Editor(s) Note: The Bottom Ten is in reruns for 2020. The NFL Bottom continues with its chronicle of the Cleveland Browns’ historic 2017 0-16 season.
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 3 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Week 3 NFL Bottom Ten is often compared to opening your Christmas presents – or a manhole cover: you don’t know what you are going to get. Will last year’s contenders return for another shot at Bottom Ten glory? Which team will surprise with a strong opening week loss? Will the entire AFC South be ranked?
This year’s opening slate of games didn’t disappoint, as both the usual teams showed they intended to compete, while Indianapolis laid claim to the top spot with an impressive blowout road loss.
The Daily Dose/September 17, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around our human experience.
EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT: The banner ad at the bottom of some website caught our eye. It showed Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long pushing a betting app owned by their employers at evil FOX Sports. It is currently available to residents in three states: Colorado, Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
Dry, Technical Matter: We found this disturbing. Now, we have no qualms with gambling. We don’t do it ourselves, but people are going to gamble and whether it’s through their local bookie or an app on their phone, we don’t really care. Sure, some with addictive personalities lose paychecks, homes, families, but this world isn’t perfect.
Fly In The Ointment: Here’s what bothers us. It should bother you, too:
Leagues, teams and networks have a direct interest in the betting handles of the games they are involved with.
There’s a hell of a lot of money to be made in gambling and if those that sanction, play and broadcast these games are making a lot of it they’re going to want to make more. It’s the way the captains of industry do things and this really is not an indictment; we support the free market.
Pre-The Bottom Line: As fans, though, we must be careful. OK, it’s likely that this involvement in gambling will be harmless enough, merely another way to get a hard-earned dollar out of us. Fair enough. No one takes advantage of us without our permission.
The Bottom Line: But what’s to keep them from turning their games into exhibitions and spectacles like pro wrestling? Their own personal values and sense of morality? Puh-lease. They’ll do whatever we tolerate and whatever is a license to print them money. This will be especially true if COVID continues to keep fans from paying their way in and stadiums and arenas continue to be nothing more than sound stages and studios. Us fans must be vigilant.
Good gravy, gas mileage gods, couldn’t you have rounded it up for us???…This is a bit more than last week’s 38.2 – which we think we forgot to report – and for all practical purposes is 40 MPG, but still, we would like another legit 40 MPG tankful, which would bring the total up to three.
Finally, at 0345 I was able to get some serious sitting done. I reported to the 13th-floor plumber’s office, sat for 15 minutes, went and hit the scan point in the stairwell, returned and sat for 20 more minutes before hitting the button in the Henry 2 wallet indicating I was on the can and sat for another 15 minutes. Then I went to 18, worked my way to the maid’s room and sat until my final 10-10.
10. MAC Mitigating Factors: Paced by Kent State, MAC teams have three (3) of the five (5) longest losing streaks in the country, easily earning B-10 Conference of the Week award…Three-quarters of MAC is either at .500 or below, and four (4) are winless…With usual powers MAC and Sun Belt Conference expected to be strong, and with the Pac-12 making noises they aren’t any good, it could be a pitched battle for coveted B-10 Conference of the Year award. This Line Never Gets Old…We Don’t Think: Despite slow start, MAC fully expected to mimic Sun Belt Conference and rebound for strong .500 mark in conference play.
Free Stuff The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. – Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. – Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1776 – The Presidio of San Francisco, then in New Spain, is founded as a Spanish Army garrison to defend its claim to the area. It later passed to Mexico and became part of the US in 1848 and was a US Army installation before being turned over to the National Park Service in 1994. On the northern point of the San Francisco Peninsula, it is home to the southern end of the Golden Gate Bridge.
In 1983 – The Chicago White Sox secure their first postseason appearance since 1959, winning the American League Western Division title with a 4-3 win over the Seattle Mariners. The White Sox ended the day 16 games up on the Kansas City Royals and while they won the division by 20 games, the White Sox lost to the Baltimore Orioles in the American League Championship Series. The White Sox last postseason appearance had been in the 1959 World Series, which they lost to the Los Angeles Dodgers 4 games to 2.
In 1955 – Webb Pierce is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers In Stores country chart – a predecessor to today’s Hot Country Songs chart – for the tenth of twelve consecutive weeks with I Don’t Care. It was the 12th of 21 #1 songs on the country chart for Pierce and followed In the Jailhouse Now at #1, giving Pierce 32 consecutive weeks at #1. In 1982, a version by Ricky Skaggs also went to #1 on the country chart.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Where was all this infinitesimal matter before it was set in motion by mind?/Everywhere./No real answer./Perhaps no real question. – Gore Vidal, Creation
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
No American League team has ever scored in every inning of a game they batted nine times in.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What are the most consecutive weeks an act has spent at #1 on Billboard’s country chart? – Answer next time!
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Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Thursday, September 17, 2020
Editor(s) Note: The Bottom Ten is in reruns this year – there is simply no point without MAC participation – so your fearless Bottom Ten pollsters are pleased to offer the NCAA Week 3 column from 2016 for your review. Usually, we charge for this crap, but the entire season is offered with our compliments.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 3 By Gaylon Kent America’s Foremost Humorist
All hail the Jayhawks!
The defending ESPNCup holders refused to rest on their laurels, following up their Week 1 smackdown of a lower level team to start yet another losing streak, with a breathtaking home loss. A repeat of last year’s Bottom Ten title isn’t going to be easy, though, as the medal stand is filled out with 0-2 teams that threaten to run the table in 2016.
The big news – and it’s pretty big – is people who requested early coffee actually showed up for early coffee!!!…I am not making that up…The request was for 0400 and that is when the first men started filing in.
The first was a friendly sort who worked for the railroad…He said he was always up at 0300 for 0400 work and he added one cup of joe got him thru the whole day…This was funny because he almost guzzled the entire cup in one swig and I told him he could refill and, because the cup wasn’t empty, still be within his one cup mandate…He laffed and took me up on it…Then I noted his creamer usage: for both cups, he used almost the entire top rows of French vanilla:
– That’s an impressive amount, sir. – I do like a little coffee with my creamer.
The real reason is wearing a gun makes sitting at Eddie – 1 difficult because the way the chair is constructed – combined with my favored sitting position with my feet up – could result in the armrest pushing a button on the gun and release the magazine and then you have to go pick it up and check to make sure no bullets fell out…I know this from experience and, fortunately, all bullets were accounted for…Also key is it is considered bad form to take your gun out and set it on the desk.
Free Stuff The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. – Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. – Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1400 – Owain Glyndwr is declared Prince of Wales by his followers after starting the Welsh Revolt, a rebellion against King Henry IV of England. The revolt was unsuccessful, though Glyndwr avoided capture and was last seen in 1412 and he remains the last Welshman to hold the title. The title has been reserved to the heir to the British throne since the 14th century and the current Prince of Wales, Charles, has held the title since 1958.
In 1903 – The Boston Americans establish American League records for most consecutive innings scored in a game and a season in a 14-7 win over the Cleveland Naps. The Americans, now the Red Sox, became the first American League team to score in every inning – they did not bat in the ninth – and end the game having scored in eleven consecutive innings. The following day they would score in the first six innings of their game against the Naps, now the Indians, to establish the major league record of 17 consecutive innings with a run scored, breaking the record of 14 done by the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1894, a record that still stands.
In 1972 – Three Dog Night is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Black and White. It was the third and final #1 song for the group and their 14th of 21 Top 40 hits. The song also went to #1 in Canada and New Zealand. The song was written in the 1950s by David Arkin and Earl Robinson after the US Supreme Court’s Brown v. Board of Education ruling, though the verse that referenced that was left out of the Three Dog Night version.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
The deists rationalized religion, eliminated mystery: there is a creator, a God; otherwise human beings are on their own, dependent on reason and action. – Fred Kaplan. Lincoln: The Biography of a Writer
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The largest gate in professional boxing history was $72.19 million on May 2, 2015. The paid attendance was 16,219, an average ticket price of $4,451.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many American League teams have scored in every inning while batting nine times? – Answer next time!
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Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Wednesday, September 16, 2020
July 13 Once again tragedy strikes. July has not been a kind month.
Lee is leaving!
I am not making that up. He had mentioned he was going to start the corrections academy in September, but evidently they found out about his experience with the International Henry Units because Lee said they called and said they had an opening at the end of this month.
The Daily Dose/September 15, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around our human experience.
HUT, HUT, HIKE: It certainly didn’t take long for the Big Ten Conference to take up the matter of playing football this season. Only a couple days after watching other conferences playing games – albeit in empty or almost-empty stadiums – and cashing TV network checks, they are considering playing a season that would begin in October.
Bully for them. If they think they can safely play without the punt team getting COVID, go ahead and play. It’s football season after all, and there is going to come a time when we are going to have to come to terms with COVID and the sooner that happens the better.
Fly In The Ointment: Be careful, though. It’s all fun and games until the back-up long-snapper dies of COVID. Now, we’re not doctors here, nor have we ever played one on TV, but we don’t think that is likely to happen but it could and we don’t think you can really argue with either appraisal. It is entirely possible that next year the decision not to play will be looked upon as prudent.
Dry, Technical Matter: The Pac-12 Conference, which also voted to suspend play, is less likely to take the matter up as half of their teams, the ones in California and Oregon, aren’t even allowed to practice.
The Bottom Line: We’ve long been of the opinion here that there is really no point in resuming games until fans can pay their way without restriction. Everything else is just some dickhandling designed to make some money and sell us beer and pickup trucks.
After I had turned in my scanner I was BSing with Radtke, who was manning Eddie – 2. We ended up discussing furniture, and it provided an interesting insight into the bachelor furniture underground.
My friend Debbie is getting new furniture. Debbie’s a classy broad and her old stuff is very nice and I am getting some of it, at no charge to yours truly, of course. I offered Radtke my old furniture because all he has is a futon and a TV and he snapped up my offer, without even being entirely sure what he was getting. The understanding amongst us bachelors is I wouldn’t have offered it if it didn’t meet certain, rock bottom standards, meaning it’s more or less bug-free and not completely ripped to shreds.
Free Stuff The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. – Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. – Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1916 – Tanks are used for the first time in war, when the English and the French fight the Germans in the Battle of the Somme in northern France in World War I. Utilized by the British, their success was limited due to their limited numbers and tactical ineffectiveness. The battle had started in July and would end in November with an indifferent Allied victory. Three million men fought in the battle, with about a third dying, making it one of the largest and deadliest battles in history.
In 1978 – Muhammed Ali regains the world heavyweight boxing title, defeating champion Leon Spinks in a unanimous decision at the New Orleans Superdome. Spinks had defeated Ali in a split decision in Las Vegas in February to claim the title in only his eighth professional bout. With the win, Ali became the first heavyweight to win the title three times and the $6 million gate was the largest in the history of professional boxing at that time.
In 1958 – Nel Blu, Dipinto Di Blu, commonly known as Volare, by Domenico Modugno is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the fourth of five non-consecutive weeks. The song also peaked at #10 in Great Britain, at #2 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s #1 song of the year. It was the only Top 40 hit for Modugno and only a #97 smash the following year prevented him from being an ultimate one-hit-wonder: an act whose only chart single hits #1. Modugno would later serve in the Italian Parliament and the song has hit the charts several times since.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
One may talk of peace only with those who are peaceful. To talk of peace with him who holds a drawn sword is foolish unless one is unarmed, then one must talk very fast, indeed. – Louis L’Amour The Walking Drum
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Eric Clapton’s biggest hit on the Billboard Hot 100 as a member of a group came as a member of Cream when Sunshine of Your Love peaked at #5 in 1968.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What’s the largest live gate in professional boxing history? – Answer next time!
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Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Tuesday, September 15
