Gaylon’s Latest: Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables

Friends, my latest novel Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is now available to those who had the good sense to purchase either Lifetime or Early Bird access. It will move for everyone else on April 1 for $5.99.

$3.99 Early Bird access is still available though! Click on the button to take advantage of it.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

God bless all of you,
Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/April 18, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 18, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, another of the 500 Democratic presidential hopefuls, became the latest to release past tax returns, doing so for the past ten years this week. They show he and his wife have pulled down some good dough over the years and are comfortably amongst the top one percent of American earners. Bully for them. As we’ve noted in this space before, we don’t particularly want too see anyone’s tax returns – ours are sufficiently depressing – because every citizen’s relationship with the IRS must remain private. It’s none of our business and while candidates are free to violate that privacy on their own, don’t be surprised if we, and a lot of others, yawn.

Sanders, who will never be truly happy until every citizen feeds from the government trough, had these comments while discussing his tax return release. Listen up, because this is dangerous:

I will continue to fight…so that our country has the resources to guarantee the American Dream to all people. 

This is really not a bulletin from Sanders: he has long advocated cradle-to-grave government coverage for American citizens. But it is not the purpose of American government to do this. The purpose of our American government is to provide for our liberty, not ensure our prosperity. A government taking care of its citizens is not what our Founding Fathers envisioned and, deep down, it’s probably not you envision, either.

It is not the purpose of government to guarantee the American Dream to anyone: me, you, your aunt in Reno. The purpose of government is to ensure everyone is in position to chase whatever their version of the American Dream happens to be. 

We all have 24 hours in every day, the only commodity each of is issued in equal measure. What we get of our lives must be dependent on how we use those 24 hours, not on what our government chooses to do, or not do, for us.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: 
Sparrow is in the big city for VSO training. 
It’s Sparrow; an average man passing an average life.

Then I made my way to the VA regional office, located a bit west and south of downtown, where I spent a pleasant, informative afternoon with James, an army vet who is a state service officer…A friendly sort, he was wearing an old green polo shirt, probably his favorite, and an old white, crew neck t-shirt underneath that, probably another fave…I’ll tell you something, he covered the types of claims and the forms I’ll need to fill out for them and while I’ve already forgotten a lot of it, if I went back tomorrow I’d already be exponentially better off than I was yesterday and could be of pretty good service.

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In  1775 – Paul Revere makes his famous midnight ride, warning his fellow colonists about the impending arrival of the British Army in what is present-day Somerville, Medford, and Arlington, Massachusetts. Later that night, Revere, and others, would be detained by the British, though they were later released when the British decided to retreat, due in no small measure to how well Revere and company did their work. The American Revolution would begin two days later with the Battles of Lexington and Concord.

In 1981 – The longest game in the history of American professional baseball begins in Pawtucket, Rhode Island as the Pawtucket Red Sox host the Rochester Red Wings. The game would be suspended at 4:07 the following morning tied 2-2 after 32 innings. Pawtucket scored one run in the bottom of the ninth to tie it and each team scored in the 21st inning. The Red Sox won the game in the 33rd inning on June 23.

In 2015 – Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars is at #1 in Billboard’s Hot 100 for the 14th and final week. At the time, it was only the eighth song in the Rock Era to spend at least 14 weeks at the top, and fell two weeks short of the all-time mark of 16 weeks by One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men (1995-96), and equaled in 2017 by Despacito by Luis Fonzi and Daddy Yankee featuring Justin Beiber. Uptown Funk went to #1 in 16 other countries, including Lebanon, Israel, and Hungary, was Billboard’s biggest song of the year and ranked 4th on their 60th-anniversary chart in 2018.

Quotebook
…a man’s life is rather like a pond: if you add no new water, the pond will evaporate. Gore Vidal
Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
John Young and Gene Cernan are the other two astronauts besides Jim Lovell who flown to the moon twice.

Today’s Stumper
Before Pawtucket and Rochester played 33 innings, what was the longest game in the history of professional baseball? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 17

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The Daily Dose/April 17, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 17, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody
Sparrow plays with a dog at the hotel, and the new dryer is delivered to The Shire. Today’s Diary.

I made a tactical error by tossing the tennis ball around a few times the first day and now I’m the go-to guy for fun when she gets here…She has the tennis ball in her mouth, her eyes opened expectantly and her tail wagging: it’s plain; I am to do my duty and throw the ball around…Today’s first toss was all the way down the hall leading to the guest rooms, which it turns out the dog loves, which is unfortunate because you can’t do this all the time because we don’t need hard-charging Fido taking out a guest, and she was plainly disappointed when I started tossing the ball behind the front desk

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1970 – Apollo 13 returns to Earth, splashing down in the South Pacific Ocean, six days after liftoff and four days after an oxygen tank exploded. The damage made a lunar landing impossible and getting the crew back to Earth took no small amount of ingenuity in extraordinary circumstances and a safe return to Earth was not entirely certain until they reentered Earth’s atmosphere. Apollo 13 Commander James Lovell, who was also a member of the crew of Apollo 8, remains the only person to travel to the moon twice and not walk on the surface.

In 1892 – The National League, founded in 1876, plays its first Sunday game when the Cincinnati Reds defeat the St Louis Browns 5-1 at Sportsman’s Park in St Louis. The following week the two teams would play the second Sunday game in Cincinnati. These were not the first Sunday games in major league history, though. The American Association, a major league from 1882-91, had routinely played Sunday games since their first season.

In 1971 – Joy to the World by Three Dog Night is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of six consecutive weeks. Though nobody in the band was particularly thrilled with the song, Joy to the World also went to #1 in South Africa and Canada and was Billboard’s #1 song for the year. It was their second of three #1 hits and the band’s fifth of eleven Top 10 hits.

Quotebook
At last I had the authority to give direction over the whole scene. I felt as if I were walking with Destiny, and that all my past life had been had been but preparation for this hour and this trial.
Winston Churchill

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Ottawa Hockey Club has won the most consecutive Stanley Cups, ten, from March 1903 through March 1906, when teams would challenge the current holder for the Cup. The NHL team with most consecutive Stanley Cup titles is the Montreal Canadiens with five, from 1956-60.

Today’s Stumper
Who are the other two astronauts who have flown to the moon twice? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 16

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The Diary of a Nobody/Tuesday, April 16, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 16, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Sports officiating is in the news again, this time at the Women’s World Ice Hockey Championships in Helsinki. The United States won their fifth consecutive title this past Sunday, defeating Finland 2-1 in one of those infernal shootouts, though earlier Finland was celebrating, thinking they had won in overtime. They actually scored a goal, on a rebound, and celebrated like they had won, though ten minutes later everyone was back on the ice playing hockey after the goal, on review, was disallowed. Here’s what happened:

The original shot was saved by the American goaltender and went off to her right. She sprawled on the ice and was bumped by a Finnish player while another Finnish player put the puck in the net. The covering referee, a fraulein from Germany, was in perfect position and ruled a goal. After the game, the International Ice Hockey Federation cited Rule 150(iv), which is very clear on the matter, stating:

An opponent who prevents or blocks a goaltender from returning to his goal crease or bumps him unduly while the goaltender plays the puck behind his goal net will be assessed a minor penalty.

The goalie was sprawled on the ice and was making no attempt to get back in front of the net. As they teach in Officiating 101, there is the letter of the rule and the spirit of the rule and as we saw it neither was violated in this play. Sure, some contact was made, but it didn’t prevent the goalie from doing anything. Had it, had she been attempting to play the puck or trying to get back in front of the goal, then yes, good call and the covering official no doubt would have banged it.

A Finland win would have been historic. The tournament has been held in non-Olympic years since 1990 and Finland was the first country other than the US and Canada to even appear in the finals, much less win it. But technology giveth and, sometimes, technology taketh away. Or, rather, the same humans that officiate on the court, field or ice and work the replay booths, giveth and taketh away.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody
Sparrow has the latest on his jury duty summons plus, at the VSO, Phil from IT comes by to say hi. It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

I told Brandon about my jury duty summons today…I would have told him sooner but I had completely forgotten about it…It’s for the coming Monday and I call in Sunday to see if I’m needed and a quick check of the court docket shows there a couple of jury trials starting that date and being on a jury will cause multiple hassles but we will jump off those bridges when we get to them…There is no reason to start anticipating problems that may not happen and besides, I love jury duty and haven’t been on one for ten years and it would be fun to do it again.

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1990 – Dr Jack Kevorkian performs his first assisted suicide, for a woman suffering from Alzheimer’s. Kevorkian would assist 130 people in dying in the 1990’s and went to trial five times. The first three times he was acquitted, the fourth resulted in a mistrial and he was convicted of second-degree murder the fifth time, serving eight years of a 25-year sentence before being paroled. He died in 2011.

In 1949 – The Toronto Maple Leafs defeat the Detroit Red Wings 3-1 in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals, winning the series four games to none, becoming the first NHL team to win the Stanley Cup in three consecutive seasons. The Maple Leafs would again win three consecutive Stanley Cup from 1962-64 and, along with the Montreal Canadiens, are the only NHL teams to win three consecutive Stanley Cups more than once.

In 1977 – Don’t Give Up On Us by David Soul is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for its only week. The song would also go to #1 in Canada, New Zealand, Ireland, Australia and was a particularly big hit in Great Britain, where it spent four weeks at #1 and was the second biggest song of the year there. Soul would follow Don’t Give Up On Us with two other Hot 100 entries, but the song remains his only Top 40 hit.

Quotebook
Too often, the way taken is the wrong way, with too much emphasis on what we want to have rather than what we wish to become.
Louis L’Amour
Education of a Wandering Man

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Seals Stadium was the home of the San Francisco Giants for the 1958 and 1959 seasons. Candlestick Park opened in 1960.

Today’s Stumper
What team has won the most consecutive Stanley Cups? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 15

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The Daily Dose/Monday, April 15, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 15, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
California Senator and Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris has released her and her husband’s tax returns for the previous 15 years, joining other Democratic contenders in releasing past returns. Harris’ returns show she and her husband make some pretty good bank. Bully for them.

This move to greater transparency by candidates is nice, but is it our business how much money Kamala Harris and her husband have made the past 15 years? Of course it isn’t. Any citizen’s relationship with the IRS must remain confidential and we’ve always found it fascinating when people want to share their tax history with us. It’s none of our business and, outside of passing curiosity in the matter, I don’t think most people really care. There is no law that requires presidents, vice presidents, or candidates or nominees for these officers – or any other American, for that matter – to release their tax returns. There is a law requiring the Treasury Secretary to release an individual’s return to the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee upon written request, a request currently filed for President Trump and one that he is, typically, resisting.

Trump, of course, has steadfastly declined to release his tax returns, going back to his days as a candidate for the GOP nomination. Good for him. He is under no obligation to do so and this is one of the few times we’ve found ourselves in agreement with the president. As candidates for both the US Senate and House we’ve declined to release our tax returns though, frankly, this has never come up, and we’ve always complied with the relatively innocuous income reporting rules required by the Federal Election Commission.

A citizen’s relationship with the IRS must remain private. If a citizen wants to voluntarily breach that privacy, OK, it’s theirs to breach, but we think if every candidate stopped releasing their tax returns tomorrow, nobody would really care.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody
Sparrow has the latest on the scratch paper front at the hotel, and it’s Sunday Spaghetti Night (SSN) at The Shire. Today’s Diary.

Someone – Brandon and I suspect Tammy – has been stapling the scratch paper together at the front desk…Now, our back office stash – now measuring 1.25 inches high -is still kept loose, but at the right monitor stand, I noticed a dozen or sheets stapled together when I went to log in tonight…It was the first Brandon had seen of them and Quentin denied all charges, giving a face that indicated our scratch paper had cooties on it, so Tammy is a pretty good guess, tho I declined to quiz her about it when she came in this morning.

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1947 – Jackie Robinson of the Brooklyn Dodgers becomes the first black to play major league baseball in the 20th century, playing first base and batting second in the Dodgers season opener at Ebbets Field. Robinson went 0-3 with a run scored as the Dodgers defeated the Boston Braves 5-3. Robinson would bat .297 that first year, with 12 home runs and 48 RBIs in 151 games. The only other black to have played major league baseball before Robinson was Moses Walker, who played 48 games for the Toledo Blue Stockings of the then-major league American Association in 1884.

In 1958 – Major League Baseball debuts on the west coast when the San Francisco Giants defeat the Los Angeles Dodgers 8-0 at Seals Stadium in San Francisco. Having two teams on the west coast presented some scheduling difficulties, and the Giants and Dodgers each would play their first 26 games in California before heading east for road trips that would take them to the other six National League cities, some twice.

In 1944 – So Long Pal and Too Late To Worry, both by Al Dexter, and Ration Blues by Louis Jordan, are all at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Most Played Juke Box Folk Records chart. All three songs were either ending or in the middle of multiple weeks stays at #1 on the country chart and Ration Blues had earlier topped Billboard’s soul chart. Research into other three-way ties at #1 in Billboard’s chart history, and into the number of songs that have topped both the country and soul charts, was inconclusive.

Quotebook
He decided, as usual, that it was wisest that he mind his own business.
Alex Haley
Roots

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Four people – Mary Surratt, Lewis Powell, David Herold, George Atzerodt – were executed for their role in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. They were hanged on July 7, 1865, at Fort Lewis, in Washington D.C, then known as Washington City.

Today’s Stumper
How long did Seals Stadium serve as the home of the San Francisco Giants? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 14

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The Daily Dose/Sunday, April 14, 2019

The Daily Dose/April 14, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The best of the worst of the week that was: 

  1. Julian Assange – Dragged kicking and screaming from Ecuadorian embassy in London, noted tattle-tale, free press lover, already guilty in London of failing to surrender, faces extradition to Sweden, US…Sole US charge intended only to silence publisher if information…See 1st Amendment reference in next entry.
  2. US Media – Sunday B-5 pollsters “pretty sure” every reporter not merely typing up press releases should be paying homage to Assange every hour on the hour as reporting of government war crimes, illegal surveillance of American citizens, and embarrassing secrets exactly what zany Founding Fathers designed 1st Amendment to protect.
  3. Los Angeles Lakers – Once-proud team that regularly churned out titles, Lakers now out Clippers-ing the old Clippers as worst-run team in NBA…Luke Walton out as coach, three years into what probably would have been a two-decade, multiple NBA-title tenure in steadier times.
  4. Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Current read at Sunday B-5 headquarters, biggest selling novel of 19th-century still vibrant and poignant, with chapter on Uncle Tom being sold down river about as good a chapter as American letters has produced.
  5. US Drone Strikes – 677 drone strikes on Afghanistan, Somalia, Yemen – nations Congress has not declared war against – so far in 2019…Deaths reported being between 283-416, with Special Olympics delegation to Pentagon reporting most deaths military, adult in nature.
    Source: Bureau of Investigative Journalism

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody:
Sparrow troubleshoots a problem with the ATM at the hotel. Today’s Diary.

About 0600 this guy who’d been knocking around the lobby for a while came to announce the ATM would not deliver either money or his card…There was an error message…I go and stand in front of the offending machine with my hands on my hips staring at it crossly, which does nothing, and I tug at the card and nothing doing there so I unplug it…I have no idea if this will work or even if it’s an Authorized Troubleshooting Technique, but pressing buttons didn’t work and this was the only remaining option and eventually the ATM released the card and appeared to revert back to working order.

Click on the button to read The Diary of a Nobody. $5.99 includes all entries, past, present, and future.

Criminals, Courtesans, and ConstablesFriends, my latest novel is now available, for $3.99 until later this week when the price goes up a couple of bucks. Criminals, Courtesans, and Constables is about a nice guy who runs high-class call girls in and out of 5-star suites and throne rooms, collects ransoms and runs from the constables. Hilarity ensues.

Click here to read excerpts and a sample chapter.

On This Date
In 1865 – President of the United States Abraham Lincoln is shot in the head at Ford’s Theater in Washington, D.C. by actor John Wilkes Booth. The assassination was part of a broader ploy to reinvigorate the Confederate cause after the loss of the Civil War. Lincoln died the following day and was succeeded as president by Andrew Johnson, while Booth was hunted down and killed on April 16.

In 1962 – Elgin Baylor scores an NBA Finals record 61 points, as the Lakers defeat the Boston Celtics 126-121 in Game 5 of the NBA Finals. The win gives the Lakers a 3-2 lead in the best-of-seven series, though the Celtics would win the final two games to earn the NBA title. Baylor broke the record of 50 that had been established by Bob Petit of the St Louis Hawks in 1958.

In 1973 – Vicki Lawerence is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only time with The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia. The song was in its second and final week at #1 and also went to #1 in Canada and was Billboard’s 11th biggest hit of 1973. Primarily known as an actress, the song remains Lawerence’s only Top 40 hit.

Quotebook
The dreams that draw humanity forward seem always to be redeemed if we believe in them strongly enough and pursue them with diligence and courage.
Richard Nixon

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Alexander Hamilton, the first Secretary of the Treasury, was the first person to have his portrait on the $2 bill.

Today’s Stumper
How many people were executed for roles in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/April 13

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