest concerns were whether or not there was a satisfactory view, a proper soaking tub and decent concierge service. (Yes, yes and no. Concierges are paid to be nosy.)
The Firm would have duties for me later. The Chairman chatted with me about them before I left saying they were mainly supervisory in nature. The Firm had long-established rackets in place and the guy I would be taking over from was being recalled.
Monica and I had some time for a proper holiday. As the planet’s most desired courtesan she had, of course, been to this city many times and there was no shortage of things she enjoyed doing but we kept it simple for the first few days. We took a bus tour of mid and lower downtown that took most of the afternoon and ate in places that served good food despite the fact it appeared they’d been bribing the health inspector for years. There were museums and shows and all the other usual touristy things. After a week we took advantage of a break in the weather and rented a car and drove north along the coast. This is the area where this country was founded and while it’s not as old as Europe, it’s old enough, with charming small towns.
I didn’t make Monica dress up like an old hag like I did at the Games, but I went out in my usual moderate disguise, mainly because it matched the picture on my new passport. After a month Monica left. It was a splendid month, a month I looked back on often, especially during the years when thinking was mostly all I had to do.
Monica left for Rome, where she was meeting a client for a month-long cruise. Hilariously, his wife would be there, too and you might – or you might not – be surprised at how often a bloke brings his courtesan on a trip with his wife. They never cross paths, generally, but Monica would be squirreled away in her own stateroom and the client would stop by when he could, circumstance Monica thought hilarious. She said they were great fun because the demands on her were minimal. All she had to do was open her door and let the client in from time to time. He would do things to her, things Monica enjoyed having done to her and would have done to her had she gone on the cruise on her own anyway. After that, she was free to do what she wanted and there was never a shortage of things to do on luxury cruise ships. She tended to put on weight on these, weight her position as the planet’s preferred courtesan demanded she take off immediately after debarking.
As usual when it was time to part her breezy kiss and wave goodbye were betrayed by her eyes, while the usual stake was driven through my heart.
Three
I ended up with over five weeks to meself. I managed to find the Firm’s post office box and one day there was a letter in there for me, the usual printout on everyday paper that sounded a lot like Mauricio. He said he was certain I had comfortably established myself and that it was time to get to work. He would meet me on a street corner at noon on a Monday. The city being the city, it would very busy on that street corner. More hiding in plain sight.
On the designated day I presented myself at the place at the designated time, a few minutes early because that’s what you do. I stood around looking at nothing in particular for a few minutes when I heard a voice behind me say both my original, given name – which I seldom used anymore and caused a small fright – and the Firm’s codeword. I turned around, saw the assistant warden who had walked me out the front door of the nick, and gave the countersign. Ever efficient, she smiled at me – not without some warmth – and instructed me to follow her. We ended up at one of those infernal chain restaurants that fester like weeds here in the States. Little they served was edible, which was rich considering this is a country that likes to whine about the food where I’m from.
Waiting for us at the table was Mauricio. Small talk was brief. Plainly we are all fine and you do not talk about what you do for the Firm even with comrades from the Firm. It was part of controlling what you could control because there was no need for others to know what you were doing. Knowledge kept in the back room was control the same as knowledge you put out on the shelves.
Mauricio gave me a folder with his usual plain paper, printed letter inside. Graciously, it welcomed me to the States and advised if everything was not in perfect order with my accommodations to let him know with all possible haste. Then it got down to business, explaining, in necessary detail, the Firm’s operations in the city, mainly extortion because crime responsibilities and territories in the city were rather specific and crossing previously set boundaries could get bloody, and my role in them. I was left with the impression there was a lot left out, plainly because it wasn’t anything I needed to be bothered knowing. After I was through reading it Mauricio took the letter and the folder back, doubtless so he could destroy it before it appeared in tomorrow’s headlines.
The work would be easy. Like any enterprise, it required a hands-on manager to keep the workers guided, inspired and in line and when that’s accomplished all you have to do is maintain it. I would, nominally, be working for the assistant warden, who appeared to a district manager or regional vice-president or some such for the Firm, it was hard to tell. But it was made clear I would report to her. It was also made clear we were to stick to Firm operations and not freelance with any side gigs. Except for the assistant warden and me having a go of it from time to time, we adhered to that.
I‘ve always been a bit of a lad and I was open to having a go of it with the assistant warden. She had done her homework, knew about Monica, adding it was plain I had feelings for her. I shrugged almost diffidently; it was none of her business. She added she didn’t want to get in our way, but Monica wasn’t here right now and she was, so how about it?
Four
Monica visited regularly, though perhaps not often. Her client list continued to be exclusive and not very long, but it was mainly in Europe.
We usually went to a luxury resort a couple of hours north of a big city in what Americans call the Midwest. Despite many years of having clients in America, Monica had never been there and Lord knows I hadn’t and it was perfect. It was luxurious with two marvelous restaurants and the finest room service, for my quid, at least, I’ve had and I’ve had an awful lot of five-star room service. Best of all, we both enjoyed having a world-class resort we could call our own, where we hadn’t been to with anyone else, that wasn’t merely returning to another job site.
We had no idea. There was always the assurance of next time and by now I had gotten accustomed to our casual departures to the extent a stake wasn’t driven through my heart anymore. When the doorman opened our limo door and addressed us by name that winter day, neither of us knew we were leaving the resort for the last time. Our limo dropped us off at the airport and we went to our separate terminals.
It would be many years before I would see Monica again, and there were times it appeared that we might never see each other again at all. When we did, it was in the exact opposite of a 5-star hotel, or even a bloody airline terminal.
Chapter 4: Monica and the Games
Chapter 6: The Operation and Another Escape
Table of Contents
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo/January 27
January 27
There are changes coming to the EDR. They are doing some remodeling and they are making a big deal out a new healthy menu that will be debuting at the first of the month.
We’re just hoping they don’t install one of those deals where you have to swipe your employee badge to get into the EDR. (Rumor has it Monte Carlo is the only casino on the Strip that doesn’t.) This would blow. Official Monte Carlo policy dictates employees are entitled to use the EDR only once per shift, but this rule could not be more violated if prizes were issued for non-compliance. A lot of employees – like security officers, for instance – go to the EDR on their breaks in addition to their lunch hours and there are so many day shift officers there for breakfast you could have briefing in the EDR.
Also, our new uniforms will debut next week and graveyard will be the first shift to wear them. It starts next Tuesday.
There will be more than new shirts and pants, too. Gone will be our utility belts. I was shocked when 77Rick said this at early briefing. The utility belt, in addition to being functional, is a BIG part of the Reid/Malloy fantasy.
As a practical matter, it will also cut down on the amount of stuff we will carry on our belts. My utility belt (called duty belts in the trade) carries two sets of handcuffs, a radio holder, a pouch for rubber gloves, and a flashlight holder. Now, we will only carry a radio, one pair of handcuffs and maybe a flashlight.
Here was your Henry lineup for last night:
Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – Lee
Henry 3 – X-Ray
I have passed very leisurely nights in the hotel the past two nights. Officially, it’s because I’ve been ill. Tuesday night in the casino I started coming down with something I am blaming on Taco Bell. Well, not Taco Bell specifically, more the sheer amount I consumed at Taco Bell. Wednesday night I went in and did as little as possible, barely getting a round in on a very routine night. I told 77Dwayne when I turned my scanner there wasn’t going to be much on it and he dismissed it with a wave of a hand, saying he was just glad I came to work and didn’t call off. Last night I was feeling better and got a little more than a round in, but not much more.
Here is your Henry lineup for tonight:
Henry 1 – OMP
Henry 2 – moi
Henry 3 – X-Ray
To show you how fast X-Ray’s star is rising he now works the hotel exclusively, a privilege normally reserved for full-time Henry 1’s. I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t bumped me out of the Henry 2 spot, but, as noted, the protégé remains deferential to the mentor who instilled in him the love of hotel duty. X-Ray’s going to the top in the hotel racket, make no mistake about that, and, long after OMP dirt naps and my star had faded, X-Ray will be #1 on the hotel charts, with a bullet.
January 21
January 29
Table of Contents
The Daily Dose/Saturday, August 1, 2020
The Daily Dose/August 1, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from our human experience.
THIS WHOLE ITEM IS GOING TO BE DRY, TECHNICAL MATTER, ISN’T IT?: One of our favorite reads is the baseball record book and we recently got our 2020 edition and we weren’t particularly surprised to find that browsing through it remains a lot of fun.
As you no doubt might, we have our fave records.
Oh, Jesus H: Our all-time fave is a record we put the work into finding out: which was the oldest record in the book, something we know you’ve probably wondered about, too.
Final Answer: This turned out to go all the way back to the earliest days of the National League – 1876, it’s first season – when, on April 29 John Carbine, a first baseman for the Louisville Grays, made five errors, a record for first basemen that still stands, though it has been tied several times. Based on what time the other games that day started, it was either the eighth, ninth or tenth game in National League history.
Live, You Are There Coverage: There are a few we were at. Our favorite came on April 13, 1987, in San Diego. We were in the Navy and it was the Padres’ home opener and they were playing the Giants and the Padres became the first team in major league history to hit three home runs to start a game as Marvell Wynne, Tony Gwynn and John Kruk knocked around Roger Mason. This feat has been equaled five times since.
FunFacts: My brother and I were in St Louis on July 10, 1987, when the Giants tied the National League record by playing in their fourth consecutive extra-inning game. On Sept 4, 1985, also in San Diego, Gary Carter tied the record for most home runs in consecutive games, hitting his fourth and fifth. Also in San Diego, in 1990, we saw Eddie Murray of the Dodgers tie Mickey Mantle’s mark with this 10th game hitting home runs from both sides of the plate.
Close But No Cigar: One record we were in a position to see but which didn’t pan out was Don Mattingly breaking the record for most consecutive games with a home run. He had tied the record at eight the night before at Texas and my brother and I happened to be in Oklahoma at the time and we scurried down and got pretty good seats but Mattingly didn’t homer.
The Bottom Line: Uh, there’s no bottom line because there was no point to this column – hardly the Upset of the Year – other than to share something enjoyable with you. Apologies are issued.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow buys the other flavor of his fave chicken salad. Today’s Diary.
Just for funsies, ol’ Sparrow recently purchased the other flavor of that new chicken salad the retailer has that both the cat and I like…The first one I bought has cranberries and some other goodies in it and the other one says on the label it’s rotisserie flavored…It would be a shame to pass the rest of my life not knowing if the rotisserie flavor is better then the first flavor, and it turned out to be pretty good…Not too bad, as Pa Sparrow would have said, a compliment from him…The cat liked it, too, but I could put some paper clips braised in motor oil on my plate and she’d like it…It was a notch below the original stuff, but if the retailer happens to be out of the original stuff at some time, then it is good to know the rotisserie stuff will do.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: X-ray and Gaylon break up a pot smoking ring.
Let me tell you something, you’ve been smoking dope in your room and see three (3) security officers standing outside your door when you exit, there is a high degree of probability it is not a coincidence. One of them made some lame comment about whether we had the key situation worked out, but they knew: they were in as much trouble as we wanted to make for them; you could see they were all waiting eagerly to see how bad it was going to be.
Two of the guys looked like they were going to crap their pants. X-Ray is black and we both shave our heads and we may well have looked like the DEA to them. You could see visions of calls home for bail money and expulsions from the Optimist Club dancing in their heads.
Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Chapter 4: Monica and the Games: Our hero helps cause havoc at the Games and spends some quality time with Monica.
Eventually, it was time to part. We both had to get back to work. Her client was arriving the following day and I had to get back to the Firm. We said goodbye in the suite, after lunch, her eyes betraying the breezy goodbye she offered while a stake was driven through me heart. I wanted to warn her to stay away from a certain train in the middle of a certain night but I couldn’t do that to my comrades at the Firm. Besides, the chances of Monica being on a public train with her client at the hour were about as likely as planetary alignment, so I didn’t worry about it.
Too much.
Valued Readers,
This is the last complimentary chapter. Click on the button to read the entire ebook for only $4.99, a price which also gets you access to The Diary of a Nobody and Backstairs at the Monte Carlo.
Many thanks for reading,
On This Date
History’s long march to today.
In 1966 – Charles Whitman, a 25-year-old student at the University of Texas in Austin, goes on a shooting spree from the tower of the university’s Main Building. Whitman arrived on campus about 11:30 and killed three people on his way to the observation deck, from which he began firing about 20 minutes later, killing 13 more and injuring 31. Whitman would be shot and killed by Austin police officers after 96 minutes of shooting. The final death toll of 18 includes Whitman, an unborn child and a victim who died in 2001 from injuries suffered in the attack. The total does not include his mother and his wife, whom he had killed just after midnight.
In 1924 – Dazzy Vance of the Brooklyn Robins ties the major league record for most consecutive strikeouts (from the 60-foot, 6-inch distance) in a 4-0 win over the Chicago Cubs. Vance struck out seven straight, the last out of the first and all three batters in the second and third innings to the mark established by Hook Wiltsie of the New York Giants in 1906 and later tied by Van Mungo in 1936. The record was broken in 1953 when Max Surkont of the Milwaukee Braves struck out eight consecutive Cincinnati Reds and the record is now held by Tom Seaver of the New York Mets, who struck out ten straight in 1970.
In 1964 – The Beatles are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with A Hard Day’s Night. It was Beatles’ eleventh Top 40 hit and their fifth of a Hot 100 record 20 #1 songs. The song went to #1 in nine other countries, including Norway, South Africa and Great Britain and was Billboard’s 13th biggest song of the year. The song was mainly written by John Lennon, with some help from Paul McCartney, and was inspired by something Ringo Starr had said after a particularly long recording session.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
I never could quite make it. These thoughts are too much for me – Charles Whitman, last written words, 8/1/1965
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Ty Cobb batted over .400 three times in his career: 1911 (.419), 1912 (.409) and 1922 (.401). Three is a major league record shared with Ed Delahanty and Rogers Hornsby.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many total weeks did the Beatles spend at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables/Chapter 4 – Monica and the Games
One
My escape caused a couple of governments to get their knickers in a twist. My hosts were, of course, properly distraught over the news. Quite panicked, actually, as they bloody well should have been. They had expected the pleasure of my company for ten years and they were cheated out of a bit more than eight of them and they were still scratching their heads over how it happened. Two of their own had helped me escape. Two long-time employees, too. Well, the female screw who had had her way with me many times and had directed me down the vent, had only been on the prisons for a couple of years, hired by the Firm to hook on with the screws in case she might one day prove useful.