The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, August 8
I was hoping it would start snowing this week so I could put the lawnmower away for the winter, but no such luck…As it was, tho, we had a good bit of rain today, so I was able to defer mowing until Tuesday and I will be keeping tabs on the forecast, too, ready to postpone it another day if there is even the slightest chance of lightest sprinkles in the forecast.

The Wife had a treat for me this morning: a strawberry fresh from the garden…These have been hard to come by this year because the goddamned rabbits keep eating them…This one, apparently the only one we’ll get this season, was shepherded nicely by The Wife from the vine to the table, where a season’s labors were devoured in a couple of seconds…It was pretty good, too, and had the fresh-from-the-garden taste you only get on stuff that is fresh from the garden.

The amount of effort required to produce even that one strawberry was immense, or at least it looked like it was based on the work I saw The Wife put in…Of course, it depends on what you’re growing…Last year we had so many of The Wife’s prize winning turnips we couldn’t eat all of them.

Speaking of prize-winning turnips, the county fair starts next week and The Wife still hasn’t decided what, or even if, she is going to enter anything…Of course, regular readers of this crap might – or they might not – recall The Wife entered her turnips more or less on the spur of the moment and ended up with the coveted red Second Premium ribbon.

We have half a basketball court at work and guests regularly check out basketballs…I am an average athlete but I did go to John Wooden’s basketball camps a couple of times – as a kid – so I have a very good grounding in the fundamentals and I generally require a guest prove they are fundamentally sound before issuing them a basketball.

It’s great fun!!!…Sometimes I will ask them to assume a proper defensive stance or I will require the execution of a proper two-handed chest pass…

Early in the afternoon, Hillary comes by from the concierge desk wondering what kind of vending machine tipping skills I have…I lean on the desk and tell her solemnly that they are probably a bit rusty…This is immediately followed by the sound of someone banging on one of the vending machines in the sales office…Hillary is small and lithe and doesn’t think she can properly tilt a vending machine on her own, so I head over.

On arrival we see a kid trying valiantly to release his bag of chips from the clutches of the evil vending machine…He is having no success, but I grab the machine, tilt it forward and push it back and the chips are released and ol’ Sparrow is a hero.

it will get busy soon…Tanya goes on vacation and both Misael and Adam leave at the end of the week, as is Alberto, our part time night auditor, so who the hell knows what is going to happen.

Played some cards tonight with The Wife and Her Majesty…We played Phase 10, which Her Majesty said she played a lot in the Navy…I happened to win a pretty close game…I’ve got a knack for cards, but so does Her Majesty, a knack she did not inherit from her mother, because my beloved wife – thru some scatterbrained play that flabbergasted her daughter – played a such a key role in my win it was as if we were teammates.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

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The Thought for the Day – Gore Vidal

If he was not true to himself, he was nothing, – Gore Vidal, Washington, D.C.


Gore Vidal is quoted fairly regularly here at The Thought for the Day. For our money he is one of our species preeminent men of letters and one of our finest historical novelists. His insights into our human experience – which is what you pay us writers to provide – are unsurpassed.

Today’s Thought seems pretty obvious, but how many of us give a good effort to being true to ourselves?

Everyday there are a hundred little things trying to tear us away from the life we were meant to live: earning a living, demands of family and friends and, in my case right now, a lawn that needs to be mowed. It takes courage and diligence to remain on our path, to follow our heart and trust our instinct.

We talk about that a lot, here, too. What else are we supposed to with our time on this planet? Ignore what we are born to do? We do so at our peril, because our heart will tell us where to go and our instincts will tell us how to get there and to ignore those two things leads to an unsatisfactory life. It’s a life spent well off our path, a life that is not as much use you or to me as it could be.

We have to ask ourselves every day: our we being true to what nature is telling us to do?

And only we can answer that question; nobody can do it for us. If we are true to ourselves we are something. By definition, too, because if we are true to ourselves, if we are living the life we were meant to live, we are being the most use to ourselves and our fellow beings.

If we are not, we are nothing. We are merely marking time on this planet, instead of making our time serve us.

It’s a question we must ask ourselves every morning when we wake up. It’s one of the few questions that really matter, and to answer it with a yes is life’s great prize.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, August 7
Had a conversation about Thomas Jefferson with some guests today…Actually, they weren’t guests, they were potential guests and I was showing them a unit…I asked where they were from and they said Virginia and I said that sure was some pretty country there and noted on my last visit I had visited Jefferson’s home, Monticello…They nodded authoritatively and said they had been there a few times…I said I had enjoyed my visit, at least until I had read a book called Master of the Mountain, which looked at Jefferson solely as a slaveholder, a view which completely changed my opinion of Mr Jefferson.

The gentleman nodded thoughtfully and mentioned something about Jefferson being a product of his times…I said, sure, he was, but I also pointed out that Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Independence, never did one damned thing to end slavery either in his country or on his plantation…The gentleman couldn’t really argue with that and I continued the tour of the unit.

Spent the entire say supervising, which was what I was hired to do…Stephanie is still sick, so I was able to use her desk all day, and the only time I was at the front desk was when either Adam or Gabriel were on break or out to lunch…I was kept busy, tho…Adam and Gabriel had their share questions, not to mention situations they were unable to handle, and I chatted with my share guests resolving issues or, as likely as not, merely listening, which is a good trait to have in this racket.

I dove in on our Daily Checklist Binder (DCB), too…There is a daily checklist for each shift, and we have never done a good job of completing them…In fact, they probably could not be more ignored if we issued prizes for not completing them…I took out all the ones for July, most of which were blank, and put new sheets in for August…My instructions from Stephanie, well actually Stephanie’s instructions to Tanya and myself, are to ensure these are completed every goddamned shift, with ol’ Sparrow specifically assigned to gathering them up every week and giving them to one of the admin girls…I emailed everyone telling them it would be nice if the sheets I forwarded to admin every week were properly and completely filled out.

The lawn still needs mowing…I swear I will get to it Monday.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, August 6
A pretty long day today…I was at work at 5am, as usual on Saturday, then The Wife, Her Majesty and I headed to the local speedway to the work the Legion burger truck.

They needed our help because there would’ve only been three there without us and while the crowd wasn’t that big, it was still fair size and the Post netted over a thousand bucks…I am not sure what the exact profit is, but it’s pretty good even if only the soda is donated.

It could’ve been worse…Alberto, our weekend night auditor, announced he wouldn’t be in tonight, which left us scrambling and looked for no small while that ol’ Sparrow was going to have to go in overnight, but ultimately things were rearranged so that Tanya would do the audit, tho I will be going in early like I did today.

I spent most of the night preparing nachos…It is said necessity is the mother of invention and necessity created Nachos a la Sparrow tonight.

Early on I made some, but after squirting cheese on then I decided I had been skimpy on the chips soooooo I tossed more chips on there and then added more cheese!!!

Two layers…I am not making that up.

And while the entire grandstand didn’t rise up en masse to applaud me, I know they went over well…You could tell.

Work was pretty low key…I spent most of the day in side office doing supervisor things while the new guy Adam manned the desk…Adam is so thrilled with working for me he has already given notice, announcing he is fleeing back to New York where he moved here from.

The lawn still needs mowing.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, August 5
There comes a time, usually around now, based on our first couple of years her at The Shire, when the glamour of mowing the lawn wears off.

You start off strong, of course…Long about March or so you start making plans to get the mower out of the shed and then patches of grass start showing as the snow melts off and when May comes and you can finally start mowing: you are ready, a caged animal finally released and set upon its prey…It had been a long winter and you are glad to finally be able to put some effort into making your yard look good…The first Yard of the Year dreams start.

By August, tho, the thrill has worn off, frankly, and the lawn is actually a couple of days overdue for a mowing…I will probably get to it tomorrow.

Work is very busy…Stephanie is grabbing the bull by the horns and giving both Tanya and I extra duties, but we are not able to do all of them either because one, we don’t have the access to do them or two, we simply don’t have the time because we are busy dealing with guests.

Stephanie and I talked about that today in our weekly meeting…Tanya and I also talked about today, because our shifts overlapped for a bit…Tanya got the same detailed email I did and she said there’s no way she could do all these things in eight hours a day…I told her I couldn’t do mine, either, but Stephanie realizes this and doesn’t hold it against us.

In other news, I am still shaving my head…I remain pleased with the distinctive, authoritative look…I put some aftershave on it so it’s nice and shiny and, like the first time I shaved, I get reinforcement from shaving it every day.

Got a call today from Larry, who’s the Commander of our small town’s Legion post…Recall we take our food truck out to the races on Saturday nights to sell burgers and Larry said he had a couple of cancellations for tomorrow, so The Wife and I will be out there…It makes for a long day, but, of course I’m a member of the Sons of the Legion squadron and am District Commander, so I sort of have to go if I’m available…Besides, where else would I rather be???…Well, in bed early, sleeping, of course, but you know.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, August 5
Got to roll on another 911 call today.

It was about 1pm or so…Ariel the PBX operator reports that a 911 operator had called to report someone in room 5104 had dialed 911…We called the room and got no answer…I walk into the back office and Ariel is so concerned about the welfare of the guests in 5104 she’s watching a youtube video about how to change someone’s hair color in Photoshop, which made me laff.

That was neither here nor there, frankly…911 calls are taken seriously, especially if there is no answer when we call back.

So I hoof it over to 5104…I get there and knock and get no response…As it was, James from Maintenance was wandering by, I grab him and tell him were on a mission…I knock again and we make entry.

James is taking his role very seriously…I merely ID’d myself as being from the Front Desk, but James calls out both his name and mine several times, states our department and the name of the resort and, in fact, announces everything but some brief biographical information…He does this fairly loudly, too, which would’ve made me laff had it probably not of offended him.

Anyway, we the unit has three bedrooms and we don’t find anyone, so we head back and inform the 911 operators everything was OK.

About 7pm I took a call from a prior guest who has a reservation for her son-in-law later this month…She was cross and persnickety and in the mood to complain and all I could really do was take it…Of course, I was unable to produce any answer she found satisfactory…You never are in this situation…Some people have lousy lives and they want to take it on you in this business…It’s the way it works.

Her initial talking point was a query about whether her room had two beds in the second bedroom…As it was, it doesn’t, and there isn’t a whole lot I could do about it…She owns a timeshare in the company that owns Building 1…It is not the company I work for, we only manage it, and the home office assigns the rooms and we have no control over this.

She was just getting warmed up…She also held me personally responsible for the fact her daughter’s room wasn’t ready on time on her last visit, and she was particularly annoyed that I didn’t weep and rend garments when I was advised of this…It was plain I didn’t care about our guests…You can’t win with guests like this, so I kept quiet, which just annoyed her more.

She also quizzed me at length about Building 1, how it does not have an elevator and exactly how in the hell those in wheelchairs are supposed avail themselves of this facility???…She was peeved when I was unable to produce a satisfactory answer to this.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

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Plain Talk w/Gaylon Kent – War Is Not Working

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, August 3
Headed over with The Wife and Her Majesty to the next county to get a bed for Her Majesty to sleep on…She had been sleeping on an air mattress in the spare bedroom, but that wasn’t up to the day in, day out rigors of everyday life and was losing air…It should go without saying there is no place to buy a new mattress in our small town and while we could’ve headed into town, we also could’ve paid an arm and a leg and, besides, she doesn’t really need anything hand carved out of cherry wood, either.

The next county, tho, I great for things like this because it sits at the crossroads of highways from two other states, so the retailer there is a lot larger than the one The Wife works at in town, and it was no problem finding the bed we were looking for.

We took Her Majesty’s truck out because it can carry a bed…I drove tho, and on the way out Her Majesty relayed the fact she thinks her heater isn’t working properly…I laffed because it’s summer and it’s not all that cold…Chilly, sure, in the morning, but not cold at all.

Sparrow: You had the heater on at 50 degrees??
Her Majesty: I’ve been in San Diego for four years!!!…Yes!!!

Other than that I didn’t really do too much…I slept in, again, this time till 8am and with the women gone I made a couple more Sparrow For Congress videos.

This is really the only resource I have…I have neither the time nor the money to campaign…By chance, our Congressional district is the biggest in the country that isn’t an entire state…In fact, if my district were itself a state it would be the 23rd biggest state in the goddamned Union

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, August 2
Had to report to work for an all-staff meeting today…The meeting was not all that exciting, frankly…There was some history of the company, which is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year, and some ladder safety training we’d all taken before, but they had goodies, including a deli cheese platter, so it wasn’t a complete loss… It lasted twice as long as it might otherwise have because some do not have much English, and everything had to be translated.

One time Araceli got so full of herself she dove right in explaining something in Spanish, and I got a few laffs when I requested a translation…Then during ladder training Jerry from Maintenance opened his yap about how much safer it is not to work more than six feet above the ground instead the standard eight feet, then he said four might be safer yet…This led to another pretty good line from ol’ Sparrow:

Jerry, why don’t you just stay off ladders altogether and work zero feet off the ground???…Just call me if you need anything…

Slept in till 7:30am, which is pretty late, today…I was up for my usual 4:30am constitutional, of course, and considered getting some coffee on starting in on some writing, but I decided to lay back down and the next thing I know I am hearing The Wife and Her Majesty putzing around getting ready for their day.

Neither The Wife or I are entirely certain where the cat is sleeping…She is not sleeping in her usual place on my desk, and while she has shown some interest in the new, tall, dresser in our bedroom she does not sleep there, either, even tho I put her bed up there.

I suspect she is sleeping under the bed…I’d heard that cats only sleep where they feel safe, and with Her Majesty prowling The Shire, the cat may well have taken refuge there…Sometimes when I wake up and march to the kitchen, she’s right there with me, but since it’s dark I can’t really tell where she started, so that isn’t proof either way.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

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The Thought for the Day – Ovid

Young man, why wilt though haste so fast? Thy vessel sails the open sea, and the harbor to which I am steering thee is still far off. – Ovid


Ovid was a Roman poet who lived from 43BC to 17 or 18 AD. He was very popular, but for reasons History has chosen not to disclose, was exiled from Rome by Augustus for the last decade of his life. Even casual reading into Ovid’s life gives reason to believe exile might well have happened because Ovid put moves on one – or more – of Augustus’ women, but this is mere speculation.

Young man, why wilt though haste so fast?

It’s human nature to want to accomplish things. It is equally human to want to accomplish them today or tomorrow.

This is not the way the world is generally built, however. Most good things take time. They take planning and then the plan must be executed with diligence, courage and patience. Then you have the fact all of us are leading completely random lives and success of any sort involves no small amount of good fortune and good timing. We must be at the right place at the right time, ready to seize the opportunities that present themselves.

Life is a relentless instructor and patience is one of its greatest lessons, as important a factor in success as talent and execution and we have found the happiest lives are lived by those who realize this and have the patience to allow what was meant to happen in their life happen.

…the harbor to which I am steering thee is still far off.

It’s a long life so let’s not be in too much rush to get where we are meant to go. Life has a variety of lessons to offer us and it’s important we learn each one. When we do that, and we follow our hearts and trust our instincts, we will find our path will take us exactly where we were meant to go.

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