The Daily Dose/January 13, 2024
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

SHOCKER!: NASA announced this week that America’s return to the moon is delayed. Again. Now, plans are to fly a manned mission to the moon in 2025, with humans landing on it in 2026. It’s hardly the first delay and we would not die from shock if it isn’t the last. 

Dry, Technical Matter: The Artemis program was authorized on December 11, 2017. In the 2,224 days since then, there has been exactly one Artemis flight, in November 2022. In the 2,224 days since President Kennedy told Congress “let’s go to the moon” on May 25, 1961, NASA – starting from scratch – put 16 Mercury and Gemini missions into space and the first manned Apollo mission was right around the corner. They put man on the moon in 2,978 days.  

And You Wonder Why You Don’t Get Invited To More Parties: 2,978 days from the authorization of Artemis passess on March 11, 2026. Our guess here is that America won’t return to the moon before this decade is out. Any hopes of putting humans on Mars – which we could’ve done in the 1980s had we wanted to – before this half-decade is out are probably dashed

FunFact: Artemis is named after the twin sister of Apollo. 

USA! USA!: As long as we’re whining, we also get a kick out of stories that mention any sort of race to the moon. People, there is no race! There was once, in the 1960s, with the Soviet Union, and we won it. All other countries are fighting for second place. For those determined for there to be a race, let’s see who can be the first country to bring an American flag back from the lunar surface. 

The Bottom Line: These delays are not good. The sheer length of time it is taking to get back to the moon is not good. A once-proud, once-great country is dying. Doubt that at your peril.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow weighs in. Today’s Diary. 

We were surprised…We knew we’d be down some, but more than five pounds was very nice to see…

———

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———

On This Date
Extra, extra, read all about it. 

In 1998 – Alfredo Ormando, a 39-year-old gay, Italian writer, sets himself on fire in St Peter’s Square in the Vatican. Pope John Paul II was speaking nearby and Ormand self-immolated to protest Roman Catholic teachings on homosexuality, which condemns same-sex sexual activity and does not recognize same sex marriages. Ormando was taken to a hospital with burns over 90% of his body and died ten days later. 

In 2020 – The LSU Tigers win the College Football Playoff national championship, defeating the Clemson Tigers 42-25 at the Superdome in New Orleans. It was the fourth and most recent national title for LSU and was the second and most recent national runner-up finish for Clemson, to go with three national titles. LSU had defeated Oklahoma 63-28 in one semifinal, while Clemson had defeated Ohio State 29-23 in the other. 

In 1962 – Elvis Presley is at #1 on Billboard’s Top LPs/Mono chart – a forerunner of today’s Billboard 200 – for the fourth of 19 consecutive weeks with Blue Hawaii, the soundtrack to the movie of the same name. It was the sixth of eight #1 albums for Presley and produced the #2 hit Can’t Help Falling In Love. The album also went to #1 in Great Britain and spent four weeks at #1 on Billboard’s stereo album chart. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.

“What is the most wonderful thing in the world?” asks Yama of Yudishthira; and Yudishthira replies: “Man after man dies; seeing this, men still move about as if they were immortal.
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol I: Our Oriental Heritage

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The NCAA all-division record for most team national championships won by a coach in one sport is 29, by Jim Steen, coach of Divsion III Kenyon College’s men’s swimming and diving teams from 1980-2010. He is also tied for second on the list with 21 while coaching the women’s swimming and diving team. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.

In what year did Billboard combine their mono and stereo LP charts? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 12, 2024
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

HUT, HUT HIKE: Nick Saban announced his retirement as head football coach at Alabama this week. His seven national championships are a record for a modern-era coach and you do not have to be one of the Four Horsemen to know that kind of sustained excellence – in any era and in any sport – doesn’t grow on trees.  

Dry, Technical, Matter: While his career didn’t have a fairy tale, national championship ending, his last season produced his twelfth conference championship – a figure that includes an SEC title with LSU and a MAC title with Toledo – and a berth in the CFP national semifinals, where they lost to Michigan. 

It will, of course, be interesting, to see who replaces him. Even more interesting to see will be the success he has because History has shown following all-time greats is not easy. 

Here We Go: We did some research into this, our list of all-time great, retired college coaches consisting of John Wooden (UCLA basketball), Red Deadeaux (USC baseball), Bear Bryant (Alabama football), Pat Summit (Tennessee women’s basketball), and Dan Gable (Iowa wrestling). 

Running The Numbers: Of these illustrious programs, only Iowa has come close to replicating the success of their legendary coach, having won seven national titles since Gable’s retirement in 1995 after 15 national championships. Of the others, UCLA and USC have each won one national title, Alabama managed one between the Bryant and Saban eras, while Tennesse has yet to return to the Final Four. 

The Bottom Line: Our reckoning is the Son of Man would have a tough time making a go of it replacing Nick Saban and the Crimson Tide’s recent success has been so great that there will probably be a very short honeymoon for whoever is hired. And between transfers and NIL, not to mention whatever future changes invariably come down the pike, the new coach will have to have skills unheard of when Saban was hired. Good luck. Both History and current times will ensure you need no small measure of it. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow stared down the prospect of a clean house. Today’s Diary. 

The big news is we finally heard from that housekeeper who came by a couple of weeks ago to get acquainted and scope out exactly what in the hell awaited her…

———

Would you like 4Ever & Ever access to Gaylon’s crap?
Of course you would.
Click here. It’s only $24.99.

Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

———

On This Date
Extra, extra, read all about it. 

Due to time constraints, today’s entries also ran in 2020.

In 1962 – The United States begins major combat operations in Vietnam, conducting Operation Chopper. 82 US Army helicopters transported 1,000 South Vietnamese paratroopers to a battle 10 miles west of Saigon.  They defeated North Vietnamese Army troops, captured a radio transmitter and suffered no casualties. The US would not leave Vietnam until April 1975. 

1946 & 2016 – The Rams NFL team is permitted to move to Los Angeles in both of these years. In 1946 the Cleveland Rams were given permission to move to LA and in 2016 the St Louis Rams were given permission to move back to LA, as were the San Diego Chargers. The Rams had played in St Louis from 1995-2015, while the Chargers had left LA for San Diego in 1962. 

In 1974 – The Steve Miller Band is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with The Joker. It was the first Top 40 hit for the band, their first of five Top 10 hits and the first of three #1 songs. In 1992, after being used in a Levis commercial, the song went to #1 in Great Britain, Holland, Ireland and New Zealand. The 16 years remains a record for the longest gap between hitting #1 in the US and then in Great Britain. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.

[Charles V] was not mentally keen, except in judging men – which is half the battle…
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol VI: The Reformation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

Billboard’s #1 soul song of 1975 was Fight the Power (Part 1) by the Isley Brothers. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.

Who holds the NCAA all-division record for most NCAA team national championships won by a coach in one sport? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 11, 2024
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow gets a voicemail from a blatherskite. Today’s Diary. 

We didn’t really want to call him back without a mental health professional standing by, and got off easy by leaving a message that, fortunately, wasn’t returned…

———

Would you like 4Ever & Ever access to Gaylon’s crap?
Of course you would.
Click here. It’s only $24.99.

Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

———

On This Date
Extra, extra, read all about it. 

In 1759 – The first life insurance company in America is formed in Philadelphia, the Corporation for Relief of Poor and Distressed Presbyterian Ministers and of the Poor and Distressed Widows and Children of the Presbyterian Ministers. It traces its origins to an even earlier Presbyterian charity and had written 21 policies by the early 1760s and even loaned the Continental Congress 5,000 pounds during the Revolution. The company was acquired by Nationwide in 2002 and today is part of the Unum Group.

In 1970 – The Kansas City Chiefs win Super Bowl IV, defeating the Minnesota Vikings 23-7 at Tulane Stadium in New Orleans. It was the first of three Super Bowl titles for the Chiefs and the first of four Super Bowl losses for the Vikings. The game marked the final game played by the American Football League, as they merged with the NFL the following season and was the first of three Super Bowls played at Tulane Stadium.

In 1975 – Carl Douglas is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the only week with Kung Fu Fighting. It was the first of two soul hits for Douglas and earlier the song had spent two weeks at #1 on the Hot 100 and also went #1 pop in ten other countries, including South Africa and Great Britain. Like some #1 songs, it was originally meant to be the B side of a single.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.

…every man is an irritatingly complex contradiction, unique except when part of a crowd.
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol VI: The Reformation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The Cincinnati Bengals are 3-1 in the AFC Championship Game.  

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.

What was Billboard’s biggest soul song of 1975? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 10, 2024
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

TEN HUT!: You know, we expect our government to lie to us. It’s the way the world is built and has been as long as some have been ruling others. But Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin’s refusal to tell the White House he was going in for surgery and was hospitalized is enexcusable, even by current standards. 

Dry, Technical Matter: It turns out Austin was diagnosed with prostate cancer in early December and had surgery for it on Dec 22. The White House is informed of none of this, though some power is transferred to subordinates. Daniels is soon discharged and works from home until New Year’s Day, when he is hospitalized with what turned out to be an infection stemming from the surgery. Senior Defense Department staff is notified, however, the White House is still left in the dark. The media is notified on Jan 4 and Congress on Jan 5. The White House says President Biden was informed on Jan 9. 

Get Your Notebooks Out, Class Is In Session: This is another example of our government giving a clinic in screwing things up. Now, you can not notify a lot of people here, but to keep the president in the dark is wrong, almost beyond comprehension.

What should’ve happened is Daniel’s hospitalization should’ve been reported to the president. Heck, Daniel’s should’ve reported the first time he had so much as dandruff. Following reports should’ve been made regularly and had they been, we’d be writing about something else right now. And if Austin cited privacy reasons in not disclosing what he had, fair enough, that would’ve been his prerogative. 

The Bottom Line: We get the government we deserve. While there was an initial outcry, America collectively does not have the attention span to get too worked up over this and nobody is making too big a fuss over this anymore. We should, thugh. Our government was derelict in its duties, and we are entitled to know what is being done to ensure this does not happen again. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow reports some progress in the gym. Today’s Diary. 

The big news is both bench pressing and tricep cable pulldowns were done pain-free and without the sleeve…

The Bottom Ten/Preseason Q&A – It’s all over: it’s time to issue The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten heroics. 

Lack of talent key, of course, but effects of meddling, know-it-all owner cannot be underestimated…

Vikings keep fan(s) on edge of seat with classic Jekyll & Hyde second half, as season-ending four (4)-game losing skid kept them in both B-10 medal stand hunt, NFL playoff contention until final week. 

Jaguars ranked as humanitarian gesture, to prevent owner Genghis Khan from executing coaching staff for not winning another B-10 title…

———

Would you like 4Ever & Ever access to Gaylon’s crap?
Of course you would.
Click here. It’s only $24.99.

Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

———

On This Date
Extra, extra, read all about it. 

In 49 BC – Caesar’s Civil War begins when Julius Caesar, commanding the 13th Legion and fresh of several military victories, crosses the Rubicon River in northeastern Italy under arms, considered an act of war by Rome. History is unclear on whether Caesar said the famous line “the die is cast” and ‘crossing the Rubicon’ remains in our vernacular today, describing the crossing an element of demarcation from which there is no going back. Caesar’s Civil War would last four years, result in his victory, and eventually lead to the formation of the Roman Empire. 

In 1982 – The Cincinnati Bengals win the AFC championship, defeating the San Diego Chargers 27-7 in the coldest game in NFL history in terms of wind chill factor. The emperature was -9°F with winds 27 mph making the temperature feel like -59°F. The week before the Chargers had played in 88°F temperatures in Miami, making the temperature difference between the two games 147°F. The Bengals lost Super Bowl XVI to San Francisco 26-21. 

In 1953 – Don’t Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes is at #1 on two Billboard charts. A version by Perry Como is at #1 on the pop Best Seller in Stores chart for the first of five consecutive weeks and a version by Skeets McDonald is at #1 on the country Most Played in Juke Boxes chart for the third and final week. The song was written by Slim Willet, whose own version had topped Billboard’s country Most Played by Jockeys chart in December. This remains the only time in Billboard chart history when the same song by different artists simultaneously topped separate Billboard singles charts.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.

I almost never think of my calendar years. I’m forever hiking across the same plateau with no end in sight.
Saul Bellow
Ravelstein

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The term “antarctica” was coined by Marinus of Tyre in the 2nd century AD, about 16 centuries before it was sighted. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.

What is the Cincinnati Bengals record in the AFC Championship Game? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 19
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™ 

It’s all over. Every false start, every blown coverage, every clutch loss. 

And while not the closest race for the most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – the Washington Commanders certainly gave it an honorable go with a heroic season-ending losing streak. 

But it’s all hail the Carolina Panthers, of course, who earn top B-10 honors by becoming only the third NFL team this century to lose at least 15 (15) games.

This week’s mess, as the nags limp across the finish line: 

1. Carolina Panthers (2-15; lost to Tampa Bay 9-0) – Panthers win first-ever B-10 title following 3rd-straight loss and 2nd-consecutive shutout…Lack of talent key, of course, but effects of meddling, know-it-all owner cannot be underestimated. 

2. Washington Commanders (4-13; lost to Dallas 38-10) – Commanders take runner-up spot despite Week 1 over Cardinals thanks to season-ending eight (8)-game losing streak…Commanders’ fan(s) left wondering what might have been had team lost first two (2) games instead of winning them.  

3. New England Patriots (4-13; lost to New York Jets 17-3) – Patriots give six (6)-time Super Bowl winning coach first-ever B-10 medal stand finish with loss to hapless Jets, hoping to end all talk of Bill Belichick being unable to lose big one. 

4. Arizona Cardinals (4-13; lost to Seattle 21-20) – Cardinals fan(s) left to wonder what might have been as despite clutch, last-second missed field goal, two (2) wins in last five (5) games knock them out of B-10 medal stand.  

5. Los Angeles Chargers (5-12; lost to Kansas City 13-12) – While preseason playoff hopes quashed early enough, bad-but-not-bad-enough Chargers ride two (2) tragic, B-10 title hope depleting two (2)-game winning streaks to middling B-10 finish. 

6. NFC South (0-0; lost to) – Though first-place teams – somehow – managed to finish with winning records, NFC South still easy pick for coveted, annual Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division.  

7. Minnesota Vikings (7-10; lost to Detroit 30-20) – Vikings keep fan(s) on edge of seat with classic Jekyll & Hyde second half, as season-ending four (4)-game losing skid kept them in both B-10 medal stand hunt, NFL playoff contention until final week.  

8. Tennessee Titans (6-11; defeated Jacksonville 28-20) – Another team that needs to look itself in mirror this offseason, as previous, multiple, B-10 champions were unable to rattle off losing streak of more than three (3) games, which they know as well as anybody is key to B-10 glory. 

9. Jacksonville Jaguars (9-8; lost to Tennessee 28-20) – Jaguars ranked as humanitarian gesture, to prevent owner Genghis Khan from executing coaching staff for not winning another B-10 title, though Jaguars finish strong, losing five (5) of last six (6). 

10. Bottom Ten Fans – B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” they’ll keep writing this crap as long as you keep reading it…It’s said every year because it’s true: if you enjoy reading this half as much as we enjoy producing it, you’re enjoying it an awful lot…We’’ll see you in 233 days, when we all gather for The Bottom Ten/2024 Preseason Q&A. 

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The Daily Dose/January 9, 2024
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

HUT, HUT, HIKE: College football ended Monday night, with Michigan handily defeating Washington 34-13 to win the College Football Playoff (CFP). The system came under deserved criticism, but it’s hard to argue the two best teams made the title game. 

By The By: Next year the CFP evolves into a 12-team tournament, when it’s expected the screwing of the 13th-ranked team won’t be as loud. Those keeping score at home will note this means eight fewer teams for the already diluted and increasingly meaningless bowl games. How meaningless? Several dozen players, including 25 Florida State Seminoles, deemed their bowl game to be so important they chose not to play in it. This made meaningless exhibition games even more meaningless exhibition games featuring no small number of second-string players. 

Dry Technical Matter: While doing its duty and making everyone money, the bowl season could use some help and we have some ideas.

Leading Off: First, play the national championship game on New Year’s Day because there is no reason for college football season to last later than either January 1 or Monday, January 2. This would go a long way to making their constant money grabs – like UCLA and Rutgers now being a conference game – more palatable.

Listen Up: And please, cut the number of bowls to 25. To start, get rid of cold-weather bowls and all bowls played in baseball stadiums. Then any bowl this season that featured two 6-6 teams can muster out. And while we can’t make players play, we can pay them for suiting up and the NCAA can forbid transfers until after the season is over.  

The Bottom Line: College football is in a box because everyone concerned – players, coaches, conferences, schools, networks – are in this solely to make as much money as possible. There is no common purpose, except to strafe the marketplace for as much money as they can. Ending the season on New Year’s Day and revamping the remaining bowls will go a long way to changing bowl season from interminable to somewhat tolerable. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow’s back in the lottery racket. Today’s Diary. 

Our two-week run playing the lucky numbers yielded us $13 in winnings and we combined that with some loose cash to play today…

———

Would you like 4Ever & Ever access to Gaylon’s crap?
Of course you would.
Click here. It’s only $24.99.

Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

———

On This Date
Extra, extra, read all about it. 

In 1909 – Edward Shackelton, leading an expedition to the South Pole, plants the British flag 97 nautical miles (about 111 statute miles) away from the pole, the farthest south yet attained by humans. The expedition was not well-financed and was obliged to turn around, with man not reaching the South Pole until 1911 when an expedition led by Norwegian Roald Amundsen reached it. 

In 1977 – Roscoe Tanner of the US wins the Australian Open, defeating Guillermo Vilas of Argentina 6-3, 6-3, 6-3. It remains the only Grand Slam title for Tanner, who also reached the finals of Wimbledon in 1979, where he lost to Bjorn Borg. It remains the only loss in a Grand Slam final for Vilas, who would win the next two Australian Opens, as well as French and US open tiles later in the year. It was the first Australian Open men’s singles final since 1912 not to feature an Australian player. 

In 1993 – Whitney Houston is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for seventh of a Hot 100 record 14 consecutive weeks with I Will Always Love You. The song went to #1 in 20 other countries, including Panama, Norway, and Great Britain, was in its sixth of eleven consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart, and was Billboard’s #1 song of the year and its 7th-biggest of the decade. It was the tenth of 13 #1 songs for Houston. The song broke the record of 13 consecutive weeks established by End of the Road by Bouz II Men in 1992 and the record is now 19 weeks by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus with Old Town Road in 2019.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.

Clarity and stillness set everything right.
Lao Tzu
The Tao Te Ching, #45

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

Jimmy Carter was the last president to provide a written State of the Union message to Congress, doing so in 1981. At 33,667 words, it remains the longest in history. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.

Who coined the term Antarctica? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!