The Diary of a Nobody 2/9/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life… 

Thursday, February 9
Had some fun with Heathre the Housekeeping Manager today…We had an 11am supervisor/manager meeting, which Araceli used to issue us assignments for conducting a simulated QA inspection…Heathre and I were assigned some maintenance and housekeeping stuff, so we headed off to the facilities building.

Dan was in the engineering office taking some training, so we pestered him with the items, stuff like is work being tracked liked it should and are these reports being generated and logs being filled out…They were, too, which gave Maintenance a perfect score, tho I deducted a couple of points simply for Dan being Dan.

Then we went and checked the Pak and Play log…Pak and Plays are, more or less, cribs that sit on the floor, and the houseman are supposed to log in when they take one to a room and when it is brought, not to mention noting that its been cleaned and is still in good repair.

This log was not up-to-date, obliging Heathre to deduct points from her own department…What is almost interesting as on the table where the log is kept there was a turned-over wine glass, a fork, and some salt and pepper…For reasons I am not entirely prepared to explain, this reminded of the POW/MIA table you see at Legion functions…They vary, but generally include a plate and a glass with perhaps some salt and a lemon, among other things.

I told Heathre about this, and made some lame joke about how this could be the Missing/Cancelled Guest table, honoring guests who couldn’t make it for their stay. This was not a Line of the Year candidate and got the half-smile, half-chuckle it deserved.

Then we went to actually inspect the Pak and Plays themselves…They were a pain in the neck, frankly, and I don’t think we ever got one completely opened, and closing them was a pain, too, tho we declared all of them fit for duty…Heather thought I’d’ve been more help with these, but I told her I never bothered to reproduce and have no clue how these work…She does have kids, tho, so I don’t know what her excuse was.

Had a funny line with a guest, too…I went in at 5am today and he stumbled in about 30 minutes later…An older gentleman, the kind who have been stopping by a lobby early in the morning to say hi at hotels since time immemorial.

Anyway, he was in the mood to chat about our new president and he was wailing away about this and that and preface one rant by saying “45 men have been president…”.

Well, that is not true…I held a finger up and, Upset of the Year, he stopped talking.

Uh, Sir, 44 men have been president…Grover Cleveland served non-consecutive terms…

He looked at me like I had 22 heads for a second before pointing at me and saying I was right!!!…It’s generally useless knowledge like this that, perhaps, explains why it took me so long to find a mate.

It was family dinner night at the local diner tonight…Me, The Wife, Sir Allan, Her Majesty and her visiting shipmate…I had my usual Stromboli while Sir Allan had its cousin, the calzone…I’m still not entirely sure what the difference is, tho Sir Allan declared one was rolled, the other folded.

Anyway, Sir Allan ate his differently than I ate mine, preferring to eat the ends first…I don’t see the point to this, starting in on the middle sections first…I noted this.

You know, the ends are mainly crust, taking up valuable stomach space from the tasty center.

Sir Allan considered the matter at length, before dismissing it…He resumed eating his calzone one end first, then working his way down.

When we go home we played a game that involves putting an implement and mouth and reading some zany phrase off a card that your teammates have to guess…A correct guess gets you a point.

This was the most bizarre experience of my life…I am not making that up…The sole purpose of the game is to make everyone look like a dolt…It was pretty fun, tho I spent too much time wondering exactly who the hell thought this diversion up…I mean, someone had to think up the idea of putting something in your mouth and trying to talk and someone had to approve it for development…

The instructions for the implement were funny, too…The last one was “Take it out of your mouth when your turn is over” which with three ex-US Navy sailors there led to some pretty funny lines because, well, you know, humor like that is what sailors specialize in.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.


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