The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 2 – The Interregnum Poll!
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
The American classic returns: The NFL Bottom Ten’s Interregnum Poll, made necessary by the fact the NFL regular season doesn’t begin until this week. Bottom Ten pollsters are staying the course, too, with the usual witless social commentary the world has come to know and, if not love, at least tolerate.
As usual, the first Bottom Ten hardware of the season is issued, with the Jim Hanifan Memorial Medallion – once issued to Colin Kaepernick’s ‘fro – again being awarded.
This week’s mess, as the vultures start circling the Washington Monument, waiting for America to die.
1. Donald Trump – Still a man of zero moral or intellectual substance and America – and the world – is being governed accordingly…From tariffs that are nothing more than a tax on us, to witlessly trying to annex sovereign lands to federal troops occupying US cities to everything else, US is on its last legs.
2. US Media – American media – from colonial town criers to today – has always been partisan, but there was a time when America would’ve rejected the blather of Donald Trump…A media paced by Walter Cronkite, John Chancellor, Woodward and Bernstein, and any one of two dozen real journalists of the era would’ve had Trump out of the race long before the 2016 primaries.
3. USA! USA! – 70 years into television and fast food being focal points of US life, we Americans are now, collectively, as now as dumb as our president…There is no middle ground in America anymore, with both parties being run by their most extreme elements, as US long ago began preferring appeasement to accomplishment…Main Street, USA, has been replaced by a superhighway of intolerance and extremism.
4. War In Gaza – In survey for second consecutive year…Israeli genocide continues, with world continuing to tolerate famine and killing of civilians…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” it is possible to support Israel’s right to exist and still condemn atrocities and war crimes.
5. War In Ukraine – In survey for third consecutive year, another senseless war the world continues to tolerate…We deserve better than this, but we aren’t demanding better than this…We are too well-entertained and well-fed for that right now.
6. Jerry Jones – Dallas Cowboys owner takes his first Jim Hanifan Memorial Medallion – symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude – following Micah Parsons imbroglio that saw Jones trade him rather than pay him…With Cowboys not appearing in NFC title game in 30 years, it’s surprising Jones hasn’t won award more often.
7. Cracker Barrel – Good gravy, Americans will bicker about anything now as people who should have better things to fret over get worked up over new Cracker Barrel logo…New logo actually pretty good, neater and less spread out than old logo of an old fart sitting next to a barrel.
8. College Football Playoff – Inmates running asylum, as conferences who will play in CFP unable to decide on CFP format…Imagine that…There is no common interest now with everyone – players, coaches, schools, conferences, networks – only it for every last possible dollar…B-10 pollsters “strongly suspect” there is no chance CFP final will ever be played on New Year’s Day at the Rose Bowl.
9. NFL Tie Games – Three (3) of them in preseason sets strong tone for possible regular season fiascos…It is silly for a regular season NFL game not to have a winner, and B-10 pollsters “strongly suspect” this will not change until an NFL betting partner demands it…Lost out on Jim Hanifan Memorial Medallion to Jerry Jones in closest balloting ever.
10. Chicago Cubs – The 10-spot staple, Cubs, as usual, provide stability in troubled times, in ranking that annually, hilariously, chronicles how far out of pennant race they are…Problem is if playoffs began today they would be in them, as lead wild card team, as B-10 pollsters began to search elsewhere for new 10-hole staple….Suggestions welcome.
This Week’s Showcase: Las Vegas at New England
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Carolina at Jacksonville
