The Diary of a Nobody/May 22

Why yes, it Read Free Sunday at The Diary.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, May 22
There was a brief moment of horror when yours truly reported for duty at the hotel tonight…I was at the front desk and there was a rather large insulated jug under the right computer station…It easily held a quart and I held it up and asked Assistant Front Desk Manager Q if it was no. 

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The Daily Dose/Saturday, May 22, 2021

The Daily Dose/May 22, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Editor’s Note: Gaylon is working on a project and most elements of The Daily Dose – Leading Off, The Sunday Bottom 5, On This Date, Some Philosophy Crap, Trivia – are either on hiatus or running intermittently. Your full-service Daily Dose will return, probably later this spring, though perhaps in the summer.  

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow is of service to veterans. Today’s Diary. 

It was moderately busy at the VSO today…Val was early for her 1130 appointment, which was good because I wasn’t too busy to see her…Val is also a Navy vet and is a certified yoga instructor and wanted to talk about getting a veterans yoga group going…Regular readers of this crap may strongly suspect ol’ Sparrow would be completely useless here, but I actually had some useful suggestions about where to have it, so it wasn’t a complete waste of her time. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…he wondered if he could seduce Annie; he decided he could, but if he did, the greatest of all prison doors would swing shut upon him: marriage, children and years of making up prescriptions…
Gore Vidal
Lincoln

———

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The Diary of a Nobody/May 21

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The Daily Dose/Friday, May 21, 2021

The Daily Dose/May 21, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Editor’s Note: Gaylon is working on a project and most elements of The Daily Dose – Leading Off, The Sunday Bottom 5, On This Date, Some Philosophy Crap, Trivia – are either on hiatus or running intermittently. Your full-service Daily Dose will return, probably later this spring, though perhaps in the summer.  

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

HEY BATTER, BATTER, SWING…AND MISS: Major league baseball (MLB, ML) is on track to have 22 no-hitters thrown this season. So far there have been six (really seven, as we shall see) thrown and there is some blather out there proclaiming the ML record for most no-hitters in a season is seven. This is false; the record is eight, done twice in 1884 and 1990. 

Where In For Some Dry, Technical Matter, Aren’t We?: The discrepancy comes from what MLB defines as a no-hitter, currently when a pitcher throws nine innings or more and gives up zero hits. This is a lousy definition because not every major league game over the years has been scheduled for nine innings. For the past couple of seasons, doubleheaders have consisted of two seven-inning games and back before there were lights second games of doubleheaders were routinely – though not always – scheduled for seven innings, usually when teams had trains to catch. 

We’re Here To Help: A better definition for a no-hitter would be a regulation, complete game where a team gets zero hits. A regulation game refers to the number of innings scheduled and a complete game goes (at least) the scheduled number of innings. Games that do not go the scheduled number of innings because of rain are known as called games and no-hitters in called games deservedly have their own, separate listing in the record book. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Using the regulation, complete game definition there have been seven no-hitters thrown this year because Madison Baumgartner’s no-hitter was only scheduled for seven innings.

Those Zany Record Keepers: It also means the ML record for most no-hitters in a season is eight. It was first done in 1884 – an era commonly ignored nowadays – and again in 1990 and here’s where the fun begins because the ML record book published by the Elias Sports Bureau (ESB) says the record is seven while the Sporting News record book – no longer published – always said the record was eight.  

Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter: This is because the Sporting News included Andy Hawkins’ no-hitter, where the ESB does not. Those who don’t get invited to many parties will recall Hawkins, pitching for the Yankees, lost a no-hitter at Chicago and only pitched eight innings because the White Sox already led and didn’t require their final at-bat. The ESB ignores this one but the Sporting News does not – and we know you don’t, either – because it was a regulation, complete game. 

The Bottom Line: The regulation, complete game criteria is more reasonable than the current nine-innings only rule. It would add a handful of no-hitters to the official list, including Ed Karger’s 1907 perfect game, the second game of a doubleheader that only was only scheduled for seven innings. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow enjoys a day off. Today’s Diary. 

A good day off…As yours truly likes to blab every five minutes, I get one day off between 60-hour work weeks and even project work is ignored on Thursdays now…Heck, it’s been so leisurely the past couple of Thursdays ol’ Sparrow couldn’t even be bothered with a solid Level I cleanings and only washing the dishes.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Man lives in a circle, and when he has been all the way around, he might as well call it a day.
Heywood Braun

———

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The Diary of a Nobody/May 20

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The Daily Dose/Thursday, May 20, 2021

The Daily Dose/May 20, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Editor’s Note: Gaylon is working on a project and most elements of The Daily Dose – Leading Off, The Sunday Bottom 5, On This Date, Some Philosophy Crap, Trivia – are either on hiatus or running intermittently. Your full-service Daily Dose will return, probably later this spring, though perhaps in the summer.  

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – There isn’t a schedule posted at the front desk of the hotel, so who knows who is supposed to come in tomorrow. Today’s Diary. 

…I asked Mark if planned to come in for his usual Wednesday shift and he said he’s been doing that for 15 years so, sure, yeah, he allowed how he’d come by and see what’s shaking. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…knowing how to shoot is one thing, knowing when to shoot is something else again…
Louis L’Amour
The Lonesome Gods

———

Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
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The Diary of a Nobody/May 19

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The Daily Dose/Wednesday, May 19, 2021

The Daily Dose/May 19, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Editor’s Note: Gaylon is working on a project and most elements of The Daily Dose – Leading Off, The Sunday Bottom 5, On This Date, Some Philosophy Crap, Trivia – are either on hiatus or running intermittently. Your full-service Daily Dose will return, probably later this spring, though perhaps in the summer.  

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow gives Brandon a lesson in management. Today’s Diary. 

[Brandon] let it be known he would not dismiss out of hand the prospect of ol’ Sparrow clocking in early, but he immediately followed that up with some nonsense about me taking my time…I was in the coffee room getting a pot going, but I came out shaking a hand at Brandon. 

“No, Brandon…You can’t send mixed signals like this….Us hired hands need firm guidance.”
To emphasize this, I pounded my right fist into my left palm…Brandon nodded acknowledgment.
“Well, get your ass clocked in, then…I’ll pay the ten minutes overtime.”
“There you go…Way to be decisive.” 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…our countrymen have all the folly of an ass and all the passiveness of a sheep. They are determined not to be free and can neither be frightened, discouraged nor persuaded to change their resolution.
Alexander Hamilton

———

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The Diary of a Nobody/May 18

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The Daily Dose/Tuesday, May 18, 2021

The Daily Dose/May 18, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Editor’s Note: Gaylon is working on a project and most elements of The Daily Dose – Leading Off, The Sunday Bottom 5, On This Date, Some Philosophy Crap, Trivia – are either on hiatus or running intermittently. Your full-service Daily Dose will return, probably later this spring, though perhaps in the summer.  

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody – At the hotel, Sparrow is pretty efficient. Today’s Diary. 

Recall last night I farted around all night, wasting two hours…Tonight I was committed to getting hotel duties and daily project work done in a timely manner and ol’ Sparrow is pleased to report he succeeded in spades: the audit was started at half-past, billing started at one minute past midnight (as early as you can start it) and ol’ Sparrow was back from walking the hotel at 0013, about as good a time as you can muster…This was good because there are 50 arrivals later today whose reg cards and key packets needed to be prepared, so I wasn’t actually done with everything until 0230, which is still 2.5 hours better than yesterday.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

For the first time, Seward understood the nature of Lincoln’s political genius. He had been able to make himself absolute dictator without ever letting anyone suspect that he was anything more than a timid, joking backwoods lawyer.
Gore Vidal
Lincoln

———

Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.

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