The Daily Dose/December 7, 2021
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

HUT, HUT HIKE: Regular readers of this crap have come to know and love The Bottom Ten’s annual Bowl Game Edition. Like some great ideas, it was borne out of necessity, founded out of near-desperation when the college football season began ending later, meaning there was an extra week to fill, leaving your Bottom Ten pollsters furiously working their bar tabs to find something to fill it with. 

Thank You, Shakespeare: It’s not always easy to write. The bowl game edition is written the day the bowl matchups are released, which isn’t much lead time, and your Bottom Ten pollsters generally find themselves fretting over the column because you can never be entirely certain if any good lines will pop up and sometimes this concern is valid because some years writing the Bowl Game Edition was like pulling teeth. 

Not this year, though, as the funny crap you’ve come to know and love started popping up during our initial review of the bowl game schedule, which is rare. Usually, you have to dive in and do some research but not this year.  In fact, there were so many funny lines we had to kick our yearly Rose Bowl entry out because it’s The Bottom Ten and not The Bottom Eleven. 

The Bottom Line: The 2021 Bowl Game Edition moves today and the paywall is taken down so cheapskate non-subscribers can enjoy it with our compliments. Longtime readers will appreciate the consistency of some regular lines and newcomers will enjoy starting a new tradition. And your Bottom Ten pollsters want you to know their trusty bar tabs are will busy next week, too, as the final NCAA Bottom Ten survey of the season will move next Tuesday. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow is back at the veterans service office. Today’s Diary. 

Despite the fact I instructed callers to call back today, there were no less than six voicemails waiting for me and the usual emails and, get this, a business card left on my chair.

I am not making that up…It turned out to be from a guy who had also left a voicemail and here’s a Sparrow ProTip (SPT): do not do this…Your voicemail suffices to get me to contact you…Arranging with your buddy Steve the Facilities Guy to gain entry to my office to leave your lousy card only serves to make you look pushy and not too brite besides.

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Bowl Game Edition – Which bowl earns the coveted Bottom Ten Bowl Game of the Year Award? Read it and weep. This week’s Bottom Ten is on the house. 

Duke’s Mayo Bowl: Reasons To Watch: You’re curious as to why Duke University diversified into sandwich spreads…

Cheez-It Bowl: Reasons To Watch: You’re wondering which brand of Cheez-Its will be displayed on midfield logo, Original or Extra Toasty, Regular or Grooved.

Armed Forces Bowl: Reasons To Watch: With Lockheed-Martin still title sponsor, you want to see if warranty on target acquisition system you bought to shoot down neighbor’s drones is still valid…

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On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1941 – The Imperial Japanese Navy attacks the United States naval base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. 2,335 Americans were killed, a total of 19 ships were either destroyed or damaged and 188 aircraft were destroyed. The US declared war on Japan the following day with Japan surrendering in 1945. Near-simultaneous attacks in Shanghai, the Philippines, Thailand, Hong Kong, Malaya and the Dutch East Indies were also conducted.

In 1993 – The Detroit Pistons establish a new NBA record for fewest points in the fourth quarter in a 91-89 loss to the Orlando Magic. The Pistons scored six points in the quarter to break the record of seven established in November 1991 by the Houston Rockets. The mark was tied three times before being broken in February 2004 by the Golden State Warriors, who had two points in the fourth quarter of a game against the Toronto Raptors. 

In 1963 – The Singing Nun is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Dominique. Sung in French, it was the third of eight foreign language #1 songs on the Hot 100 and was The Singing Nun’s only chart single, making her one of 14 ultimate one-hit wonders – acts whose only hit goes to #1. The song also went to #1 in six other countries including Venezuela and South Africa and peaked at #7 in Great Britain. The Singing Nun was born Jeanine Deckers and remains the only Belgian to have a #1 song in America.  

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…the bitterness of faction absorbed public energy and devotion…
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol. II: The Life of Greece

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

21 years passed between Merle Haggard’s first #1 country song (I’m a Lonesome Fugitive, one week, 1967) and his last (Twinkle, Twinkle Lucky Star, one week, 1988)

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.

Which NBA team holds the record for most points in a quarter? – Answer next time!  

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The Daily Dose/December 6, 2021
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow’s winter coat makes its debut. Today’s Diary.

It’s not that cold, tho, but this didn’t stop the winter coat from making its seasonal debut tonite, simply because it was time, too…It was a bit below freezing, still warm enuff for a quarter zip and the Shire Coat to suffice but it’s December for Pete’s sake and the Shire Coat needs cleaning anyway and other jackets from the Sparrow Fall Collection (SFC) weren’t asserting themselves, so the winter coat is in.

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Click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.

Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1897 – London becomes the first city to license motorized taxicabs. Horse drawn carriages had been established in London in 1605 and had been licensed since 1662 while taxi drivers in London have been licensed since 1865 when the test known as the Knowledge was introduced. Despite the advent of GPS and ride share companies, the Knowledge of London test remains and is regarded as one of the most difficult professional examinations in the world. 

In 1956 – Hungary defeats the Soviet Union 4-0 in the medal round of the water polo competition at the Melbourne Summer Olympics. The match was played against the backdrop of the Hungarian Revolution and was so violent History refers to it as the Blood in the Water match, a match stopped early after fans approached the pool, with Hungary declared the winner. Hungary secured the gold medal with a victory the following day over Yugoslavia. 

In 1969 – Merle Haggard is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the fourth and final consecutive week with Okie From Muskogee. It was the eighth of 38 #1 country hits for Haggard and his twelfth of 69 Top 10 country hits. The song also went #3 country in Canada and peaked at #41 on Billboard’s Hot 100. 

Editor’s Note: Yesterday we noted that James Christie was from Australia. This is false. He is from Scotland. Gracious thanks are issued to those who pointed this out. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…they decided that to eat state corn in the city was better than to sweat on the land…Sloth combined with superstition…Wealth mounted, but did not spread.
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol. III: Caesar to Christ

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

Gary Davidson was the first commissioner of the World Football League and was also involved in the founding of the American Basketball Association and World Hockey Association. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.

How many years elapsed between Merle Haggard’s first #1 country hit and his last? – Answer next time!  

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The Daily Dose/December 5, 2021
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

The Sunday Bottom 5
A ranking of some things.

1. Yellowstone – SB5 pollsters recently introduced to an episode of show and were both surprised and not surprised to note how show mirrored current American society: violent, profane, with no one particularly likeable, except that kid whose jerk dad died…Every other character was annoying and tedious and usually shooting somebody.  

2. Major League Baseball Lockout – With most recent All-Star Game and World Series second-least watched in History, most fan(s) yawning, though SB5 pollsters hoping lockout lasts long enough to cancel some of your unwatchable, boring regular-season games from schedule. 

3. Donald Trump – The 3-hole staple…SB5 pollsters “strongly suspect” future generations will wonder why anyone gave time of day – much less media coverage and votes – to someone who believes 1) the moon is part of Mars; 2) Colorado borders Mexico; and 3) the Revolution was won by the securing of British airports…Plus he will always have blood on his hands for a non-existent COVID response…Which one of these elements continues to earn him support???

4. NFL – Balanced or mediocre, you make the call!!!…There is some lousy football being foisted on the American public, which doesn’t really seem to care…Sunday B5 pollsters “strongly suspect” fewer kids playing football starting to take its toll on league, as more top athletes choose sports that don’t require concussions. 

5. Lincoln Riley, Brian Kelly – If the purpose of intercollegiate sports is to teach the lessons athletics has to offer, then latest NCAA coaching carousel getting high marks, with Riley, Kelly, both giving clinics in being pimp, whore and john at same time, showing players only real lesson is to look out for #1. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – There are some gents in the lobby when Sparrow returns to the hotel. Today’s Diary entry is on the house. 

One guy started in on a story – probably not for the first time – about how a Corvette he was watching for his brother somehow got moved from his garage to a nearby lake…Alligators were involved…Later, as the group was retiring, he came by the front desk for something or another and I asked if he rode diesel submarines back in the day because alligators and retrieving a car from a body of water are not unfamiliar elements in stories by smoke boat sailors, but he said no. 

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Click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.

Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1766 – James Christie, founder of the auction house that still bears his name, holds his first sale in London, moving some linens and used chamber pots. Christie would begin selling artwork shortly thereafter and today’s Christie’s is owned by a French holding company. Christie was originally from Scotland who arrived in London following a brief stint in the Royal Navy, 

In 1974 – The Birmingham Americans defeat the Florida Blazers 22-21 in the first and only World Bowl, the World Football League (WFL) championship game at Legion Field in Birmingham. The WFL had started the season on Labor Day and the game almost wasn’t played as neither team’s players had been paid in several weeks and refused to take the field until they were. The WFL folded twelve weeks into the following season. 

In 1970 – The Partridge Family is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the third and final consecutive week with I Think I Love You. It was the first chart single for the group, the first of three Top 10 hits and remains their only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in the Netherlands, Canada and Australia and peaked at #18 in Great Britain. David Cassidy and Shirley Jones were the only cast members from the TV show to appear on any Partridge Family song. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Let everyone mind his own business, and endeavor to be what he was made.
Henry David Thoreau
Walden

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The oldest track and field world record is held by Jarmila Kratochvilova of then-Czechoslovakia, whose 1983 record of 1 minute 53.28 seconds in the 800 meters still stands. The oldest men’s record is held by Jurgen Schult of then-West Germany whose 1986 record of 243.04 feet still stands. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.

Who was the first commissioner of the WFL, and what other professional leagues did he start? – Answer next time!  

Share Gaylon! Go!

Friends, your full-service Daily Dose will return Sunday.

Click here for today’s Diary of a Nobody entry.

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The Daily Dose/December 3, 2021
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™

Friends, Gaylon’s vacation continues, but Sparrow has a Diary entry for you. Click here to read it.

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