Q: Is it Read Free Sunday at Backstairs at the Monte Carlo?
A: You bet it is.
Another night chronicled chronologically!
2225: Get out of my car in the employee lot, having parked next to X-Ray. We don’t see each other much anymore, especially since X-Ray is picking up a lot of OMP’s Henry 1 time, and we declared an official meeting of the International Henry Units was in progress and used the time to catch up with each other.
2230 – Changing room. Everyone more or less comes in at the same time, so it was no surprise when Daryl from the EDR and Russ waltz in. White Sox Metzger would be coming in right about now, too, if he wasn’t on his weekend. Daryl said there will be prime rib tonight and I make the sign of the cross and say “Bless you, my son”.
2340 – Enter briefing room. Nothing particularly memorable happens. There are no smart-ass comments and Bi-Bob doesn’t make a pass at me. The TV is turned to FOX News at Ten, about as big a waste of resources as the human experience can muster, but Bi-Bob has the hots for their weatherman, two-time Emmy Award winner Darren Peck, so we watch it.
Ted is in the mood for an argument on the Monte Carlo policy which will forbid handicapped employees from parking at Monte Carlo after the garage closes. Ted has a handicapped placard and says such a policy would be against the law. Schempp – in what is not being regarded as the Upset of the Year – offered an opposing viewpoint. Schempp being Schempp, he would’ve offered an opposing point of view had Ted been in favor of the policy. It’s the Schempp way.
So they start in on the Great Debate and Jesus H, we are in for one boring argument so I step in, show a palm, and tell them to shut it down, nobody wants to hear this crap and I have sufficient status that they more or less shut it down. After we clock in Rich eggs Schempp on by reintroducing the matter and then walking away, leaving Schempp to talk it over with the time clock. Outside I ask Rich why he even bothers and he smiled and said for his own personal amusement.
2310 – Pick up Mary 2 at the employee entrance. I will need to go get gas later and I check the radio presets. They haven’t been fiddled with since the last time I was in Mary 2. The presets are:
- Classical 89.7
- Kool 93.1
- 96.3 KKLZ, THEE Classic Rock station
- Classic Hits, 97.1, The Point
- Star 102.7, The Best of the 80’s, And More!
2332 – After dropping some water off at Eddie – 1, I make my way to the garage, where I meet Guy and Redneck Randy. They are inspecting a car that has been parked on level five for a while, which turns out to belong to an employee, who probably left it there while he went on vacation or something like that. We hope he comes back before the garage is torn down.
2340 – Arrive at 5 southwest. Walk Away Renee is on Kool 93.1
2342 – All three of us respond to what was advertised as a fight at valet drop off, but which turned out to be an employee being dropped off work by someone who doesn’t know how to drive. Why the wizards in dispatch thought it was a fight is not immediately clear.
2347 – Back at 5 southwest. There is a commercial for one of my favorite places to eat, Jerry’s Nugget, on. Jerry’s Nugget is a little dive casino in North Las Vegas that has the very best food in town. I am a very big fan of their prime rib and Stromboli, which is about the size of a football. For some reason, I feel validated because a commercial for a joint I like advertises on a radio station I like.
0002 – 3 central. The first 482’s for Charlie units are starting. There is crap on the radio, then matters pick up with Oh! Pretty Woman.
0018 – Time for the first constitutional of the night. I usually take one about this time and I head to the 100’s by the pool.
0030 – NOSEBLEED! I am not making that up. I am in a storeroom at the entrance to the garage when my right nostril starts bleeding. I had never been in this storeroom before, so, curious, I went in. Turns out it’s where old slot machines are stored.
I get a bloody nose twice a year usually. I am not sure why. I go find Guy on level three so he can render first aid when I pass out. Redneck Randy is there, too, and they both laugh at me.
0100 – Guy starts 482. Also, Rich is cleared for a 10-10 as soon as he is relieved from Eddie – 2. Since all Rich does at Eddie – 2 is sit and smoke, and since what he will do on his 10-10 is sit at Eddie – 2 and smoke, there isn’t a whole lot of difference between Rich on the job at Eddie – 2 and Rich on 10-10 at Eddie – 2, and it annoys Rich when he gets a 10-10 right after an hour at Eddie – 2.
0130 – Leave the garage for a tour of the perimeter. After two and a half hours of crap on the radio, Jack FM picks matters up with Dancing Queen, a song I love dearly.
0140 – A few minutes after Dancing Queen, Free Fallin’ comes on. Plot this on a graph and you have a perpendicular line. I generally like Tom Petty, but for my money, this is the worst song of the Rock Era, worse than Who Can It Be Now. In a huff, I turn it to the classical station.
0215 – Very slow in the garage. I mean, there is nothing happening. Guy comes by to tell me about a stench coming from somewhere. He says it smells like a sewer broke so we go up to level 5 so he can show me, but I don’t smell anything.
0300 – 482. On the way up the stairs, I run into a very pretty dealer named Gigi who is inspecting herself in a mirror.
“Oh, Gigi, don’t bother; you’re as pretty as ever.”
“I love you,” she said, making eye contact through the mirror. “You are so sweet.”
Daryl delivers not one, but two very nice hunks of really good prime rib for me. I dine with Junior and Bi-Bob. Bi-Bob dominates the conversation, talking about some new guest relations policy that will affect us, but I am bored and tired and only pretend to listen. I would rather be with Silvia and Maria in PBX but I cannot get out of this situation without offending, so I endure, which is easy enough for a man who had 13 years of Lutheran schooling. Lutherans are raised to endure, both the good and the bad.
0345 – I conclude 482, but linger in the EDR for a few minutes in the hopes a babe or two walk by. Then I leisurely make my way back to Mary – 2, strolling through the casino and stopping to chat a couple of times and I don’t actually get back on patrol till after 0400. I do this every night and Guy and Redneck Randy graciously put up with this, though as penance I am sentenced to the garage for the rest of the shift, which I don’t really mind.
As it is, I have to get gas, so I don’t actually get back on the job till almost 0430.
0440 – Back in the garage at three central. Shadows of the Night, an all-time favorite, comes on Jack FM, the first decent song since Dancing Queen.
0450 – Four northwest. Signs by the Five Man Electrical Band, another all-timer, is on. After a sluggish start, radio is picking it up a bit.
0520 – Still insanely slow. We haven’t had a call in five hours. The Onion Radio News comes on KKLZ.
0612 – Some yo-yo left half a Quarter Pounder with cheese on the ground on level five and there are pigeons all over the place. I floor it and drive over the Quarter Pounder to scatter them, hoping to hit one, but all appear to fly off safely.
0620 – Head to office to turn in scanner. Make my usual tour of the casino to work the crowd before heading back out to kill time at valet pick up.
Here is your Outside lineup for tonight:
Mary 1 – Guy
Mary 2 – moi
Baker 1 – Jo(s)e