It’s Read Free Sunday, so today’s Diary of a Nobody entry is on the house.
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, December 5 Boy, the desk in the back office at the hotel was a complete fiasco when I reported for duty.
Scattered on the desk were – in no particular order – a UPS package, a notepad, two thumb drives, three chargers, assorted business cards, a receipt (from the cleaners that is no longer same-day pick-up and drop-off service for our guests) and, of all things, a tube of stuff to moisten the sticky part of envelopes.
Today’s entry is free of charge. Enjoy. Thank you in advance.
Picasso Restaurant Bellagio Hotel and Casino Las Vegas, Nevada
A couple of days before their second gig at the Sahara began, Lenny and Larry were dining at one of the finest restaurants in Las Vegas. The main topic of discussion was Lenny’s parents, who had indicated they would like to come out and see The Regular Guys play Vegas.
Lenny was not entirely pleased with this prospect; his parents had seen The Regular Guys perform before, but since that had always made Lenny incredibly nervous, they had tried not to announce their plans in advance, though on a couple of occasions that had not been possible. Neither Morty nor Larry could tell the difference onstage, but Lenny swore the couple of shows they had done with his parents in the audience were some of the worst shows in the history of show business. The prospect of them seeing The Regular Guys in Vegas was driving Lenny up a wall.
The Daily Dose/December 5, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around our human experience.
USA! USA!: There’s a lot going on right now, of course, but for our money, there is really only one question that matters right now:
Will the National League – finally – permanently adopt the designated hitter (DH) rule?
They used it this past season, a necessity of the Virus Era, and it is likely major league baseball will not adopt it – with player association approval – for the 2021 season.
Dry, Technical Matter: Our loss because pitchers, by and large, can’t hit and this is hardly a recent phenomenon, either. They never could hit and the concept of a DH has been around since the turn of last century and the National League even came close to adopting it in 1929.
They really should have because it would improve their game. Purists like to climb on their high horse and proclaim the DH takes all the strategy out of the game, but the purpose of a batter is to hit the ball and the game is better off when there are nine professional hitters in a lineup instead of eight. Those who want a strategy fix can go play chess.
The Bottom Line: It’s silly the National League hasn’t permanently adopted the DH and it gets sillier by the year. The only people who want to see pitchers hit are dullards who live in their parent’s basement and don’t get invited to any parties. The National League should have adopted the DH years ago.
The big news is the cat, for the first time in months, used the bed I keep for her on my desk…I am not making that up…It was 0430 or so and yours truly was doing project work when she meowed from her bed atop the bookcase in the living room, got up and stretched and then hopped down to the small desk by the bookcase and then leaped across to my desk…This is not particularly newsworthy…The cat does this several times a day, however, after making her usual tour of the desk, to include cutting in front of me and generally pawing around for a bit, she went to the bed off to my left…It hadn’t been moved because yours truly always figured she’d come back to it eventually…The cat has completely ignored it for months, treating it as if it had been sprayed with an herbicide, but this morning she was back as if she’d last visited yesterday, grooming herself for a long while before settling in for a nap.
“Will you tell these animals at the door that I’m sleeping with you and to let me backstage please?”
Lenny laughed and walked to the door that led from the room. He poked his head out. There was a young, rather serious man blocking Ann’s way.
“It’s OK,” he said confidentially. “She’s one of our groupies. I thought we put her on the official groupie list.” Lenny winked at the guard, who nodded knowingly.
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On This Date The long march to today.
In 1933 – The 21st Amendment to the United States Constitution repealing Prohibition is ratified when a ratifying convention in Utah approves it. Earlier in the day Pennsylvania and Ohio had ratified the amendment and it was later ratified by Maine and Montana. Of the other states, eight took no action while South Carolina rejected it and North Carolina declined to hold a ratifying convention. It remains the only amendment where ratification by state convention was mandated in the amendment, and the only amendment to repeal a previous one.
In 1970 – The Stanley Cup, Conn Smythe Trophy and the Bill Masterson Trophy are stolen from the NHL Hall of Fame in Toronto. The Stanley Cup was actually an exact replica kept around for on-ice presentations and all three were found a couple of weeks later when they were left outside the house of a Toronto police officer. The Stanley Cup is given to the winner of the NHL playoffs, the Conn Smythe Trophy is given to the NHL’s most valuable player and the Bill Masterson Trophy is given to the player best exemplifying the spirits of sportsmanship, perseverance and dedication.
In 1953 – Big Joe Turner is at #1 on Billboard’s R&B Most Played in Juke Boxes chart – a predecessor of today’s soul chart – for the first of eight consecutive weeks with Hush Honey. It was the seventh Top 40 soul hit for Turner and the first of two soul chart #1s and the song also peaked at #23 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores pop chart. Though not the most prolific hit maker of the era, Turner’s influence on American music is difficult to underestimate and he was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1987, two years after his death.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
In truth {Seneca} never made up his mind which he loved better – philosophy or power, wisdom or pleasure; and he was never convinced of their incompatibility. Will Durant The Story of Civilization, Vol. III: Caesar to Christ
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The only American team to win the Grey Cup, the championship of the Canadian Football League, was the Baltimore Stallions, who defeated the Calgary Stampeders 37-20 in the 83rd Grey Cup game in 1995.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
When did the United States Congress send the 21st Amendment to the states for ratification? – Answer next time!
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Café Bellagio The Bellagio Hotel and Casino Las Vegas, Nevada
On Wednesday afternoon Lenny and Larry were having lunch at The Cafe Bellagio, which is located just off the hotel’s atrium, which was a short walk from the front desk. Larry had actually stayed there on an occasion or two with a lady friend; it was Lenny’s first visit.
“Holy crap, look at this place,” Lenny said shortly after leaving the taxi and entering the lobby through the revolving doors. Off to left was the front desk, off to the right the casino and right at the casino entrance was a bar that featured a grand piano with a tuxedoed man expertly playing it. Up above were dozens of stained glass flowers. They were seated and Lenny got right to the point.
I blew some breesh (money, from yesterday’s entry) at the retailer today, parting with over a C note…The cat needed litter and dry food and I blew a few bucks on a new dish strainer…Uncle Rudy and Aunt Susy kept one actually in their sink and not on a counter, and I stole that idea for The Shire, mainly to free up counter space…The old countertop dish strainer was pretty big – The Ex bought it years ago, in case we ever needed to clean up after having the 5th Marines over for chow – and I bought a juicer before leaving and it would have been a tight fit to the left of the sink because regular readers of this crap know I moved the microwave from the top of the dryer to the countertop so I could put clean clothes on top of the dryer.
“Ladies and gentlemen, straight from, from…” It occurred to the announcer that he had no idea where tonight’s act was from. Damn last-minute fill-ins. “…from somewhere funny! Lenny and Larry, The Regular Guys!”
As usual, Lenny and Larry bounded on stage like someone had set fire to their shoes. For their first Vegas appearance, Lenny came out throwing souvenir gambling chips he had bought in the casino gift shop; they were worthless, but he had guests tripping over themselves to get them, at least until they, too, discovered their worthlessness. Larry took out his mobile phone, activated the camera on it and sat down at a table, videoing the three pretty young ladies sitting there.
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On This Date The long march to today.
In 1969 – Two Black Panther members – Fred Hampton and Mark Clark – are shot to death in an early-morning raid by Chicago police at an apartment on Chicago’s West Side, while 3executing a warrant for illegal weapons. The police fired between 82 and 99 shots, while the only shot fired from the apartment was by Clark, caused by a convulsion after having been shot himself. A coroner’s inquest resulted in a verdict of justifiable homicide and a civil suit brought by family members of the deceased was originally thrown out, but on appeal was settled for $1.85 million.
In 1909 – The first Grey Cup is played, with the University of Toronto defeating the Toronto Parkdale Canoe Club 26-6. The Grey Cup was then presented to the top amateur rugby team in Canada and has been awarded to the champion of the professional Canadian Football League since 1958. The Grey Cup was named after The Earl Grey, then Canada’s governor-general.
In 1971 – Sly and the Family Stone is at #1 in the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with Family Affair. The song was also in its first of five consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and also went to #1 in Canada and also peaked at #15 in Great Britain. Due to when it charted it was Billboard’s third-biggest song of 1971 and its 79th biggest of 1972. It was the eighth Top 40 hit for the group, their fifth Top 10 hit and their third and final #1 pop hit.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Men are a thousand times more intent on becoming rich than on acquiring culture, though it is quite certain that what a man is contributes more to his happiness than what he has. Arthur Schopenhauer
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Earth, Wind & Fire’s biggest hit on the Hot 100 was Shining Star, which spent one week at #1 in 1975.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Who is the only American team to win the Grey Cup? – Answer next time!
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Friends, The Regular Guys will not remain free forever. Click here to get in on the laughs. It’s easy reading on any device.
The Office of Morty Klineman Professional Talent Agent
Professional Talent Agent Morty Klineman was on a conference call with his clients, The Regular Guys. Professional Talent Agent Morty Klineman had recently completed one of the tasks agents perform for clients, that of finding his clients work, having lined up a gig for them guest hosting one of those network affiliate morning news/talk shows for a week. Morty hadn’t bothered to tell either Lenny or Larry about this gig until he had a firm offer because he knew Larry would turn it down out of hand if he had brought it up as merely a possibility, and he suspected Lenny might as well. However, if he came to them with a concrete, well-paying proposal, well, they had that week off anyway and they were performers after all.
First, however, he was obliged to sit through two misfits who called themselves The Regular Guys, whoever the hell they were; Morty had never heard of them.
As soon as they took the stage, however, Morty found they had his complete and undivided attention. One guy, sorta chubby wearing a navy blue suit with black hair that was both slightly thinning and a little curly on top immediately jumped off the stage, pulled out a roll of money from his pocket and started dispensing dollar bills to those in the first row. When he got to one man he started to proffer a bill, thought better of it, then reached into his pocket for some spare change. The other misfit, a tall, lean man with all of his brown hair was filming the audience on his phone.
Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1979 – Eleven people are killed at the Riverfront Coliseum in Cincinnati before a concert by the British rock band the Who. The deaths came about 7:15 pm when a crowd outside the arena surged to enter through the only two doors that were open, anxious to get in because seating was general admission and not assigned and the eleven deaths were due to asphyxiation from being crushed. The band was not immediately notified of the tragedy and the show went on as scheduled.
In 1929 – The Boston Bruins begin the longest winning streak in NHL history in a 3-1 victory over the Montreal Canadiens. It was the first of 14 consecutive wins for the Bruins, and research into whose record they broke was inconclusive. The record was broken by the New York Islanders, who won 15 in a row in the 1981-82 season and is now held by the Pittsburgh Penguins, who won 17 straight in the 1992-93 season. Despite this success, the Bruins would lose to the Montreal Canadiens in the Stanley Cup Finals, being swept in two games.
In 1977 – Serpentine Fire by Earth, Wind & Fire is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the third of seven consecutive weeks. It was the 15th of 38 Top 40 soul hits for the group, their eighth of 20 Top 10 soul hits and their fourth of seven #1 soul songs. The song also peaked at #13 on the Hot 100 and in 2016 a version by Nathan East and some members of Earth, Wind & Fire peaked at #17 on Billboard’s Smooth Jazz Songs chart.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Nothing is more powerful than an individual acting out of his conscience, thus helping to bring the collective conscience to life. John F Kennedy
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Stevie Wonder has had nine #1 songs on Billboard’s Hot 100.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What is Earth, Wind & Fire’s biggest hit on the Hot 100? – Answer next time!
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