The Daily Dose/September 11, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

TIME MACHINE: Today is the 19th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, one of those seminal moments where you can still remember exactly where you were at when it happened. 

A Warm, Personal Remembrance: We slept through it. The first news we had of it was on a message board we hung out at and, as surprised as we were incredulous, we scooted down to the weight room at the apartment complex in Las Vegas we were living in at the time because we can’t be bothered to keep a TV. We got there about ten minutes after the Twin Towers had finished collapsing. 

Surprise, Surprise: Later that night we found ourselves umpiring our regular scheduled baseball games. 

Dry, Technical Matter: 9/11 happened for a couple of reasons. One, those who executed the mission were peeved at US intervention in their countries. Had America not been meddling in Middle Eastern affairs 9/11 would not have happened. 

Two, as the official 9/11 report made clear, America knew enough to have prevented the attacks. I mean, there were foreigners taking flying lessons who were showing some zero interest in their landing lessons for Pete’s sake. But, to quote an old saying, America didn’t know what she knew. Despite having a Central Intelligence Agency, there wasn’t a central agency or person who knew everything and would be able to put two and two together. 

The Bottom Line: The lessons of 9/11, just like the lessons of Prohibition, continue to escape our country. The US continues to meddle, at war every day for over 30 years. And despite the money spent and the lives lost, America and the planet are not any safer now than they were on September 10, 2001. The only dividend war provides is more war. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow, of all people, gives some fashion advice.  

I paid attention to some details on both the blazers and the trousers…The sleeve of a blazer or suit coat should not cover any portion of the palm if you ask me and Mike feels the same way…He asked if I wanted it longer – some, inexplicably, do – and I said no, it was perfect…(Mark, the gentleman who sold me the blazers, was enjoying a day off.)

I wanted the pants with no break while standing straight up, too…Actually, I wanted them flare legged, like something out of the 1970s, but pants aren’t cut that wide nowadays…I also got the pants cuffed, but this is merely a personal preference, and hardly a hard-and-fast rule, like sleeve length. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon has been saying “bring it” a lot in dispatch recently. 

Jim and I were laughing pretty hard now. I shrugged as if it was common knowledge I was a hot piece of ass, especially with my new Sonata, and got laid as a matter of course. 

“You know what else?” I asked.

“Bring it!” Brianna commanded.

“I furnished my bachelor pad for less than a hundred bucks. Well, not the bed. But the bed frame, kitchen table, chairs, couch, the whole nine yards.”

So ‘bring it’ has found its way into my own personal lexicon the past couple of nights. 

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

Editor’s Note: the staff here at On This Date works hard to have different events every year, but due to time constraints today, the following entries are from 2019.

In 1941 – Construction begins on the Pentagon, outside of Washington, D.C. Construtcion was completed in January 1943 with seven levels, five above ground and a basement and mezzanine level below ground. Among the specifications for the original building was a requirement floors be able to handle loads of 150 lbs per square foot, in case the facility ever became a records storing facility. The building’s facade is Indiana limestone and from 1998 through 2011 various portions of the Pentagon were gutted and rebuilt. 

In 1985 – Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds establishes a new major league record with his 4,192nd career hit in a 2-0 victory over the San Diego Padres. The hit came in the first inning off of Eric Show and Rose broke the record that had been established by Ty Cobb. Rose’s first hit came in 1963, a triple off of Bob Friend of the Pittsburgh Pirates and Rose would retire in 1986 with 4,256 hits, still the major league record. 

In 1954 – Ruth Brown is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Rhythm & Blues chart – for the second of eight non-consecutive weeks with Oh What a Dream. It was the fourth and final soul chart #1 song for Brown and her tenth consecutive Top 10 hit since she began charting in 1949. Brown had ten of her songs cross-over to the pop chart, the highest (Mama) He Treats Your Daughter Mean peaking at #23 in 1953.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…sorrow can only overwhelm weakness; it flees before strength. – Gore Vidal, Julian

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The Troy Trojans were in the National League from 1879-82. The Worcester Ruby Legs were in the National League from 1880-82. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Whose major league hit record did Ty Cobb break? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 10, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

Leading Off is in time-out. It will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow reviews the first rule of night auditing.  

…and it is a reasonable night audit function to stick a wifi code label in them…Reasonable, but not fun but you must remember the First Rule of Night Auditing: do not give day shifters/management a reason to wonder what the hell you are doing all night…People ply the night audit trade for a variety of reasons, but the one constant for everyone is you are not asked to work too hard…Show up on time, every night, and you have a generally leisurely way to earn your living…

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon is not a stalker. He swears it. 

I completely abused my position in dispatch last night to work the cameras and connive to be in the EDR at the same time two women I have the hots for would be there. 

It was a great plan, brilliantly executed. I shared a very nice break with Lisa, a drop-dead gorgeous dealer, about 35 or so. We’ve actually agreed to go out in the past, but for reasons I’m not entirely sure of never actually did go out. It’s all very hazy right now. 

The Bottom Ten Presented By COVID-19/NFL Week 2: After much consideration and bar tab usage, your Bottom Ten pollsters have decided to spend 2020 chronicling the Cleveland Browns historic 0-16 season of 2017. The entire season is offered with our compliments.

Los Angeles (0-for-2) – LA pro football fan(s) wandering around scratching heads wondering “we waited two (2) decades for this?”…For the first time since Kennedy Administration LA stuck with both Rams and Chargers playing in town, with both harboring 2017 B-10 medal stand dreams…Next Loss: With Dodgers preparing to blow NL West title and Lakers in doldrums, entire city ready to embrace World Team Tennis again.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables: Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1967 – Residents of Gibraltar overwhelmingly reject a referendum that would have transferred sovereignty of the territory from Great Britain to Spain. The vote was almost unanimous, with those wishing to remain British subjects winning with 12,138 votes to 44 votes for changing to Spanish sovereignty. A 2002 referendum on joint British/Spanish sovereignty was similarly rejected by Gibraltar residents. Spain lost sovereignty over Gibraltar in 1713 following the War of Spanish Succession. 

In 1881 – Roger Connor of the Troy Trojans (National League) hits the first grand slam home run in major league history in a 7-4 win over the Worcester Ruby Legs. Connor’s grand slam came with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning, ending the game. Connor’s feat of ending a game on a grand slam would not be duplicated until Sept 24, 1925, when Babe Ruth did it for the New York Yankees in a 6-5, 10-inning win over the Chicago White Sox and has been done 27 times since. Connor retired after the 1897 season as the major league career leader in home runs (138) and triples (238). 

In 1966 – You Can’t Hurry Love by the Supremes is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks. The song also peaked at #3 in Great Britain, was in its second and final consecutive week at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s eighth biggest song of the year. It was the seventh of twelve pop #1s for the Supremes and their fifth of ten soul chart #1s and the song returned to the Hot 100 in 1983 when a version by Phil Collins peaked at #10. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I must stop this brooding or I shall become as mad as those emperors who feared the long night of death more than they loved the brief living day.  – Gore Vidal, Julian

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The NFL record for most all-purpose yards in a season is held by Darren Sproles, who had 2,696 such yards for the New Orleans Saints in 2011. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How long were the Troy Trojans and the Worcester Ruby Legs in the National League? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/September 9, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

Leading Off appears to be on strike. It will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has a funny line at the hotel.  

I didn’t particularly want to ring up the sale, on the other hand, if they’re given away the dude in line might think it’s open season at the sundry stand and want free stuff, too…Boo to that…It’s not open season at the sundry stand but he would make a good point, so here’s what I told our regular guest: 

“Sir, those are with my compliments tonight…We have a new promotion: stay 30 or more nights and get two complimentary bags of chips.” 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Rich and Gaylon have a rather dull discussion about the schedule. 

An almost interesting tidbit here is that Ted will be calling off so he can get a head start on vacation. Rich and I spent not too much time discussing whether they went with an OT Mary unit because they knew this, because Ted’s been blabbing about this for a month.

The Bottom Ten Presented By COVID-19/NCAA Week 2: The 2020 Best Of Tour continues with the 2017 Week 2 column, offered with our compliments.

First-ever East Carolina Pirate appearance in survey has B-10 staff scurrying to find East Carolina on map, though B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” it’s somewhere near West Carolina…Or maybe Finland.

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.  – Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. – Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal. 

On This Date
The long march to today.

In  1776 – The Second Continental Congress officially adopts the name United States. This order of business had been preceded by the naming of assorted members to a committee and was followed by the reading of a report from the Board of War. The journal for that day said simply, “Resolved, That in all continental commissions, and other instruments, where, heretofore, the words “United Colonies” have been used, the stile be altered, for the future, to the “United States.”

In 1984 – Walter Payton of the Chicago Bears establishes a new NFL record for most all-purpose yards in a career in a 27-0 win over the Denver Broncos. Payton had 186 total yards, giving him 15,517 for his career, breaking the record of 15,459 established by Jim Brown between 1957 and 1965. Payton retired in 1987 with 21,803 all-purpose yards and the record is now held by Jerry Rice, who had 23,546 all-purpose yards between 1985 and 2004. Payton is now third on the all-time list while Brown’s mark is now good for 30th. 

In 1978 – A Taste of Honey is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with Boogie Oogie Oogie. It was their first of four chart singles, their first of two Top 40 hits and remains their only #1 song. The song also peaked at #1 in Canada, at #3 in Great Britain and at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s ninth biggest song of the year. The following year, A Taste of Honey would win the Grammy Award for Best New Artist. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…there is hardly any time for a man to impress his quality and passion upon a world which will continue after him, as unconcerned as it was when it preceded him.  – Gore Vidal, Julian

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Marvin Gaye’s biggest hit in Great Britain was I Heard It Through the Grapevine, which spent three weeks at #1 in 1969.

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who holds the NFL record for most all-purpose yards in a season? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!