The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 1
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
If anything, the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – promises to be a dog fight from the get-go, with both defending champion Tennessee and defending runner-up Cleveland both riding six (6)-game losing streaks, while the Giants have lost twelve (12) out of 13.
In other news, “This Week’s Clash of the Titans”, which for a quarter century has heralded the week’s worst NFL game, has been replaced with “This Week’s Showcase”. This Is Don Criqui Reporting – which heralds the second-worst game – is back, however.
This week’s mess, as the nags preen before entering the starting gate:
Editor’s Note: 2024 record, final ranking in parenthesis.
1. Cleveland Browns (3-14; 2nd) – Third B-10 title definitely in crosshairs, as Browns look to ride momentum from 2024’s season-ending six (6)-game skid to another B-10 title…Young Browns hoping to get pointers from B-10 perennials Bengals in opener…Opening Loss: Cincinnati
2. New Orleans Saints (5-12; 8th) – Big question: will season-ending four (4)-game skid be carry enough momentum for strong 2025 B-10 start???…With wins over Browns, Giants, in 2024, Saints must learn how to lose their must-lose games for any hope at B-10 glory in 2025…Opening Loss: Arizona
3. Tennessee Titans (3-14; 1st) – Repeating as B-10 champs toughest feat in sports, but if anyone can do it, the Titans can because they’ve done it before (2014-15)…Sweeping season series vs Jaguars will be key…Opening Loss: at Denver
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-13; 4th) – Jaguars owner Genghis Khan called off summary beheadings of coaching staff after humiliation of missing coveted spot on B-10 medal stand, but took players’ kids hostage just to be safe …Sweeping season series vs Titans will be key…Opening Loss: Carolina
5. Las Vegas Raiders (4-13; 5th) – New coach Pete Carroll says team is committed to avoiding 2024’s late-season collapse, when they won two (2) of their last three (3), to take themselves out B-10 title contention…Opening Loss: at New England
6. New England Patriots (4-13; 6th) – Another team that brought in name head coach to help young, untalented team avoid late-season B-10 title hope-depleting win…October will be minefield, with consecutive games against Saints, Titans, Browns…Opening Loss: Las Vegas
7. AFC South – Defending B-10 champions in division???…Check…Jacksonville still in division???…Check and double check as AFC South has all ducks in a row for yet another Pete Rozelle Award – issued to league’s worst division.
8. Chicago Bears (5-12; 7th) – Bears another team which spent offseason soul searching after blowing B-10 title with win in finale…Still, though, there 31 other teams that would love to be heading into 2025 having lost ten (10) of eleven (11)…Opening Loss: Minnesota (9/7)
9. Carolina Panthers (5-12; NR) – Panthers fan(s) still up in arms over being left out of 2024’s final B-10 survey, have pledged to boycott feature until Panthers back on B-10 medal stand…With defense ranking Dead Last in most defensive categories last season, that could be fairly soon…Opening Loss: at Jacksonville
10. Cincinnati Bengals (9-8; NR) – Ranked here most of last season, at least until devastating five (5)-game win skid dropped them out, Bengals earn coveted #10 spot in Week 1 poll by (still) holding Worst Team Never To Win B-10 Title designation…
Opening Loss: at Cleveland
This Week’s Showcase: Las Vegas at New England
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Carolina at Jacksonville
