The Diary of a Nobody – Sat 5/26/18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, May 26
I washed my pen and chapstick again…Sigh. 

I would have liked to put that in italics and add the usual “I am not making that up” but this can hardly be considered a bulletin anymore…You would think clearing one’s pockets wouldn’t be that difficult, but I seem to be doing this on a regular basis.

Fortunately, I have enough Jotters, and parts of Jotters, laying around now that I either have a back-up ready for duty or can make one in short enough order…And it looks like this time only the ink barrel is a total loss, but still, this is getting tiresome.

Had a guy come to Hotel A this morning at 0630…He had a reservation for later today (check-in time is 1500) and wanted to know if he could check-in now…Regular readers of this crap know this annoys me…No, actually, odds are you can’t check-in at six-goddamned-thirty in the morning…This is not reasonable.

It does happen from time to time, tho…The circumstances have to be right and, honestly, a lot depends on whether or not I like you…As it was, this guy was pleasant and reasonable, key to me doing what I can for you…There have been people who had the nerve to annoy me – mostly because they thought it was their divine right to sashay in whenever the hell they wanted to – and usually they are told to take a hike and come back in the afternoon despite the fact their room was ready.

So I did some checking in good spirits and it turned out this gentleman’s room was available…Still tho, it is not reasonable to expect to check into a hotel nine hours early so I told him I would be happy to check him in for an extra $50, a pretty good deal which he didn’t think twice about and immediately OK’d.

In news from next door, I noticed that Devon, the kid who bought the abandoned coffee shop and is turning it into a home, is not tearing the windmill on top of the main building down…Recall a few days ago I reported that he was because he had taken the roof off, leaving only the frame.

Well, Devon is such a maniac he is merely replacing the roof…It can’t be done yet, there’s just some gray paneling up there now, but it is plain the windmill is staying…For the record, Devon still has not mowed his large yard…I used to complain about it, but recall my mower is in the shop and my yard only got a third mowed before conking out, so Devon better not mow his until I get my mower back.

Buzz got on me tonight at the retailer about the pages I make announcing the store is closing in so many minutes…Buzz joked that he was looking forward to another of my “five-minute speeches” which is a load of dung because mine never take longer than a few seconds, I’ve timed them…Then Buzz, who’s older and speaks with New England accent, said he did them a couple of nights ago and none lasted longer than five seconds…Buzz than recited what he passed off as a page and he was right, it took about five seconds and had all the warmth of the Nazi’s greeting the Jews at Auschwitz.

I took Buzz aside and told him, look, I’m an artist and me preparing to do a page is like Michelangelo staring at a blank canvas or a block of marble…Who knows which direction my genius will take me???…Take us, really because the customer is a voyager on this journey, too…As it was, it was time for a page and I told Buzz to get his notebook out because class was in session…To reinforce this, I made writing motions with my hands and patted him on the back before waddling off. 

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 0830 Saturday until 1400 Saturday…5.5 hours, a bit less than what we’re used to on Saturdays, but what the hell…This was the last sleep session of the May Reporting Period (MRP), meaning we have both Weekly Totals, Monthly Averages and the Rolling Monthly Totals for you…Let’s go!!!:

Weekly Total: 47.5 hours, high for the month and the second highest since we started keeping track, trailing only April’s Week 2 total of 48.5 hours.
Monthly Average: 44.0 hours/week, a bit less than April’s 44.8 hours/week.
Two Month Average: 44.4 hours/week.

And a Special Bonus Figure (SBF):
Percentage of Time Asleep, MRP: 26.1%

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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