The Daily Dose/Thursday, October 22, 2020

The Daily Dose/October 22, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

GAYLON FOR US SENATE: VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN…OR NOT: One of the things we’ve enjoyed while running for the US Senate and House over the years is telling voters exactly what was on our mind. If you like it, great, if you don’t, that’s great, too, thank you for taking the time to listen to me. 

Dry, Technical Matter: One of the things we said regularly was that our country is collapsing and that we probably had, more or less, until this half-century was out before America imploded. Some, most, agreed with us, some didn’t and few on either side liked hearing that message. 

This is understandable. People want to feel good about themselves and the things they support, and Americans still strongly support America. 

Attention Kmart Shoppers: Feeling good about things is, we’ve always thought, why Kmart failed and why Walmart revolutionized shopping. Growing up, middle-class families like ours wouldn’t have been caught dead at Kmart because it had a stigma, frankly, that only those who were broke shopped there. In fact, I can only recall Dad taking us there once, because it was the only place in town that had whatever it was he was looking for. We fled as soon as possible. 

So you can see where a message of a collapsing America, an America halfway between the influence they once had and the oblivion that awaits us, would go over like a ton of bricks: people don’t really want to hear that about their country. 

Fly In The Ointment: It’s true, though. Anyone who believes we are on a collision course with peace and prosperity is deluding themself. 

The Bottom Line: But America needs some tough love right now. Our country is dying because there is no way America can sustain perpetual war, mindless spending and social divides that are making the 60s seem like a show of unity with impunity. We don’t really think Joe Biden will cure all our ills but he is not Donald Trump, the worst president of any of our lifetimes. He has some decency and some brains and is not a lying sexual predator and he knows the moon is not part of Mars. He’s earned our vote. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has some boring drivel from the county.  

Moderately busy at the [Veterans Service Office] VSO today…Almost interesting was an email announcing the search for the new county manager is starting over…The old one retired last spring and they found some old, retired geezer to take charge until a new one is found and that won’t be for a while now…They had three candidates make the final cut but it turned out all of them were found wanting and told thank you but no thank you. 

Ol’ Sparrow can relate to that…Regular readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall I applied for a vacancy on the town council here a couple of years ago…I didn’t really want to be on the town council but I didn’t want to see the position go unapplied for…As it was, there were a couple of others who put it and we all appeared at a town council meeting and we were later told the council was going to continue their search, which suited me fine because municipal stuff bores the hell out of me. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Rich smacks Gaylon around after he blows Radtke’s cover with some chicks. 

Here is where 13 years of Lutheran schooling hinders you because it didn’t occur to me until later that Radtke had been a tad deceptive, and, in the finest guy tradition, had fed these girls a line from here to Reno and told them he had to go to work. I shared this with Rich and he slapped me and said if I’d really been on the ball I would’ve told the chicks yeah, Radtke’s here, but he’s on a top-secret mission in the hotel or something. I certainly would have come up with something better than ‘no he’s not here’ and blowing his cover.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.

Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. 

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 2006 – Voters in Panama overwhelmingly approve a measure to expand the Panama Canal. The plan called for the building of another lane for the bigger ships that could not transit the current canal. About 48% of eligible Panamanians voted in the election, approving the measure by a 78%-to-22% margin. Construction began the following year and the expanded locks opened in 2016. Panama had taken control of the canal from the United States on New Year’s Eve, 1999. 

In 2000 – Corey Dillon of the Cincinnati Bengals establishes a new NFL record for most rushing yards in a game in a 31-21 win over the Denver Broncos. Dillon rushed for 278 yards to break the record of 275 yards established by Walter Payton of the Chicago Bears in 1977. Dillon’s mark was broken in 2003 by Jamal Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens (295 yards, 2003) and the record is now held by Adrian Peterson, who rushed for 296 yards against the San Diego Chargers in 2007. 

In 1977 – Debby Boone is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second of ten consecutive weeks with You Light Up My Life, the first song ever to spend ten weeks at #1 on the Hot 100. The song was Billboard’s 51st biggest hit of 1977, the third biggest of 1978, the #1 song of the decade and ranked eleventh on Billboard’s 60th Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. The song originally appeared on the soundtrack to the movie of the same name, sung by Kacey Cisyk, whose version would peak at #80 in December and a version by LeAnn Rimes peaked at #34 in 1997. The song remains Boone’s only Top 40 hit.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

As one thinketh in his heart, so is he.
King David

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The NHL record for most shots on goal by a team in a game is 73, done by the Boston Bruins in a 3-3 tie vs the Quebec Nordiques on March 21, 1991. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was the name of the treaty that turned control of the Panama Canal over to Panama? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/October 21

Offered with our compliments, as Read Free Fortnight rolls on. 

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, October 21
One thing’s that has always bothered me working is when higher-ups do not provide feedback on your vacation requests…Recall I am going to see Uncle Rudy and Aunt Suzie over Thanksgiving and, of course, there’s the cruise next April that, so far is still a go, tho since the virus isn’t going away I’m beginning to doubt the Queen Mary 2 will sail as scheduled on April 19. 

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Backstairs at the Monte Carlo/October 14 & 15

October 14
Radtke could be in deep kimchee. I was on patrol near Pit 5, right in front of the old Keno lounge, when two girls about his age approached me. 

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The Daily Dose/Wednesday, October 21, 2020

The Daily Dose/October 21, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

Leading Off is off today.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest on the cat.   

I’ve been reading in bed before turning in the past few mornings and the cat and I have developed a nice routine…I crawl in and start reading and a bit later the cat either wanders or charges into the bedroom – it varies – and jumps on the bed, inspects the foot of the bed before making her way to my chest, where she paws it for a bit and then wanders off to my right and pawing that area before returning and setting up shop.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Rich and Gaylon share a laugh. 

Ralph is a very nice, quiet, gray-haired man who has a nice crush on a cocktail waitress named Michael, who’s really a chick despite having a guy name. Their lunch hours coincide and he walks her to the MGM garage every morning and Rich and I made some tasteless cracks about whether Ralph is under the impression he and Michael are dating and whether he had an umbrella for her cause it’s been raining the past couple of days (being a perfect gentleman, he did) when I said:

Ralph looks like the type whose social life went south with the advent of Caller ID.

This is not at all fair to Ralph – and probably even less true – but a good line is a good line and Rich laughed all the way up the stairs.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 8Despite the Gotham City entry breaking up with the Giants’ win the field fighting it out for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – remains the deepest in years. 

10. New York Giants (1-5; defeated Washington 20-19) – Bad but not bad enough Giants unable to overcome even lousier Washington team, as defense scores go-ahead touchdown off of fumble recovery…Would have been ranked higher, except current 1-5 mark puts them right in thick of race for NFC East title…Next Loss: at Philadelphia

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.

Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. 

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1854 – Florence Nightingale, an English nurse, and a staff of 38 nurses are dispatched to care for wounded soldiers in the Crimean War.  On arrival, Nightingale found more soldiers dying from unsanitary conditions than from their wounds and her work in organizing how wounded were treated revolutionized nursing. Upon returning to London she established the first secular nursing school in the world, which is now part of King’s College. 

In 2018 – The Tampa Bay Lightning establish a new NHL record for most shots on goal in a period in a 6-3 win over the Chicago Blackhawks. The Lightning had 33 shots on goal in the second period – they scored three goals – to break the record of 32 established by Minnesota North Stars in 1973. The mark was tied by the Hartford Whalers in 1984 and the record still stands. This stat was first kept in the 1965-66 season.

In 1984 – Conway Twitty is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the only week with I Don’t Know a Thing About Love (The Moon Song). It was the 32nd of 40 #1 country songs for Twitty, then a Billboard country chart record he had broken in 1982 with his 29th #1 song, a mark previously held by Eddy Arnold. Twitty’s record was broken in 2005 by George Strait, who currently has 44. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Indifference to evil makes evil stronger.
Elie Wiesel

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Italy was the country that occupied Libya when Muammar Gaddafi was born circa 1942. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Which team holds the NHL record for most shots on goal in a game? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/October 20

Enjoy with our compliments. It’s Read Free Fortnight (RFF), after all.

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, October 20
The problem printing reports and whatnot directly from the system was solved today and Amy reported Assistant Front Desk Manager Q spent no small amount of time on the phone with home office tech support to get it fixed…Recall we had to preview stuff and then print it – causing a delay of up to several seconds and requiring two more clicks – and it’s good this trauma is over. 

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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 8

We usually charge for this crap, but The Bottom Ten is on the house this year. 

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 8
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

And then there is one. 

It’s not easy to go unvictoried in the NFL – or at least not as easy as the Jets are making it look – and after the Giants won the Jets are now the team to beat  – literally – in the quest for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten lousiness. 

Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere are reveling in what might well be the deepest Bottom Ten field ever. In fact, it’s so tough last week’s co-#1, the Giants, fell all the way to #10 with their win.

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Backstairs at the Monte Carlo/October 13

October 13
Got to debut the new MCSD outside shirt tonight. 

It looks pretty good, although most of the guys are, of course, whining left and right about it. The top half and the sleeves are blue, and the lower half and the collar are black and there are reflectorized stripes on the sleeves and front separating the blue and the black. 

The material could’ve been a little more 21st century, I think. It’s a cotton twill, but it’s not that heavy and – and this completely rules – there is a sweet mesh lining inside, which means you do not have to wear a t-shirt with it unless you want to.

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The Daily Dose/Tuesday, October 20, 2020

The Daily Dose/October 20, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

USA! USA!: We still find it incredible that Donald Trump still has a chance at being reelected. Here we are two weeks before Election Day – almost four years into his term – and America is not great again. We still suck. The Democrats should be naming the score, but they’re not. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Trump’s delayed and inept handling of the coronavirus has covered his hands in blood. He is the worst president in any of our lifetimes and, perhaps, the worst democratically elected leaders in human history. He is a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part Mars, which in itself should disqualify him but hasn’t because Trump commands the same loyalty that rich bullies have commanded since antiquity. Some things do not change. 

Fly In The Ointment: Among the things that do not change is that countries come and go and we’ve long said America is about ready to go. Maybe not today or tomorrow but if you and me – we the people – don’t do something, America will roll over and call it a day before this half-century is out. We cannot continue with perpetual war, mindless spending and a citizenry that is a partisan, fractured and bickering mess with impunity. If concerned and conscientious citizens do not take charge right now the Great American Experiment will end. 

The Bottom Line: Our country is dying and we are letting it. Anyone who genuinely believes America has a bright future and is on a collision course with peace and prosperity is high, legally in more and more states. We are not, we are halfway between the influence we once had and the oblivion that awaits us. In two weeks we can either stay the course or signal to ourselves and the world that we are demanding better. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: There’s not any snow in the forecast, but Sparrow’s going to ge the snow tires put on anyway. 

In a display of foresight virtually unprecedented, yours truly made an appointment to get the snow tires put on this Thursday…I called the tire store in the next county, where I’d purchased them last year, and by chance, they had an appointment Thursday when regular readers of this crap know I’m in the next county anyway…Usually, I’m pretty late getting this done, generally around Thanksgiving, but not this year…The only fly in the ointment is it’s been dry lately and isn’t scheduled to snow for five weeks…I appear to be the only one thinking snow tires right now, too, because Dale, the guy who took my call, said he was wide open for appointments Thursday and usually by this time you’ve got to wait a week or two to get in. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon’s plan to get some face time with a pretty dealers fails miserably. 

I get to the EDR a little early cause Lisa’s next break is also at 0100 and if she sees me there she probably will sit with me and no sooner do I sit down then Ted clears Code Four Carlin for his 10-10!

Crap! Carlin will probably sit with me, and, while I like Code Four Carlin, I do not want him sitting next to me when I am trying to attract a woman. Snot running down my nose would do a better job of that. 

Inevitably Code Four Carlin does join me and Radtke does, too, and all I can do is wave at Lisa as she goes and sits somewhere else. Sigh. The best-laid plans of mice and bachelors and all that. 

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 8With multiple weeks between games and postponements due to COVID, the race for the ESPNCup is in even more chaos than usual. Offered with our compliments this season. 

4. South Florida (1-4; lost to Temple 39-37)
Mitigating Factors: Bulls blow 11-point 3rd-quarter lead with Total Team Effort (TTE), as defense gives up two scores, offense chips in fumble returned for touchdown, special blows 2-point conversion…ADs of both schools pleased as announced attendance of 782 about what they would have drawn even without COVID restrictions.
…The Tough Get Going: With only win coming in opener, and with remaining teams combining for robust .519 win percentage, Bulls in prime position to take home first Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in season that actually includes a win.
Next Loss: Tulsa (10/23)

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.

Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. 

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 2011 – Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi is deposed and executed by the people he ruled for 42 years in a battle between the National Liberation Army and Libyan Army forces still loyal to him west of Sirte, Libya. Gaddafi, as part of the Arab Spring, had been clinging to power for most of the year and was on the run when he was captured while hiding in a drainage pipe. While exact details of what followed have never been confirmed, Gaddafi was beaten before being killed and his death after being captured remains a war crime. Qaddafi had taken power in a 1969 coup.

In 1989 – The Houston Cougars establish a new NCAA all-division record for most total yards in a game in a 95-21 win over SMU. The Cougars had 1,021 total yards – 250 rushing, 711 passing – breaking the record of 883 total yards done by Nebraska against New Mexico State in 1982 and the record still stands. Houston led 59-14 at halftime. 

In 1962 – Bobby Boris Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Monster Mash. It was the first of three chart singles for Pickett, his first of two Top 40 hits and remains his only #1 song. The song returned to the Hot 100 on two further occasions, in 1970 (#91) and in 1973 (#10) and spent a total of 37 weeks in the survey. In 1962 the song peaked at #9 on Billboard’s soul chart and in 1973 it peaked at #3 in Great Britain. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

No one’s ever seen anyone before. So you can get away with a lot by just pretending you belong wherever you happen to be.
Gore Vidal
Empire

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Before Nothing From Nothing established a new Hot 100 record by falling from #1 to #15, the record for biggest drop from #1 was held by The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel, which fell from #1 to #12 in 1966, a mark that was tied by in 1974 by Barry White with Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What country occupied Libya when Muammar Gaddafi was born around 1942 (the exact date of his birth is not known)? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/October 19

Q: Is it still Read Free Fortnight (RFF) at the site?
A: You bet it is, through October 26.

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, October 19
Amy, as usual, had a pot of coffee made for me when I reported for duty and tonight she informed me she’d been altering it, making it a bit stronger than normal by putting a little bit extra in there in addition to the one package…(This explains the open package that’s been in the container on top of the coffee machine.)…Amy asked if I noticed and I was obliged to admit I hadn’t, but I am hardly a coffee snob…I’ve had some bad coffee in my time and you might think that would make you appreciate the good stuff, but you’d be wrong, it merely killed my taste for the good stuff…Hot, black and caffeinated is what’s important, with taste following. 

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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 8

The Bottom Ten is free-of-charge this year. 

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 8
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy 

With Vanderbilt furloughed for the next couple of weeks – resting up for its most important Bottom Ten stretch run ever – it’s time for other teams to strut their Bottom Ten stuff in the race for the pretty sacred ESPNCup – symbolic of Bottom Ten supremacy. 

Hello Louisana-Monroe. The Warhawks are off to their first 0-5 start since 2003’s vaunted 1-11 squad and are in prime position to claim the ESPNCup for the first time. 

In other news, Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere are heartbroken over the postponement of the Florida International/Charlotte showdown – which would have been rife with Bottom Ten implications. No make-up date has been announced.

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