The Diary of a Nobody 2/16/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, February 16
The bread wars are on here at the house.

On the one side, The Wife and Her Majesty, with gluten free, organic sprouted crap that’s named after a book of the Bible…In the other corner, and on my plate, is some regular, house brand wheat bread…Not the cheap, buck-and-a-half a loaf crap, but the quality Signature brand, on sale for $2.99,

I tried…I really tried with the gluten free bread…But it sucks…It taste like pasteboard, or what I would figure pasteboard would taste like if I’d ever bothered to make a sandwich out of it…Every brand they’ve bought has blown, too…It all taste lousy, if you ask me.

In a major concession, however, I did listen to Her Majesty’s advice and I try to buy bread without high fructose corn syrup which even my modest research shows doesn’t do us humans that much good…But otherwise, I am pro-gluten because I like sandwiches (and toast) that doesn’t taste like a kid’s art project.

My new desk chair came today!!!…Right on schedule, too….I ordered it Tuesday, online from the retailer’s website and it said it would be here Thursday, free shipping, too…I was kinda skeptical buying something like this from the retailer because sometimes the quality isn’t first-rate, but it was a leading national brand,  looked sharp, had a high back and cost less than a C note.

Thank goodness Her Majesty is living with us…Regular readers of this crap know it would take me three hours, minimum to put this together, even with idiot-proof instructions, but Her Majesty, with some zero help from me, had it together in 20 minutes.

At the Thursday supervisors/managers meeting we again went over stuff from the mock QA audit we did last week…I was pleased to report, on behalf of the front desk because Julie’s out for a while, that we are doing a great job of putting tags on luggage guests leave at the front desk…This happens regularly, either because they are waiting to check-in or they have checked out and are waiting for transportation…In the past, we didn’t use them because we couldn’t find them and we got lucky that no bags ever came up missing, especially on some recent Sunday’s where tons guests, probably peeved they didn’t get a late checkout, came and left dozens of bags.

We are also doing better on our shift checklists…Not perfect, but better…For this month we only had two that were left blank, which is an improvement over past months when we only had two that were filled in.

Also at the meeting, we talked about openings at the front desk with someone noting that Rosa from Housekeeping was interested in transferring and seeing first hand the Wonders of the Front Desk…I made a face at Heather the Housekeeping Manager, because we lose people transferring from the front desk fairly regularly…Heather was plainly not pleased at the prospect of losing Rosa, her pain about equaling my glee at the prospect of getting her.

After the meeting I made it a point to stop Heather and make a pest of myself:

Heather, when do you think would be a good time to get Rosa by the front desk???…You know, just for orientation and stuff…

Heather’s look was funny, indicating her personal feeling was that no time would be good to get Rosa by the front desk.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/15/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life… 

Wednesday, February 15
Here’s the latest on my hair:

It continues to grow…I don’t think I’ll reach my goal of having long, flowing locks but I would like to see what it looks like longer.

It might be a complete fiasco. There isn’t much up top, but what there is is growing in an exciting variety of colors and sizes. I am not making this up!!!…I have a tuft of hair at the top of forehead…The plan is grown this out so I can comb it back again like I used to do before I shaved my head ten or so years ago. It wasn’t too bad a look, especially with some gel.

Now, though, the section on the right is growing in a tad longer than the section on the left…I am not making that up, either…I have some zero clue why that is…Before, my hair grew at a uniform length all around…Now, tho, it isn’t…Assorted hairs are growing at whatever goddamned rate they want.

The bad news is that formula I started using a couple of weeks ago to get rid of the gray does not appear to be working…Or if it is working, it is working so gradually it will have the gray gone by the time I’m 90. Maybe there’s some progress. Maybe there isn’t. If there is, it’s tuff to tell. I’m following the directions, too, never a given with me. The directions aren’t too difficult, either. Put some in your hand and put it in your hair. They do emphasize shaking before and during use and applying it to dry hair and early on I learned the benefits of washing your hands immediately after use.

Saw our old neighbor Alan while I was in town, too…We were neighbors at the cabins we rented in town before we bought The Shire. Back then he worked for a national pest control company but today he got out his wallet and handed me a card that announced he was now in business for himself. Alan then rambled a bit, talking about why he was doing this, tho he didn’t actually say why, which was sorta confusing…Still tho, he was in very good spirits about the whole matter, saying there’s a lot of business in town…I told him I would put his card on our refrigerator, which I did, tho we haven’t needed pest control services yet.

The Wife made an omelet for dinner last night…What’s funny when The Wife makes an omelet is she opens the door to the frig and starts removing lots of stuff to put in the omelet and I always end up thinking wow, that’s sure gonna be an awfully big omelet…As it was, this one ended up with spinach and some cheese and lots of other things, too, and we even added some of those hot/sweet pickles Sir Allan bought when he was here….The eggs were merely a delivery system for everything else!

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/17/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

 Tuesday, February 14
Had a pretty low-key Valentine’s Day with The Wife today.

We did end up going to the next county…We did not make it in to town at night, for the movie screening at the old, renovated theater there.

We started with lunch at an Italian joint downtown…The Wife really likes it and it’s good, but not as good as our small diner don’t even start…The sausage roll I had gave me the trots, which doesn’t mean it wasn’t tasty, because those two things are not mutually exclusive.

Originally, a couple of weeks ago, this was the plan for Valentine’s dinner…Then I discovered the steak joint at the golf course out there then I discovered the steak joint at the golf course was no longer open…Or, more accurately, it was open for lunch during the three-day golf season they have up here.

Then we went to a pretty nice thrift store they have downtown…The Wife bought a small chandelier for the light fixture in our bedroom…It’s an old fixture, one of those that connects with three small chains…It’s crystal and silver, or at least it looks like crystal and silver, and replaces the pink one.

For my part, I picked up a couple of books.

After we got home we toned it down a bit with a nap and some snuggles then The Wife got up and decided – for reasons I’m sure she thought were good – to barbecue a salmon…I am not making that up!!!!…Straight out of the blue, let’s cook a salmon!!!…I could never cook a salmon that spontaneously…I would need at least a week’s advance notice, not that I’ve ever cooked a salmon cause I haven’t.

The salmon was almost done by the time I woke up from my nap to use the can and before either of us knew anything we weren’t going into town like we had originally planned.

The salmon was really good…The Wife melted some Irish butter and mixed it with mayo, dill weed and lemon butter and spread it over the top…Of course, no one in her family can make so much as a sandwich without smoking the meat first, and this smoked for almost a couple of hours.

At dinner Her Majesty was lamenting that she will likely be 30 when she finally gets her nursing degree…She’s been keeping up her end of our bargain by putting forth a really good effort going to school here and she’s looking at three more years of work before she began her nursing career.

I told her she’s going to be 30 in three years anyway, and that could she be 30 and be a nurse or be 30 wand not be a nurse, it was her call…Either way, she’s going to be 30 in three years…She thought about that for a second and noted that logic is doing battle with her hormones, which are telling her things must be accomplished in the next ten seconds, but otherwise acknowledged I made a pretty good point.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Daily Dose – February 14, 2017

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 The Daily Dose – February , 2017
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy 

WE GIVE UP: We tried. We tried to write every couple of days about the Trump Administration, but we couldn’t keep up.

On the one hand, sort of like Watergate, President Trump – President Trump! – has been a boon for us funny writers. From border walls to Frederick Douglass still being alive to the Bowling Green Massacre to ridiculing federal judges to whatever fiasco makes news today, there is a lot of raw materials to work with.

We All Have Our Memories: Trump believing Frederick Douglass was still alive is our personal favorite and we refuse to believe there aren’t some Trump staffers who privately believe Douglass instigated the Bowling Green Massacre.

Back On Message: So we’re throwing in the towel on writing about the day-in, day-out shenanigans of the Trump Administration.

The Big Picture: Instead, let’s take a big-picture look at what President Trump – President Trump – will mean for our country during his term.

Gaylon For Congress, Vote Early, Vote Often: We’ve said this before while running for both the US Senate and US House:

This nation will collapse before this half-century is out if we do not make substantive changes to the way we are governed.

There are a couple of factors that will destroy us.

One, we must have an America at peace. We have been at war every day since 1989 and no nation can sustain perpetual warfare.

Two, America is functionally broke. We are $20 trillion in debt, with an economy anchored in high taxes and excessive regulation. This nation will not flourish financially until we have an economy anchored in low taxes and free markets.

The Bottom Line: President Trump – President Trump – has given no indication he is going to do anything to stem either of these tides and the next four years will be spent marking time, not making any substantive progress. America will be four years closer to being tossed aside the scrap heap of history because last November we collectively declined to make substantive changes to the way we are governed. As usual, we had our chance at the ballot box but we just reaffirmed the status quo, electing as president a man whose only real talent is drawing attention to himself.

USA! USA!: The American flag is formally recognized by a foreign navy for the first time when the French fleet issues a nine gun salute to the USS Ranger off the coast of southern France on this date in 1778.

The Ranger was commanded by John Paul Jones and had been dispatched to France to inform US envoy Benjamin Franklin of the American victory over the British at Saratoga.

The Race To Live Down The Ages: Alexander Graham Bell and Elisha Gray both file paperwork to patent the telephone on this date in 1876.

Dry, Technical Matter: Bell filed an actual patent application, while Gray filed a caveat, which was a notice of intent to file an application at a later date.

FunFact: Patent caveats were done away with in 1910.

Back On Message: A complete examination of this episode is, thankfully, beyond the scope of this column. Gray, however, declined to follow through on his caveat, though this didn’t stop him from challenging Bell’s patent in court. Gray lost these battles, however, and History records Bell as the inventor of the telephone.

Diesel Boats Forever: The US Navy commissions its first two diesel submarines on this date in 1912. Previous American submarines had utilized gasoline engines. The USS E-1 and E-2 would primarily be used for tactics and equipment evaluation and both were decommissioned in 1920.

Dry, Technical Matter: The diesel boat era would last until October 30, 1990 when the USS Blueback (SS-581) was decommissioned.

A Warm, Personal Remembrance: We served on the Blueback. In memory of that, we still refuse to wash our coffee cup.

Thought For The Day: You yourselves have made these men great by giving them your support and that is why you have fallen into evil slavery. For you look to the tongue and the words of a crafty man, and you do not see the deed which is being done.– Gore Vidal, Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: The International League, founded in 1884, is the second oldest professional baseball league in the United States.  

Today’s Stumper: The Trivia feature will return. Be cool.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/13/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, February 13
Had to roll paramedics at the resort today…About 9am I get a call from a snotty young lady who wanted to complain about her stay to date…Well, all right, that’s part of my job, to listen to complaints and she wasn’t happy her room wasn’t ready at check-in time and that we didn’t have a room with a view of the mountain for her, despite the fact she had called and demanded one last week.

OK, I wouldn’t be altogether thrilled with that either, but then she said her friend Emily was opening the blinds and they fell on her, cutting her lip…One of the things you learn in this business is anytime a guest says someone in their party has so much as the sniffles you ask if they want paramedics called…Give them the opportunity to decline them because what you don’t want is for a guest to say they were never given the option of paramedics.

Anyway, she was annoyed enough to want to make ol’ Sparrow’s life a living hell so she said sure, her friend would absolutely love to have paramedics rolled to tend to her boo boo as long as there was no charge or the cost would be borne by the resort…I assured her there was no charge unless she rode the ambulance to the hospital and then I called the non-emergency dispatch line.

Then I called Weekly the maintenance supervisor to get his scrawny ass over to the unit to look at the blinds and assess the damage…Then I called Araceli the assistant resort manager and the I headed out to the unit myself…Then I headed back to the front desk for the keys because I’d forgotten them…Then I headed back out, just in time to meet the paramedics who are right down the street, near the softball fields.

I’ve seen dandruff cases worse than this…The cut was so minor not only was it not bleeding anymore, it was tuff to see where there’d been any damage at all…Still tho, I have duties in this situation, so I went at it as if there’d been a mass shooting in the unit, getting names and whatnot, to include pics of the boo boo…The girl declined transport to the hospital and I headed back to do the report.

When I did hotel security in Sin City we’d roll paramedics for less than this at times…One time this older couple called dispatch with the old man requesting paramedics and I get up there before the paramedics and there is less wrong with the old man than there was with the girl today…He was complaining of “breathing difficulties” despite the fact he appeared to be breathing normally…The couple was, and I got the impression this wasn’t for the first time – bickering with each other and the old man probably just wanted to piss his old lady off, which he did…Mission accomplished because I recall her standing by the window in a huff the whole time.

I was late to the retailer…I usually start at 2pm on Mondays because regular readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall that I used to go in at 5am on Mondays…I don’t anymore, but I will usually switch with Gabriel but he couldn’t today…This really isn’t a problem because I can usually leave at 1:30 without any problem but not today…The regional vice president was having a meeting with the housekeeping department and Anyssa had to go because even tho she works for me she is still, technically, assigned to the housekeeping department and will be applying for their new supervisor opening in a couple of weeks.

That left the front desk unattended and I’m paid to be there till 3:30 so I stayed…As it was, I fled as soon as Alberto showed up at 3pm and was there at 3:15…I did some training till 4:30 when an emergency call for all available cashiers was issued, so I worked Aisle 3 for the last 90 minutes.

After work, I bought a card for The Wife…It was really big, maybe a couple of feet tall and a foot wide and is otherwise really cute…I am keeping it in the car overnight, tho, because it’s kinda hard to hide in the cabin because it’s five square feet and pink.

Our plans for tomorrow are now, officially, “up in the air”…I did some research and the restaurant at the golf course in the next county is closed, not open like I had been told…So who the hell knows…I will wing it tomorrow.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/12/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life… 

Sunday, February 12
880am was not coming in loud or clear at all this morning…I got very little of the cowboy poet, tho I heard enough of Hymns From the Heartland to hear Russ was flying solo this morning because Laurie had the day off tho why Laurie had the day off wasn’t specified…Maybe she was sick or off having an affair or maybe Laurie was arrested for beating the snot out of Russ last night…Russ wasn’t saying.

Again with the late checkouts at work…I denied them all, because we had 80 rooms to clean and 60 arrivals and I was in no mood to fuss with late checkouts…Especially satisfying was tedious gentleman whose tone indicated my sole reason for existing on the planet was to attend to his late checkout request this particular morning and he seemed genuinely surprised when I offered apologies and said I would not be able to offer a late checkout this morning.

The resort’s regional vice president is visiting tomorrow and as usual, everyone is going ape shit…Word is she has a ‘bug’ about something, tho exactly what isn’t clear…In preparation, we blocked off a room for her that’s been everything but hermetically sealed…I just hope she likes the new pants I bought.

At the retailer, a couple came thru buying bird seed and I was glad to see they were buying the least expensive stuff…Long time readers of this crap know I feel so strongly about not wasting cash on expensive bird seed and I mentioned this to them…They seemed grateful for the guidance, too, because the wife said they always bought the expensive stuff…I waved a hand dismissively.

They can’t tell the difference they’re birds…Besides, they’re just happy they don’t have to dig out worms from your lawn.

The husband actually said he’d keep an eye on whether the birds seemed to mind, and that he’d report back to me.

Then an older lady came thru with lots and lots of camping stuff…Tools, implements, dehydrated food, stuff like that…Not tents or sleeping bags, tho…Anyway, she wanted someone to talk to, so she told me she had moved to Arizona from here years ago, then moved back but found herself growing weary of winter earlier and earlier…She mentioned was going back to Arizona “for a spell”…I looked at all the camping stuff I was bagging for her.

You walking there???…You’ve got enough outdoors stuff for a platoon.

She laffed and said no, but she camps out while she’s down there…Exactly why she didn’t buy the stuff down there isn’t clear, tho maybe we were pricing camping stuff to move…I don’t really know.

Tho official records aren’t kept – or if they are no one told me about them – I had to have set a personal best for Largest Exact Change Transaction today when this lady bought $331.16 worth of stuff and paid for it with exact change!!!…I am not making that up!!!…Three C notes, a twenty, a ten, a one, a dime, a nickel and a penny and nothing but a receipt to give back to her.

Speaking of numbers, I checked out 52 people today and moved $3,291 worth of stuff for an average of $63.28 per customer…It would’ve been more except I spent the first half-hour doing the never ending training and I got no small amount of time at self-checkout.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/11/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

 Saturday, February 11
It was cowboy coffee this morning at the resort…We were out of the coffee we issue to the guests at the front desk…It’s quality stuff and we pilfer it at need for use in the breakroom, but today we had to wing it.

Fortunately for all of us, I was able to…I used the remainder of the coffee a local shuttle company gives us we had left, plus parts of a couple of national brands that had been sitting in the cupboard for not too short a time and it came out pretty good…Actually, as my late brother liked to say you don’t drink coffee for the taste, and Sparrow’s Cowboy Blend was hot, black and caffeinated, so it was OK, which meant it got generally high marks.

Anyssa went to a local fast food joint for lunch and came back with, among other things, a taco that looked like its shell was made of fried chicken.

Anyssa, is that a taco with a fried chicken shell???

Anyssa nodded her head in manner that seemed to take as a matter of course that tacos in fried chicken shells…For effect, I stared at it dumbly for several seconds, which made her laff, and she declined my offer of tasting it for her, for freshness.

She also had a soft taco, but announced she was going to roll it into a burrito.


Wow…You have that power?
Watch…
Well, just make sure you that power for good, not evil.
 

Sometimes you just know.

For example, at the retailer this afternoon I knew – knew – the tall guy in my line was a bachelor, even before I saw the crap in his cart…He had the look…Not the there’s-no-way-this-guy-has-a-mate look like the fat guy with greasy hair buying Magic The Gathering cards from a couple months back had…This guy showed signs of recent grooming – to include beard trim – meaning he probably appeared to have some interest in attracting a mate, but it was not a surprise when he turned out to have Bachelor Purchase of the Night.

A box of croissant breakfast sandwiches…Frozen pizzas, and not the good ones either, the really cheap ones the shape of a rectangle…Ramen…A sack of mini donuts…A sack of knock off cereal and for Mexican Night he had some tortillas and jack/cheddar cheese combo for quesadillas….Replace the ramen with macaroni and cheese and it could’ve been me years ago…I almost wept.

Unknown is how long all this would last…There was enough to last someone a few days or he may have just been stocking up for the weekend…I didn’t ask.

One of the almost interesting aspects of this job is the retailer sells a variety of stuff and sometimes you see some odd combinations, but this rather stout woman buying, among other things, lacy undergarments, a jar of pickles and a car battery was a first…I said nothing, tho you had to wonder if there was some Lingerie/Car Battery Changing competition in town.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name. 

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/10/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

 Friday, February 10
Bought flowers for The Wife today…Her son Sir Allan flew out today and she was feeling mighty down…I could tell, so after work I bought her some flowers…As it was, she had today off and she was heading into town to meet with a lady she does some volunteer work with, so I went to the place she was meeting at and with the perfect timing that sometimes attends inspired plans, she was just getting out of the car!!!…I am not making that up!!!…Fate, as she sometimes does, was looking out for me better than I ever could because I could not have scripted this better myself…I parked across the street and was able to sneak the flowers behind my back without her seeing them…I managed to avoid getting hit or falling while crossing the street, too, never a given.

She was very pleased, of course, and they made her feel better, which was good because I didn’t want to have her wait until she got home to feel better.

Spent some quality time with a vet named Shaw today…He, his wife, a buddy and his wife were staying in Building 2 and extended their stay to a unit in Building 6…They had some time to kill before this unit was ready and he spent some time in the lobby…I went over to say hi and we talked for about a half-hour…He was in the Army, where he spent most of his time getting blown up…He needed a cane, had a deep, gravelly voice that wasn’t the one Providence had issued him at birth and he required the company of a service dog…I told him I was on an old diesel submarine years ago and commanded the local Legion post and district and he commanded a Purple Heart group in his home state, an award both he and his wife are entitled to wear…We both come families of veterans and all in all it was a very nice conversation.

This really happened: a guest called asking if they could check out early!!!…I am not making that up, either…I was at the desk in the office and the phone rang…A guest in Building 2 reconfirmed their checkout time of 12N and asked if they could check out any earlier.

You want to know if you can leave before noon???
Yes.

Uh, sure I told her…You can check out anytime you desire before the specified checkout time…You have a vacation here, not a sentence…I didn’t tell her this, but I suspect this the practice at hotels pretty much worldwide, too.

I’ll tell you this, tho, after regularly telling guests no, I’m sorry, I’m unable to offer a late checkout today, it was a pleasure to grant a request for an early checkout…That’s why my middle name is Guest Service.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/9/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life… 

Thursday, February 9
Had some fun with Heathre the Housekeeping Manager today…We had an 11am supervisor/manager meeting, which Araceli used to issue us assignments for conducting a simulated QA inspection…Heathre and I were assigned some maintenance and housekeeping stuff, so we headed off to the facilities building.

Dan was in the engineering office taking some training, so we pestered him with the items, stuff like is work being tracked liked it should and are these reports being generated and logs being filled out…They were, too, which gave Maintenance a perfect score, tho I deducted a couple of points simply for Dan being Dan.

Then we went and checked the Pak and Play log…Pak and Plays are, more or less, cribs that sit on the floor, and the houseman are supposed to log in when they take one to a room and when it is brought, not to mention noting that its been cleaned and is still in good repair.

This log was not up-to-date, obliging Heathre to deduct points from her own department…What is almost interesting as on the table where the log is kept there was a turned-over wine glass, a fork, and some salt and pepper…For reasons I am not entirely prepared to explain, this reminded of the POW/MIA table you see at Legion functions…They vary, but generally include a plate and a glass with perhaps some salt and a lemon, among other things.

I told Heathre about this, and made some lame joke about how this could be the Missing/Cancelled Guest table, honoring guests who couldn’t make it for their stay. This was not a Line of the Year candidate and got the half-smile, half-chuckle it deserved.

Then we went to actually inspect the Pak and Plays themselves…They were a pain in the neck, frankly, and I don’t think we ever got one completely opened, and closing them was a pain, too, tho we declared all of them fit for duty…Heather thought I’d’ve been more help with these, but I told her I never bothered to reproduce and have no clue how these work…She does have kids, tho, so I don’t know what her excuse was.

Had a funny line with a guest, too…I went in at 5am today and he stumbled in about 30 minutes later…An older gentleman, the kind who have been stopping by a lobby early in the morning to say hi at hotels since time immemorial.

Anyway, he was in the mood to chat about our new president and he was wailing away about this and that and preface one rant by saying “45 men have been president…”.

Well, that is not true…I held a finger up and, Upset of the Year, he stopped talking.

Uh, Sir, 44 men have been president…Grover Cleveland served non-consecutive terms…

He looked at me like I had 22 heads for a second before pointing at me and saying I was right!!!…It’s generally useless knowledge like this that, perhaps, explains why it took me so long to find a mate.

It was family dinner night at the local diner tonight…Me, The Wife, Sir Allan, Her Majesty and her visiting shipmate…I had my usual Stromboli while Sir Allan had its cousin, the calzone…I’m still not entirely sure what the difference is, tho Sir Allan declared one was rolled, the other folded.

Anyway, Sir Allan ate his differently than I ate mine, preferring to eat the ends first…I don’t see the point to this, starting in on the middle sections first…I noted this.

You know, the ends are mainly crust, taking up valuable stomach space from the tasty center.

Sir Allan considered the matter at length, before dismissing it…He resumed eating his calzone one end first, then working his way down.

When we go home we played a game that involves putting an implement and mouth and reading some zany phrase off a card that your teammates have to guess…A correct guess gets you a point.

This was the most bizarre experience of my life…I am not making that up…The sole purpose of the game is to make everyone look like a dolt…It was pretty fun, tho I spent too much time wondering exactly who the hell thought this diversion up…I mean, someone had to think up the idea of putting something in your mouth and trying to talk and someone had to approve it for development…

The instructions for the implement were funny, too…The last one was “Take it out of your mouth when your turn is over” which with three ex-US Navy sailors there led to some pretty funny lines because, well, you know, humor like that is what sailors specialize in.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

 

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/7/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life… 

Tuesday, February 7
Went to the next county with Sir Allan today…Recall there’s a really good meat shop there, and Allan was interested in going there…Not because we need anymore meet in the house – we don’t, we have enough to feed the crew of a small frigate – but because they have an awful lot of sauces and seasonings and a grill guru like Sir Allan needs his options…All told, he spent almost $50 in seasonings and whatnot, most of which he’s taking home with him.

We also went to a hardware store, and the grocery store in town…Before we pulled out Sir Allan noted this had the makings of a pretty good guy trip.

– A butcher shop and a hardware store…Can’t get any more manly than that…
– Maybe there’s a strip joint out there, too!!!
– I don’t think we want to go to a strip joint in the next county… 

Good point.

We had to go to the hardware store because Sir Allan was repairing the screen door and that thingamajig on the stop that regulates opening and closing came off…It came off when the door was being repaired because there was a hitch in it, which is a Sparrow Technical Term (STT) for you had to lift it a bit when closing it before it would catch on the latch.

The big news is we switched coffee brands!!!…I am not making that up!!!We had been rolling with a leading national brand, but while in the next county I stopped at the grocery store there to see if they had their house brand breakfast blend, which is really good, one of my faves…The Wife doesn’t like it, but she wasn’t there for consultations.

Sir Allan was, tho, and he suggested Chock Full O’ Nuts…I looked at him…His opinion carries weight with me, so I said sure and immediately authorized the brewing of an afternoon pot of coffee to test drive it…It was really good, too, tho you can never really tell until the first morning pot is down the hatch.

Had a pretty good workout, my first in a couple of weeks…Recall last week I had the fitness test on Tuesday and fitness test recovery on Wednesday, so I didn’t pump any iron…Today I got a regular workout in, plus some cardio and even sat in the sauna for a while before heading to the hot tubs for my soak.

We have yet another visitor!!!…Cheyenne, a friend of Her Majesty’s from the Navy came is coming in later tonight, well after I will have retired…She is flying in to the big city and taking the shuttle into town and Her Majesty and Allan will pick her up…I suppose as a proper host I should probably wait up, but The Wife will be up to welcome her.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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