The Daily Dose/August 11, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
INCOMING!: The news hit Bottom Ten headquarters like a bomb:
The Mid-American Conference (MAC) will not be playing football this year!
Hut, Hut Hike: Now, we know the coming college football season was/is hanging by a thread and this was hardly a bulletin but boy, even the most casual Bottom Ten reader knows the MAC is always good for at least an entry or two and sometimes makes up no less than one-third of any given Bottom Ten survey, so good luck crowning a legitimate Bottom Ten champion without MAC participation.
Dry, Technical Matter: We go way back with The Bottom Ten, having read the original by Steve Harvey growing up in LA and we’ve been humbly offering our own, in assorted places, for most of this century. And while we avoid using classic Steve-isms like Error Force and Texas at El Intercepted Paso, we’ve never denied the original Bottom Ten’s influence.
#HellOrHighWater: The Bottom Ten pollsters will find something for you this year, though, don’t worry about that. A lot of writing is inspiration, so perhaps the inspiration for something or other will strike, or perhaps it won’t. Inspiration is funny that way. Either way, the Bottom Ten pollsters are already at work scouring past years for the funniest columns from each week, if needed.
The Bottom Line: We’ve long said there are two parts to the year: the part where we are writing The Bottom Ten and the time we are not and that only the first part is worth a damn. True enough, and if there isn’t a Bottom Ten this year, so be it, we’ll make the best of it. But to ask us to carry on without the MAC is not reasonable. Boo COVID-19.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow finds himself wasting milk at the Veterans Service Office (VSO). Today’s Diary.
I am buying an awful lot of milk for the VSO, tho…I keep some cereal for the days I come directly from the hotel, which prevents yours truly, generally, from going to the fast-food place for a morning meal…The problem is ol’ Sparrow buys some milk and it expires before it gets used…Heck, today, there were two expired half-gallons of milk in the Building Department refrigerator, both of which I poured down the drain this morning…I suspected this might happen and had the foresight to buy a pint of milk at the retailer after the hotel to stave off starvation, but I am going to try to avoid wasting so much.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Lee and Gaylon act like children in the hotel.
Lee’s pretty funny. We had wrapped up a couple of welfare checks right before I was about to head home and we’re walking down the 200 wing of some floor.
“Whew, those were good,” Lee said, as if we had just wrapped up something difficult. “Great welfare checks.”
“They were, weren’t they?” I ask significantly, turning my head towards him for emphasis.
“Good times, partner.”
Then we get completely carried away and start high-fiving each other and Lee starts humming the intro to Eye of the Tiger.
Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables/Chapter 14 – Abigail’s Briefing: Our hero’s lawyer, Abigail, checks in.
After discovery, it was apparent the government hardly had Case of the Year, but prison graveyards are filled with the bodies of men who went to their deaths on less evidence. My job was to ensure there wasn’t one more. I had my work cut out for me, but that was hardly an uncharted waterway. It helped that I liked him. He was respectful and pleasant and, of course, his accent made everything he said sound like a Francis Bacon quote. He was easy to work hard for.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
$4.99 gets you access to The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables. Click on the button to get in on the laffs.
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On This Date
History’s long march to today.
In 1965 – The Watts riots begin in south-central Los Angeles, following the arrest of several Blacks which followed an altercation with police which followed a traffic stop. Following a night of general unrest, riots began the following day after a meeting between police and Black leaders proved inconclusive. Rioting lasted until the 16th with an estimated 30,000 people taking part. There were 34 deaths and damage was estimated at $40 million, about $324 million in today’s dollars.
In 1907 – Ed Karger of the St Louis Cardinals pitches a seven-inning perfect game, a 4-0 victory over the Boston Doves in the second game of a doubleheader in St Louis. The game was scheduled for seven innings – as final games of doubleheaders frequently were back then – so Karger did not have the opportunity to pitch nine innings. It remains the only major league no-hitter umpired solely by players. Plate umpire Bob Emslie had called it a day after working the opening game by himself and home plate was worked by the Cardinals’ Fred Beebe and the bases were worked by Boston’s Irv Young.
In 1958 – Ricky Nelson is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100, only the second Hot 100 chart ever, for the second and final consecutive week with Poor Little Fool. It was the first of two #1 songs for Nelson (Travelin’ Man, two weeks, 1961) and his fifth of 18 Top 10 hits on either the Best Sellers in Stores chart or the Hot 100. The song was also at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart, which continued publishing until October and the song also peaked at #3 on Billboard’s country chart and went to #4 in Great Britain.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Perhaps we shall offer a true reflection of the world about us. But you cannot blame a mirror for what it shows. – Gore Vidal, Empire
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The highest temperature ever recorded in Europe was 118.4° F in Athens on July 10, 1977.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What was Rick Nelson’s last Top 10 hit on the Hot 100? – Answer next time!