Drivel From Gaylon…

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The Daily Dose/Saturday, September 21, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 21, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience…

HERE WE GO AGAIN: We are not entirely clear on all the details of the whistleblower affair, the latest scandal from the Trump Administration. And we are not going to do the seminal research on the matter for this item. We’ll wait and make our usual smart-ass comments after the fact, per standard Daily Dose policy. It is merely one more Trump fiasco in an administration loaded with them, something Trump, of course, does not have an exclusive on. Other administrations have had their messes, too. 

What is clear is President Trump still has trouble telling the truth. This from a tweet in which he, as usual, dismissed the matter as fake news: 

I would only do what is right anyway, and only do good for the USA!

ROTFLMAO: Oh, good gravy. There are two lies right there. Here’s the first: 

I would only do what is right anyway…

Well, maybe in a really big picture context where right is defined as not slitting someone’s throat on Main Street at high noon he would. Otherwise, this is false. His tariffs are a good example of this. 

Some Philosophy Crap: Nobody only does what is right. Most do only what is in their self-interest. Heck, we all do what is in our self-interest all of the time. I wrote this because it was in my self-interest to do so. If I didn’t I would have been wishing I had and would not be of any use to anybody. 

Oh Yeah: Here’s the other lie in the tweet:

…and only do good for the USA!

Maybe He Should Change His First Name To Shecky: Trump has never done anything solely because he thinks it is in the best interest of the USA. The only reason President Trump does anything at all is because it will generate attention for himself. Nothing else matters to him and this is hardly the Upset of the Year because this has been on display since he announced his candidacy, which itself was done solely to draw attention to himself. 

He does whatever he wants whenever he wants to do it – which is part of his appeal, frankly – generally with little prior thought and without regard to protocol, tradition or standards of decency. He lacks a long term plan for himself so naturally he lacks a long-term plan for our country. 

USA! USA!: We elected it and we got it:  a president who admits to grabbing women, who believes the moon is part of Mars and that the Continental Army secured British airports during the Revolution. A president who has done nothing to end the perpetual war and mindless spending that will eventually destroy this country. A president that is bringing out the absolute worst in our country. We deserve better than this, of course, but we’re not going to get it until we demand it at the ballot box. 

Today At The Site
Read Free Fortnight continues. Enjoy The Diary with our compliments:

The Diary of a NobodySparrow is certainly getting his rest this week. Today’s Diary. 

10.5 hours for the day and a whopping 46.5 hours for the week, the highest Friday total in the memory of man…Heck, Sleep Log fans keeping score at home know this is about an average weekly total and there is still the Saturday Sleep Session (SSN) left to go!!!

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Get in on the laffs! Don’t miss out! Click here to buy The Diary of a Nobody, The Bottom Ten, plus specials, including 4Ever and Ever access. 

On This Date
In 1949 – The People’s Republic of China is established by Chinese Communist Party Chairman Mao Zedong. It replaced the Republic of China following the Chinese Civil War which had started in 1927 and ended with Republic of China leaders fleeing to Taiwan. Chairman Mao died in 1976 and the People’s Republic of China is now ruled by Communist Party Chairman Xi Jinping.

In 1952 – The Boston Braves play their final home game, an 8-2 loss to the Brooklyn Dodgers at Braves Field. A charter member of the National League the Braves, then informally known as the Red Caps, won the first game in National League history 6-5 over the Philadelphia Athletics on April 22, 1876. The Braves finished the 1952 season on the road, their final game before moving to Milwaukee a 5-5, 12-inning tie at Brooklyn on the 28th. Now the Atlanta Braves, they are, along with the Chicago Cubs, the only charter members of the National League still in the league. 

In 1968 – Merle Haggard and The Strangers are at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the fourth and final week with Mama Tried. Haggard wrote the song which is about a guy sent to prison, a situation Haggard could relate to, having done time himself. It was the fifth of 38 #1 songs for Haggard on Billboard’s country chart, a figure only surpassed by Conway Twitty (40) and George Strait (44). 

Quotebook
That is always best which gives me to myself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Harvard Divinity School address, 7/15/1838

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
President James Garfield was shot by Charles Guiteau, who was executed for the crime in 1882.

Today’s Stumper
What was Merle Haggard’s biggest hit on Billboard’s Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/September 20

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, September 20
This really happened: 

There was a phone message for me at the Veteran Service Office (VSO) this morning from a guy named Alan who reported he had The Wife’s wallet in his possession. 

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The Daily Dose/Friday, September 20, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 20, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
Read Free Fortnight continues. Enjoy The Diary with our compliments:

The Diary of a NobodySparrow makes breakfast. Some parts were better than others. Today’s Diary. 

Part of breakfast included poached eggs…A couple of days ago The Wife bought a small egg poacher that she had banished from her department to the clearance aisle and, seeing as she had never poached an egg before and I had many years ago – and Pa Sparrow made them from time to time – and thought it “looks easy enuff” I made them. 

It was easy enuff to screw up because it did not come out well…It looked like snot and when The Wife suggested I put it on a plate and we share it ol’ Sparrow said he didn’t want any part of that, my tone implying it was radioactive. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Get in on the laffs! Don’t miss out! Click here to buy The Diary of a Nobody, The Bottom Ten, plus specials, including 4Ever and Ever access. 

On This Date
In 1881 – Chester Arthur is inaugurated president of the United States following the death of James Garfield. The two had taken office the previous March and Garfield had been shot on July 2 and died more from infections caused by his doctors than by the original wounds. Arthur was interested in being elected to his own term, however he was not nominated for reelection by the Republicans, who chose James Blaine, who would lose the 1884 election to Democrat Grover Cleveland.

In 1911 – Bill Bergen of the Brooklyn Superbas, later the Brooklyn Dodgers and now the Los Angeles Dodgers, plays his final major league game, going 0-for-2 in a 12-1 loss to the Cincinnati Reds in the second game of a doubleheader. Bergen would retire with a career batting average of .170, a record low for a player with at least 2,500 plate appearances, a stat that does not appear in the major league record book. Though he couldn’t hit, Bergen was one of the finest defensive catchers in the game, and his mark of throwing out six base stealers in a 1909 game is still tied for the modern major league record and Bergen’s 1,444 assists ranks ninth on the all-time list. 

In 1969 – The Archies are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Sugar, Sugar. It was the second of four Top 40 hits for the group of studio musicians and remains their only #1 song. The song went to #1 in nine other countries including Great Britain, Spain and South Africa, was Billboard’s biggest song of the year and ranked 81st on Billboard’s 60th anniversary chart last year. The song was produced by Jeff Barry, who co-wrote the song with Andy Kim, with both provided backing vocals.

Quotebook
…The inner warmth of a pleasure can’t be externally damaged.
Dick Francis
In The Frame

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Henry Laurens of South Carolina was the president of the Second Continental Congress in September 1778.

Today’s Stumper
Who shot President James Garfield? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/September 19

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, September 19
An excellent day off today.

`The Wife was more or less up when I got back from weight lifting and I started right in on making breakfast…Earlier in the week, The Wife had decreed we would be having hotcakes this morning, but she neglected to ID the cook, so I took charge…I got the griddle out and actually fried the bacon on it, and my fears I didn’t make enuff batter were unfounded.  Continue reading

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The Daily Dose/Thursday, September 19, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 19, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience…

RUNNING THE NUMBERS: The figures aren’t too surprising: participation in high school sports is declining. Fueled by drops in a violent sport and, probably, kids staying home to play video games, the number of kids playing high school sports in 2018-19 dropped by over 43,000 kids, to roughly 7.93 million. It was the first decline in high school sports participation since 1988-89 school year. 

Hut, Hut, Hike: High school football participation has declined for five straight years, last year losing 30,829 kids who decided they had better things to do. Just over 1 million kids played football last season, meaning the 14,247 high schools offering 11-man football had an average of 70 players in their programs. 

Dry, Technical Matter: All figures are for 11-man football. 8-man football, as well as 9-man and 6-man, are actually showing gains.  

Back On Message: Now, 30,000 for one year isn’t catastrophic, but if 30,000 kids quit every year for the next decade, that’s one-third of the players quitting. That would leave, more or less, an average of 50 players playing football at the 14,247 high schools that field 11-man teams. That’s not 50 players for the varsity team, that’s 50 players in the whole program, a number that would make it very difficult to field more than one team. 

Oh Yeah: Basketball participation was down to, a combined 23,994 boys and girls, last year.

Crystal Ball Me: We’ve said this in this space before: fewer high school players does not bode well for major college and professional football. They are probably safe for another generation, maybe a bit longer, but there will come a time when there will no longer be enough top athletes to field the types of teams people will pay good money to see and networks good money to televise. 

The biggest gainer in participants in lacrosse, for both boys and girls, which had 213,452 participants last year, up almost 20% since 2012. so maybe lacrosse will take over the Sunday afternoon dates in NFL stadiums after the NFL collapses in a couple of decades. 

Today At The Site
Read Free Fortnight continues. Enjoy The Diary with our compliments:

The Diary of a NobodyPlease ring the bell. Or Sparrow will make you wait. Today’s Diary. 

This time I put my falsies in and in due course I go out there and sell him his M&Ms (peanut, the only type we offer)…Turns out he’s with the group of firefighters we have in house and there were other firefighters wandering in and out all night, too, strange people keeping strange hours…But they’re psycho hotshot firefighters…They parachute into the middle of a blaze armed only with a fire extinguisher for a living and I should probably be grateful they didn’t go tactical on ol’ Sparrow…Later, in a show of solidarity, I stopped putting my falsies in the remaining times they came to the desk. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Get in on the laffs! Don’t miss out! Click here to buy The Diary of a Nobody, The Bottom Ten, plus specials, including 4Ever and Ever access. 

On This Date
In 1778 – The Second Continental Congress of the United States passes the country’s first budget. A check of the Journal of the Continental Congress for that day shows that United States budgets were incomprehensible even then. However, it is plain the spending plan included the receipt of several loans and planned on paying $3.2 million in interest on a debt of $60 million. (That’s $59.4 million and $1.1 billion in today’s money.) As we write this, the current US national debt is $22.5 trillion, roughly $1.2 trillion in 1778 dollars. 

In 1984 – Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds ties Stan Musial’s National League record for most career doubles in a 4-2 victory over the Atlanta Braves. Rose went 1-for-4 in the game, his third-inning double driving in Ron Oester. Rose would break the record on September 30 and would retire following the 1988 season with 746 doubles, still good for second on the all-time major league list behind Tris Speaker who hit 792 doubles in the American League from 1907-28

In 1964 – Jim Reeves is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the fourth of seven consecutive weeks with I Guess I’m Crazy. It was the sixth of eleven #1s on the country chart for Reeves and the first since his death in a plane crash, at the age of 40, on July 31. The song also went to #1 on Canada’s country chart and also hit the Billboard Hot 100, peaking at #82. The song had first hit the country chart in 1955 when Tommy Collins took it to #13.

Quotebook
…if I should die it would only be a sign that my star has run its course…
Adolf Hitler

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The New York Yankees played at the Polo Grounds from 1913-22.

Today’s Stumper
Who was the president of the Second Continental Congress in September 1778? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/September 18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, September 18
Ring the goddamned bell!!!!

I really don’t understand the problem here…If you’re afraid of disturbing someone fear not, that’s the idea, disturb me so I know you’re out there!!!…About 0130 or so I can hear some milquetoast milling about the lobby and soon enuff he appears to be at the sundry stand and moments later I hear him rustling his candy wrapper at the front desk in a pathetic attempt to get my attention. 

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The Daily Dose/Wednesday, September 18, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 18, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience…

HERE WE GO AGAIN: For the fifth time, the United States House of Representatives has opened impeachment proceedings against a president of the United States, starting hearings to see if there is sufficient evidence to impeach President Donald Trump. 

As they should. There is enough evidence to justify initial proceedings. 

FunFact: The previous four presidents to have impeachment proceedings started against them were James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton. Buchanon was not impeached, Johnson and Clinton were, though were both acquitted following trials by the Senate, while Nixon, a rascal to the end, resigned before the House could get their mitts on him. 

Fly In The Ointment: We wish the House luck. The White House will prevaricate and obfuscate as long as we the people allow them too, and as long as the GOP remains on board the Trump bandwagon, it’s not likely anything of substance will come of this because President Trump continues to command the loyalty history has shown rich bullies typically earn, a loyalty that’s as impressive as it is inexplicable. 

Stop Us If You Heard This Before: He does not have a long-term vision for himself, much less our country and his only real talent, on full display since he announced his candidacy for the White House, remains drawing attention to himself. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: Whether there’s enough evidence to impeach and put the president on trial in the Senate isn’t clear, but we the people are entitled to find out. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow gets big laffs at the hotel with one of his best lines. Today’s Diary. 

Like all the great ones, I’ve got my classic lines, of course, and this morning we had several people getting early starts to their days and checking out…It allowed me to use, several times, of my all-time fave lines – and probably one of yours, too…It’s a line I came up with – came up with, not stole – during the days at Hotels A and B: 

“I’d like to checkout.”
“Certainly…Departures are allowed today.”

The great part is you can use this multiple times and it never gets old because you have a fresh audience with every checkout. There might come a time when ol’ Sparrow gets tired of it, tho that happening is subject to an awful lot of doubt. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 4: It’s full speed ahead in the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy. Good thing the Jets and Dolphins play each other twice, there might have been two (2) 0-16 teams this year. 

Jets only thing keeping B-10 pollsters from awarding Dolphins Dan Henning Trophy right now, as Jets already down to 5th-string quarterback…

Bengals fan(s) cautiously optimistic this could be year team finally sheds worst-team-never-to-win-Bottom-Ten moniker…

Owner Genghis Khan, content with first 0-2 start in three (3) years, shows mellow side by allowing team extra rice ball on flight home

Get in on the laffs! Don’t miss out! Click here to buy now. 

The Diary of a Nobody: $5.99
The 2019 Bottom Ten: $2.99
The Bottom Ten All-Access (includes future years and archives): $4.99
The Diary of a Nobody and 2019 Bottom Ten: $6.99
The All You Can Read Buffet: Everything, columns and books, forever. $59.99

On This Date
In 1850 – President Millard Fillmore signs the Fugitive Slave Act, after Congress had passed it earlier in the day. It required all escaped slaves to be returned to their masters and was part of the Compromise of 1850, which delayed the Civil War a few years. The Act was resisted in the North, where it was often ignored and juries nullified the law by acquiting those accused of violating it. In 1862 Congress passed a law forbidding Union troops from returning former slaves, and the Act was officially repealed in 1864. 

In 1963 – The Polo Grounds in New York City hosts its final major league baseball game as the Philadelphia Phillies defeat the New York Mets 5-1 in front of 1,572 fans. Between hosting the Mets, the New York Giants and the New York Yankees, the Polo Grounds hosted 4,490 regular season games. The Mets would move into Shea Stadium the following season and now play their home games at Citi Field. It was demolished in 1964 and the site is now occupied by some public housing. 

In 1976 – Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks. It was the groups first and only Top 40 hit, though four later singles hit the Hot 100. Earlier, the song had spent two weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s 5th biggest hit of the year. The song returned to the Top 10 in 1990 when it was released by Vanilla Ice.

Quotebook
Be a listener only, keep within yourself and endeavor to establish with yourself the habit of silence, especially in politics.
Thomas Jefferson

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The United States Constitution has been amended 27 times over the years.

Today’s Stumper
How many seasons did the New York Yankees play at the Polo Grounds? – Answer next time!

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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 4

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The Diary of a Nobody/September 17

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, September 17
My term as Immediate Past Employee of the Month here at the hotel is over…Ruth, the housekeeper who was the reigning Employee of the Month had her picture moved over to the right on the Employee of the Month picture display and she was replaced as the newest Employee of the Month by Tammy, the one who relieves me four mornings a week. 

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The Daily Dose/Tuesday, September 17, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 17, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow begins using his new appointment book. Today’s Diary. 

I usually get a new one for the year at the June Legion state convention but I didn’t go to the Legion state convention this year, and last years only goes thru September…The new one is a bit bigger, and it’s spiral bound so Wednesday entries could be problematic, but after two days of noting the day’s sleep yours truly is giving it solid, if not great, marks…Also, unlike the monthly calendar, it also has weekly pages as well…I only use the monthly calendar and neither approve of nor need the weekly pages

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to read The Diary of a Nobody – all entries, past, present and future – for only $5.99

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 4You could read other Bottom Tens, but mine’s the funniest. Seriously. 

Saturday’s rivalry game at New Mexico gets added spice as local pro wrestling promoter offers winning school $50 Visa gift card in exciting loser leaves town promotion.

Despite early-season woes, MAC expected to regain focus in time to register strong .500 mark in conference play.

With first wins of 2019 coming relatively late, and with both expected to lose out, both Beavers and Bulls left with only outside shot at earning Tostitos Plaque – issued to team(s) with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win.

Don’t miss any of the laughs. Click here to read the 2019 Bottom Ten for only $3.99. 

Click here to read the hilarious first two (2) weeks of The Bottom Ten with our compliments. 

On This Date
Editor’s note: These items inadvertently ran on September 16th. Apologies are issued.

In 1788 – The United States Constitution is signed in Philadelphia by assorted representatives of the several states. The document was then sent to the Congress of the Confederation in New York City, who approved sending it the 13 states for ratification. Delaware was the first state to ratify the Constitution, on December 7, and the Constitution became the governing document of the United States in July of the following year when New York became the eleventh state to ratify it. It replaced the Articles of Confederation which had been in force since 1781.

In 2016 – Curtis Granderson of the New York Mets becomes the seventh major league player to hit two home runs in extra innings in a 3-2, 12-inning victory over the Minnesota Twins. Granderson hit a leadoff home run in the eleventh to tie it and hit a two out home run in the twelfth to win the game. The feat had first been accomplished in 1943 by Vern Stephens, a shortstop with the St Louis Browns.

In 1955 – Mitch Miller is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart for the third of six non-consecutive weeks with The Yellow Rose of Texas. Though an accomplished musician and record producer, Miller only had a handful of chart singles and The Yellow Rose of Texas remains his only #1 song as an artist. Miller began his long career in music as an oboist, the only instrument available when he went to audition for his junior high school orchestra.

Quotebook
Both Gettysburg and the second inaugural address were forged by advice to himself and his country to study what had happened for helpful lessons rather than retribution.
Fred Kaplan
Lincoln: The Biography of a Writer

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Monday’s Trivia question is offered again today. It will be answered Wednesday.

Today’s Stumper
How many times has the United States Constitution been amended? – Answer next time!

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