Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Monday, February 6
Look, I’m a professional…I do NOT mix food with, say, insecticides…Or put anything heavier than a loaf of bread on top of eggs…Sometimes, tho, a customer will tell me just to pile it all in a bag simply to save bags…Today one said it was OK to put some baloney in with some motor oil.
Good gravy…I’ll do whatever you want, altho I still maintain the environment can handle the extra bag it would have taken to separate the motor oil from the food stuffs.
Scott from the resort came thru my line today, as he does from time to time…He had his usual case of Mt Dew, which should probably last him for the drive home, plus an awful lot of chocolate…There was a large bar, plus some smaller bags of M&Ms, a box of chocolate cake mix, plus a can chocolate frosting…I know Valentine’s Day is coming up, but it’s still over a week away and this was awful lot of chocolate, even when you consider Scott is 40 and his wife is in her early 20’s, hubba-hubba.
It’s something to throw at the wife when I get home…Got to keep her happy so I can get my car fixed.
This was funny because Scott’s car/truck always needs fixing…He’s pretty handy and could probably get it purring like a kitten over the weekend, but he’s the type who’s never truly happy unless he’s fussing with his car.
I’m pretty tired by the time the Monday retailer shift rolls around, frankly, and today during a lull in Hour 2 I was considering options for my break…It was the classic conundrum: the rather comfortable chairs are in the second floor breakroom, up a flight of stairs, which require walking up to get to…The first-floor break room has lousy chairs, but it does have the advantage of not having to scale stairs to get to it…In the end, I managed to crawl my way up the stairs because a comfy chair sounded worth the effort it took to get to it and I actually ended up falling asleep for a bit, and I was bit late reporting back to the trenches, altho Sir Thomas didn’t say anything because the 15-minute break rule here couldn’t be more broken if they issued prizes for non-compliance.
It’s been kinda slow lately, and there hasn’t been a decent Bachelor Purchase of the Night in ages, meaning it’s been a while since I’ve been able to trot out the old fave “are-these-snacks-or-is-this-a-meal-plan” line…I did get off a funny tonight, tho.
It came with these couple of guys were checking out…I advised them to have a good night, which one guy indicated might be a challenge.
Well give it a good try, that’s all we ask…
Finally got around to checking my numbers at the end of the shift: 91 customers, $3,985 worth of product moved, an average of $43 and change per customer…These numbers blow, frankly, but I can only help those who come thru my line…I can’t crap customers.
When I got home dinner was waiting…The Wife, Her Majesty and Sir Allan all tagged team on dinner, which featured crock-potted elk, a salad and Her Majesty’s famous Brussel sprouts, which feature bacon and parmesan cheese…Of course, you could serve me an encyclopedia featuring bacon and parmesan cheese and I’d like it, but it’s still very good.
Sir Allan also has a turkey soaking in brine for smoking and preparation tomorrow.
Afterwards, we played a card game…Her Majesty won, which was funny because she and I were battling it out for last about a third of the way thru…Sir Allan was leading big early, but started sucking hind tit the last two-thirds of the way, while The Wife played well the whole way but finished second.
The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.
It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.