The Diary of a Nobody 2/6/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life… 

Monday, February 6
Look, I’m a professional…I do NOT mix food with, say, insecticides…Or put anything heavier than a loaf of bread on top of eggs…Sometimes, tho, a customer will tell me just to pile it all in a bag simply to save bags…Today one said it was OK to put some baloney in with some motor oil.

Good gravy…I’ll do whatever you want, altho I still maintain the environment can handle the extra bag it would have taken to separate the motor oil from the food stuffs.

Scott from the resort came thru my line today, as he does from time to time…He had his usual case of Mt Dew, which should probably last him for the drive home, plus an awful lot of chocolate…There was a large bar, plus some smaller bags of M&Ms, a box of chocolate cake mix, plus a can chocolate frosting…I know Valentine’s Day is coming up, but it’s still over a week away and this was awful lot of chocolate, even when you consider Scott is 40 and his wife is in her early 20’s, hubba-hubba.

It’s something to throw at the wife when I get home…Got to keep her happy so I can get my car fixed.

This was funny because Scott’s car/truck always needs fixing…He’s pretty handy and could probably get it purring like a kitten over the weekend, but he’s the type who’s never truly happy unless he’s fussing with his car.

I’m pretty tired by the time the Monday retailer shift rolls around, frankly, and today during a lull in Hour 2 I was considering options for my break…It was the classic conundrum: the rather comfortable chairs are in the second floor breakroom, up a flight of stairs, which require walking up to get to…The first-floor break room has lousy chairs, but it does have the advantage of not having to scale stairs to get to it…In the end, I managed to crawl my way up the stairs because a comfy chair sounded worth the effort it took to get to it and I actually ended up falling asleep for a bit, and I was bit late reporting back to the trenches, altho Sir Thomas didn’t say anything because the 15-minute break rule here couldn’t be more broken if they issued prizes for non-compliance.

It’s been kinda slow lately, and there hasn’t been a decent Bachelor Purchase of the Night in ages, meaning it’s been a while since I’ve been able to trot out the old fave “are-these-snacks-or-is-this-a-meal-plan” line…I did get off a funny tonight, tho.

It came with these couple of guys were checking out…I advised them to have a good night, which one guy indicated might be a challenge.

Well give it a good try, that’s all we ask…

Finally got around to checking my numbers at the end of the shift: 91 customers, $3,985 worth of product moved, an average of $43 and change per customer…These numbers blow, frankly, but I can only help those who come thru my line…I can’t crap customers.

When I got home dinner was waiting…The Wife, Her Majesty and Sir Allan all tagged team on dinner, which featured crock-potted elk, a salad and Her Majesty’s famous Brussel sprouts, which feature bacon and parmesan cheese…Of course, you could serve me an encyclopedia featuring bacon and parmesan cheese and I’d like it, but it’s still very good.

Sir Allan also has a turkey soaking in brine for smoking and preparation tomorrow.

Afterwards, we played a card game…Her Majesty won, which was funny because she and I were battling it out for last about a third of the way thru…Sir Allan was leading big early, but started sucking hind tit the last two-thirds of the way, while The Wife played well the whole way but finished second.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/5/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, February 5
Boy, it was tough going on 880am this morning, as my fave farm station from the next state was, again, in a pitched battle with the Navajo station from down south and the religious station from the coast…This meant the cowboy poet was in and out…Too bad, too, because I leave a few minutes earlier on Sunday mornings so I can hear the cowboy poet, despite the fact I am neither a cowboy nor a poet…As near as I could tell he was talking about being on the road for a spell and leaving his family to care for the ranch, but I don’t know.

I left it on, tho…Even tho I couldn’t really hear him, it was nice to know the cowboy was there…As sometimes happens, by the time Russ and Laurie came on with Hymns From the Heartland the station was coming in pretty good…At the bottom of the hour Russ does the weather and the news, too…On really bad weather days, they’ll have the church closings, altho that doesn’t happen too often…The weather has to be pretty bad to close church in the heartland.

At the retailer, we were getting updates on the Super Bowl from, of all people, Abdul, who’s from Senegal, of all places…The girls, Steph and Aubrey, couldn’t be bothered, and Art chose to pass the time chatting about his amateur pitching career…It turns out he’s still annoyed, 50 years later, by some hapless guy named Sandy who had the nerve to have a small strike zone.

When the Falcons were up big Abdul dutifully counseled patience because, as he noted, the game wasn’t over, a point that seemed inspired when he announced it was 28-28…I didn’t really care, but I stopped at a bar on the way home to watch the overtime session.

Boy, I thought there would be some people stocking up for parties when I got there but no…Even the bachelors weren’t purchasing anything decent, with one guy coming thru with a water filter and some chicken noodle soup…My goodness, I thought, I don’t want to go to your party…You’re even duller me, and I’m spending the game working at the retailer.

I was walking to the back to clock in when I saw Dan-o, his kid Danny, and Scott in line in electronics…They had just come from a hard day working at the resort and were still in uniform.

Christ, what is this, the line for the soup kitchen???

That got some chuckles…I don’t think it will be a Line of the Year candidate but still it’s not too bad, the kind of Guy Humor ol’ Sparrow can be counted on to deliver in Guy Situations.

I spent most the day in the trenches…I did ten minute so of training because after I completed on module it said my next one wouldn’t be available for seven days…I don’t understand that, either.

As you might expect, it was dead slow…With the game on everybody was staying home, except old ladies and foreigners from other countries who couldn’t tell this Sunday apart from last Sunday or even yesterday.

What’s funny about having Anyssa at the front desk is she is as Mexican as a siesta, but she doesn’t hable much Espanol…I am not making that up!!!…Her Spanish is only slightly better than mine, and mine is limited to yo tampoco and mas o menos.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/4/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, February 4
I walk back into the back office this morning and Zach, the kid with really good hair, is sitting on a chair.

Zach, I’m growing my hair out…I’ve got some exciting things planned!
I know!!!…I can tell!!!

My hair currently does not look very good…It is not short anymore, but it isn’t long enough to comb yet, either…It’s in hair limbo and I have no clue what I am going to do with it…There isn’t a whole lot on top, but the current fantasy is to grow it out long and full in the back while combing the top back, properly gelled, of course…In order for this to happen my hair would have to display certain qualities it didn’t have the last time I had it grown out, so I will probably end up cutting it short again, especially if I get hired at the Sheriff’s Office.

In other hair news, the anti-gray coloring I’ve been applying every hour on the hour hasn’t shown any results yet.

Zach was key in Jesus’ really funny line today at lunch…There was a potluck today in the Facilities building, and some of the food was stored in a unit…Zach went and inspected the unit, thought the food was left by a guest – lots of guests apparently leave food prepared for a potluck laying around after they leave – and tossed it…This didn’t ruin the potluck, but it did make a dent in the amount of food available.

Anyway, Jesus and I are sitting in the breakroom giving each other crap and Zach walks in…The topic of the trashed potluck food comes out and Zach makes a joke about it while Jesus says the maids are really pissed and I said whomever was responsible should probably watch out then Jesus looks quizzically at Zach and says, with perfect timing and delivery asks:

Is your name Zach???

I told Jesus it was probably his funniest line ever, not that he has a lot of them, but you know.

Anyssa is back at the front desk and I am glad to have her…She is not pregnant anymore, of course, however she does breast feed her girl and she said her lunches are a little longer than usual because she pumps milk during this time and, also, she sometimes goes to lunch on short notice because she doesn’t want to go until she’s “full” which marks the first time as a supervisor I’ve had to coordinate lunch breaks with a lactation schedule.

Very dull at the retailer. I did some training and spent an hour on Aisle 5. There isn’t even a cheap baloney and macaroni and cheese purchase to report.

The Wife is still sickies and her son Sir Allan, reports for a visit tomorrow…He’s a pretty good cook and we have 500 pounds of meat – elk, antelope, cow and perhaps even some road kill in there – ready for him to to smoke and BBQ, two of his favorite pastimes.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

 

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/3/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, February 3
I started thinking about Valentine’s Day plans today…It’s in a couple of weeks, give or take, and it’s on a Tuesday, which means The Wife and I both have the day off.

Our first Valentine’s Day I went all out. We had been dating about a month or so and I splurged, taking her to Lawry’s in Sin City…For the uninitiated, Lawry’s makes about the best prime rib the planet offers, tho I realize this is subjective and, also, that not everyone has had the prime rib ol’ Sparrow makes on Christmas Day.

Anyway, we’ve been pretty low-key for Valentines after that, and The Wife dismissed my plans for going out of town as “impractical”…So were going to the next county…We’ll get a not-too-sleazy room and there is a good Italian restaurant there and it will be a pretty good Valentine’s Day night.

Like they did for our District meeting last fall, the Legion state office is farting around with our spring meeting coming up in April…We had scheduled it for April 29 at our small town post, but Department is, again, interested in going to the District 13 meeting and our meeting (we’re District 14) on the same day.

Crap…District 13 meets about three-and-a-half hours from here, making it impractical to host for us to host the meeting…So I’m trying to get Post 74, the closest post to District 13 and the host of our last two district meetings, to host this one, too…It would be on the same date and in the afternoon, probably, though we could start it in the morning and have the state officers close out the meeting.

If they are unwilling, or unable, to host perhaps one of us could have our meeting on Friday night, but that is as impractical as a Sunday meeting is unpopular.

Today was Leah’s last day at the resort…I am sad to see her go…She was very pleasant to get along and did her job exceedingly well…She is actually transferring to another property the company owns here in town, and I kept telling her I was going find regulation or procedure to prevent it and keep her here, but I wasn’t able to.

We got off easy…Anyssa is transferring back to the front desk from housekeeping…Long-time readers of this crap may recall Anyssa was working the front desk when I started there, on loan from housekeeping because she was pregnant…She went back to housekeeping when she dropped the kid, and now wants back in…This is good because it is hard to find people in general here and doubly tough in the middle of ski season…In fact, we only had one applicant when we had an ad up and that applicant was not particularly qualified, except for having a heartbeat.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/2/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, February 2
I did some research today and found there are age-based law enforcement fitness test standards…I don’t know whether or not the Sheriff’s Office used them, but there are some out there….For guys my age, I did very well in the pushups, OK in the situps and probably really lousy in the mile-and-a-half run…I don’t know for sure because I didn’t ask what my time was because if they’d’ve wanted me to know they would’ve told me…It’s kinda like the service, where you don’t go asking too many questions, which was why I didn’t go asking what the standards were in the first place.

Longtime readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall that last ski season at the resort we had no less than three presidential units that were OOC because of water damage…It was a fiasco…Ol’ Sparrow was charged with contacting those reservations in those units and advising their room probably would not be ready for them, to allow them to either accept a downgrade or cancel their reservation and stay somewhere else, or cancel their plans altogether. Not only was keeping track of all this pain in the keester, but not everyone took this news well.

Until Wednesday we had generally avoided this problem, but I came in today and lo and behold in my inbox was the news that two presidential units, one in Bldg 5 and one in Bldg 6 wee OOC because of water damage.

I talked to the guest in who had reserved the Bldg 6 presidential but who found himself in a penthouse unit instead…He was not pleased, and even threw the word ‘garbage’ around a couple of times, plainly trying to instigate an argument.

Well, I wasn’t biting, of course…I was relentlessly pleasant and he was too after a while…I told him the difference in points between the presidential and the penthouse units would, of course, be refunded, but he countered with a full refund, which I was not authorized to do…Unfortunately Alice the GM wasn’t around to make the decision, either, so we’ll see about tomorrow.

The good news is Thania said she will take charge of notifying guests about their units being OOC, which is OK with me.

It is now The Wife’s turn to be sickies…She is milking it for all it is worth, too, which she should, because she took good care of me when I was sickies recently…She’s already determined she is not going to work tomorrow and took some medicine and was sleeping soundly early…I even made her some chicken noodle soup.

The Stromboli I inhaled Tuesday after the fitness test notwithstanding,  my stomach is getting smaller because of all the healthy meals The Wife and Her Majesty make, and I can no longer finish the entire lunch The Wife sends with me to work…She sends an amount you would expect a growing boy like me to consume, but I was only good for half the chicken, peas and bell peppers she sent…This actually isn’t too bad, because I just put the unused half in the breakroom frig for lunch tomorrow.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Daily Dose – February 2, 2017

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 The Daily Dose – February 2, 2017
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy 

GAYLON FOR CONGRESS…VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN: One interesting aspect of the Trump Administration is the effect it will have on the future of the Republican Party.

It was also an interesting aspect of his candidacy. At first, we thought a Trump loss would spell the end of the GOP. Now, though, Trump’s victory might well spell the end of the Party of Lincoln.

Please Stand By: Maybe not today or next week. But it’s hard to believe there won’t come a time when some in the GOP won’t say enough, fear and ignorance are not what our country or our party are about and bolt.

Dry, Technical Matter: The Republican Party was founded in 1854, after the Whig Party dissolved. It came to power in 1860, when it took control of both houses of Congress and Abraham Lincoln was elected president. Donald Trump is the 19th Republican president.

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: Plot Lincoln and Trump on a graph and you have a line going straight down.

Great Moments In Trump: President Trump got Black History Month off to a rousing start by speaking of Fredrick Douglass as still being alive.

More Dry, Technical Matter: FredericDouglassss was an American slave who escaped to freedom. He has been quoted here from time to time, and his Narrative of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave is one hell of a book. Douglass died in 1895, well before Trump took office.

Back On Message: Yeah, we know about the Libertarian Party. We’ve run for both the United States Senate and the United States House under their banner. Without exception, every Libertarian wants good things for our country.

Our country, however, has always been indifferent to the LP. We’ve never been entirely sure why. I have found there is a bit of libertarian in all of us and, as we like to say, it’s difficult to argue with us on the issues because we’re right.

Part of the reason is this has always been a two-party country, even back before the founding of this republic, when there really weren’t political parties. Third parties have never made a long-term dent in the American landscape.

Another is human nature. It is human nature to stick with what’s familiar and the Republicans and the Democrats are nothing if not familiar. If good men with big names like Ron Paul and Gary Johnson could not get the LP in the game, it’s unlikely the LP will become anything more than it is now.

The Bottom Line: So we’ll see. Trump has not only divided the country he is dividing his party, and the damage might get so bad it can’t be repaired and there might be another party with some powerful names on the ballot for the 2018 midterms.

GREAT MOMENTS IN NEW YORK CITY: New York City, then known as New Amsterdam, is incorporated on this date in 1653. It would become New York City in 1664.

Aichiwawa: The Mexican-American War ends on this date in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo in what is now a part of Mexico City. The United States won and took over half of Mexico’s pre-war territory, which included all or parts of ten current American states. Mexican citizens in the conceded area were given one year to choose to stay and accept American citizenship or return to Mexico.

Play Ball: The National League of Professional Baseball Clubs is formed in New York City on this date in 1876. It would begin play in April with teams in New York City, Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, Hartford, Louisville, St Louis and Cincinnati.

The National League is still in operation, of course, and is the world’s oldest professional sports league.

Oh Yeah: The Chicago Cubs, then known as the White Stockings, and the Atlanta Braves, then known as the Boston Red Stockings, are the only original teams still in the league. Though the NL has teams in New York, Cincinnati, St Louis, and Philadelphia, the original teams folded and new franchises joined the league.

Thought For The Day: They tell us, sir, that we are weak…But when shall we be stronger?…Will it be when we are totally disarmed?…We are not weak, if we make proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. – Patrick Henry, Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death speech to the Virginia legislature, 3/23/1775

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: There! I’ve Said It Again By Bobby Vinton was number one the week before I Want To Hold Your Hand.

Today’s Stumper: What is the second oldest professional baseball league in the United States? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody 2/1/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, February 1
My offer to do the dinner dishes was accepted!!!

I am not making that up!!!…The Wife and I had just finished a disgustingly healthy meal of organic hamburger patties, an organic salad – except for maybe the leading national brand dressing – and some beans and regular readers of this crap know my offers to do the dishes are routinely dismissed because I’m pretty bad it cleaning anything.

Well, The Wife was beat and didn’t want to them…On the other hand, she despises leaving them overnight, so my offer was accepted…I did a pretty good job, too, and I don’t think anything will have to be re-washed, never a given with me.

Here’s the Sparrow Washing Procedure: first, I wet the sponge, then I put some dish soap on it…Then I rinse the item to be washed…I then make sure the sponge is within a few inches of the item while I make a wiping motion…Then I rinse the item off and, after checking for obvious food particles, place it in the rack.

As it turns out, I was able to get out of bed this morning…My legs were still plenty sore from Tuesday’s run, but they got less sore throughout the day…My goal of not leaving the house was not met, however…Late in the morning The Wife started making her usual noises about going to the next county for this and that and I like going along on these excursions…Of course, there is no reason to go to the next county and not go to the only decent Mexican joint in the tri-state area…Her Majesty joined us, too, and while nothing at the Mexican joint is organic, they did manage to eat fairly well, splitting a bean-and-cheese burrito and each enjoying a taco…I had my usual chorizo burrito and a quesadilla.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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The Daily Dose – February 1, 2017

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The Daily Dose – February 1, 2017
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

 IF TRUMP IS INEVITABLE: All right, collectively we signed up for four years of President Trump.

Insert Your Own Tasteless Trump Joke Here: It doesn’t mean we have to take him lying down, though. Already scatter bands of protesters are popping up around the country. As they should. President Trump has introduced even more things for us citizens to protest.

Fly In The Ointment: But some relatively scattered protestors can’t do it alone. If America is going avoid the shackles of ignorance and fear the Trump Administration has for us, it’s going to take a team effort.

Where The Hell’s America?: Forget great. America is too far gone right now to be able to even wave at greatness. Right now, we should try to make America America again.

Leading Off: Let’s start with our media. You can blame angry, white, middle-aged males for President Trump only so much. The media is as much to blame for President Trump as your average Waffle House patron.

First, the media took Trump seriously when he announced his candidacy for the GOP nomination. They shouldn’t have, of course, but Trump meant ratings and clicks. A real media, one that took its First Amendment responsibilities as seriously as their obligation to their bottom line, would have properly vetted Trump and had him out of the GOP race in a couple of weeks.

The media has been derelict in its duty since Woodward and Bernstein felled the Nixon Administration. They can make up for all this by, for starters, calling “lies” “lies” instead of “misinformation” and “fake news”. From there they can actually resume real reporting, instead of depending on handouts from press offices.

Oh Yeah: The Congress can get a backbone again. Congress right now is so fractured and so bogged down in partisan bickering the GOP-controlled Congress is likely to rubberstamp everything Trump wants just to annoy the Democrats.

Dry Technical Matter: This is our loss because the Trump Administration has many monstrous but seriously held beliefs that will do this country some zero good and a lot of damage. Deep down, there has to be a lot of Republicans in both the House and the Senate that know this. If America is going to become America again, we need some rational GOP leaders to stand up and be counted.

Yeah, Yeah, Whatever: Finally, we need an American electorate that, regardless of party affiliation, are concerned, participating and demanding at the ballot box in 2018.

Let’s be honest, right now the American electorate is none of those things. We are content to return virtually every incumbent to office despite the fact all we get in return is substandard government.

The Bottom Line: America, and the world, are feeling the effects of this right now: a disinterested American electorate has produced a fractured, dysfunctional and most of all violent American government which in turn has produced a fractured, dysfunctional and violent world.

UH, THANKS, ABE: President of the United States Abraham Lincoln signs the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution on this date in 1865, one day after it had been approved by the House of Representatives. The United States Senate had approved the Amendment the previous spring, and it would be ratified by the states by early December.

LOL: What’s funny is the president plays no role whatsoever in the amendment process and his signature was about as necessary as that of the White House butler’s. The amendment would’ve been sent to the several states for ratification even if he hadn’t signed it and Lincoln remains the only president to sign a ratified amendment.

And So It Begins: The Beatles get their first number one song in America on this date in 1964 when I Want To Hold Your Hand moves from number three into the top spot. It would spend seven weeks at number one. Eight weeks later the Beatles would become the only act besides Elvis to replace themselves at number one when She Loves You went to the top. After two weeks at number one, Can’t Buy Me Love moved into the top spot, and the Beatles are still the only act to replace themselves at number one twice.

Say Cheese: One of mankind’s most iconic photographs is taken on this date in 1969 when Associated Press photographer Eddie Adams takes a picture of Viet Cong Captain Nguyen Van Lem being shot in the head by South Vietnamese Police Chief Nguyen Ngoc Loan on a Saigon street.

The photograph would earn Adams the 1969 Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Photography.

Thought For The Day: To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well. – John Marshall, Chief Justice of the United States, 1801-1835

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: The last Trivia question – What the hell’s going on here? – was rhetorical. No answer was expected.

Today’s Stumper: What song did I Want To Hold Your Hand replace at #1? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody 1/31/17 – Drivel From Sparrow!

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, January 31
Passed…Or, rather that should probably Passed!!!

Or maybe Passed!!!

I am still not sure what the standards were, but if they were “survive” and/or “waddle a mile-and-a-half in less than three days”, I made it….Looking back, I think my initial assessment of working hard and not quitting were the primary factors, in which case I passed with flying colors because ol’ Sparrow gives it a good effort.

There was only one other applicant, a bloke named Chris…Chris was really chatty, too, talking the whole time we were in the lobby waiting for the test to start…I think he was about 40, disgustingly trim, and he had an accent that sounded Australian – it was definitely not British – tho it turns out he grew up in South Africa.

Lieutenant Richardson and Corporal Boyle were in charge…It’s a small town and I know some people, but, probably because I’d never been arrested in this county, this was the first time I’d met either of them.

The run was outdoors!!!…Holy crap, that was as surprising as it was depressing…I had heard from more than one person the running was on a treadmill, which is a lot easier on ol’ Sparrow than actually running…On a treadmill, you’re just keeping up with the pace…Actual running, you’ve got to move yourself and I’ll be honest, I was not prepared for it…I had gym clothes but not the hoodie that would’ve been ideal in the 30 degree weather…It was too cold to run in just a shirt, so I ran with my watch cap and new winter coat.

The run started across the street from the Sheriff’s Office…We started on a sidewalk, packed with snow, ran parallel to the highway until we crossed the street and actually ran on the side of the highway…We ran to where the Lieutenant parked the jail van at the implement rental place, the halfway point, then turned around.

When I was approaching I saw the Lieutenant get out of the van…I was going pretty slow, frankly, and I thought she had gotten out to tell me nice try, how about we pack it in, Sparrow, and I’ll give you a ride back???…As it was, she had some encouraging words for me and asked how I was doing…I would’ve preferred some oxygen, frankly, but I told her I was hanging in there and would see her back at the S-O.

I might be exaggerating that a bit…I may not have had the breath to say that much…The run was hard…I finished strong tho, turning the corner and heading to the finish line without collapsing.

After that, we headed inside for some invigorating pushups and sit-ups…The pushups were all you can get before dropping dead, while the sit-ups were as many as you can do in a minute…I was completely beat, but I didn’t too bad.

If you passed the PT test you got assigned a time for an oral interview, and I was assigned 2:30pm, so it was all over a bit before 3pm…I showered in their locker room and looked smart in khakis and a green polo shirt.

Afterward, I went to the gym for a well-deserved soak in the hot springs, the headed home and rewarded myself with the classic post-fitness test meal, a Stromboli at the local diner…There something happened that confirmed something I had long suspected: Charlie, the owner and fellow member of our small town Legion post, has some zero clue who I am.

I walked in and saw him behind the register, so I waved and said howdy and he starts in about how he saw my buddy from the railroad…He also called me Mike, which is not my name.

Charlie, I don’t work for the railroad…

He looked at me, plainly surprised…If I wasn’t Mike, who the hell was I???…The waitress was there and I forget how, but I was able to work “Sparrow” into the conversation, tho Charlie didn’t seem to remember that name either…Maybe he’s always thought of me as Mike who works for the railroad.

We’ll see if I can get out of bed tomorrow…I’m already pretty sore…I also have a pretty good cough going, the type of deep-in-the-chest cough you would expect after running a mile-and-a-half in 30-degree temperatures.

One of the benefits, tho, of having The Wife and Her Majesty going organic is there was no shortage of remedies in the house…Her Majesty set me up with some syrup and a drop of something or other under my tongue…Together they tasted like an engine additive, but I more or less stopped coughing, so I’m not complaining.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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Drivel From Sparrow! The Diary of a Nobody 1/30/17

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, January 30
Felt better today…A lot better…One, I slept in till about 8:30 or so, so I was nicely rested…Then I had a good workout…Not a max workout, but a good one, and I topped that off with a nice, therapeutic soak in the hot springs…I will be rested, strong and healthy for my fitness test tomorrow and we’ll see what that gets me.

Rustam needed more help today, and I was happy to deliver it…Being a cashier at the retailer isn’t the hardest job you’ll ever have, but there is a lot to know and what you learned in the training videos can be forgotten pretty quickly when you’re in the trenches and faced with customers who are paying with gift cards and whatnot…As it was, he was having trouble with a gift card, so I showed him how it was done…He seemed grateful for the help…His English isn’t all that great, but he’s a nice guy and seems determined to do well and you gotta respect that, of course.

Rustam also wears thermal underwear under his work shirt, thermal underwear that has – and I am not making this up – brown patches at the elbows!!!…

People still pay with checks…I am as surprised as you are, but there are some, mostly all older than me, who disdain debit cards and kick it 18th-century and pay with a check…They don’t even have to write anything on them anymore, tho…Heck, they don’t even have to sign them, tho some will go thru the trouble of doing that, or even filling them out completely…No need, the retailer’s check processor will fill everything out for you and when your check is approved we’ll give it back to you for your records…This one older lady followed a guy who paid with a check and it was the first time she’d seen the check processor in action…I told to bring her checkbook next time instead of stuff old cash and utilize this marvel herself…She said she probably would not because paying by check still takes too much time.

Got more training done today…It was funny because the process utilized on the assessment cash register and how we do it in the trenches was different…A good example is adding money to one fo the retailer’s prepaid cards…At the register, we do it one way…When I tried to do it that way on the assessment’s tho, I got a big red checkmark and a buzzer…I was not even allowed to press the buttons I use in the trenches.

I had no clue what to do…I managed to avoid weeping, but I was so flummoxed I had to go hunt down Patty for help…She showed me the action code to use….Hell, I didn’t know this…We never use action codes, even tho there are a lot of them, including one for Help Me I’m Being Robbed…The assessment was timed and I passed with 13 seconds to spare.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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