The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 15 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Wow.
Simply wow.
The race for the most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – is always fierce, but seldom has the Bottom Ten medal stand seen wonders such as the 2020 Jets, Jaguars and Chargers. And let’s not forget the Bengals and Bears, either.
Your Bottom Ten pollsters would like to acknowledge the recent death of longtime NFL coach Jim Hanifan, whose name graces the Jim Hanifan Medallion, issued annually in the NFL Week 2 Interregnum Poll and symbolic of NFL preseason lousiness.
This week’s fiasco as the nags are at the head of the stretch:
The Daily Dose/December 8, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience.
Leading Off remains in time-out.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow reports the guy in 227 has been locked out of his room for non-payment.
Nobody’s seen hide nor hair of him…Well, if you’ve been locked out of your room for two days and haven’t stopped by the front desk looking for a key that means one of two things: either you’re not in your room because you’ve scrammed or you’re still in your room, dead….The first is more likely, tho the second, of course, is more exciting.
6. Duke (2-8; lost to Miami, Florida 48-0) Mitigating Factors: Bleu Devils back in natural habitat – the B-10 survey – with type of commanding shutout road loss that lands teams squarely on patented B-10 TitleTrak Radar…Offense does its part, too, punting or turning ball over on twelve (12) of thirteen “drives”…Loss worst shutout loss since 1990 squad lost to Virginia 59-0 on late field goal. FunFact: Current three (3)-game losing skid modest – especially by Duke standards- as Bleu Devils accustomed to losing three (3)-straight as traditional warm-up for league play. Next Loss: at Florida State
With Morty stating the obvious, both Lenny and Larry got the impression Morty was building up to something; they had no idea what though.
“And you two should be pleased. The Regular Guys were very funny last night. As usual. But you don’t need me to tell you that.”
Morty, in fact, was building up to something.
“Guys, The Golden Nugget wants to put you in their showroom. As headliners.”
Columns, books, shopping lists, clickhere to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 2013 – The American heavy metal band Metallica becomes the first band to play on all seven continents, performing a show in Antarctica. The show consisted of a ten-song, one-hour set held in a small dome at a helipad at Carini Station, about 500 miles south of Argentina. In order to comply with Antarctic environmental protocols, the group played without amplification, with the show transmitted to attendees via headphones.
In 1987 – Ron Hextall of the Philadelphia Flyers becomes the first goalie in NHL history to score a goal by taking a shot, scoring an empty-net goal in Philadelphia’s 5-2 win over the Boston Bruins. It was the second time in NHL history a goalie had been credited with a goal. On November 28, 1979, Billy Smith of New York Islanders was the last Islander to touch the puck before Rob Ramage of the Colorado Rockies inadvertently put the puck into his own team’s goal. Hextall would repeat the feat in a 1989 playoff game and since then five other NHL goalies have scored a goal via a shot on goal.
In 1985 – Broken Wings by Mr Mister is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks. It was the second chart single for the group, their first of four Top 40 hits and their first of two #1 songs (Kyrie, two weeks, 1986). The song also went to #1 in Canada and peaked at #4 in Great Britain and due to when it charted was Billboard’s fifth-biggest song of 1986. A version by C-Block charted in Germany and Switzerland in 1998.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
A secret to being more revered than resented, he learned, was to display a self-deprecating humor, unpretentious demeanor and an unaggressive style in conversation. Walter Issacson Benjamin Franklin: An American Life
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The Toronto Raptors hold the NBA record for fewest free throws made in a game, making zero free throws in three attempts on Jan 9, 1996.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many #1 albums has Metallica had in the United States? – Answer next time!
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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 15 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
With all the uncertainty in 2020, it’s nice to know Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere can count on the consistency of Kansas in the race for the ESPNCup – symbolic of NCAA Bottom Ten supremacy, as the Jayhawks – once and probably future Bottom Ten champions – return to the top spot.
And it’s welcome back to the Duke Bleu Devils, as the Bottom Ten Team of the Decade for the Double Aughts return to the survey. Sure, they’ve been included as part of the hilarious Tri-Lateral Commission entry with Vanderbilt and Rice, but it’s exciting to have them back on their own merits.
This week’s mess:
Editor’s Note: With most of the lower level schools not playing this year, the Continental Cup – issued to the team with the longest all-division losing streak in NATO – is not being awarded this year.
The Daily Dose/December 7, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience.
CHRIST, HERE WE GO AGAIN: Sunday, in an Editor’s Note in our popular On This Date segment, we mentioned a long-forgotten band called the Robbs and their equally forgotten hit Race With the Wind. It peaked at #3 on Billboard’s Bubbling Under The Hot 100 chart in 1966, meaning it ranked #103 for the week.
Really Dry, Technical Matter: It was their first single and remains their biggest hit, as their other five hits – including one under the name Cherokee – couldn’t crack the Hot 100, either, and yesterday’s item noted the Robbs/Cherokee still hold the record for most songs hitting the Bubbling Under chart without later cracking the Hot 100. It was, frankly, the kind of tidbit our readers have come to know and love from us and the kind that still causes us to achieve and maintain a state of arousal usually found on porn sets.
Oh, Jesus H: Though the Robbs were brothers, their real last name was Donaldson.
More Dry, Technical Matter: And success is relative: Despite the fact they couldn’t buy a Top 40 hit, the Robbs were not completely without success, having been the house band on the 1960s Dick Clark show Where the Action Is, a height many other bands would not have violently objected to reaching. And their self-titled album spent one week at #200 on the Billboard 200 album chart in 1967.
The Bottom Line: Just for funsies we listened to Race With the Wind and found it a pretty good song. Its sound was typical of pop songs of the era and the lyrics are good – some bordering on memorable – though the vocal arrangement, particularly the last three lines of each verse, sometimes sound amateurish. Still, though, the chorus is still, pleasantly, stuck in our head and had the song’s timing been better it might have enjoyed a decent Hot 100 run.
…the guy that was working the counter I forget his name was so professional, was so happy that I was there, very accommodating, and made me feel welcome that I was there.
The Regular Guys/Chapter 9: Lenny and Larry open for Toby Flotsam and the Emoticons in Vegas on New Year’s Eve.
Each member of The Regular Guys was spending this New Year’s holiday with his best girl. Ann was not about to miss main squeeze Lenny and her dear friend Larry playing, if not headlining, one of the best New Year’s Eve parties on the planet, and after spending a month on the road seeing Lenny every night, Larry was looking forward to seeing Rachel again.
Columns, books, shopping lists, clickhere to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1995 – The American space probe Galileo becomes the first spacecraft to orbit Jupiter, arriving at the planet with a closest point of approach of 133,300 miles. Galileo also released a probe that was able to explore the Jovian atmosphere for an hour before being destroyed. The mission was terminated in 2003 when Galileo was sent into Jupiter’s atmosphere, in part to prevent terrestrial contamination of Jupiter’s moons in the event of a collision. The mission had been launched from the space shuttle Atlantis in October 1989.
In 1982 – The Utah Jazz establish a new NBA record for most consecutive free throws made in a game without a miss in a 137-121 loss to the Portland Trailblazers. The Jazz went 39-for-39 from the free throw line in the game and research into whose record the Jazz broke was inconclusive. The Jazz had six players make free throws, including Danny Shcayes with 14 and Adrian Dantley with 12. The record still stands.
In 2020 – Drake featuring Lil Durk is at #1 on Billboards soul chart – now known as the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart – for the fifth consecutive week with Laugh Now Cry Later. It’s the 21st #1 soul song for Drake, establishing a new Billboard soul chart record, breaking a tie with Stevie Wonder and Aretha Franklin. The song also peaked at #2 on the Hot 100 and at #4 in Great Britain.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…the ultimate power is not to preside in a white house or open a parliament while seated on a throne but to reinvent the world for everyone by giving them the dreams that you wanted them to dream. Gore Vidal Empire
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The national capital at the highest elevation outside of South America is Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, at 7,726 feet, a figure good for fourth on the worldwide list.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What team holds the NBA record for fewest free throws made in a game? – Answer next time!
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Friends, today is the last complimentary chapter of The Regular Guys. Tomorrow we start charging, so click here to stay in on the laughs. Both 4Ever & Ever and monthly plans available.
Top Floor Suite The Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino Las Vegas, Nevada
Toby Flotsam, Rock Star, sat leisurely in a comfortable chair while a young lady gave him a manicure and surveyed his gracious, luxurious suite at the Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino in downtown Las Vegas.
Toby Flotsam liked what he saw: a lavishly appointed suite staffed with people whose sole purpose was to make his life comfortable and easy. Not only was the manicurist in the room, but his suite was also staffed with two personal valets, a chef, a personal trainer, a masseuse and a butler to keep all them out of sight until their services were required. His suite was so generously staffed his own personal valet, an illegal Salvadoran immigrant named Roberto, was not needed, and, while he was in town with his employer, was off visiting dozens of the hundreds of relatives he had around the country.
The Daily Dose/December 6, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5 The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. College Football Playoff – Some teams have played a full season, some only a partial one, and games are canceled and new opponents picked up like a softball beer league and you’re expecting to crown a legitimate national champion???…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” the asterisk next to the champion’s name will “like, really big and stuff”.
2. Donald Trump – Despite fact Trump is lying sexual predator who believes moon is part Mars – and the fact he lost the election – people are still sending him money…While heralded as attempt to challenge election results, most of the funds will go to Trump’s personal PAC and the GOP, proving Barnum right when he said there’s one born every minute.
3. Lauren Daigle – Spotchecking past 3-hole staple, her latest single You Say is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot Christian Singles chart for 113th non-consecutive week, extending record for most weeks at #1 on any Billboard chart.
4. Texas High School Football – Once unfathomable, attacks on amatuer sports officials continue, as Texas player tackles referee who had nerve to eject him…And people wonder why two-thirds of new officials never make it to their third year.
5. President Trump Fact Check – Four years into this and Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters still unsure if Trump is a liar or merely delusional…Click here for the latest from the Liar-in-Chief from the Associated Press.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
It’s Read Free Sunday. Enjoy both features today with our compliments.
I don’t know what the deal is, which regular readers of this crap know is hardly a bulletin…Mileage has varied since I bought the new ride 13 months ago, starting out below 30 MPG and peaking at a bit over 40 earlier this year…Exactly how you gain and lose ten MPG may never be clear and 32, of course, is still pretty good, so we’re not complaining too much.
The road hadn’t been easy, of course. Few journeys worth the destination are. There were the usual ups and downs associated with this line of work. He had sent his son money from time to time, and, as he stood backstage at The Casbar Room at the Sahara Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas and watched his wife fuss and blather like a mother would in this situation, he thought back to his son’s playing a sheep in the Christmas pageant and where his son was performing now and was pleased his son had constructed the life he always wanted and was doing pretty well for himself.
Dad thought that was about the best thing a father could say about a son.
Columns, books, shopping lists, clickhere to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1535 – The city of Quito, Ecuador is founded by 204 Spanish settlers. The settlers overcame pesky Incan resistance and eventually captured their leader Ruminahui, whom they executed the following January. Today Quito, at an elevation of 9,350 feet, is the second-highest capital city in the world – trailing only La Paz, Bolivia (11,942 feet) – and with its boundaries coming within a mile of the Equator, is the closest to zero degrees latitude.
In 2011 – Mike Murphy of the Carolina Hurricanes becomes the first – and still only – goalie in NHL history to be charged with a loss despite not allowing a goal in a 7-6 loss to the Calgary Flames. Murphy entered the game in the third period with his team trailing 6-3 and is technically in goal when the Flames score into an empty net at the 18:51 mark and is therefore credited with the loss because this was the go-ahead goal. Murphy appears in his second and final NHL game three days later and finishes his career with an 0-1-0 record and 0.00 goals-against average.
In 1969 – Steam is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Na Na Hey Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye. It was the first chart single for the group and a follow-up hit peaked at #46, making Steam one of the few acts whose only Top 40 hit went to #1. The song also peaked at #9 in Great Britain and at #20 on Billboard’s soul chart and like some other #1 hits, this one was recorded as the B side of a single. A version by the Nylons peaked at #12 in 1987 and a 1983 version by Bananarama peaked at #5 in Great Britain and at #1 on Billboard’s Bubbling Under the Hot 100 chart.
Editor’s Note: The Bubbling Under the Hot 100 chart debuted in 1959 and over the years the highest-ranked song has been ranked either #101 or #1 and Bananarama’s ranking reflects how songs were ranked in 1983. The record for most songs on the Bubbling Under chart without hitting the Hot 100 is six by The Robbs/Cherokee. The chart only ranks songs that did not hit the Hot 100 within a year of their release.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Is it not plain that what did not begin cannot end? Gore Vidal Creation
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The United States Congress sent the 21st Amendment to the Constitution to the several states for ratification on February 20, 1933.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What capital city outside of South America sits at the highest elevation? – Answer next time!
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