The Daily Dose/September 20, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.  

1. Big Ten Football – Go ahead guys, sacrifice your players and make your millions…It’s you being you…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” your lawyers will be able to fend off lawsuits when unforeseen ailments directly attributable to the COVID they got play your lousy football games start popping up years down the road.  

2. USA! USA! – Our country is dying, civility and decorum – never our strong suit – having utterly disappeared from what remains of our collective American experience…America is sick and divided to the point where the 60s now look like a show of unity.

3. Election 2020 – 44 days until election where America – now  halfway between the influence it once had and the oblivion that awaits it – heralds to the world and itself whether they’re content with a partisan, fractured, bickering mess of a country they now have or whether they’re reading to make some changes

4. Lauren Daigle – Latest single You Say still at #1 on Billboard’s Hot Christian Songs chart, extending all-time singles chart record for weeks at top to 102 non-consecutive weeks…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters considered trotting out fave “Onward Christian Soldiers never considered hot” line, but ultimately decided to save it for later. 

5. President Trump Fact Check – Click here for the latest delusions from the Liar-in-Chief…In the interest of fairness, some modest Joe Biden action is included, too. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Of course, it’s Read Free Sunday. Go ahead, get your laff on, no charge.

The Diary of a Nobody: At the hotel, Sparrow gets to use one of his all-time fave lines.  

I was actually in the room where we keep the breakfast stuff and missed her ringing the bell, but I was there shortly thereafter, carrying some stuff. 

– Ma’am, I’m sorry to keep you waiting.
– That’s OK. You’re probably busy…
– Nonsense, I’m here to serve you. Please, tell me how I can best do that. 

I would have said “pray tell me how I can best do that” but we weren’t in Britain…

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Some of the guys talk about the recent arrest of an MCSD officer. 

Rich, Bi-Bob, White Sox Metzger and I were talking about Jamal’s arrest while walking to our cars. White Sox Metzger was on vacation when this happened and he wondered if the $110 he found was still there and what else the girlfriend might have claimed. I was puzzled but Rich picked right up on it and said yeah, there well could’ve been jewelry and other pawnable stuff claimed as well. White Sox Metzger asked Rich if he would hunt down Jamal for the $500 he lost and Rich said no, it was worth $500 “just to get rid of the little shit.”

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. – Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. – Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1893 – Charles and Frank Duryea drive the first American-made gasoline-powered automobile in Chicopee, Massachusetts. The brothers had built a one-cylinder gasoline engine and attached it to a former horse buggy and would later become the first US automobile manufacturer when they produced 13 cars. The car is now in an automobile museum in Tallahassee and some sources give the date of this event as Sept 21 or 22. 

In 1984 – The San Diego Padres, founded in 1969, earn their first playoff berth in a 5-4 win over the San Francisco Giants. The win gave the Padres the National League Western Division title and eventually finished twelve games in front of the Atlanta Braves and Houston Astros. The Padres would later defeat the Chicago Cubs in the National League Championship Series, before losing to the Detroit Tigers in the World Series. 

In 1975 – Tavares is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the only week with It Only Takes a Minute. It was the sixth of seven consecutive soul chart Top 10 songs for the group to start their career and their second of three soul #1 songs. The song also peaked at #10 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and remains their biggest pop hit. A family group formed in 1959, Tavares last hit the Hot 100 in 1982 and their last soul hit was a year later. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Every man is to be respected as an absolute end in himself; and it is a crime against the dignity that belongs to him as a human being, to use him as a mere means for some external purpose. – Immanuel Kant

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The commanders at the Battles of Saratoga were Continental Army Major General Horatio Gates and British Army General John Burgoyne. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who was the MVP of the 1984 National League Championship Series? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 19, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience. 

HUT, HUT HIKE: Despite college kids getting COVID left and right, despite games being postponed, despite not knowing the long-term health effects, the Big Ten Conference decided this week to play football this year. In August they had decided not to. 

Fly In the Ointment: The Pac-12 Conference is the only malingerer now amongst the Power 5 conferences, but there reports even they are trying to get around pesky government regulations that are preventing some of their teams from practicing. 

Fly In The Ointment II: Being the only Power 5 holdout now is bad. One, it’s a PR black eye. After all, other conferences are playing football, what’s the Pac-12’s hold up? Two, by not presenting football games for networks to televise they will lose out on a lot of money and their athletes will lose a year of competition. The consequences of this, frankly, will be enormous. 

Dry, Technical Matter: So what? As noted, colleges are hotbeds for the coronavirus and while those who point out young college kids seldom die from COVID have a point, there are no guarantees. Besides, what happens 20 years from now when someone gets an ailment that is directly attributable to having had the COVID he got playing college football? We’ll tell you what will happen: they will be on their own. Do you think any college or conference is going to care? Of course not. If they truly cared they wouldn’t have played football this year in the first place. 

The Bottom Line: Hardly for the first time, NCAA schools are doing a brilliant job of being pimp and whore at the same time. Their only concern is making money and screw it if some kids get sick now or years later. A year from now and probably many years from now, a decision not to have played football in 2020 will probably be looked upon as prudent. Prudence, however, does not rake in millions of dollars. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: The cat purrs in Sparrow’s ear.   

So there was time to kill after completing morning project work, so I went to bed and laid down and listened to stuff and – as she’s been doing since it’s cooled off and covers are needed – the cat came in and stood post on my back…She even, and I am not making this up, stuck her face in an ear and purred, a first after nine years together…Good gravy, that was adorable and I was careful not to move because she’ll sometimes flee at the first movement. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Outside officers are now carrying extra ammo. 

I’ll carry an entire armory if they want me to, but it’s my own personal theory that if ten bullets didn’t do the job, ten more aren’t going to make a whole hell of a lot of difference. For his part, Redneck Randy said if he needs more than two rounds something’s wrong.  

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1777 – The Battles of Saratoga begins in the American Revolution in upstate New York. The plan involved British elements invading from Canada in an attempt to split New England from the middle and southern colonies. While the British did win a battle at Freeman’s Farm, anticipated reinforcements from the south and west never appeared, the Americans won the Battle of Bemis Heights on Oct 7 and the British surrendered a bit later. 

In 1955 – Ernie Banks of the Chicago Cubs establishes a new major league record for most grand slam home runs in a season in a 6-5, 12-inning loss to the St Louis Cardinals. Banks’ seventh-inning grand slam off Lindy McDaniel was his fifth grand slam of the year, breaking the record of four that had been done twelve times previously. Banks’ mark would later be tied three times and the record is now six, done by Don Mattingly of the New York Yankees in 1987 and Travis Hefner of the Cleveland Indians in 2006.

In 1964 – The Animals are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the third and final consecutive week with The House of the Rising Sun. It was the second of 17 Top 40 hits for the group, their first of three Top 10 hits and remains their only #1 song. The song spent only eleven weeks on the Hot 100, seven of them in the Top 10. An old folk song of unknown origin, the song also went to #1 in France and Great Britain and the song has hit both the Hot 100 and Billboard’s country chart assorted times over the years. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Lethargy [is] the forerunner of death to the public liberty. – Thomas Jefferson

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Chicago’s last appearance on the Billboard Hot 100 was Chasin’ the Wind which peaked at #39 in 1991. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who were the American and British commanders at the Battles of Saratoga? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/September 18, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience. 

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest news on his beard.  

The beard is now being trimmed every few days…This is down from once a week, itself down from the original every fortnight…It looks better short, and the desired length has been reduced from 9 mm to 6 mm with 3 mm now the approved length…It was trimmed this morning before the post-workout shower. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Radtke gets fed up with Schempp and Gaylon. 

“Those look like really great shoes. Rugged, but with sort of that sneaker look to them.” 

I tapped my nose with an index finger, indicating Schempp had nailed it right on the nose, and we prattled about the benefits of the Bates Dura Shocks for a good five minutes. Finally, Radtke had had enough. 

“Crap, I don’t ever want to be like you guys! You’re old men!”

The Bottom Ten Presented By COVID-10/NFL Week 3: The chronicle of Cleveland’s historic 0-16 season continues.

4. Cleveland Browns (0-1; lost to Pittsburgh 21-18) – Browns open up defense of 2016 B-10 title with 26th loss in last 28 games, dating back to 2015…Cleveland offense sets strong early tone, punting five (5) times in first half…Well, four (4) times, as one (1) attempt was blocked…Next Loss: at Baltimore

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1947 – Most of the provisions of the National Security Act of 1947 take effect, one day after James Forresstal had been confirmed by the US Senate as the first secretary of defense. The act merged the Department of War and the Department of the Navy into the National Military Establishment, which became the Department of Defense in 1949, and also created the Air Force. The act also established the National Security Council and the CIA and had been signed into law by President Truman in July. 

In 1866 – President of the United States Andrew Johnson becomes the first sitting president to attend a baseball game, in a lot behind the White House. Johnson saw a portion of an amateur contest between the Washington Nationals and the Brooklyn Excelsiors, which ended up a 33-28 Brooklyn win. An account in the New York Clipper said the weather was warm, “…but that is what a ball player likes in September.” 

In 1982 – Chicago is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second and final consecutive week with Hard To Say I’m Sorry. It was the 23rd Top 40 hit for the group and their second of three #1 songs (If You Leave Me Now, two weeks, 1976; Look Away, two weeks, 1988). The song also went to #1 in Switzerland, Ireland and Canada, peaked at #4 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s tenth biggest song of the year. The song returned to the Hot 100 when a version by Az Yet peaked at #8 in 1997

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Both Gettysburg and the second inaugural address were forged by advice to himself and his country to study what had happened for helpful lessons rather than retribution. – Fred Kaplan, Lincoln: The Biography of a Writer

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The record for most consecutive weeks spent at #1 on Billboard’s country chart is 55, by Eddy Arnold and his Tennessee Plowboys from November 15, 1947 until December 4, 1948. They held the top spot with five different songs. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

When was Chicago’s last appearance on the Hot 100? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!