The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 3
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™ 

Oh baby, and so it begins: the race for the most coveted trophy in sports, The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy. As usual after the first week, Bottom Ten pollsters have 16 winless teams to choose from, but only ten (10) spots in the survey, with two of those taken up by lousy divisions, so the competition for survey berths was fierce. 

Elsewhere in the Bottom Ten, the race for the weekly and annual Pete Rozelle Award – issued to the league’s worst division – was split into NFC and AFC awards, hardly for the first time.

This week’s mess, as the nags break from the starting gate: 

1. Miami Dolphins (0-1; lost to Indianapolis 33-8) – 30-0 deficit???…Check…17 points allowed off their three (3) turnovers???…Check and double-check as Dophins ascend B-10 throne for first time…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” no NFL team has lost opener by 25 points and later did anything but contend for B-10 glory…Next Loss: New England

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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 3
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™ 

Get out your history books, because The Bottom Ten has a couple of entries this week. 

First, the MAC – the preseason pick for coveted Bottom Ten Conference of the Year Honors – makes up 70% of the survey, a record for one conference. In fact, MAC occupation of the Week 3 survey is so great, that our pollsters report circuits and fuses in their TitleTrak Radar have been blowing up all week. 

Elsewhere, for the first time ever there is a tie for the Continental Cup – issued to the team with the longest all-division losing streak in NATO – as both Hilbert and Maine Maritime have lost 26 straight. Where the hell Maine Maritime came from is anyone’s guess, but some research shows they did not have a program for the first three seasons of the decade, and only played three games last year and were ineligible to be ranked.  

This week’s fiasco: 

1. UMess (0-2; lost to Bryant 27-26)
Mitigating Factors: Minutemen back in natural habitat, sitting squarely on B-10 throne following 6th-straight loss…Special teams key as botched extra point in 1st quarter prevents UMess from having shot to win in overtime…Strong finishing kick sees Minutement get outscored 17-6 in 2nd half…UMess already a statistical juggernaut, ranking 110th or worse in ten (10) official NCAA stat categories. 
FunFact: With guaranteed losses to Big Ten, SEC schools coming up, Minutemen should be in top form for rigors of MAC play.
Next Loss: at Iowa

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