The Daily Dose/September 9, 2023 By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
The Daily Dose is on hiatus.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow faces a major catastrophe at the gym. Today’s Diary.
The problem was when we presented ourselves at the sauna at the in-town gym (ITG) the temperature inside was 86 degrees, a temperature more suited to a summer day than a sauna…Hell, a patented Sparrow Roll Over (SRO) could be executed for an extra couple of hours of sleep in that temperature…
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Neither rich nor broke we were about to splurge on the $1.24 stuff when we recalled the almost $200 we dropped there last week and said to hell with it and got the 97-cent crap…What makes this almost interesting is the fact this turned out to be the exact same brand we’d bought last time…
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We go over to announce there’s fresh coffee available and we’re greeted by Bandit, who’s not small, barking like we’re the last word in villains…
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…were playing golf at a country club with people we didn’t know and then we retired to the clubhouse where we were pestered by sea creatures with pinchers that kept attaching themselves to us…We don’t normally dream of sea creatures – attacking or otherwise – so maybe the cat was playing with us and we didn’t notice…
Good gravy, people, at least some of your past conference realignment made some sense but Stanford and Cal in a conference headquartered on the Prime Meridian???…
Rams take first-ever Jim Hanifan Memorial Medallion – symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude – thanks to winless preseason, getting nod over other 0-3 teams based on lower regular season expectations.
Like they will do with other aspects of American life in the 3rd decade of the 21st century, all new people 100 years from now will wonder why America stood by and did nothing.
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Whew, you made it…Fifty-two (52) weeks is a long time to wait, but that American classic is back: The Bottom Ten NFL Week 2 Interregnum poll.
Necessitated by the fact the NFL regular season doesn’t begin until after Labor Day, longtime readers of this crap will be pleased to note Bottom Ten pollsters are staying the course this year with the usual witless social commentary plus the awarding of the Jim Hanifan Memorial Medallion, symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude.
This year’s mess:
1. Donald Trump – It’s almost surreal: as if blood on his hands from an almost criminal COVID response, two impeachments, and four indictments weren’t enough, he is still the favorite for the GOP presidential nomination…One hundred (100) years from now all new people will look back and wonder what we were thinking.
2. USA! USA! – Once-proud country remains a shooting gallery, both major politcal parties are ruled by their extreme fringe, and country has not had a decent elected president since Kennedy…One hundred (100) years from now all new people will look back at us – or what remains of us – and wonder what we were thinking.
3. College Football – Good gravy, people, at least some of your past conference realignment made some sense but Stanford and Cal in a conference headquartered on the Prime Meridian???…B-10 pollsters “strongly suspect” crossing country four (4) times a season for conference games will get old real quick.
4. Pac-12 – Though 80.333% of your conference fleeingis generally bad, Washington State and Oregon State should find there are enough assets to keep the conference going, and if Apple is interested, it could be in position to accept applications to get to eight (8) teams by NCAA time limit of summer 2026.
5. Los Angeles Rams – Rams take first-ever Jim Hanifan Memorial Medallion – symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude – thanks to winless preseason, getting nod over other 0-3 teams based on lower regular season expectations.
6. Chicago Cubs – An annual Interregnum Poll entry since 1908 – the 100th anniversary of their then-last World Series title – Cubs actually still in 2023 playoff hunt…They would make the playoffs as a wild card if the playoffs began today and are only 2.5 games out of the NL Central lead, behind Milwaukee.
7. The Right Honourable Penny Mourdant – Leader of the British House of Commons and most famous for role in coronation of King Charles, B-10 pollsters have had major crush on her since watching her during Chuck’s accession following death of Queen Elizabeth…Please marry us…Willing to relocate.
8. Los Angeles Angels – Cursed franchise could not have gotten it any worse, choosing to keep Shohei Ohtani for stretch run and then promptly going in the tank…In fairness to Angels, though, had they traded him for prospects, they probably all would have ended up as busts, anyway.
9. College Betting Scandals – Guys, you get in bed with gamblers, your players are going to gamble, too, with B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” it’s 50/50 actual game-fixing scandal hits in the next three (3) years…Don’t even start.
10. Mass Shootings – Shooting Gallery USA now averaging over 1.5 mass shootings a day…Like they will do with other aspects of American life in the 3rd decade of the 21st century, all new people 100 years from now will wonder why America stood by and did nothing.
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The Daily Dose/September 4, 2023 By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
The Daily Dose is on hiatus.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow deals with caller wondering why rates are so high. Today’s Diary.
We told him, well, it’s winter in Ski Town, USA but otherwise we didn’t know, that we didn’t set the rates, we merely quoted him, but he deemed this response unsatisfactory…
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 2 – Clemson’s loss throws The Bottom Ten into even more chaos than usual, resulting in eleven (11) teams being ranked this week. The Bottom Ten is with our compliments this week.
With NIL money scarce, athletic department staffers hoping to at least have some Dunkin Donuts coupons to give to skill position player(s).
Army hindered by pregame Defense Secretary ruling requiring squad to treat stadium like battlefield, with mess tent set up at midfield and latrines dug on sidelines, resulting in UL-Monroe sending government bill for reparations.
Rice overcomes early 3-0 lead with offense snoozing until 4th quarter when they score defense against 5th-string defense looking to impress frumpy fifth-string cheerleaders who had taken over yell duties.
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