The Daily Dose/Thursday, October 22, 2020

The Daily Dose/October 22, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

GAYLON FOR US SENATE: VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN…OR NOT: One of the things we’ve enjoyed while running for the US Senate and House over the years is telling voters exactly what was on our mind. If you like it, great, if you don’t, that’s great, too, thank you for taking the time to listen to me. 

Dry, Technical Matter: One of the things we said regularly was that our country is collapsing and that we probably had, more or less, until this half-century was out before America imploded. Some, most, agreed with us, some didn’t and few on either side liked hearing that message. 

This is understandable. People want to feel good about themselves and the things they support, and Americans still strongly support America. 

Attention Kmart Shoppers: Feeling good about things is, we’ve always thought, why Kmart failed and why Walmart revolutionized shopping. Growing up, middle-class families like ours wouldn’t have been caught dead at Kmart because it had a stigma, frankly, that only those who were broke shopped there. In fact, I can only recall Dad taking us there once, because it was the only place in town that had whatever it was he was looking for. We fled as soon as possible. 

So you can see where a message of a collapsing America, an America halfway between the influence they once had and the oblivion that awaits us, would go over like a ton of bricks: people don’t really want to hear that about their country. 

Fly In The Ointment: It’s true, though. Anyone who believes we are on a collision course with peace and prosperity is deluding themself. 

The Bottom Line: But America needs some tough love right now. Our country is dying because there is no way America can sustain perpetual war, mindless spending and social divides that are making the 60s seem like a show of unity with impunity. We don’t really think Joe Biden will cure all our ills but he is not Donald Trump, the worst president of any of our lifetimes. He has some decency and some brains and is not a lying sexual predator and he knows the moon is not part of Mars. He’s earned our vote. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has some boring drivel from the county.  

Moderately busy at the [Veterans Service Office] VSO today…Almost interesting was an email announcing the search for the new county manager is starting over…The old one retired last spring and they found some old, retired geezer to take charge until a new one is found and that won’t be for a while now…They had three candidates make the final cut but it turned out all of them were found wanting and told thank you but no thank you. 

Ol’ Sparrow can relate to that…Regular readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall I applied for a vacancy on the town council here a couple of years ago…I didn’t really want to be on the town council but I didn’t want to see the position go unapplied for…As it was, there were a couple of others who put it and we all appeared at a town council meeting and we were later told the council was going to continue their search, which suited me fine because municipal stuff bores the hell out of me. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Rich smacks Gaylon around after he blows Radtke’s cover with some chicks. 

Here is where 13 years of Lutheran schooling hinders you because it didn’t occur to me until later that Radtke had been a tad deceptive, and, in the finest guy tradition, had fed these girls a line from here to Reno and told them he had to go to work. I shared this with Rich and he slapped me and said if I’d really been on the ball I would’ve told the chicks yeah, Radtke’s here, but he’s on a top-secret mission in the hotel or something. I certainly would have come up with something better than ‘no he’s not here’ and blowing his cover.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.

Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. 

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 2006 – Voters in Panama overwhelmingly approve a measure to expand the Panama Canal. The plan called for the building of another lane for the bigger ships that could not transit the current canal. About 48% of eligible Panamanians voted in the election, approving the measure by a 78%-to-22% margin. Construction began the following year and the expanded locks opened in 2016. Panama had taken control of the canal from the United States on New Year’s Eve, 1999. 

In 2000 – Corey Dillon of the Cincinnati Bengals establishes a new NFL record for most rushing yards in a game in a 31-21 win over the Denver Broncos. Dillon rushed for 278 yards to break the record of 275 yards established by Walter Payton of the Chicago Bears in 1977. Dillon’s mark was broken in 2003 by Jamal Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens (295 yards, 2003) and the record is now held by Adrian Peterson, who rushed for 296 yards against the San Diego Chargers in 2007. 

In 1977 – Debby Boone is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second of ten consecutive weeks with You Light Up My Life, the first song ever to spend ten weeks at #1 on the Hot 100. The song was Billboard’s 51st biggest hit of 1977, the third biggest of 1978, the #1 song of the decade and ranked eleventh on Billboard’s 60th Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. The song originally appeared on the soundtrack to the movie of the same name, sung by Kacey Cisyk, whose version would peak at #80 in December and a version by LeAnn Rimes peaked at #34 in 1997. The song remains Boone’s only Top 40 hit.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

As one thinketh in his heart, so is he.
King David

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The NHL record for most shots on goal by a team in a game is 73, done by the Boston Bruins in a 3-3 tie vs the Quebec Nordiques on March 21, 1991. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was the name of the treaty that turned control of the Panama Canal over to Panama? – Answer next time!

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