The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, September 24
Met a gentleman at work today…He and his wife were checking in and I had actually talked to the Mrs last week about something or another and since she was doing the checking in the gentleman and I started talking and for some reason we got on the subject baseball…Well, he said, he had played some pro ball back in the Red Sox organization back in the day…He was older than me, old enough to be my dad if he started early enough.

Anyway, he told this story and that, finishing up with how, as a catcher, he got ejected by a long-retired, fairly famous umpire…All right, some good conversation with a guest who was in the mood for it, which is part of my job.

Well, just for funsies I started doing some checking…The bad news was I couldn’t find a record of him having played minor league ball…The umpire he mentioned started his big league career in 1965, so it was reasonable to presume he was in Triple-A a couple-three years prior to that.

The first sign something was not right came when the city he said he played in in Triple-A wasn’t a Triple-A city back then…I actually sort of suspected this, but didn’t know for sure…So I checked the team that was their Triple-A affiliate back then and actually found rosters online and I didn’t find his name….In fact, I didn’t find a player with his name playing pro ball around that time anywhere.

Oh well…I could be wrong, but the research is tuff to ignore, tho it could be incorrect or incomplete…And if it isn’t true, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve discovered someone lying about having played pro sports.

Many years ago I was a newspaper reporter in a small town…One time I was assigned a story about an old, sick man getting married in the local hospital…I forget the other circumstances, but it was, as I recall, a pretty heartwarming story…Then he told me he had ridden in the Kentucky Derby.

Oh, dear me, even a halfwit reporter like I was knows this needs to be verified…And even tho this was way before the Internet, it was a simple matter to call the track and find out for sure, because they have an entire staff to field questions like this from people like me…He had never ridden a race – claiming, the Derby or otherwise – at the track…He may have bought a ticket to the Derby, but that’s as close as he got.

Then another time a guy was speaking at a high school claiming he had played for the Rams…Even brought a Rams helmet with him…Well, this guy might have been technically correct…Some research showed he did go to training camp with the Rams and may well have played in a preseason game….It’s not officially playing for the Rams like a regular season game would’ve been, but it wasn’t completely inaccurate, either…As it was, preseason rosters aren’t that accurate, so I wasn’t able to establish it either way.

What are you going to do???…For the record, no one has ever questioned my Medal of Honor, or my 13 Top Secret combat missions over North Korea.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, September 22
Did an interview today, my first of the campaign season…It was for a libertarian/progressive website…The guy’s name is Thomas and we first exchanged a couple of phone messages last week…I had somewhat forgotten about it when he called me at work, a few minutes before I was scheduled to knock off…I was on the phone with a guest but I put the guest on hold and if the guest got the impression a sudden Mystery of the Front Desk broke out well, I have control over that.

Anyway, I told Thomas I only had few seconds so why don’t we set up a time right now and he said sure, how about I call you in 20 minutes?

I usually stop by and see The Wife before heading home, so I said sure, I could do it then…When I got to the retailer, which is only a couple of minutes from work, I gave her a kiss then when and bought some ear pods for the iPhone…I have some at home, but they weren’t doing me any good at home and I didn’t want to hold a phone to my ear for a half hour…I was opening the package in the car when Thomas called, right on schedule.

He was very well prepared and the interview was a lot of fun…I did some TV interviews when I ran for the US Senate two years ago I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it…It’s kinda fun, honestly, even when you’re doing them in the retailers parking lot.

We talked about why I was running…I told him I wanted four things for our country, an America at peace, an economy anchored in low taxes, an America that did not convict the innocent and voters who gave a crap about their country, citizens who were demanding and participating and holding our leaders accountable.

There was a question about a couple of specific trade agreements I had some zero knowledge of, so I told Thomas I wasn’t going to lie to him, I wasn’t qualified to talk about them, but taking a look a the big picture I fully support free trade, as barriers and restrictions only tend to help those who can’t compete.

The half-hour passed quickly and I think I did pretty well, tho we won’t know for sure until the interview gets posted and we can hear out it came out.

Still haven’t heard back from the advertising rep at the newspaper that hasn’t invited me to their Congressional debate, or from the paper’s general manager.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, September 21
The Wife up and mowed the lawn today!!!…I am not making that up!!!

Regular readers of this crap know I haven’t mowed the lawn for a few weeks…The excitement of spring began to subside in mid-August and I haven’t cut the grass since then…The Wife has mowed the lawn once or twice in the past and she said she actually enjoyed the exercise.

Good…The grass needed a mowing, but it really wasn’t that bad…As I’ve noted, the grass really isn’t growing like it did in the spring – probably because I stopped watering it, too – and it still looks OK…Well, it doesn’t look too bad…If it did look too bad I would’ve cut it myself, but we still have a respectable looking yard, better than most yards in town.

If I’m lucky this will be the last mowing till next spring…Tomorrow is the first day of fall and the grass will, or should, be going dormant pretty soon

This was rich: today I got an email from a lady at the newspaper that didn’t invite me to its Congressional candidates forum…She’s from the advertising department and she wanted to know what services she could provide Sparrow For Congress…Could  she construct an ad campaign for me???…Did I have any questions about rates???…She was standing by.

This query did not come from out of the blue…I had actually emailed her a few weeks ago, tho our last conversation was three weeks ago.

Great timing…I wrote her back:

You know, I realize you probably weren’t the decision maker here, but your paper didn’t invite me to their candidate’s forum, so I am not particularly inclined to spend money with you.

I further advised her not to take this too personally…I haven’t heard back and it would be funny if this made a difference.

I don’t know if organizers don’t know anything about me and just presume I’m a third-party wingnut with a vacant stare clutching my copy of the Second Amendment or if they have done some research and know I’m regular with moderate, logical positions on the issues.

It doesn’t really matter…I’ve got some lines in the water and there’s time enough for things to happen and I’ve been around the block enough times to know what’s meant to happen in this life usually does if you get out of the way and let it.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 4

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 4
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist

The great lesson Bottom Ten fans have learned is the Detroit Lions are capable – at any time – of announcing the road to the Bottom Ten title goes through Ford Field.

The Lions did it again Sunday, dropping a 16-15 thriller to two-time defending Bottom Ten champion Tennessee…With the loss, the Lions have tossed their helmets squarely in the middle of the race for the Dan Henning trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.

This week’s fiasco, as the nags pass the grandstand for the first time:

  1. Cleveland Browns (0-2; lost to Baltimore 25-20) – Browns easy pick for top spot, blowing 20-point lead for clutch home, divisional loss…First sign lead might not last came in first quarter, when Browns’ special teams allowed Ravens to score two-point conversion following Cleveland touchdown…Next Loss: at Miami

2. Chicago Bears (0-2; lost to Philadelphia 29-14) – Bears showing all the right moves in quest for B-10 medal stand, getting outscored 26-7 after leading 7-3 in second quarter…Win Probability technology – which calculates chances of victory after each play – immediately goes to 0.000 percent for Bears after coin toss…Next Loss: at Dallas

3. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2; lost to San Diego 38-14) – Jaguars back on B-10 medal stand following brilliant 14 penalty, three (3) turnover performance…It’s never particularly difficult to cross the country and lose in the NFL, but it’s usually not this difficult…Next Loss: Baltimore

4. Detroit Lions (1-1; lost to Tennessee 16-15) – Lions on prowl for another B-10 title, in huge come-from-ahead loss to Titans…Lions put on offensive clinic while showing mettle of B-10 champions, going from first-and-goal on Titans one-yard-line to kicking a 42-yard field goal…Next Loss: at Green Bay

5. Buffalo Bills (0-2; lost to New York Jets 37-31) – Bills blow two (2) leads as defense takes charge, only allowing offense to be on field for 20 minutes…Bills so intent on B-10 glory they fire offensive coordinator after game which produced 393 yards and 31 points …Next Loss: Arizona

6. Indianapolis Colts (0-2; lost to Denver 34-20) – Colts trying to make name for themselves in always tough AFC South, which includes Tennessee and Jacksonville…Offense saves day, allowing fourth quarter interception, fumble to be returned for touchdowns…Next Loss: San Diego

7. NFC North (4-4) – With Minnesota in first place despite losing starting quarterback, running back, and both Bears and Lions in survey, NFC North easy pick for Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Next Loss: Automatic berth in NFL playoffs, as division GM’s look to secure berth in CFL playoffs for division champion.

8. Tennessee Titans (1-1; defeated Detroit 16-15) – Titans drive for B-10 title 3-peat takes it in the shorts with rare come-from-behind road win…Fan(s) taking heart that 2015, 2014 B-10 champions also started seasons 1-1…Next Loss: Oakland

9. Tennessee at DetroitFirst B-10 Game of the Year nominee for 2016, as B-10 perennials show mastery of fundamentals with 29 penalties, eight (8) punts and a safety…Regional TV audience also thrilled by four (4) field goal attempts, three (3) of which were good…Next Loss: Short of a tie, someone had to win, but everyone glad this fiasco played in Week 2 and now safely out of the way.

10. Chicago Cubs (96-55) – Cubs well on their way to first World Series title since 1908 after clinching NL Central title…Will spend rest of season resting regulars, doing charity work on South Side until quest for 17th NL pennant begins in October…Next Win: Cincinnati

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Cleveland at Miami
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: San Diego at Indianapolis

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The Diary of Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…


Tuesday, September 20
Here are the results of today’s Glasses Audit:

3 pair of my fave readers.

This is down two from its peak of five but is up one from the last audit…The audit was called because I found a pair of my glasses on the kitchen table…This was curious because I had the pair I was wearing and there should have been another pair in my formerly Top Secret hiding place that really isn’t so secret anymore since The Wife found it…I suspected The Wife had taken my second pair, which she does from time to time when she can’t find one of her 500 pairs that she has.

I went to the drawer where I keep my extra glasses and lo and behold, there was the second pair!!!…So The Wife found a third pair, which she had probably squirreled away somewhere and only recently found.

They’re all the same design…I really like them and three-four years ago I stocked up because, what with the vagaries of the reader glasses market and all, who knows if I’ll find them ever again and I used to have five pairs…One broke and another remains MIA, and I am happy to be back up to three pair…My only real worry is that I will require stronger glasses before losing the remaining three pairs.

Sparrow For Congress is not, frankly, making too many inroads…Nobody I’ve contacted really wants to get too involved or, worse, donate…Part of it is my fault, of course…I am not wealthy and am obliged to earn a living five days a week so I do not have unlimited resources to go out and campaign.

Also, there is another debate I have not been invited to…A newspaper is putting one on in October and only the two major party candidates have been invited…This battle never ends…After some thought, I’ve decided the battle is against human nature…We tend to stick with the familiar even if it’s not serving us particularly well, so it shouldn’t be too surprising a complete unknown who lives in a remote part of the state and has little name recognition or money hasn’t exactly taken the district by storm.

I’ll keep plugging away…It’s the second decade of the 21st century and you never know what is going to go viral.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 4

The Bottom Ten
NCAA/Week 4
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist

The cream is starting to rise, as Florida International and Iowa State turn up the heat in the race for the ESPNCup, symbolic of Bottom Ten supremacy. The field so deep that despite Rice remaining unvictoried with their usual loss the hilarious Tri-Lateral Commission entry (Rice, Duke, Vanderbilt) returns to the survey.

Also, it’s Historical 500 week at the Bottom Ten as we take our almost-yearly look at the all-time records of this week’s ranked teams.

This week’s mess:

  1. Kansas (1-2; lost to Memphis 43-7)
    Mitigating Factors: Following Week 1 win over lower level school, Jayhawks show they’re all in in defense of 2015 B-10 title with eight (8) punts, five (5) turnovers and five (5) three and outs…Offense getting smiley faces on playbooks for managing not to lower Red Zone Scoring percentage by avoiding red zone altogether…Despite teams changing conferences every hour on the hour, B-10 pollsters still “pretty sure” Jayhawks only have conference games remaining, giving Jayhawks inside track to B-10 glory in weak Big 12.
    Broad Historical Perspective: While only 522-589-54 for 116 years, Jayhawks have one (1) B-10 title and two (2) Tostitos Plaques – issued to team(s) with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win – to their credit and can still hold heads high at annual B-10 banquet.
    Next Loss: at Texas Tech (9/29)

 2. Florida International (0-3; lost to UMass 21-13)
Mitigating Factors: After pulling within one (1) with curious third-quarter field goal, offense finishes strong with two (2) punts and a fumble…Consistent Panthers getting it done on both sides of the ball, ranking 104th in Total Offense and 106th in Total Defense…Though current five (5) game skid rather modest by B-10, FIU standards, it’s still good for third best in country…Though minefield of C-USA schedule remains, Panthers have best chance to claim first B-10 title since 2007 squad blew title with win in final game.
Historical .500 Watch:
With 45-101 all-time mark, Panthers make strong claim for coveted Worst Team To Never Win B-10 Title award.
Next Loss: Central Florida 

3. Charlotte (1-2; lost to Eastern Michigan 37-19)
Mitigating Factors: Showdown loss to B-10 perennials thrusts 49ers back into B-10 spotlight…Though leading in most stat categories, efficient 49ers show type of mettle that leads straight to B-10 glory, allowing 21 points off their three (3) turnovers…Game not as close as score indicated, as two (2) late touchdowns came against EMU seventh string defense and some band members looking for some PE extra credit.
Young, But Determined: Though only in their second season of major division football, 49ers already strong contenders for Rookie of the Decade award with 3-12 all-time mark.
Next Loss:
at Temple

4. Iowa State (0-3; lost to TCU 41-20)
Mitigating Factors: B-10 pollsters sending radar out for repair as Cyclones make first appearance of 2016, despite having lost nation’s-best seven (7) straight…Cyclones actually play pretty well, putting up decent offensive numbers while stubbornly refusing to turn ball over…With lack of B-10 playoff, Cyclones need non-conference loss this week against 2010 B-10 champs to stay in title chase.
The Long Road: At 493-625-45 Cyclones are very respectable 134 games under historical .500…Would be dismal 492-626-45 without 1997 Colorado loss being vacated due to NCAA sanctions against Buffaloes.
Next Loss: San Jose State

5. Tri-Lateral Commission (2-7; Rice: lost to Baylor 38-10; Duke: lost to Northwestern 24-13; Vanderbilt: lost to Georgia Tech 38-7)
Mitigating Factors: Rice fan(s) file official protest as Owls lose solo entry in survey despite losing so B-10 pollsters can also make fun of perennials Duke, Vanderbilt…Duke secures spot in entry with easy loss to Northwestern in annual B-10 Hall of Fame game…Bleu Devils – B-10 Team of the Decade for Double Aughts – still trying to recover from four (4) consecutive bowl appearances…Vanderbilt – still benefitting from turn-of-the-century decision to merge Athletic, Student Affairs departments – sees offensive anchored by 5-10, 185-pound Divinity School students up front turn in four (4) punt, one (1) turnover second half.
Really Broad Historical Perspective: At combined 1458-1663-103, Tri-Lateral Commission second worst combined entry ever behind Burrito Supreme entry of Tijuana Tech/Juarez State, who are a combined 736 games below Historical .500
Next Losses: Rice: North Texas; Duke: at Notre Dame; Vanderbilt: at Western Kentucky

6. Kent State (1-2; defeated Monmouth 27-7)
Mitigating Factors: While running the table in 2016 is out of the question, Kent State fan(s) taking some solace in fact defense allowed late touchdown, thereby avoiding first shutout this decade…Golden Flashes finish 2016 with good, but not great, 1-1 mark vs. lower level teams and are looking to come back strong with .000 mark in the minefield that is MAC play…Kent State can get B-10 swagger back with huge road force feeding to defending national champions this week.
Historical .500 Hunt: Golden Flashes are 197-398-5 all-time…While only criminals with long prison sentences have the time to research this, B-10 pollsters “almost positive” Kent State can become the first major division program “in, like, forever” to reach 400 losses before reaching 200 wins.
Next Loss: at Alabama

7. Earlham (0-3; lost to Anderson 31-14)
Mitigating Factors: D-III Quakers show Continental Cup – issued to team with the longest all-division losing streak in NATO – may reside in Earlham trophy case for a while, losing big to Anderson squad that had lost 49 of 54…Earlham has now lost 26 straight…With minus-30 yards rushing and 165 penalty yards in 2016, B-10 staffers slide rule disintegrated trying to figure out Rushing-Yards-To-Penalty-Yards ratio.
The Long March: With D-III teams only playing ten (10) games a year and an all-time record of 360-608-23 Quakers would have to go undefeated through Week 8 in 2040 to reach historical .550…Not including playoffs.
Next Loss: Defiance (10/1)

8. Sun Belt Conference
Mitigating Factors: Sun Belt back in familiar territory, claiming first B-10 Conference of the Week award of 2016…5-16 non-conference record easily sets pace among major division conferences…Rare for Conference of the Week winner, Sun Belt does not have any teams ranked this week, though two former teams – North Texas and Florida International – infest survey…Printable version of conference standings on official website begs the question why in the hell anyone would want to print out Sun Belt Conference football standings in the first place.
New Material Budget Is Still Zero, I See: With 3-3 conference play mark, Sun Belt on track to finish conference season with strong .500 mark.

 9. North Texas (1-2; lost to Florida 32-0)
Mitigating Factors: Once and current B-10 darlings poised for strong 2016 run following obligatory road loss to traditional national power… Mean Green dominates in all phases of the game, mustering just 53 total yards while giving up 471…Only win came against lower level team, meaning Mean Green not only in good position for B-10 title run by losing out, but also Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win.
Yeah, We Bad:
Loss to Rice this week would not only boost B-10 medal stand hopes, but also improve all-time record to 239-313-11.
Next Loss:
at Rice

10. Army (3-0; defeated UTEP 66-14)
Mitigating Factors: B-10 pollsters still scratching heads over best Army start since 1996…Entire corps of service academies out of their minds, as Cadets, Midshipmen and Airedales are a combined 8-0, leaving vast stockpile of jokes B-10 pollsters can’t use…Army benefitting from Defense Secretary rescinding 2013 order requiring Cadets – in order to better prepare for War on Terror – to drop and give back judge 20 before entering end zone…B-10 pollsters so shaken by 3-0 start, they didn’t even refer to Army as Black Knights of Confusion this week.
Your Mother Wears Army Boots: With 652-501-51 all-time mark, versatile Cadets both winningest, losingest team in this week’s survey.
Next Win: Buffalo

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: North Texas at Rice
B-10 Past vs B-10 Future vs. B-10 Past: Charlotte at Temple
Up Next On ESPN693: San Jose State at Iowa State

The Bottom Ten is the funniest column in America. 




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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, September 19
Spent no small part of the day in IT Hell…Well, maybe purgatory but still, it was tuff.

Actually, I had two IT episodes today…The first came at 10:47…I remember the time because I was sitting out back when my personal cell rang…I recognized the number, so I answered.

An hour and 17 minutes later I was done…Added hilarity ensued because it wasn’t even a front desk issue, it had to do with a printer that wasn’t working in the new housekeeping office upstairs, in what used to be our business center….Housekeeping was woefully understaffed, so I rolled on the call.

Their printer still doesn’t work…They had actually called to do a little troubleshooting that really should’ve taken all of ten minutes…There were two factors that contributed to the evolution taking an hour and seven minutes longer.

The first was my lack of technical brilliance…We lost, literally, over a half-hour because I got confused about which cable was which.

The second, honestly, was the girl who had called me spoke heavily accented English that was very difficult to understand…It took twelve minutes before I was able to figure out exactly what she was calling about…It was normal for me to presume it was a front desk issue – we have a couple of open tickets – because why else would she have called my personal cell???

My number, however, must be plastered on the walls in the IT bathroom because even open housekeeping tickets now mandate calling Sparrow.

The troubleshooting was really easy, too…The printer connects directly to an Internet port…The computer hooks up to another one…An hour of my time could’ve been saved had someone whom I could understand had called and said “Hey, dude, we need to determine if Internet port A is working, so plug the computer into it and log on and see.”

Even I could have handled that in short order….Instead, it took over an hour.

The second episode came near the end of the shift when the supervisor’s computer arrived, fresh from the IT repair desk in another state.

This still doesn’t work, either…Regular readers of this crap will recall we have been trying to set up a desk for Tanya and myself in the side office for over a month…The original CPU we tried wouldn’t allow us to log on…So we shipped it to IT…They gave its blessing and sent it back…Same deal…Still didn’t work…Chris was surprised because he said it worked there and had us ship it back…A couple of days ago he had emailed and said it worked fine.

Well, hell…This meant it probably still wouldn’t be working, but I opened the box and set it up with an open mind…You never know.

First, I hooked the Supervisor’s cable up to the Manager’s computer…It worked fine…This means the cable that goes into our computer is live…Then I hooked up the Supervisor’s cable to the Supervisor’s computer…Same problem…I was not allowed to log in…Then, just for funsies, I hooked the Manager’s cable into the Supervisor’s computer and the same thing happened and you do not have to be Bill Gates to conclude the Supervisor’s computer still is not working properly.

Another shift at the retailer without a decent bachelor purchase…There were a couple of rather poignant purchases, however.

The first came from a young man and a young woman, neither of whom could’ve been older than 21…The first time they came thru they bought a Hershey bar and were giving their new food stamps card a test run…It was declined, the screen saying there wasn’t any money on it, so they gave me a dollar for it and I gave them 15 cents change…A few minutes later they came thru buying a hot plate and good gravy, you’re getting food stamps and you’re buying a hot plate…This is not an easy life…I am not sure what their relationship was, but I got the impression they were brother/sister…They had a familiarity with each other you generally don’t see in young couples.

There was no doubt about the relationship of the young couple that bought the pregnancy test, however…They also bought some cheap food and their clothes were new many years ago…Sigh…What are you going to do???…If the test comes back positive Mother Nature will be rejoicing that our species has produced another generation, but she will probably be the only one.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, September 18
Had some fun with my fellow supervisor Tanya today…There’s a whiteboard in the side office and with Stephanie gone for good now, it was blank…I had some time to kill so I wrote “Supervisor Duties” at the top with a SPARROW column on the left and a TANYA column on the right….Under the THANIA column I wrote lots of front desk duties, like audits and inventories and other fun things that involves spreadsheets and computer research.

Under the SPARROW column I wrote lunch, PTO (Paid Time Off) and Early Out…Thania thought it was funny, gave it the laff it deserved and called me a name.

We still haven’t waddled across the street and met our new neighbors, but some research shows they paid about $40,000 more for their house than we paid for ours….This is good, because it means the value of our house, while completely subjective based on what someone would want to pay for it, had probably gone up, quite a bit on a percentage basis, tho we aren’t going to impress the Rockefellers with the value of our home.

I did not work Aisle 5 for the whole shift today!!!!…Most of it, but not all of it.

When I reported for duty Dale was on Aisle 5…All right, Dale’s been there a while so I manned Aisle 2 in good spirits….The problem came an hour later when Dale was scheduled for his lunch hour and had Aubrey relieve him.


Aubrey saw the obvious inequity in this a few minutes in and switched with me, but I was back on Aisle 2 when Dale got back from lunch, tho I eventually spent the last hour-and-a-half on Aisle 5.

There really wasn’t a decent Bachelor Purchase of the Night…I guess all the bachelors were in-house watching football because they sure weren’t shopping…Or maybe they were all stocked up…What was interesting was watching an older gentleman try to purchase and return a car battery in the line being manned by one of the several African immigrants that work here…He really didn’t know what to do…This, of course, had nothing to do with him being African…I wouldn’t have known what to do, either, but it was funny watching the gentleman…He didn’t get impatient, but you could see his face and it was plain he was curious as to whether he’d get sold the new battery or end up walking out with the old one…Eventually it took a Salaried Member of Management to sort the whole matter out.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

 Saturday, September 17

15 hours in the sack!!!

I am not making that up!!!…1:30pm Friday till 4:30am Saturday…I needed every one of them and I was up a half-hour before the alarm.

I did wake up about 9pm feeling kinda rested, but that was a false alarm…I was back asleep in fairly short order and I did wake up about midnight to use the can, but that was it…I woke up feeling great.

15 hours is pretty good, but it is still four hours off my personal best.

There wasn’t a decent Bachelor Purchase of the Night at the retailer…There was one guy who bought some of the usual things – you know, peanut butter and that jelly that comes in the squirt bottle, some frozen foods, cheap bread – but I look up and he can’t be out of his teens and it wasn’t clear if he was on his own or merely living with parents who don’t give a crap and I care about Customer Privacy too much to ask him.

There’s a new supervisor named Mary…The Wife warned me about her, that maybe my reign at Aisle 5 might be coming to an end, but I wasn’t worried…One, Aisle 5 transcends any instructions a mere mortal like Mary might issue…Two, I know Mary from my days at the Doily Delivery Company…She worked at the retailer, then she went to a bank we serviced but she didn’t like that and returned to the retailer last year and was recently promoted.

Anyway, I reported to the service desk for duty and she said “pick your favorite aisle and go!!!”…God bless this woman…So I went to Aisle 5 and Aubrey was there and she likes me and it was a simple matter to tell her it was probably time for her break and she agreed…I did get a couple of check-outs at evil Aisle 4 when my machine was being rebooted, but that was it.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, September 16
Damn, long day.

I got 45 minutes of sleep last night…I have no idea why…I worked till 8:30pm, got home did some reading and then nothing…The mind simply would not stop turning and me being me it wasn’t as if it was turning with the most profound thoughts in human history, either.

Not helping was the fact I had to be back at work at 5am and sometimes its tuff to fall asleep when you know there’s an alarm clock waiting for you in a few hours.

So I am exhausted as I write this…I was virtually completely useless at work and left early.

Good night…Or good afternoon…I am going to bed.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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