The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 3
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
Oh baby, and so it begins: the race for the most coveted trophy in sports, The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy. As usual after the first week, Bottom Ten pollsters have 16 winless teams to choose from, but only ten (10) spots in the survey, with two of those taken up by lousy divisions, so the competition for survey berths was fierce.
Elsewhere in the Bottom Ten, the race for the weekly and annual Pete Rozelle Award – issued to the league’s worst division – was split into NFC and AFC awards, hardly for the first time.
This week’s mess, as the nags break from the starting gate:
1. Miami Dolphins (0-1; lost to Indianapolis 33-8) – 30-0 deficit???…Check…17 points allowed off their three (3) turnovers???…Check and double-check as Dophins ascend B-10 throne for first time…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” no NFL team has lost opener by 25 points and later did anything but contend for B-10 glory…Next Loss: New England
2. Cleveland Browns (0-1; lost to Cincinnati 17-16) – Offense spared blame for game-tying TD after special teams blows 3rd-quarter extra point…Offense produced missed field goal, interception in 2nd half, overcoming snarky defense that somehow held Bengals to punts on last four drives…Next Loss: at Baltimore
3. Tennessee Titans (0-1; lost to Denver 20-12) – Titans announce they are all in for unprecedented B-10 3-peat, securing final coveted spot on B-10 medal stand after blowing two (2) leads, producing 133 total yards…Extra wind sprints prescribed this week, as Titans allowed zero (0) points off their two (2) turnovers…Next Loss: LA Rams
4. Chicago Bears (0-1; lost to Minnesota 27-24) – Strong come-from-ahead prime time home loss type of defeat that tends to lead straight to B-10 glory…Defense clutch, allowing three (3) 4th-quarter touchdowns in eleventh loss in last twelve (12) games…Next Loss: at Detroit
5. Carolina Panthers (0-1; lost to Jacksonville 26-10) – Solid loss to B-10 perennial Jaguars great way to set tone for strong 2025 B-10 run…Panthers really need to rip off three (3) or four (4) straight losses to start season to overcome sour taste that remains after 2024’s disastrous five (5) win campaign…Next Loss: at Arizona
6. AFC East (1-3) – One (1) of two (2) divisions with three (3) winless teams, AFC East earns Marv Levy Broach – symbolic of AFC divisional lousiness – and tosses hat in ring for Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division.
7. NFC South (1-3) – One (1) of two (2) divisions with three (3) winless teams, NFC South earns Ray Malavasi Pin – symbolic of NFC divisional lousiness – and tosses hat in ring for Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division.
8. New England Patriots (0-1; lost to Loss Vegas 20-13) – Loss in opening game showdown between two 2024 B-10 finishers puts Patriots in strong position for possible 2025 coveted medal stand berth…It’s hard to call any game this early a must lose game, but Patriots need loss to Dolphins this week, preferably a big one…Next Loss: at Miami
9. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0; defeated Carolina 26-10) – With win already under their belt, Jaguars – habitual B-10 contenders – must avoid the type of strong start that has derailed many other B-10 quests…Owner Genghis Khan so incensed over win he ordered stadium flags flown at half-mast until Jaguars return to usual, coveted spot on B-10 medal stand …Next Loss: at Cincinnati
10. Baltimore Ravens (0-1; lost to Buffalo 41-40) – Not a strong preseason pick, but such a devastating come-from-ahead loss has propelled other teams to strong B-10 runs, B-10 pollsters keeping options, bar tabs, open…Next Loss: Cleveland
This Week’s Showcase: New England at Miami
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Cleveland at Baltimore
