The Daily Dose/July 8, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.  

HUT, HUT…DON’T HIKE: The first college conference has canceled its football, heck, its entire fall sports program, with the Ivy League doing so this week. 

Now, of course, it is important to note the Ivy League doesn’t make the big bucks off football that the major division schools do, but it’s still important to note: football, and all fall sports, are being deemed unsafe to play by a college conference. 

Dry, Technical Matter: This should set a precedent for everyone. Despite our every-hour-on-the-hour blather about our treasured death rate for closed cases dropping markedly the past couple of months, the virus is still wreaking its havoc and it remains unsafe to gather in large numbers generally and without a mask specifically. There are still dangers to be faced and precautions to be taken, so many that a small number of professional players have decided not to play and some pretty big names are thinking about it. 

Fly In The Ointment: Plus, let’s be honest, the lack of preparation and long downtime will make for an inferior on the field and on the court. Owners, commissioners and players are plowing ahead merely for the prospect of making some money. 

The Bottom Line: Nobody should be playing anything until us fans can safely pay our way in again and, frankly, we’d be surprised if anyone ends up playing anything more competitive than checkers anytime soon. Neither the NBA nor NHL will restart nor will MLB, the NFL or college football will begin. 

The Bottom Line II: Blame our government. Our delayed and incompetent response to the coronavirus has caused all of this. Our refusal to wear masks is helping to prolong it. 

We don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that had a significant number of Americans been tested and been wearing masks in January, the number of COVID-19 deaths would be a fraction, perhaps even a miniscule amount, of what they are now and sports would have had minimal, if any, disruption. Our government has blood – not to mention missed sports! – on its hands. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: At the hotel, Sparrow uses his new knife. Today’s Diary.  

So I could get my knife some work – it’s been on light duty for some reason all week – I brought a fresh box of coffee to the back office coffee room…It was gratuitous because it could have been left for one more day but I was determined…The knife performed flawlessly, as usual, and the remaining coffee packets fit into the new box without overflowing, so it was a good call. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: D-Dawg and Gaylon stand around looking important.

…by the time I make my triumphant entrance everything has more or less quieted down, and, again, I find myself standing around looking authoritative. I am joined in this venture by D-Dawg, who had come in from outside. We stood there looking important, as if we were having an important conversation, when really we were talking about how funny it would be if we fought and pressed charges against each other and I called him a spic and he called me a cracker and it was on.

We swear it, the $2.99 special to read The Diary of a Nobody and Backstairs at the Monte Carlo is going to end soon, so click on the button to get in on the laughs today. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1540 – King Henry VIII of England’s marriage to Anne of Cleaves is declared unconsummated and annulled. The two had married in January because Henry desired a political alliance with Anne’s brother, William, who was the leader of German Protestants. Unlike some former wives of Henry VIII, Anne was not executed, but, mainly because she didn’t make a fuss, was given a title, a palace and a castle, among other favors. Henry would marry Catherine Howard later in the month. 

In 1877 – The first Wimbledon championships begin outside of London. 22 players entered the men’s singles event, the only tournament conducted until 1884 when men’s doubles and women’s singles were added. The entire first round was played and Julian Marshall became the first player to win a five-set match at Wimbledon, defeating Captain Grimston 3-6, 1-6, 6-2, 6-3, 6-3. Spencer Gore defeated William Marshall in straight sets on July 19th to win the first tournament. Balls back then were made of India-rubber – also known as natural rubber – and covered in flannel. 

In 1955 – The Rock Era in American popular music begins when Bill Haley and His Comets are at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – a predecessor to the Hot 100 – for the first of eight consecutive weeks with Rock Around the Clock. It was the third of 15 Top 40 hits for the group and remains their only #1 song. The song also peaked at #4 on Billboard’s soul chart and spent five weeks at #1 in Great Britain. The song returned to the Top 40 in 1974 and has charted in Britain on three occasions since. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

There I stood at the gate of God…drunk but unafraid. – Don Marquis

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The Police had had five #1 songs in their native Great Britain. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many wives did Henry VIII have and which one produced his successor, Queen Mary I? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/July 8, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.  

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow continues to keep an eye out for chances to use his new knife. Today’s Diary.  

I’m keeping a close eye on the box of coffee in the back coffee room…Recall it was changed out last week on my nights off, depriving me of the opportunity to use my new knife to cut it open and slice off the tops…Occupancy, of course, has been up lately and we’re using more coffee and already the current box is running low…It really would have been poor form to change it tonight but tomorrow will be whole ‘nother ballgame and even if it isn’t in dire need of being switched out I’m probably going to change it anyway because it will definitely be changed on my nights off and I want to get the knife some work.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A houseman thinks Gaylon is lazy.

He gives me a lot of crap because every time he sees me I am sitting down. When I enter the 27th-floor maid’s room Arthur is there working.

“Good,” I said. “You’re working. I like watching you work.”

“You like watching me work cause you don’t work.”

“Shut up and leave me alone,” I said, getting comfortable and picking the day’s paper, which happened to be sitting on the desk. “I want to read the paper.”

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In  1709 – Russian forces under Tsar Peter the Great defeat Sweedish troops commanded by King Charles XII in the Battle of Poltava in what is now the Ukraine. The battle marked the start of the rise of Russia and the decline of Sweden as major European powers. Despite this, however, Russia did not defeat Sweden in the Great Northern War until 1721. 

In 2005 – The International Olympic Committee (IOC) votes to drop both baseball and softball from the Olympic program. Baseball had been a demonstration sport on occasion since 1904 and became a full medal sport in 1992 while softball debuted in 1996. They were the first Olympic sports to be dropped since polo in the 1930s, though both are scheduled to return for the Tokyo Games. 

In 1983 – The Police are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of eight consecutive weeks with Every Breath You Take. The song went to #1 in five other countries, including Israel and Great Britain. It was Billboard’s biggest song of the year, its fifth biggest of the decade and ranked 31st on Billboard’s 60th-Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. In was their sixth of nine Top 40 hits in the US and remains their only #1 song. The song also won Grammy Awards for Song of the Year and Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

If the splitter of hairs has a sharp enough knife, the fact of life itself can be chopped into nothing. – Gore Vidal, Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Martina Navratilova won 20 Wimbledon titles in her career: nine singles, seven doubles and four mixed doubles. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many #1 songs have the Police had in their native Great Britain? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/July 7, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.  

USA! USA!: We are getting mixed messages on the coronavirus.

On the one hand, the media is fixated on the rise in cases. Yes, of course, they are rising: more people are getting tested and more cases are being reported and we Americans are moving about in public more and more and not all of us are taking precautions.

OTOH: The number of deaths around the world and in the US from COVID-19 are going down, but good luck finding any mention of it in the media. The focus continues to be on the rise in the number of cases.

Running The Numbers: Let’s take a look at some figures:

On July 6, 378 people died of COVID-19 in the United States, up from 262 the day before and down from our PB of 2,749 on April 21. Worldwide, the total was 3,583 deaths and worldwide daily deaths have not topped 5,000 since July 3. The worldwide high for deaths came on April 17, when 8,485 people died.

Dry, Technical Matter: Our favorite stat, the death rate amongst closed cases, continues to fall, too. It is currently at 9% in the US and 7% worldwide, down from early April figures of 44% in the US and 22% worldwide.

Fly In The Ointment: We’re not out of the woods yet, of course. We’re still wearing our masks and keeping to ourselves and we hope you are, too. But let’s keep an eye on what the media and our elected officials are spoonfeeding us.

The Bottom Line: America has blood on its hands. If we had provided a timely and competent response there would have been a fraction of the deaths both in the US and worldwide because a proper response by America would have set the pace for the rest of the world. We’re not doctors – nor have we ever played one on television – we can’t help feeling that at least three-quarters of all COVID deaths were unnecessary. A proper response would have kept economies open, too, and prevented financial catastrophe for millions.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow buys a hat. Today’s Diary.  

I blew some money on a hat, too, this morning…I was farting around online and it showed up as an ad on Faceplant…It’s a green felt-ish fedora with a brown band and even tho it was one of those love-at-first-sight deals, ol’ Sparrow still has some zero clue what in the hell he was thinking…I like the look tho when will I wear it???…I suppose I could wear it into work instead of the usual ranch hat, but I wear overalls otherwise and it won’t go well with those at all and, besides, I like the ranch hat…On the other hand, the fedora will look sharp, more or less, with khakis and a polo shirt, which I probably wear twice a year, less now that I’m not on the US Senate ballot this November. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: 88TonyB talks with Gaylon about promotional opportunities at MCSD. We are not making that up.

He said there could be some (unspecified) changes coming at Monte Carlo and that if a supervisor position should somehow open up, he would like to see me show some interest in it. He said he thought I’d make a good supervisor and I mentioned that I had been thinking I might like the supervisorial life and we had a rather nice chat for about a half-hour. Which was funny because dispatch kept trying to send me on calls:

– Control, Henry 2.
– 10-6 with Eight-eight. 

Well, there really isn’t much they can say to that. When you’re talking with the boss you’re talking with the boss, and it really adds an air of mystery to you, too, because others hear what is going on and are wondering “Hey”. To lend to that air, I didn’t tell the couple of people who asked anything about the meeting, though I implied it was pretty important.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo is a memoir of Gaylon’s time working as a security officer at what was then the Monte Carlo Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

Our $2.99 deal for 4Ever & Ever access for these two American classics ends soon, so click on the button to take advantage now. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In  1981 – President Ronald Reagan announces he will appoint Sandra Day O’Connor to the United States Supreme Court, the first woman to be so appointed. O’Connor was then serving on the Arizona Court of Appeals and had earlier been a Superior Court judge and a member of the Arizona legislature. O’Connor would be formally nominated in August and was unanimously confirmed by the US Senate in September, replacing Potter Stewart, who was retiring after 23-years of service. Now 90, O’Connor retired in 2006.

In 1990 – Martina Navratilova becomes the first player to win nine Wimbledon singles titles, defeating Zina Garrison in the lady’s final 6-4, 6-1. Navratilova broke the record of eight set by Helen Wills Moody of the US between 1927 and 1938. Navratilova had first won Wimbledon in 1978 and this year’s title was her last. Her 18 Grand Slam singles titles are tied with Chris Evert for fifth on the all-time list. The men’s record for most Wimbledon singles titles in eight, done by Roger Federer between 2003 and 2017. 

In 1962 – Ray Charles is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B Sides chart – for the seventh of ten consecutive weeks with I Can’t Stop Loving You. It was the ninth of eleven #1 soul hits for Charles and his third and final pop #1 hit. The song also went to #1 in Australia and the Great Britain, had ended a five-week stay at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 the week before, was Billboard’s second-biggest song of the year and ranked 125th on Billboard’s 60th Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. In 1958 the song had been a country hit for both Don Gibson, who wrote it, and also for Kitty Wells and has charted several times since. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I do not believe man has even begun to realize who he is or what he can become. So far he has been playing it by ear, following paths of least resistance… – Louis L’Amour, Education of a Wandering Man

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The major league record for most home runs in consecutive games by a player is five, done many times. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many career Wimbledon titles did Martina Navratilova win? – Answer next time!

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